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CarsonZi
Canada
3189 Posts |
 Posted - Apr 02 2009 : 10:21:39 AM
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Hahaha....now now Lavazza, that isn't very nice....even if it is fairly accurate....haha. Thanks for the laugh.
Love,
Carson |
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Lavazza
69 Posts |
Posted - Apr 02 2009 : 5:30:55 PM
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Even if it is difficult handling a situation where you are head over heels in love or sexually attracted to a woman who knows it and makes full use of it, it is still a better situation than being with a women who rightly or wrongly suspects that you are NOT head over heels in love or sexually attracted to her.
Hell hath no fury like a woman scorn. |
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rebeq11
USA
14 Posts |
Posted - Apr 16 2009 : 1:23:30 PM
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Hey Carson,
I read this post (later of course) and wanted to share my story. I am in the same sort of boat as you.
I was not initially attracted to my husband at all, but after I spent time with him something was telling me how warm and close I felt to him. That was over 10 years ago and two kids later. I will admit that I still struggle with not being super physically attracted to him. However, I believe that things happen for a reason and our realtionship is very good overall (I would not complain about the sex either). I do honestly love him, unconditionally, inside and out. But, I would want to change a couple small outer details!
I think the the bottom line is my mind defining what is superficially attractive and what is not. That means comparsion and judgement are my primary motives when I get in that mood. And this is one of my big lessons I am here to observe.
Beck |
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CarsonZi
Canada
3189 Posts |
Posted - Apr 16 2009 : 2:19:22 PM
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Hi Beck...
Yes, this sounds very familiar indeed. I too have realized that the lack of physical attraction is caused by my mind comparing and judging my wife on an impractical scale. The scale given to us by the media. (damn them! haha) It is time for me to lessen my desires for perfection or perfect connection, and enjoy the reality of my life. Thank you.
Love,
Carson |
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Lavazza
69 Posts |
Posted - Apr 16 2009 : 4:34:25 PM
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repeq11: "I think the the bottom line is my mind defining what is superficially attractive and what is not." I do not agree. I think attraction is much more about instincts than acquired intellectual taste. And I do think that humans have good instincts as well as good intellect, and that BOTH these features have made man the master among the species.
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CarsonZi
Canada
3189 Posts |
Posted - Apr 16 2009 : 4:38:24 PM
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Hi Lavazza....
quote:
Originally posted by Lavazza
I think attraction is much more about instincts than acquired intellectual taste.
I respectfully disagree with you here... The reason I say this is because tastes change. If sexaul attraction was purely instinctual you would always be attracted to the same type of person your whole life. This is not the case with myself at all. I used to be attracted ONLY to really thin, small breasted women, and this changed very much so for me over the past half decade or so. But as always, we are all free to have our own opinions and this circumstance is no different.
Love,
Carson |
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Lavazza
69 Posts |
Posted - Apr 20 2009 : 4:09:00 PM
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| CarzonZi: Well it depends on how you define attraction/attractiveness. I am thinking about physical traits that indicate youth, health, good genes and fertility. If you are talking about choices between individuals who have the same "score" when it comes to these traits, then I agree about it being a question of taste not instinct. We also seem to want the right mix of similarities and differences to get healthy offspring. Second cousins seems to be about right. |
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CarsonZi
Canada
3189 Posts |
Posted - Apr 20 2009 : 4:24:04 PM
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Hi Lavazza
quote:
Originally posted by Lavazza
Well it depends on how you define attraction/attractiveness.
Sexual attraction would be defined to me as the feelings of sexual stimulation from visual or other forms of non-physical stimulation. Can you agree? Would you define it differently?
quote:
Originally posted by Lavazza
I am thinking about physical traits that indicate youth, health, good genes and fertility.
I am mostly thinking physical traits as well(I am also considering emotional traits too), but which physical traits these are will totally be dependent upon the individual IMO. Some people are attracted to WIERD things man! Haha.
quote:
Originally posted by Lavazza
If you are talking about choices between individuals who have the same "score" when it comes to these traits, then I agree about it being a question of taste not instinct.
Nah, I'm not talking about the "attractiveness score" or whatever you might want to call it. I am talking about sexual attraction as I defined it above. I think that instinct in this day and age is often over-ridden by excessively analytical thinking. And large amounts of media propaganda. We are constantly second guessing ourselves and most of us wouldn't know what our instinct was if it jumped out and bit us on the nose. Seriously. Sheeple. 
quote:
Originally posted by Lavazza
We also seem to want the right mix of similarities and differences to get healthy offspring. Second cousins seems to be about right.
Don't really know what to say to this . When I look at a girl who is attractive to me, the last thing on my mind is what the children we would have would look like. Perhaps that is cause I'm an ugly dude. Haha. I dunno. But what I DO know is that "potential offspring traits" are the last thing going through my mind when I see a "sexy" girl. Perhaps you are more in touch with your instinctual nature then myself. Who knows?
Love,
Carson |
Edited by - CarsonZi on Apr 20 2009 4:26:55 PM |
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Lavazza
69 Posts |
Posted - Apr 21 2009 : 03:17:29 AM
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"But what I DO know is that "potential offspring traits" are the last thing going through my mind when I see a "sexy" girl."
Maybe because you do not have to think about it. Your instincts already have this question covered.
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CarsonZi
Canada
3189 Posts |
Posted - Apr 21 2009 : 10:20:03 AM
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I ALSO know that what I used to find attractive in a girl I now could care less about, and the traits I do find myself attracted to are ones I never used to care about. Perhaps my instincts changed?
Love,
Carson |
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Lavazza
69 Posts |
Posted - Apr 21 2009 : 5:17:55 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by CarsonZi
I ALSO know that what I used to find attractive in a girl I now could care less about, and the traits I do find myself attracted to are ones I never used to care about. Perhaps my instincts changed?
Love,
Carson
Maybe I am inferring things about most people just from myself.
If you gave me a photo of a woman that you find attractive and you would indicate what physical traits make you feel that way and I would photoshop the other traits to make one version that looks older, unhealthier and less fertile and another version that looks, younger, healthier and more fertile, you would find all three as attractive?
I would not.
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mikkiji
USA
219 Posts |
Posted - Apr 22 2009 : 12:38:52 PM
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| "True love is not finding the perfect person to love, but loving the imperfect person perfectly." |
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YogaIsLife
641 Posts |
Posted - Apr 22 2009 : 12:50:29 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by mikkiji
"True love is not finding the perfect person to love, but loving the imperfect person perfectly."
Agreed! This is an art...the art of li(o)ving  |
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CarsonZi
Canada
3189 Posts |
Posted - Apr 22 2009 : 12:56:59 PM
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Thanks Micheal, I really like that saying.
Much Love,
Carson |
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HathaTeacher
Sweden
382 Posts |
Posted - May 02 2009 : 12:49:46 PM
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A great tantric post, Mikkiji ! Sort of asking 'what can I do' and not bothering about what I can get.
Carson, bringing it to a head ;-) however, suppose fate forced me to choose between a headless passion and a passionless companionship of two heads, then I'd go for the former. ;-)
Also, insticts and preferences do slowly change in many people (as to partner, profession, taste in music, place of residence - you name it). Many tantrics say that this actually indicates spiritual health: as you've worked through a layer of accumulated past Karma, you're done with it and ready for the next layer.
'Njoy!
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Lavazza
69 Posts |
Posted - May 04 2009 : 5:14:40 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by HathaTeacher
A great tantric post, Mikkiji ! Sort of asking 'what can I do' and not bothering about what I can get.
Carson, bringing it to a head ;-) however, suppose fate forced me to choose between a headless passion and a passionless companionship of two heads, then I'd go for the former. ;-)
Also, insticts and preferences do slowly change in many people (as to partner, profession, taste in music, place of residence - you name it). Many tantrics say that this actually indicates spiritual health: as you've worked through a layer of accumulated past Karma, you're done with it and ready for the next layer.
'Njoy!
To older, unhealthier and less fertile? |
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HathaTeacher
Sweden
382 Posts |
Posted - May 10 2009 : 3:35:06 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by Lavazza
To older, unhealthier and less fertile?
- or to a younger than oneself, health-and-yoga conscious and less fertile female - which might even be a plus on an overpopulated planet apart from the fact that tantra isn't primarily about progeny... |
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Topic |
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Sexual attraction: important or not?
