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karl
United Kingdom
1812 Posts |
 Posted - Sep 06 2011 : 2:39:27 PM
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I thought to do a potted history to this point. My background, beliefs, what route I have taken, just so others might understand what enlightenment means and why it applies to everyone if they have the desire to search for it.
I don't think I have ever really been into any form of self discovery, although a book on Transactional Analysis in my mid teens was both interesting and a great way of annoying my parents and siblings with my new understanding of the subtle games we play.
My mother was an accomplished lover of anything involving pyramids, energy fields, macrobiotic diets and other things that were considered completely weird by my straight laced, no nonsense, chartered accountant Father.
She bought into Carlos Casteneda and her enthusiasm resulted in my attempt at having an out of body experience. Of course, as a young male I ignored the safety briefing and got on with main event. The result was a view of my body from ceiling height and the biggest fright of my life and a panic to get back inside. That was the first and last time I have ever tried something like that.
The only other thing that is any form of differentiation is a sensitivity to other worldly things. Of course now i understand how everything is possible, then it's no surprise to me that I have seen the odd ghost, but I never dwelt on it except for anecdotal purposes.
We are a family of six. We were never encouraged to follow a religion or believe in God or heaven. All of us took up average jobs, got married etc. I have never been materialistic but do enjoy the good things in life, having the attitude that if I have money it's fine, if I don't that's fine too.
You are probably thinking that I was a laid back sort of guy, easy come, easy go. Well actually I wasn't, I suffered bouts of depression and became easily stressed at work. I compensated by taking up activities such as motorcycling, pot holing, paragliding, mountain biking and climbing. Never went as far as taking it to the Doctor, but just tried to ride it out.
It was during one of these bouts in my mid forties that I felt the need to change jobs, in fact to completely change careers. Against all the odds I ended up as a business Adviser. The story behind that was too coincidental to be considered pure chance.
As an Adviser I began to realise that small business owners were about far more than business skills. It was what went on in their heads and not their skill sets that needed attention. I knew that getting inside their fears and barriers was necessary and sought a tool that bypassed the usual external barriers.
One of my clients was an NLP practitioner and It became obvious to me that this was yet another opportunity placed in my path, exactly what I was looking for. The course was over £3500 and required 2 weeks in London. I asked my manager what the chances were of getting on the course. The look said it all  . I went back to her having decided that I would pay for it myself and if necessary take the time as holiday.
Before I could open my mouth she announced that we had been awarded exactly that amount of money which had to be spent within the next 2 weeks otherwise the money would be withdrawn. I didn't need to be asked twice.
A couple of months later during the last few days I experienced what I now realise was an awakening. My world felt like it had been punctured and turned inside out. Suddenly there was a glimpse that all I could see and experience was only a perception, just in my head.
After the course I came home changed for good. My family and friends had to adapt to a different person and began to notice that it was a real and permanent change. Another thing I realise now was this was the rising of the witness. I scrutinised my thoughts for anything not true, any story. So the witness was already apparent well before I started AYP, although I did not associate with it.
Of course, as most of us know, despite this new persona, an awakening and an ever stronger witness, I was still getting lost in daft thoughts and stories. There was no way to avoid the pits and traps that I carefully set for myself.
I began using my practitioner skills in earnest on my return to work and gradually expanded into therapy work. It wasnt long before the discovery that I was really not working on other people at all, only on myself and every 'success' resulted in another false stripe to my rapidly growing Ego. Even as I gilded the lily of the Ego there was an inner knowledge that it was false, that inside I still doubted, still got depressed and still had moments of stress which caused some minor health issues. There I was telling people how great their lives could be and yet couldn't fix my own.
One day my world started to tumble down. The company I was by then chief executive of, that I had worked so hard to take from failing to over two million pounds of contracts was been carved up by the board of directors. My clients mysteriously began to either dry up, or vanish with some excuse that seemed to imply my services were not required.
I found myself pushed out of a job I loved and little chance of much on the Horizon of a similar type. Life had given me chances and now life was squeezing me out of the nest as if it was meant to be.
During a forced period of unemployment something nagged me. I bought books on God without religion, quantum physics. You name it and I bought it, determined to find out what was missing in me.
I posted on the NLP forum, a crazy guy who was asking about getting rid of the Ego, finding peace, letting go of accumulated stuff. One of the other practitioners used a trick that we use to coach people using NLP. She simply asked what I would have if I lost the Ego, found God, got rid of needs. I read it and it had an impact that still sits with me today.
As I reached the end of her short summary I had a vision. Now I don't mean one of those light bulb moments. This was a full on immersive experience, visual, audible and solid. I was in the basement of what looked like a church. There was an arched door in an alcove with a heavy iron handle.
I tried to open the door with physical force but it was useless. There was something pulling me to go through and I voice asking me where I wanted to go. On giving my answer the door opened a fraction and light streamed through. I entered and found a pitch black tunnel with a piercing light at the far end.
The light could have been close like a diamond, or a million miles away down the tunnel. I had no idea what I was supposed to do and just grabbed for the light. The moment I did so and I was back outside and the door was firmly locked. No way I was getting back in and it seemed like I had failed some sort of test.
The haunting vision stayed with me for weeks, it blotted out my normal thought process. I began trawling the Internet for something. What it was I had no idea. I was totally driven and yet the experience with the light had dulled what I would consider normal reason.
Instead of looking for something in particular I was just hunting feverishly, more like desperation, but somehow with an understanding that life would, once again deliver just what was required.
This was two years ago. The book that stared back at me was a tiny, insignificant book by an unknown author with zero credentials in the spiritual world. The book was a cheap little paperback, totally simple. It was so simple that it almost seemed impossible that it could offer anything next to the well known practitioners in the field. That book was Deep Meditation by Yogani.
I have meditated regularly, twice a day for 20 minutes and with 5 minutes Pranayama. I did as I was told, slipping and sliding here and there, giving up once when I thought I had gone as far as possible. The forum helped keep me focused. To keep on going. Twice a day, no expectations, with devotion, without expectation.
I added self inquiry when the time was right. Just as I had been told to allow the witness to become stronger within a still mind.
Several months ago I started having the odd internal voice in my head. Particularly when I woke one night with a terrible anxiety and fear. Convinced I was dying because the fear was just so intense. I was drenched with sweat and my heart was beating itself out of my chest. The voice told me to let the fear take me completely, to accept the feeling of death. It was like drowning and seemed to go on for hours. When I finally surrendered it left me. I felt drained and exhausted but understood that I had made some sort of huge transition.
I started back with AYP with even more desire burning, read more, worked harder than ever. Meanwhile during this time I had gone back to work for a previous employer and hated it. I saw it as a sort of self imposed punishment, a trial of sorts to see if I could swallow my pride and go back to work at a job that never did suit me, and in a position that I would not have taken the first time around.
I stuck with the job until a month ago when I realised that it was time to leave. My inner Guru was telling me to go. I had no job to go to and would be giving up a large salary. There was an element of faith and trust. It felt like another test. Did I really have the faith to just give up a steady salary at one of the worst times on the jobs front. Everyone told me I was crazy. My boss tried to bribe me with a much larger salary and anything else he could chuck in the pot.
So, here I am, an unemployed AYP bum . Leading up to the leaving date it became apparent that I was hearing two new voices. These were far more stern than my previous encounter. They were scolding and extremely serious. I realised that one was Sri Nisargadatta, the other who was the final voice was Sri Ramana Maharshi.
By now I wonder what you are thinking of me and I'm wondering what I should think of me when I heard these voices. it dawned on me as they coached me. This was my world, these were the Gurus That had come my way (and when the disciple is ready the Guru will appear), time and space were not exclusive, the Gurus never die because they never lived and there is no requirement to be geographically near them. They are my guides and I trusted them implicitly.
So this Sunday (the Sabbath, how funny is that for a none believer) I became self realised.
Now that's a bold statement, yet it is inescapable. It was like a flip of a switch it just happened. I don't know what the key was, I just followed what I was told, trusted, believed, desired and devoted myself despite lots of doubts and fears. Once I found the answer I lost whatever key it was, because things don't happen in that linear way. Everything moves towards an inevitable time, it just happened as it was meant to.
Of course your going to wonder, just as I did. This bloke isn't for real, yeah I know we are doing this for a reason and somewhere is this glittering prize, but really its fools gold and I have a better chance of winning the lottery if I didn't buy a ticket. I'm just hoping I can get a bit of peace, lose some fear, get some happiness, give up the habits. You know the score. I know it because I'm no longer separated from the world.
So it's attainable. I haven't been to an Ashram, I didn't spend months in India, I can hardly pronounce the technical words or work out what the proper sequence of events is supposed to be and I only followed the very basic set of instructions that Yogani gives everyone. I'm not adding loads of Ansanas, doing Sutras or anything else.
If I was reading this I would want to know what it is, what it means. The truth is, it's quite ordinary and quite extra ordinary.
As an example, a few years ago a few of us older people decided to try Canabis for the first time. We baked it in Cookies as directed. Except we used far too much. We took a video of the whole night. It was completely mental and we were out of our trees, doing all sorts of stuff that seemed to us like the edge of insanity. Playing the video back revealed a completely boring, ordinary scene that lasted for several hours. We couldn't quite believe it wasn't the crazy night we remembered.
I see the world just the same, except now I am aware of what I am. The witness and my true self re-united and squeezed out the illusion. Now, when I say illusion, we usually take that to mean the world we see around us and really that's how I had to understand it at first in order to make progress.
But it's real, just as I am real so is the world. It's a perfect creation with many levels and enormous complexity. It is driven by an infinite source that is neither created or destroyed, the source is not a dead energy, it is pure love. Not the soppy stuff, this is far deeper, infinite and supreme.
Once that is realised, once theatre nature is revealed it is obvious. I am that I am, the conduit of this power and part of it. It allows a pure love of the world and total detachment at the same time. An immense depth and strength without fear and a need to serve.
I still ride my motorcycle, go shopping with my wife all with total purity, just as it is and with no story to spoil it. I still shout when I stub my toe and laugh when things are funny because it is all part of me.
So, there you go. That's my story. I hope it might just persuade you to keep at it, just as those on the forum have helped me.
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maheswari
Lebanon
2516 Posts |
Posted - Sep 06 2011 : 3:05:04 PM
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quote:
So, here I am, an unemployed AYP bum
i like sarcasm...
thank you for sharing your story Karl |
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faileforever
USA
190 Posts |
Posted - Sep 06 2011 : 3:06:09 PM
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This is SO beautiful and an amazing story...thank you so much for sharing with us!! |
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jeff
USA
971 Posts |
Posted - Sep 06 2011 : 4:35:42 PM
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Thank you very much for sharing your story.
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cosmic
USA
821 Posts |
Posted - Sep 06 2011 : 5:20:43 PM
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| Beautiful and inspiring, karl. Thank you! |
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Hema
Netherlands
2 Posts |
Posted - Sep 06 2011 : 5:37:20 PM
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| Thanks for sharing, Karl. Beautiful. |
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maheswari
Lebanon
2516 Posts |
Posted - Sep 07 2011 : 01:42:08 AM
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quote:
Particularly when I woke one night with a terrible anxiety and fear. Convinced I was dying because the fear was just so intense. I was drenched with sweat and my heart was beating itself out of my chest. The voice told me to let the fear take me completely, to accept the feeling of death. It was like drowning and seemed to go on for hours. When I finally surrendered it left me. I felt drained and exhausted but understood that I had made some sort of huge transition.
very similar to Ramana Maharshi and Eckhart Tolle awakenings |
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manigma
India
1065 Posts |
Posted - Sep 07 2011 : 01:48:49 AM
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And Karl said, Let there be God: and there was God.
But God felt bit unemployed so Karl gave him the work to create the world out of pure love.
And Karl saw the world, and it was good.
~ manigma 1:3 - 1:5
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Ananda
3115 Posts |
Posted - Sep 07 2011 : 02:26:53 AM
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Thank you for sharing dear Karl
Guess we have somethings in common concerning hearing an inner voice (I used to identify it with Ramana Maharshi but then I stopped) and acting all nuts and quitting job on faith... But I am not unemployed, thank God there is the family business to get back to. Hope to have some more similarities with you like a beautiful awakening
All the best!
Much love to you my brother and namaste |
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karl
United Kingdom
1812 Posts |
Posted - Sep 07 2011 : 03:56:33 AM
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It sort of wrote itself so there must be a purpose.
I should add that reaching this point isn't the end. In fact it's just the beginning from one view point. So, still sticking with practices, still with devotion, but with total clarity.
Still expect waves, but on a different sea.
As Mahrarshi said those who are meant to work will work and those that are not meant to work won't. Life tends to squeeze you where it will, the difference is I'm not attached to it. If circumstances arise that means a job is needed then a job will be done.
As to the voices. Once I became self realised the voices stopped. I was unguided because i exist in the self. You cannot have an inner Guru once you realise you are the Your guru I speak directly from heart without attachment to stories. There are no barriers that can be hidden behind, no walls needed for defence, none are required.
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Edited by - karl on Sep 07 2011 07:26:37 AM |
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maheswari
Lebanon
2516 Posts |
Posted - Sep 07 2011 : 04:55:41 AM
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quote:
~ manigma 1:3 - 1:5
can we buy it on Amazon?
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karl
United Kingdom
1812 Posts |
Posted - Sep 07 2011 : 05:13:51 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by maheswari
quote:
~ manigma 1:3 - 1:5
can we buy it on Amazon?
There are a few dog eared editions on EBay, but it was really out of print before it ever got to the publisher |
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manigma
India
1065 Posts |
Posted - Sep 07 2011 : 05:14:20 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by karl
It sort of wrote itself so there must be a purpose.
There is no purpose. Absolutely no purpose at all. There was no need to write this, but you wrote it.
Remember, in deep sleep - turiya (samadhi):
No thoughts
No dreams
No expectations
No desires
No self
No body
No pain
No others
No purpose.
Enjoy the purposelessness!
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maheswari
Lebanon
2516 Posts |
Posted - Sep 07 2011 : 05:39:54 AM
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manigma
is this also mentioned in your book? |
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Ananda
3115 Posts |
Posted - Sep 07 2011 : 05:40:06 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by karl
As to the voices. Once I became self realised the voices stopped. I was unguided because i exist in the self. You cannot have an inner Guru once you realise you are the Your guru I speak directly from heart without attachment to stories. There are no barriers that can be hidden behind, no walls needed for defence, none are required.
I remember Yogani once saying: First we listen to the flow, then in time we become it
namaste Karl [img]icon_heart.gif[/img] |
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manigma
India
1065 Posts |
Posted - Sep 07 2011 : 07:08:04 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by maheswari
quote:
~ manigma 1:3 - 1:5
can we buy it on Amazon?
Writing books requires much thought. And I can't think for more than a few seconds.
If I write a book, it would be a few hundred blank pages.
So no books, only jokes.
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karl
United Kingdom
1812 Posts |
Posted - Sep 07 2011 : 07:25:24 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by manigma
Enjoy the purposelessness!
That is neti neti. Not this not that. It isn't correct. Life has purpose even without attachment. Negating it helps to break the attachment.
It is growth, it is real, everything has purpose there is just no requirement to define it. It is attachment that causes suffering, the idea that this is MY body, MY writing, MY purpose.
Staying in that unconscious dreamless state is vegetive. It is very easy to drift into it as the idea of a null existence and instant anaesthesia is an attractive thought, but you cannot remain like that, it is like a dormant seed, it sprouts again.
To believe MY life has purpose is attachment, to accept life has purpose needs no attachment. It's purpose is just to be, otherwise it would not. Everything contributes. It is like the leaves on the trees, the fingers on a hand they all contribute without concern as to why they exist.
So the words are written because they must otherwise they wouldn't have been. You eat food because you are hungry, you breathe because you need air. That is not illusion, it is illusion to think that you have anything to do with it, that you are the one that breathes and eats.
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manigma
India
1065 Posts |
Posted - Sep 07 2011 : 08:10:47 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by karl
quote:
Originally posted by manigma
Enjoy the purposelessness!
That is neti neti. Not this not that. It isn't correct. Life has purpose even without attachment. Negating it helps to break the attachment.
It is growth, it is real, everything has purpose there is just no requirement to define it. It is attachment that causes suffering, the idea that this is MY body, MY writing, MY purpose.
Staying in that unconscious dreamless state is vegetive. It is very easy to drift into it as the idea of a null existence and instant anaesthesia is an attractive thought, but you cannot remain like that, it is like a dormant seed, it sprouts again.
To believe MY life has purpose is attachment, to accept life has purpose needs no attachment. It's purpose is just to be, otherwise it would not. Everything contributes. It is like the leaves on the trees, the fingers on a hand they all contribute without concern as to why they exist.
So the words are written because they must otherwise they wouldn't have been. You eat food because you are hungry, you breathe because you need air. That is not illusion, it is illusion to think that you have anything to do with it, that you are the one that breathes and eats.
Neti neti belongs to mind. Do we reach unconscious dreamless state every night using neti neti?
Yes, one can remain in the dreamless state permanently. Its called Nirvikalpa Samadhi or a state compared to Stillness Dancing.
Then life has no purpose, only dance.
And I can not write while I am dancing. I can only sing.
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karl
United Kingdom
1812 Posts |
Posted - Sep 07 2011 : 09:30:00 AM
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Yes, if you believe you are the body.
Death of the body will allow you to remain unconscious. Forever is time bound, it pre supposes a future, that is a body/mind concept, impermanent. Rest in that if you wish it won't do any harm. There is only this moment, imagine it as long as you like and that is your forever.
Stillness dancing and singing seem joyful enough
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jeff
USA
971 Posts |
Posted - Sep 07 2011 : 09:30:18 AM
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Karl,
Thanks again for sharing.
If you don't mind a question on the energy/chakra level... Do your bodies chakras still feel distinct? Or, do they now feel more like an integrated field?
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karl
United Kingdom
1812 Posts |
Posted - Sep 07 2011 : 10:00:02 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by jeff
Karl,
Thanks again for sharing.
If you don't mind a question on the energy/chakra level... Do your bodies chakras still feel distinct? Or, do they now feel more like an integrated field?
I am not the body. Chakras and energy fields are part of the body mind attachment, real enough when you remain attached. I know nothing about them, or ever have. Sorry, others might give you a more helpful answer. |
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maheswari
Lebanon
2516 Posts |
Posted - Sep 07 2011 : 11:23:29 AM
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quote:
To believe MY life has purpose is attachment, to accept life has purpose needs no attachment. It's purpose is just to be, otherwise it would not. Everything contributes. It is like the leaves on the trees, the fingers on a hand they all contribute without concern as to why they exist.
nice |
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manigma
India
1065 Posts |
Posted - Sep 07 2011 : 11:47:46 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by karl
quote:
Originally posted by jeff
Karl,
Thanks again for sharing.
If you don't mind a question on the energy/chakra level... Do your bodies chakras still feel distinct? Or, do they now feel more like an integrated field?
I am not the body. Chakras and energy fields are part of the body mind attachment, real enough when you remain attached. I know nothing about them, or ever have. Sorry, others might give you a more helpful answer.
You feel pain?
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jeff
USA
971 Posts |
Posted - Sep 07 2011 : 12:22:10 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by karl
quote:
Originally posted by jeff
Karl,
Thanks again for sharing.
If you don't mind a question on the energy/chakra level... Do your bodies chakras still feel distinct? Or, do they now feel more like an integrated field?
I am not the body. Chakras and energy fields are part of the body mind attachment, real enough when you remain attached. I know nothing about them, or ever have. Sorry, others might give you a more helpful answer.
Thanks. Very helpful. Does that mean that you never felt any energy flow?
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karl
United Kingdom
1812 Posts |
Posted - Sep 07 2011 : 1:08:33 PM
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Hi Jeff,
It's down to the level of perception. I might not have described it as an energy flow that's all, just not sensitive that way. Other people didn't see the ghosts I saw. Seeing ghosts didn't directly lead me anywhere, but like anything it is a piece of your own path. Same for energy flows and Chakras. |
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karl
United Kingdom
1812 Posts |
Posted - Sep 07 2011 : 1:37:57 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by manigma
You feel pain?
Yes of course and sadness and joy too. Just without attachment. |
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Enlightenment -removing the mystery.
