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bewell
1275 Posts |
 Posted - Jan 09 2011 : 06:33:44 AM
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Max:
It sounds like you are in a living hell. The advice, "stop thinking about it, and distract yourself" is not working for you. I do not think that advice would work for me either. If that is what you are trying to do during your daily meditation, you are not doing AYP Deep Meditation. Thoughts will arise. In AYP Deep Meditation practice, your only job during your twice daily meditations sits is to gently return to the mantra.
Please take moment now to read this quotation from the Main Lesson titled "Deep Meditation" where Yogani writes:
"If your mind wanders off into other thoughts, you will eventually realize this has happened. Don't be concerned about it. It is natural. When you realize you are not repeating the mantra, gently go back to it. This is all you have to do. Easily repeat the mantra silently inside. When you realize you are not thinking it, then easily come back to it. The goal is not to stay on it. The goal is to follow the simple procedure of thinking the mantra, losing it, and coming back to it."
Do you see how that is different from trying to stop a stream of though? Instead of trying to stop anything, in AYP Deep Meditation practice, you are focusing on doing one thing: gently returning to the mantra, mentally repeating "I AM." Like that. That is all you have to do.
Deep meditation is only a short time, ten or fifteen or twenty minutes twice daily. The rest of the day, you live life paying attention. I might be wrong here, this is just me, but if your thoughts keep returning to your memories of workplace abuse, then that is what you need to pay attention to. Pay attention to what those thoughts are doing to your emotional life. Pay attention to shifts in your emotional life.
Then when you return to Deep Meditation, of course, these thoughts will still be there, but you will shift your relationship to the thoughts by gently returning to the mantra during the short time of your sit.
Namaste,
Be
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Edited by - bewell on Jan 09 2011 06:46:21 AM |
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max66
Australia
13 Posts |
Posted - Jan 09 2011 : 11:44:19 PM
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I've been meditating using mantra for a few years now but unfortunately this past few weeks I've neglected it, went smoking weed for a week and after that it was xmas. But now everybody is gone back to work except me and it's hell. Since I quit my anxiety levels have increased. Yesterday I restarted the meditation and I'm going to try and keep doing it twice daily as advised.
You are right I think It might be described as a 'living hell' and I often feel like calling it quits because I don't think the misery will ever end for the rest of my life. |
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Chiron
Russia
397 Posts |
Posted - Jan 10 2011 : 02:47:24 AM
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And if you call it quits, you think you'll get a better body and circumstances than now? Your state of mind will just carry over, at least now you have some degree of control and ability to change things for the better. Until we transcend this world and achieve divine indifference, the cycles of transmigration will just continue.
Sure its all a mirage, but you can either enjoy it or be miserable, or better yet, learn to enjoy the misery. Or even better yet, enjoy getting others out of misery. Its all up to you.
"the more he (victimizer) screwed me the more I could subsequently screw him"
Why don't you meet up with that victimizer and see if you can both apologize to each other. Even if he caused you more harm, see if you can be the first to say you're sorry. Or if you can't do it in person, at least visualise the situation in your mind.
Maybe that will help. If its just a mirage then why keep up the grudge?
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Edited by - Chiron on Jan 10 2011 03:36:11 AM |
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bewell
1275 Posts |
Posted - Jan 10 2011 : 04:39:25 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by max66
...Yesterday I restarted the meditation and I'm going to try and keep doing it twice daily as advised.
Max
Yes. Do Deep Meditation practices according to AYP method.
Outside of practices, pay attention. I do not know: In your case, paying attention between practices might be noticing "misery." Noticing how it shifts. Also you might find yourself asking, "Am I missing anything in life?" Am I missing any opportunities to try something different in all that life brings? ...to see something different in all that life brings? That is the sort of thing I will be up to.
Let us know how it goes.
Namaste, Love,
Be |
Edited by - bewell on Jan 10 2011 04:55:06 AM |
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karl
United Kingdom
1812 Posts |
Posted - Jan 10 2011 : 12:00:33 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by max66
It just keeps coming back again and again, I can't seem to be able to forget it. Somebody told me that I'll have to make a conscious effort to stop thinking about it and distract myself with something; point is nothing seems to distract me - when I go out somewhere or do something, whatever it is, the thing stays on my mind even while I'm occupied with something. I could be doing one thing and thinking about the experience at the same time. And it makes me anxious and depressed as a result. My sleep is poor as well, wake early and not long enough every night.
Conscious effort to stop thinking about something always results in having to think about it first.
If I say 'don't think about a blue tree', what are you now thinking about ?
Around the event you have unresolved negative emotions. These emotions present themselves when you are best able to resolve them (not always the most convenient time). Pushing them back into the bag of unresolved emotions always results on additional stress for the body.
A good timeline therapist could begin sorting this out in a few hours. I would suggest how to do this here except, not knowing your past and the level of trauma it has caused might result in heavy flashbacks.
What needs to be done is to remove the emotion around the events and leave the learning in place (a good therapist can even get rid of the memory entirely) to be used in similar future events.
This recent event might not be the root cause of the problem, it's a bit like a cascade, some small issue in the past ends up with a far greater trauma later on. You have to get rid of all the negative emotions around all the events that lead up to this event. |
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bewell
1275 Posts |
Posted - Jan 10 2011 : 12:37:23 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by karl
A good timeline therapist could begin sorting this out in a few hours. I would suggest how to do this here except, not knowing your past and the level of trauma it has caused might result in heavy flashbacks.
What needs to be done is to remove the emotion around the events and leave the learning in place (a good therapist can even get rid of the memory entirely) to be used in similar future events.
Hi Karl,
How would one go about finding a "good therapist?"
Is there a name for the therapeutic approach you are working out of? Once one finds someone who uses that approach, how would one be able to tell if the particular practitioner was good at putting the approach to use?
Looking for a "good therapist" can be difficult!
Be
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max66
Australia
13 Posts |
Posted - Jan 10 2011 : 4:44:01 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by Chiron
Why don't you meet up with that victimizer and see if you can both apologize to each other. Even if he caused you more harm, see if you can be the first to say you're sorry. Or if you can't do it in person, at least visualise the situation in your mind.
Maybe that will help. If its just a mirage then why keep up the grudge?
Because the guy is incapable of seeing the error of his ways or admitting any wrongdoing. He would just be telling me that it was all my own fault and that I didn't speak up bullsh*t. He's a complete liar and everybody there detested him after it became evident; they've all been trying to push him out the door as well in the aftermath because he made them all sick, so I believe from one of the people working there. He also exhibits all the characteristics of a sociopath.
And also I don't want to forgive him or allow him any opportunity to feel better about it. This guy ruined my career and possibly my life as well at this stage. Last night for example my sleep was fitful and I didn't really manage to sleep at all. I can't seem to be unoccupied at all and even when I am my mind is elsewhere. Soon my physical health will probably start to deteriorate as well, who wouldn't expect it to? If I end up on the street I'm thinking I will definitely do away with myself because there is just no point in being around for that. And it seems like i'm heading inexorably that way slowly but surely. This is why they were advising me to get legal advice but I didn't.
I thought I would be able to get a job and get over it whenever I wanted to but that hasn't been the case at all. |
Edited by - max66 on Jan 10 2011 9:05:39 PM |
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chas
USA
209 Posts |
Posted - Jan 10 2011 : 9:49:24 PM
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Max,
Holding onto anger is like holding a red hot coal and wanting to throw it at somebody. The problem is, you are the one getting burned. You have to get rid of the anger or you will continue to suffer. Pain is mandatory in this life. Suffering is not. Yes, the bully has inflicted pain upon you. You are making it worse by telling yourself all the terrible things about the person and how he has ruined your life. You are telling yourself this story, and thereby keeping the pain alive, and suffering. Stop suffering! Forget meditation for now. When the pain comes up, feel it deeply. Be INTENSELY aware. Use anything you can to stay aware in the MOMENT. Use your breath. USE the pain itself. Don't continue to make storys about the pain. Allow the pain to be there as long as it needs to without feeding it with your thoughts. Do this, and you will find that: YOU CAN TAKE IT!. Then, the pain will disappear. I've been through HELL. This is how I got out. It works! Trust me.
Love to you... |
Edited by - chas on Jan 10 2011 10:13:28 PM |
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bewell
1275 Posts |
Posted - Jan 11 2011 : 10:31:32 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by chas
Forget meditation for now. When the pain comes up, feel it deeply. Be INTENSELY aware.
Max
Forget what I said, I defer to what chas said.
Be |
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BuddhiHermit
United Kingdom
84 Posts |
Posted - Jan 11 2011 : 7:18:23 PM
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I've used the process Chas mentions, and it's intense, but it works if you're determined.
This sounds awfully like a challenge to your identity Max, and if so, it would have become a fight for survival.
Every man must make a stand somewhere, sometime.
In such a case, you can win if you attain a certainty that you are living your truth, and see this as a challenge to see whether you will compromise your ethics.
Then you must work wholeheartedly to present the best case for your position.
Once you have done this, trust that the best outcome will arise.
Finally, if you wish to strengthen your certainty, you could undertake an intense program of meditation, using your anger to fuel your concentration.
Peace |
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bewell
1275 Posts |
Posted - Jan 11 2011 : 9:09:57 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by chas
Forget meditation for now. When the pain comes up, feel it deeply. Be INTENSELY aware. Use anything you can to stay aware in the MOMENT. Use your breath. USE the pain itself.
Chas
As indicated above, I like what you wrote. It fit with what I said about paying attention, even if that means paying attention to "misery." It also played into my lingering doubts about whether AYP Deep Meditation is the best fit is for someone who is in the kind of misery Max is in. I am not aware of any of Yogani's lessons that address the issue Max is facing. Nevertheless, on further reflection, I think I was too hasty in saying in a blanket way "I defer."
You said "forget meditation" but it has occurred to me that your advice was actually a form of meditation, a way of staying in the now: "Use your breath. Use the pain itself."
Here are my questions for your consideration.
First, you did not say when to use this alternate method. Do you intend for it to be used night and day whenever the painful memories arise? Do you have experience using that method yourself or teaching it to others?
Second, why did you say to forget meditation for now (meaning I assume twice daily AYP Deep Meditation)? Why is it important to quit for now? Why not keep doing AYP meditation and then in addition, doing the pain-watching method between sits. This is after all the AYP Support Forum, so if someone chooses to do Deep Meditation, which is a basic AYP practice, it seems prudent to support that unless you have a really excellent reason not to!
Third, what about doing the pain-watching-in-the-now method you suggested, but doing it in a time-structured way like maybe twice daily for five minutes.
Thanks for considering my questions, Chas. Obviously I am inclined to defer to your advice, but on further reflection, there were some perplexities about what you said, and I wanted to have a bit more of a dialog about it.
Be |
Edited by - bewell on Jan 11 2011 10:45:00 PM |
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chas
USA
209 Posts |
Posted - Jan 12 2011 : 12:00:18 AM
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Be,
Thanks for questioning what I said. I'll try to explain. A little background about my experience might be useful.
"no guts, no glory". This has been my mantra since early childhood for various reasons. I guess I saw the timidness in people and I despised it. I never wanted to be the least bit timid. Of course, I still had normal fears just like everyone else, but I always pushed myself to go past them. Many people that new me thought of me as being "fearless", to the point of being "crazy". I knew the truth that I still had fear, but my ego enjoyed the recognition that I would get appearing fearless. This progressed as I got older. I was living on the edge from my mid teenage years until my mid twenties. That is when I very nearly killed myself by suicide. I probably should have been dead long before that due to my activities (extreme sports). But the reason that I almost killed myself in my mid twenties is partially because, I found out the truth, on a conceptual/mental level. I was reading Neale Donald Walsch (I'm not blaming him at all, I think he's great :). I believed it was true that God is ONE. He convinced me. Or God did, as it were...Unfortunately, I hadn't really realized anything... only -thought- I- had. I then became even more fearless. In my fearlessness, I was also careless and selfish. I hurt people that I loved, people that loved me. The guilt resulting from that was unbearable for me. I was tortured by my mind and emotions for nearly 2 years. I almost ended it quite a few times. It came down to one day. Enough was enough. I couldn't take it anymore. I just wanted to accept my karma, end this incarnation and let the chips fall where they may. I let go. I decided I had to come to grips with my karma immediately, (and I had no idea how, so that wasn't much of an option)-- or to end my life, and not announce it to anyone. "no guts, no glory". The answer came. "Man up, face it head on". Over and over. That day, I could hardly think much else, but that thought. It hit me like rock. What did this mean? I considered it could be my answer, either way. Man up and face death head on or face my karma head on. I was perplexed and intrigued. I came across the book "A New Earth: Awakening To Your Life's Purpose" by Eckhart Tolle as I was searching for information regarding karma. I "knew" the answer was in that book before reading it, and that it was a gift from God. The answer is awareness.
I should not have contradicted bewell and the rest of you by saying "forget meditation for now". I sincerely apologize. I said that partly because, in my experience back then, meditation was peaceful one day and seemed to exacerbate my hell the next. My mind and emotions were extremely tyrannical. Granted, I was not using AYP. I started this gem laden path 10 months ago. I'm not very experienced in it. I am more experienced with intense awareness practice (3.5 years, starting with the Tolle books). Anyhow, I didn't have the DM and SBP back then. I was doing visualization practices on my lower chakras during meditation, trying to awaken kundalini. I had a lot of activity in my lower body that I feel fueled my already present mental/emotional problems and increased sexual desire a whole lot. Perhaps AYP would have made all the difference, I just don't know. My opinions here are definitely colored by my experience. I'm not speaking absolute truth, obviously. All I know is, I was given exactly what I needed, precisely when I needed it the most. As I said, I've been through HELL. By grace, I was saved. I feel compelled to help Max, and I can relate to what he is going through from my own experience, even though the circumstances are different. AYP is a true blessing. Perhaps DM is the answer right now. I can testify to the fact that it is extremely powerful. Max might consider doing intense presence/awareness and AYP, or something else that is helpful.
Regarding when and how long to practice intense presence/awareness-
as much as one possibly can. Especially whenever the emotions manifest, for as long as it takes. Plus, whenever one remembers. Whenever you realize you are in "samsara"....identification, ego-land, mindville. . You can create a lot of space between the thought loops by setting your intention to wake up as often as possible and putting intense effort into practicing. After long, you might go 30 seconds without a thought. The space expands...cultivating silence and awareness (or is it cultivating you?) What is good for the the Tolle labeled "pain body" is good for everything else. You got joy? Be intensely aware on that. Anxiety, same. Everything. Awareness is the answer. I would not suggest intentionally evoking the emotions, or only being intensely aware for a specified period of time. Be as deeply aware as you can, as often as possible.
Thanks to Yogani, bewell, and everyone else here. I am truly grateful for the opportunity to participate in this sangha. I've been a lurker for the past 10 months while practicing AYP, and I have learned very much from all of you. It is difficult for me to communicate truth through words, and I apologize for my errors.
Man up, face it head on....
P.S. Here are some quotes from Eckhart Tolle regarding what he considers to be the "pain body" (karma):
quote:
This accumulated pain is a negative energy field that occupies your body and mind. If you look on it as an invisible entity in its own right, you are getting quite close to the truth. It's the emotional pain body. It has two modes of being: dormant and active....
....The pain body wants to survive, just like every other entity in existence, and it can only survive if it gets you to unconsciously identify with it. It can then rise up, take you over, "become you," and live through you. It needs to get its "food" through you. It will feed on any experience that resonates with its own kind of energy, anything that creates further pain in whatever form: anger, destructiveness, hatred, grief, emotional drama, violence, and even illness.
So the pain body, when it has taken you over, will create a situation in your life that reflects back its own energy frequency for it to feed on. Pain can only feed on pain. Pain cannot feed on joy. It finds it quite indigestible.
Once the pain body has taken you over, you want more pain. You become a victim or a perpetrator. You want to inflict pain, or you want to suffer pain, or both. There isn't really much difference between the two. You are not conscious of this, of course, and will vehemently claim that you do not want pain. But look closely and you will [see?] that your thinking and behavior are designed to keep the pain going, for yourself and others.
If you were truly conscious of it, the pattern would dissolve, for to want more pain is insanity, and nobody is consciously insane.
The pain body, which is the dark shadow cast by the ego, is actually afraid of the light of your consciousness. It is afraid of being found out. Its survival depends on your unconscious identification with it, as well as on your unconscious fear of facing the the pain that lives in you. But if you don't face it, if you don't bring the light of your consciousness into the pain, you will be forced to relive it again and again. The pain body may seem to you like a dangerous monster that you cannot bear to look at, but IÂ assure you that it is an insubstantial phantom that cannot prevail against the power of your presence.
.....So the pain body doesn't want you to observe it directly and see it for what it is. The moment you observe, feel its energy field within you, and take your attention into it, the identification is broken. A higher dimension of consciousness has come in. I call it presence.
You are now the witness or the watcher of the pain body. This means that it cannot use you anymore by pretending to be you, and it can no longer replenish itself through you. You have found your own inner strength. You have accessed the power of Now.
Unconsciousness creates it; consciousness transmutes it into itself.....
.... The pain body consists of trapped life-energy that has split off from your total energy field and has temporarily become autonomous through the unnatural process of mind identification. It has turned in on itself and become anti-life, like an animal trying to devour its own tail. Why do you think our civilization has become so life-destructive?
But even the life-destructive forces are still life-energy.
.....Let me summarize the process. Focus attention on the feeling inside you. Know that it is the pain body. Accept that it is there. Don't think about it - don't let the feeling turn into thinking. Don't judge or analyze. Don't make an identity for yourself out of it. Stay present, and continue to be the observer of what is happening inside you. become aware not only of the emotional pain but also "the one who observes," the silent watcher.
This is the power of the Now, the power of your own conscious presence. Then see what happens."
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Edited by - chas on Jan 12 2011 1:20:38 PM |
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max66
Australia
13 Posts |
Posted - Jan 12 2011 : 04:48:02 AM
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What pain are you talking about Chas? To be honest I don't notice any pain as I think about this experience again and again every day. What I feel is maybe a tired body from lack of sleep, my cerabellum or somewhere in my brain occasionally (probably got to do with blood pressure), and beating heart (fromt the adrenaline). Am I supposed to sit and take notice of this or what.
Edit: it appears my post took a long time to go live on this thread, I had composed and submitted this before Chas' post was live, but it appears after. hmmmm. I'll have to take some time to digest your post Chas, there's quite a lot in it. I've read tolle before and it's probably relevant to the present alright. |
Edited by - max66 on Jan 12 2011 07:58:17 AM |
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chas
USA
209 Posts |
Posted - Jan 12 2011 : 2:05:21 PM
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I should also add regarding my initial reply in this thread,
Sometimes when I am in a deep sleep, I have to be shaken awake. Re-reading what said above, it does seem pretty intense, and sometimes I feel intensity is appropriate and necessary (relatively). I was trying to drive home the point - to consider ratcheting up the intensity with regards to awareness of emotions, and in general. Also, I feel that that kind of intensity can be counter productive in regards to sitting meditation (i.e. self-pacing). Regardless, I am certainly vulnerable to misperception and miscommunication, for what its worth... |
Edited by - chas on Jan 12 2011 2:14:46 PM |
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bewell
1275 Posts |
Posted - Jan 12 2011 : 2:06:18 PM
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chas
Like Max, I am still digesting all that you have said. At this time, I just want to lift out one part of what you shared:
"I've been through HELL. By grace, I was saved. I feel compelled to help Max, and I can relate to what he is going through from my own experience..."
As I read this, I am in tears, tears of joy, tears of recognition. I bow the the source of grace.
Be
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Edited by - bewell on Jan 12 2011 2:11:40 PM |
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karl
United Kingdom
1812 Posts |
Posted - Jan 13 2011 : 06:08:16 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by bewell
quote:
Originally posted by karl
A good timeline therapist could begin sorting this out in a few hours. I would suggest how to do this here except, not knowing your past and the level of trauma it has caused might result in heavy flashbacks.
What needs to be done is to remove the emotion around the events and leave the learning in place (a good therapist can even get rid of the memory entirely) to be used in similar future events.
Hi Karl,
How would one go about finding a "good therapist?"
Is there a name for the therapeutic approach you are working out of? Once one finds someone who uses that approach, how would one be able to tell if the particular practitioner was good at putting the approach to use?
Looking for a "good therapist" can be difficult!
Be
Like everything else it's just part of the journey and in that way you should trust your inner Guru. Even if it doesn't work out exactly as planned, that's exactly how it should be and the learning comes from that.
It's not the end of a journey only one step on the way, just as thinking that some trauma has any real effect. Using a therapist is exactly the same. By believing a therapist can cure you of the thing that doesn't really exist in the NOW.
The trauma is as much a part of the path as a therapist or AYP.
I use Time Line Therapy and have had some good (imaginary) results.
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max66
Australia
13 Posts |
Posted - Jan 13 2011 : 5:00:00 PM
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My anxiety is high as well. Mostly i think that I'm just totally screwed in my present situation and with all i've got to deal with. I cannot see any way out of all the sh*t I'm in and it seem to me that it will never end. My physical health will probably start to break down soon also.
I don't really feel any pain in my body however, Im probably more numb than anything else, what am i supposed to do when that is the case? |
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chas
USA
209 Posts |
Posted - Jan 13 2011 : 7:22:22 PM
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Max,
The pain as in emotional pain. And mental pain. The conditioned mind can be a real bitch. It possesses most people. The mind is better used as a tool. Not to be possessed by. If you are having very vivid memories that haunt you often, that is an extreme level of the possessing mind. But don't worry. It can't withstand pure awareness. That is your dynamite.
There is a lot of good advice on this board. Take action in every way possible and try to be patient. Things aren't going to change overnight for you. Keep doing the i am meditation...Just practice, practice, practice.. You have to want to be liberated from suffering more than a drowning person wants air, and at the same time surrender to the supreme (whatever you consider to be God, Universe, Christ, Buddha, Nature.. whatever you call it). Desire and surrender. And wait. You will get out of hell sooner or later. Even in suffering, there are opportunities for joy and love if you are looking for them.
Set your intention and be firm. Don't give in to the tyrannical mind. Dig in, man hold your ground. You say you aren't feeling pain, I think we just need to use different terms. I'm not speaking about physical pain. What do you think/feel are your biggest problems on a day to day basis, specifically? You need to become aware of what is happening inside you and stop identifying your self with it. Past is gone. Its not happening right now. Ask yourself "what is actually happening right now?" Just watch. When you are having thoughts, watch your thoughts. Watch like you are detached from them, like they can't harm you. Because in truth, they can't. You only believe they can because you mistake them to be you. You are much more than just a jumble of thoughts. It's just a different perspective that you take. Be the watcher. That way, they cannot control you. Emotions manifests through your thoughts as well, so be aware of that. Don't analyze, or try to fix the mind by thinking. You can't think your way around the mind. This is counter intuitive, but trust that awareness is all you need. Just the very basic awareness. Looking through your eyes. Feeling through your skin, etc.. That's it. It is incredibly simple, yet it it is difficult to sustain just that without adding to it. Practice. Be intensely aware whenever problems arise, whether mental or emotional or both. Accept that you as a person, in your present state of development, are powerless against it. You need a higher power coming through your consciousness to dissolve the feelings associated with the memories. When you are aware and not identifying with the memories, thoughts and emotions, you are allowing that higher power to work in you, through you. Try to stop the constant stream of thoughts. Not by thinking, but by being deeply aware and present in the moment. At first it may seem that you are not having much progress, but stick with it. In time, there will be some space between thoughts and that space will expand. It will bring peace, joy, love, forgiveness and liberation from suffering.
Try not to worry about what the external circumstances of your life are- as long as your basic needs are being met. Don't judge your experiences as bad. Consider that it is your experience that is propelling you toward your liberation. You can't control what others do to you. You can only control what you are being in relation to that. Have a good attitude. Smile, even if you don't want to. It helps.
Regarding your comment about feeling numb inside, I know what you mean. That is a big reason why I used to do extreme sports. That was how I could feel alive again, by getting that adrenaline pumping. In my experience, that deadness feeling can be cured by changing diet and lifestyle and of course, through spiritual practice. You say your health may start to deteriorate. Please elaborate? Can you tell about your age, health, diet, work, religious background?
You might also consider making a request for samyama healing through this website if you haven't done so already..
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Edited by - chas on Jan 14 2011 1:55:52 PM |
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chas
USA
209 Posts |
Posted - Jan 14 2011 : 1:42:08 PM
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| Btw Max, I would be happy to correspond with you privately, if you would like..just send me a private message with your contact information. |
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max66
Australia
13 Posts |
Posted - Jan 15 2011 : 06:14:32 AM
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| I think since I started meditating again its made a significant difference and I'm more able to function and also more aware. It's not on my mind as much but it would be much better for my mental health if I was able to find work and/or get occupied with something every day. That's probably part of the reason why I'm in this state. |
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chas
USA
209 Posts |
Posted - Jan 15 2011 : 1:35:22 PM
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Glad to hear it! I'm happy for you, Max. Trust that: as you progress in your practices, life will get much better!
Love |
Edited by - chas on Jan 15 2011 1:49:50 PM |
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NSB
Australia
32 Posts |
Posted - Jan 19 2011 : 3:56:42 PM
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Just read this thread now. I have had a similar problem, in that I was meditating for a while, then came to a point where I had to stop due to extreme anxiety coming up when I realised my abusive ex husband was still able to abuse me after getting divorced through our dealings with shared children. I still haven't done any meditation but I have consulted a lawyer and am dealing with protecting myself and my kids in the real world, which I believe will calm me down enough to let go in meditation again. Months of waking up early with nervous diahorrea, drinking every evening to take the edge off the anxiety, it is a horrible space to be in. I am wondering if you are unemployed still and feeling like the victimisation continues because of this crazy person because your life has not returned to normal yet. I have nothing practical to suggest but wanted to say that I feel for you!
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chas
USA
209 Posts |
Posted - Jan 19 2011 : 4:27:51 PM
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Hi, NSB-
i can relate. i was divorced and remained in negativity for quite a while. In my experience, once i was able to let go of the negative thoughts toward my ex, she let go as well. i think it is important to recognize that you are connected to your ex and always will be. The energy of your thoughts and feelings about him will reciprocate back to you from him. And so the cycle goes... It takes time to forgive and work through the emotions, but ultimately it is just a decision that one makes (totally worth it for me). Practing AYP helped me get to a place where i could love and forgive, unconditionally.
Love to you! |
Edited by - chas on Jan 20 2011 2:33:41 PM |
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NSB
Australia
32 Posts |
Posted - Jan 20 2011 : 3:53:05 PM
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| Chas, a well intentioned reply, but from here that almost sounds like it's all my fault. I've spent the last decade of my life trying to stop the abuse by changing the "inner me". I've come to the conclusion that I am not omnipotent at this stage and if someone is determined they can still hate me even when I'm radiating unconditional love. I'm also not sure just how loving it is to allow someone the luxury of staying in an abusive and hateful stance without stopping them somehow. I don't think it is loving to the giver or the receiver of abuse. It sounds like your ex spouse is open to influence. If mine had been, then I would still be married to him. I allowed myself to stay in an abusive relationship for far too long because I believed that I could change myself and he would respond, but that was not only unsuccesful, but harmful to my children who were witnesses to abuse and therefore abused themselves. Certainly, in most cases, what you are saying works, but there are situations like mine and probably Max's in which you are dealing with a personality disorder or something and they do not respond well to this kind of thing, they even see it as a sign of weakness and it becomes a reason for further abuse! |
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chas
USA
209 Posts |
Posted - Jan 20 2011 : 6:03:20 PM
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NSB-
I wasn't saying that it is your fault. I'm truly sorry that you and your children have been abused. That is definetely not ok. If it was me, I would not stay around an abusive person either. I was just trying to say that if you can heal and forgive on your end, it may go a long way for the situation in general. This is just based on my experience. I just have a lot of respect for the power of love and forgiveness. That's all. Not trying to preach to ya or say it is your fault. I'm sorry that you are suffering, and I feel for you. |
Edited by - chas on Jan 20 2011 6:09:55 PM |
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Bullying/victimization at work
