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Sparkle
Ireland
1457 Posts |
 Posted - Jan 26 2009 : 06:16:41 AM
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Anthony said:quote:
I don't know if anyone on here knows what I mean when I say that I hate my brain and it feels like it is creating a 4-foot thick wall between me and the world.
Hi anthony
Here are a couple of exercises you can do in relation to your breathing.
The first one is very simple and can be very effective:
When you are aware of your breathing
As you breath in - breath in peace
As you breath out - breath out your thinking
Breath in peace
Breath out thinking
The way I would do this is I would imagine peace coming into to me from above during the inbreath and imagine thoughts expanding outwards out of me during the outbreath. You can use this or find your own way.
If you keep repeating this, it can lead to peace.
The second one is a really effective technique that can be used for all sorts of things.
Since you refer to your brain as something you hate.
Visualise your brain - full of all its thoughts - seething with thoughts cycling round and round. Then, with your imagination, take your brain in your arms like you would a small baby. Nurture it, love it, stroke it gently, shining your light of awareness on it. Love the seething mass of thinking as you stroke it and love it, all the time breathing gently.
You can do these for as long and as often as is necessary, the essential ingredient in both cases is the breath. |
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anthony574
USA
549 Posts |
Posted - Jan 26 2009 : 09:05:19 AM
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I will try that, breathing in peace and breathing out thoughts.
I was noticing that when I was going through a phase of having headaches that I would notice it specifically aggravated by when I would try to control my thoughts. Releasing the thoughts is something I think would be more constructive.
I have been doing the breath-meditation yesterday and I am enjoying it because it does not, for me, carry the expectations that AYP does at the moment.
Goddessinside, yesterday when I was really down I went outside and sat in the grass in the sun with my dog. I truly did feel like a kid again. Great advice to spend time outside and observe. It's so cold though! |
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gumpi
United Kingdom
546 Posts |
Posted - Jan 26 2009 : 10:21:41 AM
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Boy, when i meditate now it is fascinating watching all the thoughts, constant, never-ending, one after the other, in between reciting the mantra. I acutally did meditation properly today!
yogani says in one lesson that the primary effects of deep meditation are relaxation, peace, contentment, stress free, as Ether said. I certainly get those. You have to follow the instructions on meditation to the dot otherwise you might miss something important. It makes a huge difference in the effects.
So there i am meditating and suddenly i find i am in my subconscious mind more than my conscious mind, the thoughts are still there but they seem to break up into single words rather than sentences. The most annoying thing for me is the internal music going on. But after meditation i felt really good. No bliss - i don't even know what that is or means. But Yogani says it happens eventually.
Anthony, you sound very down and sad. I think what everyone has said in this thread, particularly about being with the body more, is excellent advice. You know, when i used to feel like s*** i sometimes looked in the mirror and put on a fake smile and it actually worked! I would soon feel better. Comedy, as people say, is a great healer. If you can laugh you can forget your worries and even thoughts. Have you even seen that laughing Yoga group? That is really funny.
I think for the first 5 years i was meditating i expected too much and it used to cause me complete frustration. That is most of the problem. It seems almost everyone goes through those dry spells. What i have learned is that i can use my devotion or bhakti exactly as Yogani says, which is outside of practices. If i feel upset i can channel that into inspiring me to reach for God more instead of getting down and wanting to give up. And while i am meditating i do it as a matter of course like they say, brushing teeth. Then i take a couple of minutes rest after meditating and think calmly about the fact that when i get up and go about my day i am not going to be frustrated because nothing seemed to happen in meditation, that God didn't show up this time etc. Because ultimately i think that grace descends when you AREN'T expecting it to.
Don't mind your mind. Enjoy the thoughts that come up but pay no attention to them. Totally try to forget them. But ENJOY them too. See it as though you are delving into your mind and discovering what is in that big head of yours. |
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CarsonZi
Canada
3189 Posts |
Posted - Jan 26 2009 : 11:12:45 AM
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This was an encouraging post to read from you Gumpi, thank you. Glad you have found some peace with yourself.
"yogani says in one lesson that the primary effects of deep meditation are relaxation, peace, contentment, stress free, as Ether said. I certainly get those."
Love,
Carson |
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YogaIsLife
641 Posts |
Posted - Jan 26 2009 : 11:25:49 AM
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| Gumpi, great post. Glad to hear you are getting a lot of benefits in your practice now and I find your way of looking at the whole matter very sound now! Congratulations! |
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Goddessinside
158 Posts |
Posted - Jan 26 2009 : 11:35:51 AM
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Hi Anthony,
Just wana say I'm happy that you went out in spite of the cold!
the very attempt to do that, and the will to try the breathing techniques is, by itself, a very good sign!
You are perfect the way you are!
Believe me, I know what you are going through, and I still have those
dark holes sometimes, but much less frequently than before.
When your mind bugs you, and there are clouds in your sky, try to shift your mind by doing something unusual:
it could be taking a sheet of paper and draw or paint anything that comes to your mind...just like a child! just start to paint, and let go your hand...out of nothing.. you may have many surprises!
And before sleeping, just imagine that you have an angel that takes care of you, whatever happens, this angel will never let you down. Just imagine him/her giving you love, light.. and say to yourself, "I know I will get out of the dark more mature, and ready to say a big YES to Life, because I deserve Happiness and Love".
In the morning: start your day by looking at the glass, look at your face, really, and smile, deeply, as much as you can!!!
Say that you are beautiful, you are unique and you are not here by accident!! The Universe wanted you to be here the way you are.
Love. |
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Goddessinside
158 Posts |
Posted - Jan 26 2009 : 11:49:46 AM
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There's also a DVD you can buy..
It's an interactive DVD, where a famous healer, Louise Hay,
talks to you,face to face, invites you to answer some questions..it's an inner journey and watching this DVD
will definitely wash your darkness away and clear many ideas out!
Just try to find the time to buy it and watch it.
her website: http://www.louisehay.com/
the link to the DVD: http://www.youcanhealyourlifemovie.com/
Courage!
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gumpi
United Kingdom
546 Posts |
Posted - Jan 26 2009 : 2:48:05 PM
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Yeah thanks guys. I don't want to derail the thread but Yogani's writings actually helped me a lot to understand which direction to go in. I'm sure other people feel the same way here. Hats off to Yogani for doing all the research for us all! lol
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CarsonZi
Canada
3189 Posts |
Posted - Jan 26 2009 : 5:54:30 PM
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Anthony....
I have been wondering about how the "dark side" of life plays into this whole "enlightenment game".....and thinking about your postings in this thread and how it kinda ties in to what my intuition is.... Recently I watched the movie Fight Club (which used to be my favorite movie for a while after it first came out) again. Have you seen it? I don't want to talk about it in case you haven't seen it....don't want to recreate what happened to David Obsidian with the "Million Dollar Baby" movie But there are some things that are said in this movie that make this a borderline "spiritually inspirational" movie....from a very sick perspective perhaps. I wonder if you have seen this movie and if would you care to discuss it......?
Love,
Carson |
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Etherfish
USA
3615 Posts |
Posted - Jan 26 2009 : 7:15:24 PM
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| Haven't seen it but from your description I want to! I love dark stuff. |
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CarsonZi
Canada
3189 Posts |
Posted - Jan 26 2009 : 7:21:45 PM
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| Warning EFish! It's disturbingly violent! |
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Tyler Durden
USA
1 Posts |
Posted - Jan 26 2009 : 10:30:45 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by CarsonZi
Warning EFish! It's disturbingly violent!
The Fight Club which can be spoken of is not the Fight Club ....
"And then, something happened. I let go. Lost in oblivion. Dark and silent and complete. I found freedom. Losing all hope was freedom."
The first rule of Fight Club is: you do NOT link to Fight Club.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SYDLv8rK4z8
"Self improvement is masturbation. Now self destruction... "
"When you have insomnia, you're never really asleep... and you're never really awake."
"This is your life and it's ending, one minute at a time."
"Sticking feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken. "
"It's only after we've lost everything, that we're free to do anything. "
"We just had a near-life experience. "
"What you are feeling is premature enlightenment! "
I like Fight Club.
But maybe I'm biased.
Or maybe I'm just a copy of a copy of a copy.
http://www.fightclubquote.net/conte...r-durden.php
If you visit that page, and it seems annoyingly non-usable ... hit reload.
If you visit your mind, and it seems annoyingly non-usable ... hit reload.
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emc
2072 Posts |
Posted - Jan 27 2009 : 01:07:38 AM
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LOL!!! Thanks Tyler! |
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CarsonZi
Canada
3189 Posts |
Posted - Jan 27 2009 : 10:55:29 AM
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This is one of my more favorite scenes from the movie....
Tyler Durden: Now, ancient people found their clothes got cleaner if they washed them at a certain spot in the river. You know why?
Narrator: No.
Tyler Durden: Human sacrifices were once made on the hills above this river. Bodies burnt, water speeded through the wood ashes to create lye.
[holds up a bottle]
Tyler Durden: This is lye - the crucial ingredient. The lye combined with the melted fat of the bodies, till a thick white soapy discharge crept into the river. May I see your hand, please?
[Tyler licks his lips until they're gleaming wet - he takes the Narrator's hand and kisses the back of it]
Narrator: What is this?
Tyler Durden: This...
[pours the lye on the Narrator's hand]
Tyler Durden: ... is chemical burn..........
(a few missing lines, mostly screaming in pain and Tyler telling the Narrator to stop trying to block out the pain and to focus on it instead)
Tyler Durden: F**k damnation, man! F**k redemption! We are God's unwanted children? So be it!
Narrator: OK. Give me some water!
Tyler Durden: Listen, you can run water over your hand and make it worse or...
[shouts]
Tyler Durden: look at me... or you can use vinegar and neutralize the burn.
Narrator: Please let me have it... *Please*!
Tyler Durden: First you have to give up, first you have to *know*... not fear... *know*... that someday you're gonna die.
This movie seems to have a "goal" of liberating the characters of their egos and their attachment to material possessions. But it comes at it from the complete opposite side we are coming from....We (from my perspective) seem to be coming at this same goal from a positive perspective....using very different methods (from the movie) to help us release the ego's grasp. This movie on the other hand tries to acheive this same goal by creating a destructive/negative mindset and by using rigorous mental (de-)conditioning. But the goals of yoga and the goals of this movie are still very close.....try to aleviate our unnecessary suffering by eliminating the seperation we feel from God. We do this using positive practices, but can this also be achieved by using negative practices? By focussing on things like what this movie's message is? Liberation via Destruction?
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Edited by - CarsonZi on Jan 27 2009 11:00:20 AM |
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anthony574
USA
549 Posts |
Posted - Jan 27 2009 : 11:41:35 AM
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I do really enjoy that movie. I can easily get past the violence, which at least is not the sadistic gratuitous sort...just punches and kicks for the most part - the theme is just so good.
The past couple days I have been trying to shed a lot of skin I built up. I realized how many things I try to make Truth in my life, but don't really FEEL. I try to live my life as yogically as possible, but how many of these things do I really believe vs. wanting to believe? This morning I was a bit scared of the fact that I am too scared to give up practices all together. I see them like my drug experiences of the past - that much good came from them, but also much negativity came to surface or was created. I don't see it as a fault of the drugs or AYP - just that it depends on the person using/doing. I can honestly say that since i started AYP I am sad less and, although annoyingly much more aware of my brain, I am also more capably of identifying thought patterns and SOMETIMES moving past them. I think I expected AYP to give me absolute peace in two years after 19 years of absolutely ghastly self-destructive thinking.
I thought, "Why do I think it is so impossible to be me and be happy?".
I answered "Because I feel there is such a possibility out there to be a certain way. To be the way I felt on LSD when I was liberated from all my conditioning. To be like Tyler on Fight Club and be free through nonattachment. To be like the AYP-ers who seem to be blissed all the time."
I respond "But do you know that to be true? Do you honestly believe that you know what it is like for others? You can't live your life based on the experience of a drug that you did and all the expectations it brought"
"But what else is there? If I am not striving for this goal, or a Higher Existence than what is there? Life will seem as pointless as it did in the past!"
And that's where I am. Im scared to continue spiritual practices because I don't want the expectations they bring. I can't blame AYP because it obviously works for a lot of people. It brought me peace in some ways. But, I can't really follow the directions correctly. I can't practice without the expectations, which are supposedly what is "holding me back". I can't keep getting frustrated that I don't feel chakras, or energy, or reiki, or reflexology, or acupuncture and then get frustrated at myself that I feel it is MY fault.
And I realize that why I am attached to the practices is that I feel they have brought me good results (along with the frustrating ones). But without them, then what? |
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CarsonZi
Canada
3189 Posts |
Posted - Jan 27 2009 : 12:15:15 PM
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Hi Anthony,
I can feel your frustration.....do you read much? Have you read Loving What Is by Byron Katie? Your statement of:
'.....I respond "But do you know that to be true? Do you honestly believe that you know what it is like for others?' is one of the 4 questions that "The Work" asks you to ask yourself....if you haven't read this book yet, I think you will highly benefit from it at this point in your journey....just my opinion. If you need me to send you a copy just ask.
Love,
Carson |
Edited by - CarsonZi on Jan 27 2009 1:33:20 PM |
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anthony574
USA
549 Posts |
Posted - Jan 27 2009 : 2:47:51 PM
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I haven't read it, actually. I have heard good things and someone I know who is a Kundalini yoga teacher and yogi relied on it heavily.
I'll check it out. |
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brother neil
USA
752 Posts |
Posted - Jan 27 2009 : 3:27:38 PM
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anythony, A question,
do you believe that the challenges you speak of can be overcome or vanish? |
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anthony574
USA
549 Posts |
Posted - Jan 27 2009 : 3:39:08 PM
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I'm not sure if I believe that we manifest our existence. I found myself asking the question "Do I believe that I create my existence?" But I answer "Who do you think is creating it? The same I that is experiencing it? Does that even make sense?" I'm not sure that I believe in a God figure that is creating it either, or that I just haven't experienced that enough to feel a conviction for it.
Your question forces to me to first decide what my challenges are. I find myself having a hard answering that question too. I suppose I feel unhappy and that I am not experiencing life as I wish I did. I am unsure of my spiritual path, myself, and the world without going into specifics. Do I believe this can be overcome? Some things, maybe. Things in the material world. But spiritually I am not sure. Because I feel my suffering in the material world is the result of emotional and spiritual suffering I feel I can really only work from the inside out. And I find when I try to narrow in on what my problems are in that arena I have an impossible time finishing a sentence because everything I attempt to proclaim is realized as ephermal and nonexistent, or paradoxical. |
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brother neil
USA
752 Posts |
Posted - Jan 27 2009 : 4:20:32 PM
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| have you had ONE moment today, yesterday, or any day recently where you were not worried about your "issues"? Just one moment? |
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CarsonZi
Canada
3189 Posts |
Posted - Jan 27 2009 : 4:56:56 PM
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Hi Anthony,
quote:
Originally posted by anthony574
I'm not sure if I believe that we manifest our existence.....I'm not sure that I believe in a God figure that is creating it either.....
If you aren't the one creating your world, and God isn't the one creating your world then who may I ask do you think may potentially be creating your world? Is there anyone else besides you and God who even have the opportunity? You must not believe in karma either then right? Because if you don't create your own existence, then it doesn't matter what you do! You can do anything and it won't matter one way or the other....there would then be no free will, and everything would be governed by fate....but then who created our destinies(fate) then if not you and not God??? See where I am going with this? You may not be able to stop things from happening TO you, but you certainly have control over how you REACT to what happens to you, and that will make all the difference in how you see your situation. You can choose to see your seeming "lack of yogic progress" as a negative, or you can choose to see it as a positive and learn to let go of your expectations. It's all a matter of perspective.
quote:
Originally posted by anthony574
I found myself asking the question "Do I believe that I create my existence?" But I answer "Who do you think is creating it? The same I that is experiencing it? Does that even make sense?"
You are the seer the seeing and the seen. The doer the doing and the done. Does it make sense? To the mind, no....through personal experience, yes. How do you gain personal experience....keep up with your practices. (IMO)
quote:
Originally posted by anthony574
I'm not sure that I believe in a God figure that is creating it either, or that I just haven't experienced that enough to feel a conviction for it.
All you can truly bank on is your personal experience, so focus on that and not on what you "believe". Beliefs change so fast. What you believe one day may be disproven through personal experience the next. So stay your "beliefs" as much as you can and just let what happens happen. What is meant to be will be. And maybe you need a yogic break, only you will know.
quote:
Originally posted by anthony574
Your question forces to me to first decide what my challenges are. I find myself having a hard answering that question too.
To me, and this is just my outside perspective and I am not attached to this as it could change at any second depending on your next post, but it seems to me your greatest challenge is ridding yourself of your expectations. We really have no right to expect anything. All expectations will do is lead us towards unhappiness and unfulfilling scenarios. If we can learn to live our lives without expecting anything of anyone and learn to let go of our attachment to specific outcomes there is nothing to keep us from pure unadulterated happiness. At least that is how I see it.
quote:
Originally posted by anthony574
I suppose I feel unhappy and that I am not experiencing life as I wish I did.
If you didn't have any expectations of how life "should" be for you in the future, would you not be completely content with how it is right NOW?
quote:
Originally posted by anthony574
I am unsure of my spiritual path, myself, and the world without going into specifics.
Let that go into stillness and it will resolve itself. Let go of what you feel life should be like and you will be happy even in the darkest most terrible of circumstances. And this takes retraining the mind, but it IS possible. There is hope.
quote:
Originally posted by anthony574
Do I believe this can be overcome? Some things, maybe.
More beliefs....can you see how it is your beliefs that are holding you back from experiencing the joy of pure life? Try believing that you can overcome this and see how fast you do!
quote:
Originally posted by anthony574
Because I feel my suffering in the material world is the result of emotional and spiritual suffering I feel I can really only work from the inside out.
Agreed 100% my brother...the only way to alleviate any and all suffering permanently is to work from the inside out. You got it.
quote:
Originally posted by anthony574
And I find when I try to narrow in on what my problems are in that arena I have an impossible time finishing a sentence because everything I attempt to proclaim is realized as ephermal and nonexistent, or paradoxical.
Pick up "Loving What Is" man! This is some serious Self Inquiry and it will help you I am sure....If you want to try doing it right away go here: http://thework.com/thework.asp and try it right now! There is hope my friend, you just have to reach out and take it.
Love,
Carson |
Edited by - CarsonZi on Jan 27 2009 6:03:49 PM |
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anthony574
USA
549 Posts |
Posted - Jan 27 2009 : 11:29:10 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by brother neil
have you had ONE moment today, yesterday, or any day recently where you were not worried about your "issues"? Just one moment?
Yes, I did. For the first 3/4th of the day I layed around (snow day) and ate junk food and watched TV and played video games. It was like a retreat in itself, though I regret the junk food. I just went comatose all around. Then I did meditation, nothing special, and decided to go for a night snow walk. I bundled up, took a loooong walk and tried awareness in walking. I alternated between awareness and witnessing. I would be aware of my senses, or my body, but then would try just observing and watch myself act of its own accord.
But yes brother neil, there are many moments that my problem does not seem apparent to me.
Carson, thank you for the advice and interest in my issue. I appreciate your concern. You really have a great presence and are a motivating and fascinating individual. I will check out The Work or Loving What Is.
I think that I am just not going to intellectualize my "beliefs". I may "believe" that everything is meant to be as it is, but I don;t think that I can really THINK that, if you know what I mean. The mind simply doesn't grasp concepts that it seems my "being" believes...oh, I can;t explain it. It just seems that my being exists according to certain beliefs, but my mind doesn't effectively believe it. I can give up, be a comatose couch potato all day, and pretend that I don't care anymore and that there is no point to life...but that is a thought and an intellectual demeanor towards life in and of itself. I am not going to really try and think about these things anymore. I am just going to be them, but not even make an effort towards it because they seem to just be of their own momentum. I'm not sure if any of that made sense!
Doing practices without expectations is something that I don't know how to accomplish. When I went for my snow walk, I was aware that I was EXPECTING it to be a peaceful and therapuetic walk. But, as I was walking I had no idea where I was going to go. I thought I was just gonna go around the block but ended up in the woods, a playground, a river, a sewer tunnel, and under a tree. I think it involves some sort of letting go that I've always had a hard time with. Is the not-expecting something that will resolve itself? Will it take 2000 or so dissapointments until it sets in? Or is it a practice in itself now to expect anything of practices, and if so, how do you go about that?
Yogani doesn't seem to emphasize non-attachment in his teachings. I can see Samyama as being a practice in letting go of thoughts, and Self-Inquiry as being a way of being aware of attachments, but in the core teachings there is nothing in the way of teaching how not to be attached, or to release expectations. |
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emc
2072 Posts |
Posted - Jan 28 2009 : 01:08:41 AM
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quote:
Is the not-expecting something that will resolve itself? Will it take 2000 or so dissapointments until it sets in? Or is it a practice in itself now to expect anything of practices, and if so, how do you go about that? - - - there is nothing in the way of teaching how not to be attached, or to release expectations.
I'm afraid we're all in the same boat here, Anthony! This is the design of the mind, to build expectations and wanting to know how to "let go" of them, to let go of attachments ect. That's the eternal merry-go-round of the mind! There's no way to let go by will. You know the old saying "You can't let go - there's just a letting go". I haven't found it either! No mind will ever find the way to let go, you see, because the mind is designed to CLOSE the door to heaven when it opens!!! We created minds to be the guardian at the door, so as soon as stillness opens it with love, the mind shuts it again with equal force! So... my guess, is that you are opening quite heavily at the moment to stillness, and your mind is doing it's bestest job! 
The practice suggested to loose attachments is meditation, pranayama etc etc... That will slowly open the system for more and more stillness in spite of a struggling mind, and stillness will eventually make it happen by itself, if you let it - and when it's time you will be shown how to let it come and take you! Surrender will be guided, I've been told!  That's why those who have surrendered says "Oh, it's so EAAASYY to let go!!!" and we all know it isn't, huh? Knowing that, then the mind will perhaps go into a waiting game... so when is it gonna happen? And the merry-go-round starts a new tour!
We realize and let go by grace and mercy. Nothing else. But we can help that happening by following our practices with some sort of devotion and longing in our hearts.
Meanwhile, learning Byron Katie's The Work as Carson suggested is a fabulous way to get instant relaxation when the mind gets too tough! It's a way to get to know the "machinery" of it, and it's a constant invitation to stillness to come and take over whenever we use The Work. It's a brilliant tool! I strongly recommend it as well!
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Edited by - emc on Jan 28 2009 02:25:32 AM |
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karl
United Kingdom
1812 Posts |
Posted - Jan 28 2009 : 07:19:13 AM
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I think that it is very similar to rock climbing (or attempting anything really. You have to first decide if you want to climb the rock face and your degree of commitment in attaining your goal (it does not matter if the goal is at the top or half way up). Once you are on the rock then you should just learn to love the rock and your relationship with everything around you.
The rock is hard to climb and takes skill, you fall many times and each time you learn something new about yourself and your relationship with the rock and everything around you. You may progress towards your goal, or you may find you are just as contented taking in the scenery and the sensation of climbing and at that moment you are truly free.
This is detachment and deep attachment happening at the same time, you know your goal but you have no need to achieve it so you just get on with the job of enjoying the experience in a far deeper way.
Thats the way of it, the journey not the destination. Keep your mind on the destination but not be distracted by it. I think this is the reason that AYP is the way it is. Once you let go of your goal, you achieve it. It is the desire that can become the reason and the need.
Meditation is simply the training to do this, love the training without minding the goal. |
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anthony574
USA
549 Posts |
Posted - Jan 28 2009 : 11:06:04 AM
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Thanks emc and karl, very useful posts :-)
I have been afraid to do AYP practices the past couple of days because I don't want the expectations that come with them. I still don't feel a damn thing in SB and its been almost 2 years! When I sit for sadhana and the expectations follow it just adds more buzzing to my brain that it can't really handle at this point.
I am fine with just doing Deep Meditation, however, I still find it hard to do it without pushing thoughts away or feeling like I am adding to the thinking because I am THINKING the mantra. If I do breath-meditation there is a distinct difference between breath and thought so it is easy to know which one is which. When I do mantra meditation sometimes the mantra will turn into completely different words altogether and I won't even notice. Is this type of mantra meditation maybe more for people that don't have the kind of problem I have with overactive minds? Would breath meditation be better as a beginnner method? I found once that I started doing breath meditation and reached a pretty deep stillness, maybe after 15 mins or so, and then I just decided to do the IAM mantra and it felt great! But I only did it for 5 mins or so because of the 20min timer.
Pranayama I just can't seem to handle. I never feel anything and I have a billion questions all the time about how to do it correctly. I;ve read the books and lessons and it still is frustrating.
Even Deep Meditation brings up many questions. Am I saying the mantra right? I mean, everytime I hear a mantra chanted it is drawn out IIIIIIIAAAAAMMMMM, OOOOOOMMMMMMGGGGG....i don't see how it is a mantra and has sonic effects in the mind if it is repeated casually like "Hey, I am goin to the store, see ya later". Is it suppoed to just keep the mind busy?
I have had these questions come up in my practice since I started, about 1200 sadhanas ago, and now they come up and interfere but because I have never felt 100% like I'm doing it right I dont even really notice the questioning anymore, although I know its there. I mean, I love AYP and it would be a bummer to not be able to do it. In fact, I;m quite attached to it. |
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Anthony vs. His Brain
