When I'm chomping on the bit wanting to meditate and then I do it's usually a difficult meditation that I have to struggle to get through. Then when I don't want to do any med I can easily wind up with an easy one. This doesn't happen all the time but still much too often. It's almost been the same with a good chunk of my life I.E. when I'm not looking forward to something it turns out good and visa versa. There is also this 'magical thinking' silly thing connected to me somehow. Example: I'm watching a football game and out of nowhere a thought comes to me that says if the kicker makes this difficult kick I'm going to win the game... I don't intentionally cause this to happen, I don't want it to happen and it's scary at times; but more than 70% of the time it's correct. Dumb, I know. But fear, superstition, depression, ADD, in fact name all the silly things a neurotic can have--- oh don't let me forget hypochondria and fear of death--- have dogged me all my life. Wish I found Yogani years and years ago and had the guts to follow him! Ah, maybe I should consider myself lucky I did now.
silly stuff
Posted - May 31 2011 : 4:29:11 PM
