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Queen
United Kingdom
39 Posts |
 Posted - Jul 08 2011 : 3:34:26 PM
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Hi everyone,
I know it seems like a cliche query... But I have been meditating for about 7 months now, and honestly, I feel like nothing has changed.
7 months ago I started the mantra method for 10 mins once a day, as I was working a lot and that's all I felt I had time for. A few months passed, with nothing, and I posted on here. The advice was to do pranayama for 5 mins before my mantra, so I did. Then, a good friend advised I should do it twice a day - so I did. I changed my work schedule to start from 9am to 11am so that I would have time for this (as I am awful at getting up in the morning).
For the past 7 weeks, my routine has been 5/10 mins of pranayama, then 20 minutes of mantra meditation. And still - I feel nothing. I would like to say I feel different, I really would. I have absolute faith in this, and have close friends and have read about people who have benefited massively. So why the **** isn't it doing it for me? |
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maheswari
Lebanon
2520 Posts |
Posted - Jul 08 2011 : 4:12:25 PM
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hi Queen
great u managed to change your work schedule to be able to practice
check lesson 14
perseverance is essential with or without happenings
good luck on your trip |
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danebramage
USA
77 Posts |
Posted - Jul 08 2011 : 4:24:05 PM
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| Well, most likely the changes Thou Dost seek are bubbling up below in Thy subconscious and will soon begin to occur in Thy waking consciousness. After 10's of 1,000's of years of procrastinating a few months is a blink....which is as good as a nod to a blind horse. We all keep trying for super-consciousness because the alternative is remaining adrift in this ocean of suffering. |
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CarsonZi
Canada
3189 Posts |
Posted - Jul 08 2011 : 4:32:53 PM
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Hi Queen and welcome to the forums
Wonderful that you have decided to give AYP a fair college try. 
Here are my thoughts on not seeing any benefits.....
Perhaps the actual issue is not that you aren't seeing benefits, but that you aren't seeing the benefits you thought you would be seeing. I have yet to meet one person who actually got into consistent daily AYP practices (for any length of time) and did not recieve some benefit that *I* could notice. But even though I could notice some differences in them, they were not receiving the benefits *they thought* they would be and decided to stop practicing because "it wasn't working." In my experience it is the expectation of seeing a specific kind of benefit that keeps us from seeing the actual benefits. Perhaps it would be worthwhile to inquire into exactly what you thought you would get out of consistent AYP practice, look at exactly how you thought those benefits would manifest, and then take a step back and really consider what your whole life was like before and after AYP. I bet you will notice that there are some benefits happening (albiet probably still somewhat "minor" at this point) but that they just didn't match what you were expecting they would look like.
Just my thoughts. Hope you will continue to practice as just as danebramage says, 7 months is actually a really short period of time in the grand scheme of things.
Love!
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danebramage
USA
77 Posts |
Posted - Jul 08 2011 : 4:57:14 PM
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| PS - I didn't see any changes at first either but my Mother said "I don't know what you're doing but keep it up" so something must've been happening but why I didn't notice it is still a mystery. |
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danebramage
USA
77 Posts |
Posted - Jul 08 2011 : 5:09:55 PM
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| Another thing - I thought the highway to the Infinite would be as entertaining as a circus side show which was my only perspective when I was 17. Jai, I hath discovered it is more entertaining but not always as amusing. I dislike making any sense out of it ALL. |
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Queen
United Kingdom
39 Posts |
Posted - Jul 09 2011 : 10:00:38 AM
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| It is not that I was expecting something to happen, which hasn't, it is I have felt no change. I am planning to move house soon, and it is a change I am excited for yet the potential uprooting of my life has brought about the same intense stress and anxiety I felt 3 years ago when I went to University. Natural feelings in these situations, yes - but 3 years ago I wasn't meditating. I am still just as irritable, and become just as anxious and stressed out to situations that I used to. Even when not faced with massive life changes - even just when my train is delayed. The other day I screamed - and I mean SCREAMED - at my mother for interrupted my meditation - something I have done several times before. Does that sound like the actions of someone who has tapped into their inner silence? No best friends or family members have told me to 'keep up what I'm doing' or that they have noticed a change in me. |
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delta33
Canada
100 Posts |
Posted - Jul 09 2011 : 10:25:14 AM
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we didn't get super powers (yet)
but we certainly have greater perspective and peace
and those bliss tingles are pretty nice too!
keep on, keeping on.. AYP really does work |
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LucienneK
Canada
28 Posts |
Posted - Jul 09 2011 : 12:51:45 PM
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Hi Queen!
I have felt this same way many, many times since I started. Feeling like I wasn't getting anywhere or having any results.
Then last week we were on vaction. During our travels I found I was in a situation that normally would bring up feelings of anxiety. I was surprised and happy to find that I wasn't feeling anxious at all. I was actually relaxed and calm. It was a great realization and I attribute the change in me to consistent AYP practices.
You sound like your doing the first step and that's noticing the emotions. Once you see the feelings, then when they come you will begin to attach to them less and less until one day you may be in a situation like mine where you suddenly realize, "hey that was different"
Also. are you having enough rest time after your practices? I know for me if I don't rest enough I overload and getting pretty cranky and irritable.
I also thought that I didn't have any expectations as to what I would get as a result of AYP but then I listened to Carson's advice and searched a little deeper within to find that I DID have preconceived ideas of what I thought was supposed to happen. I've been working at letting these ideas go but it's hard because sometimes I don't actually see them. I do find though that once I *see* the expectation then it seems to dissipate.
Keep at it and there will be results whatever they may be. I hope this helps in some way. [img]icon_heart.gif[/img]
Dee |
Edited by - LucienneK on Jul 09 2011 1:03:58 PM |
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Queen
United Kingdom
39 Posts |
Posted - Jul 09 2011 : 2:46:48 PM
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Hi LucienneK -
Yes, I forgot to mention that I give myself a couple minutes rest after each practice. I admit I have expectations on what it will be like. This is one of my massive faults - I place too much expectation in everything in life. This is a malady of my mind that I hope meditation could help with.. But it now seems that it has happened with meditation itself? What a catch 22.
How are you working on letting go of these preconceived ideas? |
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danebramage
USA
77 Posts |
Posted - Jul 09 2011 : 4:04:55 PM
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| Whew, that's a complicated stew energy. Hopefully it shakes out in a positive manner and hopefully these AYP's will move things in a new direction. |
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danebramage
USA
77 Posts |
Posted - Jul 09 2011 : 4:32:31 PM
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| Jeez, it's been so long ago that I found myself at that point. Environment is stronger than will power according to Paramhansa Yogananda. He also mentions Spiritual progress is erratic for many of us. I can't remember how I overcame the pull as I pushed. |
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danebramage
USA
77 Posts |
Posted - Jul 09 2011 : 5:03:10 PM
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Chanting is beneficial. I liked:
Listen, Listen, Listen to my Heart song,
I will never forget you, I will never forsake you. - repeated constantly.
Then there's the popular Rolling Stones tune -
Hey, Hey, You, You, get off of my cloud.
There's many chants that keep us focused as the slings and arrows of life bombard us. |
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Holy
796 Posts |
Posted - Jul 09 2011 : 10:55:35 PM
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Dear Queen,
even if you expect, it does not change much. The results are scientifically exact, independant of the mental chattering whatever the content may be.
My friend, you have practiced the minimal amount adviced in the lessons for 7 weeks and wonder why nothing has happened so far? :)
Even more sensitive people here start getting a good idea of where this all leads to after many many months.
If you want to have more intense reactions just to see if all this works or not, there are other methods. You can also double or tripple the amount of ayp and get faster results, but the recommended routines are designed for safe, smooth and sure progress over the longterm. Bad for the starter, perfect for those who want the best without fail :)
Happy going on :) And no worry about what you think or not, it really matters 0. |
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nearoanoke
USA
525 Posts |
Posted - Jul 10 2011 : 01:31:49 AM
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Hi Queen,
Thanks for the thread. I always like these kind of threads. Feels good to see some companionship for me :)
I have started practising AYP from Jan 2005. Was consistent (daily twice) for an year and then was on and off till 2009. Thats a total of 3 years roughly. I had no visible progress or change. Felt exactly like you. Easily irriated/tensed/disturbed as before. I tried other systems too for about an year in 2009-2010 period but found no magic bullet.
I started doing AYP very dedicatedly from Feb 2011 again (Twice Daily - SB, DM, Samyama). I still dont see any visible changes. As someone pointed out may be it is happening subconsciously and will take some time to come up. You can try overdosing as holy suggests. I tried doing two back2back sessions on a weekend and found some vague witness state in the sleep afterwards. Tried it again the followin weekend but didnt find anything.
Few helpful pointers
- There are lot of success stories with AYP and the way it is put it seems very honest and open system. I feel it is important to trust and give it time.
- As per Yogani, each session of DM, done properly will definitely bring the change; whether visible or not. Probably there are more obstructions to be cleared in our case before it becomes visible
- Making the practices a habit like brushing the teeth and doing it without expectations should be the mental set up
- Some of the success stories are of the people who already had few years of spiritual practices (other systems) under their belt before they came to AYP. May be that helps. I had none before AYP.
- You can by all means try other methods but in my opinion digging deep at one place is more effective than digging small holes at multiple places
- Near |
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Queen
United Kingdom
39 Posts |
Posted - Jul 10 2011 : 07:01:02 AM
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dane - complicated stew energy? Sounds interesting... what do you mean by this?
near - Thanks, nice to know others have had difficulty too. It is encouraging to hear your story, but I worry that I couldn't possibly keep it up for a year or so and feel no results. 7 months and I feel completely deflated - somewhat betrayed, even. For that time I had faith, I thought 'I need to meditate today' - now I have no faith. I couldn't care less that I haven't done it for the past 3 days. I am too angry.
So have you now found the 'magic bullet' now? Or at least felt like something has changed?
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karl
United Kingdom
1812 Posts |
Posted - Jul 10 2011 : 07:37:51 AM
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To meditate with expectation will cause stress.
I hear so many posts about wanting to live without stress, in bliss etc. These are material wants, not too dissimilar to wishing a new car, job, house etc.
The absence of material change is unimportant, see meditation as a completely separate thing with no purpose at all in your normal way of living. DM transcends the material and while it might impact on every day living that should not be the focus.
Want to sort out your anxieties and anger? There are many ways to do that without touching AYP. I think sometimes people can try and run before they can walk and jump into AYP as a cure all and it's often not yet the right path.
DM is like a communion with God, something infinite, a higher truth, profound inner knowledge..............to want it to stop you getting a bit aggravated by the sound of your neighbours dog or whatever is a bit too base. Like being given the key to the universe and trying to unlock your front door with it |
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Queen
United Kingdom
39 Posts |
Posted - Jul 10 2011 : 07:57:03 AM
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I don't intend to never be stressed or irritable again. When I started trying TM it was just because I had good friends that did it, I read about it.. I wasn't stressed and unhappy and looking for a solution to something, as such.
But either way, the lesson reads 'Make a commitment to yourself to do it for a few months. Give it some time to work. You will be amazed at the results, and then you will want to keep going forward to more and more.' - nothing is said about letting go of prior expecations, etc, first. And I am not amazed, and have lost the desire to keep going forward. |
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yogani
USA
5242 Posts |
Posted - Jul 10 2011 : 10:24:02 AM
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Hi Queen:
Sounds like you are under-sensitive to deep meditation. You may like to take a look at Lesson 366 on that for some pointers, and Lesson 365 right before it on sensitivity issues in general, covering the spectrum of sensitivities from "under" to "over." Wherever we may be on that spectrum we will not be alone, and much of the discussion here in the forums is about one end of the spectrum or the other.
Something else to consider would be an AYP retreat, which can provide a big boost in our results due to much deeper practice in a group environment. You can find a schedule of AYP retreats linked in the top left border of this page. There is feedback from participants on past retreats linked at the bottom of the schedule page.
It's your call going forward, of course. Wishing you all the best on your path, whatever it may turn out to be. There is no such thing as failure on the spiritual journey. Just keep longing and keep walking. Sooner or later the divine light of inner silence shines through, because that is the essence of what we are...
The guru is in you.
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danebramage
USA
77 Posts |
Posted - Jul 10 2011 : 11:54:34 AM
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My apology Ms. Queen - "stew energy" was a typo. I meant stew of energy. My advice may hinder your progress. I only wish to offer you support in you struggle for a better awareness. When I began practicing yoga I suffered intellectual indigestion from all the hype I'd heard regarding its benefits. Meditation sounded like a cure-all to me. I sympathize with your dilemma.
I have no special knowledge that will resolve your confusion. My preconceived notions of the results my practice would bring and the actual results held no similarity. As I comprehended the actual results of meditation a shift in my attitude was required.
At any rate the "stew of energy" analogy was meant to be a reference to the conflict we all experience as we learn to awaken from this over-powering dream. The thought substance of Nature is indescribable but eventually it becomes obvious then the real work begins |
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nearoanoke
USA
525 Posts |
Posted - Jul 10 2011 : 1:33:35 PM
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I introduced an uncle of mine to AYP a month back. He has been doing years of pranayama and energy practices. I was surprised to see that the very first session of Deep Meditation did wonders to him. So may be the energy component is what is missing in my case(?). Infact for the past 3 years I have been doing only DM and did SB very rarely. My uncle used to do different kinds of Pranayama (not the AYP SB) for 2 hours (hour in morning and an hour in the evening) everyday.
Queen,
I have found no magic bullet anywhere else. As human beings when something doesnt work, we tend to put the blame on external world than look into ourselves. If AYP is working for others but not me, then is the fault with AYP or me? I dont think I'll ever find a magic bullet anywhere. I did find some concentration practices that "feel good" when doing but my regular life didnt change either. As karl & danebramage point out beautifully, we dont know what we are looking for, so how do we know what we are expecting is what will happen? I would suggest reading some good books to clear up any misconceptions. I found these useful (Emptiness Dancing by Adyashanti, Falling into Grace by same author & I AM That by Nisargdatta). I would also suggest reading threads in the "Enlightenment Milestones" sub-forum. Enlightenment is a long process, usually takes decades. The changes can happen in any order, the obvious ones first and the non-obvious/hidden ones later or like in our case the non-obvious ones first and the obvious ones later.
Being angry with the system or ourselves doesnt help. Changing paths often will only worsen things.
- Near |
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karl
United Kingdom
1812 Posts |
Posted - Jul 10 2011 : 2:05:21 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by Queen
I don't intend to never be stressed or irritable again. When I started trying TM it was just because I had good friends that did it, I read about it.. I wasn't stressed and unhappy and looking for a solution to something, as such.
But either way, the lesson reads 'Make a commitment to yourself to do it for a few months. Give it some time to work. You will be amazed at the results, and then you will want to keep going forward to more and more.' - nothing is said about letting go of prior expecations, etc, first. And I am not amazed, and have lost the desire to keep going forward.
Yes, you see something has happened. You have discovered more and made a decision. We don't covert AYP here, we only support those who want to make their own internal discoveries using one set of tools.
I think of this like my experiences learning to swim. I blamed my lack of buoyancy, the tutors, wearing arm bands, using floats. Despite the fact I could observe others swimming quite happily, the technique was to me as difficult as setting foot on the moon. I followed everyone's advice, practises relentlessly and didn't move forward. For a couple of years I just gave up and decided it was a sort of magic and I didn't have the mind set for it.
One day I ended up back at the baths, I gave up thinking and decided to discover buoyancy by floating face down like a drowning man. It worked. I could float. |
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SeySorciere
Seychelles
1571 Posts |
Posted - Jul 11 2011 : 01:57:52 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by Queen
It is not that I was expecting something to happen, which hasn't, it is I have felt no change. I am planning to move house soon, and it is a change I am excited for yet the potential uprooting of my life has brought about the same intense stress and anxiety I felt 3 years ago when I went to University. Natural feelings in these situations, yes - but 3 years ago I wasn't meditating. I am still just as irritable, and become just as anxious and stressed out to situations that I used to. Even when not faced with massive life changes - even just when my train is delayed. The other day I screamed - and I mean SCREAMED - at my mother for interrupted my meditation - something I have done several times before. Does that sound like the actions of someone who has tapped into their inner silence? No best friends or family members have told me to 'keep up what I'm doing' or that they have noticed a change in me.
Dear Queen,
I am laughing as I read your post. I get the impression that you considered yourself an ok person before starting AYP ie. you were not trying to solve any big needs but your friends recommended you try it. So you did not previously have anger issues? Now you are angry.. you are screaming at your mum.. You think the whole thing is unfair. That sounds like something is definitely happening to me. Look carefully at the source of your anger, is it trully at AYP? Sounds like purification going on to me.. not what you were expecting - no. But something is happening.
Sey |
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Queen
United Kingdom
39 Posts |
Posted - Jul 11 2011 : 10:47:04 AM
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SeySociere - No, I have always had anger issues... Been a stressy/irritable/neurotic person, etc. Ok, I started meditation to fill needs, of course I did - I too wanted to dive within, tap into my inner silence etc. I had hoped it would also calm me down and relax me. But I wasn't thinking 'I am meditating and meditating, and haven't felt calmer yet...' hence why I continued despite of not directly/consciously feeling anything. But rather, it suddenly clicked and I realised 'wait... I am still as stressy/irritable/angry as I have ever been.. Yet I have just been meditating for 7 months. So it can't have done anything.'
Yogani - a retreat sounds good. There is a 'karma yoga' opportunity available at one in the UK, which allows you to join in for free if you help out with cleaning duties etc. Or would this not be as beneficial?
Another thought - perhaps mantra meditation is not working for me, and I should perhaps try another.. like the breathing method? |
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Queen
United Kingdom
39 Posts |
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yogani
USA
5242 Posts |
Posted - Jul 11 2011 : 1:00:51 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by Queen
Yogani - a retreat sounds good. There is a 'karma yoga' opportunity available at one in the UK, which allows you to join in for free if you help out with cleaning duties etc. Or would this not be as beneficial?
Hi Queen:
Well, there is probably no such thing as a bad retreat, but the only kind of retreat you will get support and intensive AYP deep meditation practice at will be an AYP retreat. There are several on the schedule coming up in the UK and Europe in the Autumn of this year. So for improving AYP deep meditation results, I'd suggest one of those.
They have had several AYP retreats in Ireland over the past few years, but there is currently not one on the schedule. Katrine or Sparkle would know if any are happening in Ireland this year.
All the best!
The guru is in you. |
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7 months and nothing has happened
