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Lacinato
USA
98 Posts |
 Posted - May 05 2009 : 10:28:03 PM
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Talking about holding back, and peaks and valleys makes a lot of sense for someone who lets go of their energy easily. But what about someone who has a very difficult time peaking--and not because some great tantric thing is happening, but because of an inability to let go, resulting in frustration. I'm a little surprised I haven't seen anything on this, because it's very common for young women.
The idea of peaking being so easy that one has to be careful is really the opposite of what I am used to--working very hard for the ability to peak. And like I said, not peaking just results in frustration--am not sure how this energy can be rerouted in a positive manner, to be able to do the tantric exercises. (I should say I experienced full-body tantric joy a few times as a teenager, before I knew how to orgasm, and thought that was what orgasm just was. But it only happened a few times and I never knew how to make it happen).
Any thoughts? Do you have to get better at peaking before you can back off? Is there a way to bypass that and practice tantra? |
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Anthem
1608 Posts |
Posted - May 05 2009 : 11:05:43 PM
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It's funny that men and women start at the opposite ends of the spectrum sexually speaking, peaking comes more easily for most men perhaps? After looking at these issues for a long time I have come to believe in the middle way, finding the balance between peaking and its opposite, would that be non-arousal?
In any case, staying in balance, neither at one end of the spectrum nor the other is the way of it here at the moment, will have to report back on it in a few months. Good to keep in mind that after every peak in duality, there is a valley.
In any case, it is about your focus, if you are thinking about not-peaking and how frustrating that is, this is what you will get. People inadvertently create the realities they don't want all the time by focusing on exactly that: what they don't want. Why isn't this working? What's wrong with me? This isn't it, why do I have to work so hard to get close? etc.
Redirect---> what do you want? Focus on that. Likely being relaxed, letting go, opening, allowing, and recall the moments that you did and experienced a peak. Stay with this all the time.
It is also important to clear any thoughts that believe you won't reach a peak. Listen to your mind and note what it says. I'll never get there, there is something wrong with me, this isn't working etc. are common thoughts that I would inquire into. Often this is the more important part of the equation, removing the blocks and then our innate natural ability to create can shine forth.
If you think you can't do this, it is good to keep in mind we create all the realities we experience. This is our true power and if we can create not being able to peak (is this absolutely true?) then we can create peaking, so not to worry.
In the meantime here are some energy levers that can enhance our experiences, play carefully:
http://www.aypsite.org/forum/topic....ID=4028#4028
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Etherfish
USA
3615 Posts |
Posted - May 05 2009 : 11:07:58 PM
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I'm a man but have experienced something similar a long time ago. For me the solution was to let go, relax, not let my mind get in the way. The body will do it on it's own if it is not interfered with.
Only then you use the mind to hold back.
So a lot of meditating twice a day should be just what you need.
When the mind tries to control too much, it gets in the way. There may be fears involved, or anxiety
for whatever reason, but the answer is the same - to let it go. There may be a desire to complete mixed with fear of it not happening. So you need to cultivate the attitude that it doesn't matter, and it's OK to forget it and do something else.
But the most powerful method is deciding it is perfectly enjoyable to not peak. Just to last forever and not peak. Then you can use the energy for tantric purposes, and someday you will probably have to learn to hold back.
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Edited by - Etherfish on May 05 2009 11:12:28 PM |
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mikkiji
USA
219 Posts |
Posted - May 06 2009 : 2:26:10 PM
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Men and women DO seem to begin at opposite ends of the spectrum and (hopefully) evolve toward a common middle with maturity and experience. I know in my teens, 20s and 30s I was focused on one thing during sex, and that was climax. Of course, over the decades, as I became a better lover to my wife, I learned to delay climax and prolong lovemaking so that she could get there with me. By the time we were in our early 40s, we were very much on the same level--able to enjoy prolonged intercourse with her achieving multiple climaxes over however long we desired to continue. Of course, this was accompanied by twice daily meditation since the age of 20 for both of us. As we moved through our 40s and into our 50s, something strange occurred. Her climaxes were easier and easier for her to reach while mine became more difficult for me. She became aroused quicker and more easily, and became impatient for intercourse while becoming bored with foreplay. I wanted (and needed) more of the preliminaries she once enjoyed, while being able to sustain climax (when I could achieve it fully) over the course of minutes rather than seconds, as is a male's normal sexual response pattern.
After she died and I remarried, I became familiar with tantra, and my new wife and I practiced techniques which would increase and prolong our bliss while enabling us to totally enter into one another's sensations. I now feel her climaxes (I actually HAVE them with her), and she does the same with me. We appear to trade off this way for as long as we wish. Once we begin our dance, there is no goal whatsoever, only us, and then just one unified "we", timeless, mindless, empty and full, blissfully flowing with the flow of energies up our spine(s). We will climax if we get there or allow it or fall over that cliff, or not, it never really seems to matter which way it goes, how long it takes, who gets there first or what we do or feel or want. Once we become ONE, we drop all purpose and will, ego and desire, and the Divine will moves us together in Unity toward God. Light or dark, day or night, hot or cool, wet or dry, top or bottom, gentle or rough--non of that matters or makes an impact, we become one, become god(dess) and flow as pure energy without and beyond. I know this jumble of words fails utterly to describe or explain our experiences, but I'm trying to say IT DOES NOT MATTER!
Michael |
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mimirom
Czech Republic
368 Posts |
Posted - May 07 2009 : 11:25:43 AM
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Thank you Michael, for sharing those beautiful experiences. It inspires and helps. I know you've been working hard and long, to get where you are. I apologize for using this thread to express my own feelings, without serving or answering the o.p.'s questions. I feel sadness and fear today. I'm afraid that I've made mistakes. I pray to find a woman willing to join me in exploring and living the path of love. Today I'm feeling melancholic, loosing faith a little, after some six or seven years of searching... Thanks for listening.
Roman |
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Etherfish
USA
3615 Posts |
Posted - May 07 2009 : 7:40:03 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by mimirom
Thank you Michael, for sharing those beautiful experiences. It inspires and helps. I know you've been working hard and long, to get where you are. I apologize for using this thread to express my own feelings, without serving or answering the o.p.'s questions. I feel sadness and fear today. I'm afraid that I've made mistakes. I pray to find a woman willing to join me in exploring and living the path of love. Today I'm feeling melancholic, loosing faith a little, after some six or seven years of searching... Thanks for listening.
Roman
This may be the hardest thing you have ever done Roman, but you need to stop searching. If you are meant to be with a woman, it will happen but to facilitate the process, figure out everything you need to do to completely let go of the idea of being with someone.
This may sound strange, but part of the process of making reality go your way is letting go. Figure out how to live your life fully by yourself. Figure out what kind of person you can be as a bachelor that can be fully fulfilled BY YOURSELF.
When you have reached the point that you KNOW you can be OK by yourself, and be truly happy that way, you won't believe how attracted women will be to you.
It's very ironic, but not caring less about women attracts them like a magnet. But you can't fake it. You need to really have that attitude. |
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mimirom
Czech Republic
368 Posts |
Posted - May 09 2009 : 4:04:10 PM
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Thanks for the encouraging words.
_/\_ |
Edited by - mimirom on May 13 2009 6:40:25 PM |
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Sparkle
Ireland
1457 Posts |
Posted - May 09 2009 : 4:22:13 PM
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Thanks Andrew, loved your postquote:
Originally posted by Anthem11
It's funny that men and women start at the opposite ends of the spectrum sexually speaking, peaking comes more easily for most men perhaps? After looking at these issues for a long time I have come to believe in the middle way, finding the balance between peaking and its opposite, would that be non-arousal?
In any case, staying in balance, neither at one end of the spectrum nor the other is the way of it here at the moment, will have to report back on it in a few months. Good to keep in mind that after every peak in duality, there is a valley.
In any case, it is about your focus, if you are thinking about not-peaking and how frustrating that is, this is what you will get. People inadvertently create the realities they don't want all the time by focusing on exactly that: what they don't want. Why isn't this working? What's wrong with me? This isn't it, why do I have to work so hard to get close? etc.
Redirect---> what do you want? Focus on that. Likely being relaxed, letting go, opening, allowing, and recall the moments that you did and experienced a peak. Stay with this all the time.
It is also important to clear any thoughts that believe you won't reach a peak. Listen to your mind and note what it says. I'll never get there, there is something wrong with me, this isn't working etc. are common thoughts that I would inquire into. Often this is the more important part of the equation, removing the blocks and then our innate natural ability to create can shine forth.
If you think you can't do this, it is good to keep in mind we create all the realities we experience. This is our true power and if we can create not being able to peak (is this absolutely true?) then we can create peaking, so not to worry.
In the meantime here are some energy levers that can enhance our experiences, play carefully:
http://www.aypsite.org/forum/topic....ID=4028#4028
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HathaTeacher
Sweden
382 Posts |
Posted - May 13 2009 : 4:04:57 PM
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- A great post, Mikkiji - yes, words are too square to describe "That", but this reads very good nevertheless!
Mimiron, this is one of life's trials, not the first one and not the last one either. It takes great effort to keep the Witness attitude, even for some periods of time.
As Mikkiji once put it in another thread, its really about making perfect love to an imperfect person. There's only one Shakti although in billions of manifestations. I understand this makes a poor consolation anyway, for a normal (hu)man non-god with preferences: me too was fed up with searching for years when I was a single. Maybe I should have dared better to signal "serious Tantra" to women in some neat way, to be able to target more precisely; anything from a Sri Yantra T-shirt to a proper traditional nailcut on my right hand (whatever works would count).
An effective trick I had learnt from a tantric yoga teacher was to (whenever a doubt hit me) spend about 5 minutes after meditation the same day, recalling a memory of some moment of utter happiness in sex, yoga, meditaton, or similar. The details of what, where, when - and how did I feel. Then, actively dropping the memory of that situation while still intensely witnessing the memory of the feeling itself until it became situation-independent, on its own right; seeing my ability to feel/contain/circulate high-voltage happiness.
It worked a couple of times, much the same way the teacher had predicted - attracting nice tantra-interested women. They seem to have a "radar" for this...
I don't think this is a substitute for meditation or yoga but it was exactly the complement I needed in those years; whereas in a couple, it's wiser to use this sparingly, and to rather seize the present moment.
Maybe you can give it a try after your next meditation. 'Njoy! |
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mimirom
Czech Republic
368 Posts |
Posted - May 13 2009 : 7:09:23 PM
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Aaahhh yes, the RADAR 
_/\_ |
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Difficulty peaking
