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EverVigilant
USA
9 Posts |
 Posted - Feb 07 2011 : 8:25:24 PM
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Just thought I'd check in and say hi.
I'm 27, male, and a complete newbie to this. Worse than a newbie, because I have a history of completely unproductive, parastic living and alcoholism.
Something's looking out for me, because all this past year (2010) there have been striking synchronicities in my life, leading me to a powerfully vivid and terrifying dream in December and a sudden realization that I need to radically turn things around. It's a long story, but undeniably a divine intervention. I quit drinking and smoking cold turkey, and suffered the withdrawal.
In the days following this "awakening", I first found Samael Aun Weor's teachings. With them I am in a morbid cycle of being drawn to them because of how compelling and fitting they are, and repelled because with a good look in the mirror I see I am so far gone I'm sure I'm going to be chucked into the fire. Then I try to console myself with Nietzsche's concept of "amor fati". Yeah, it's not too consoling, but hey, it's the best a hellbound soul can do.
I've decided the morbid cycle is unhealthy. So I've come here, which seems to be a more encouraging road. Although I am lazy, so I wonder if fear actually would be the better motivator. But the fear gets to the point of hopelessness, and then that's no good.
Anyway, AYP looks like it's worth a shot. The starting commitment seems small and promises results, and from the people on these forums who have been practicing here for a long time, it doesn't look like it turns you into a Black Magician.
Maybe when I'm more sure of myself and have a sense of improvement I'll go back to Samael. I can't help thinking it was him or one of his "White Masters" who contacted me in the first place. Which is weird because they must have a lot more faith in me than I have in myself. Looking at myself in the mirror, and asked Christ incarnation or lava bath, I know which way I'd bet. Well, we'll see what happens. Amor fati.
Putting one foot in front of the other,
-Mike
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Edited by - EverVigilant on Feb 07 2011 9:57:13 PM |
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chas
USA
209 Posts |
Posted - Feb 07 2011 : 11:51:51 PM
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Hello Mike,
It sounds like you have experienced some pretty deep suffering..I have as well. While all of our experiences are different, there seems to be some commonality among them..With regard to suffering- it seems to be a powerful cataylist for a person to change his/her reality...Like you, I was abusing alcohol, and did so for quite a few years. My suffering became very intense during my early to mid twenties. Substance abuse is a common way for people to (try to) deal with suffering...But, it usually leads to deeper suffering. As suffering becomes deeper, the urge to end suffering usually grows stronger.
Suffering will decrease and eventually cease as you progress in the practices.. Love, Joy, & Peace are some of the qualities that replace negativity and suffering. My advice- practice AYP twice each day. Make it priority 1. Stick to the lessons as much as possible... AYP is a true blessing.
Regarding the "White Masters" contacting you, I can see how you might think that, but I doubt this is the case. However, anything is possible.. More likely though, is that the Divine within you is creating more urgency and direction for you to take to change your life. This is like "Grace", and is to be grateful for, in my experience. You are loved and cherished always, even in the midst of suffering.
According to wikipedia- quote:
Amor fati is a Latin phrase coined by Nietzsche loosely translating to "love of fate" or "love of one's fate". It is used to describe an attitude in which one sees everything that happens in one's life, including suffering and loss, as good. Moreover, it is characterized by an acceptance of the events or situations that occur in one's life. quote:
I consider this type of attitude to be useful...I wholeheartedly value every experience I have had, good and bad. It is the bad that motivated me to find the good.
And you are right that AYP isn't going to make anyone a "black magician". "White magic", "black magic" are merely terms, the definitions might vary from person to person. I consider white magic to be when a person acts out of love and compassion for the benefit of all, and black magic to be when an individual acts out of selfishness and manipulates other individuals for their own imagined gain. Black magic is not nearly as powerful as white magic because black magic relies on the severely limited power of the individual. White magic is using the supreme energy of the universe -LOVE, which is not limited to the individual - it is unlimited. 
I wish you well!
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Edited by - chas on Feb 08 2011 12:48:29 AM |
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Yonatan
Israel
849 Posts |
Posted - Feb 08 2011 : 12:32:13 AM
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Hi Mike,
What courage
AYP is a good path for gradually dissolving the inner obstructions and conflicts, so that the Pure essence of who you are shines through more and more fully. You do gradually see this Love which shines out of every being (even if it is blocked in some way), and you become a catalyst for good change in the world.
Take it one step at a time like you are doing, and give yourself credit, you've been through a lot and you deserve it. Really!!!
Love and Light
Yonatan |
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Chiron
Russia
397 Posts |
Posted - Feb 08 2011 : 03:54:43 AM
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| Hello from another formerly lost soul! And welcome to the club :) |
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EverVigilant
USA
9 Posts |
Posted - Feb 08 2011 : 10:12:14 AM
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Thanks everyone!
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mr_anderson
USA
734 Posts |
Posted - Feb 08 2011 : 11:56:20 AM
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Hi Mike,
I'm a formerly lost soul too.
Having had substance/addiction problems myself, I can associate. AYP is a non-dogmatic, flexible, powerful system that will help awaken a great deal of joy and goodness within you, and can ultimately transform your consciousness.
Try the AYP routines, practise them regularly, and they will change your life. I wish you all the best! Josh. |
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Kirtanman
USA
1651 Posts |
Posted - Feb 08 2011 : 8:11:24 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by EverVigilant
Just thought I'd check in and say hi.
I'm 27, male, and a complete newbie to this. Worse than a newbie, because I have a history of completely unproductive, parastic living and alcoholism.
Whoa, you too, huh?
(A few of us here fit that general description, in terms of former lifestyle.)
quote:
Something's looking out for me, because all this past year (2010) there have been striking synchronicities in my life, leading me to a powerfully vivid and terrifying dream in December and a sudden realization that I need to radically turn things around. It's a long story, but undeniably a divine intervention. I quit drinking and smoking cold turkey, and suffered the withdrawal.
Grace is kinda awesome like that.
Welcome to the (real) party.
quote:
Well, we'll see what happens.
Yes indeed.
I'd gladly share how unspeakably awesome it all is ... but there really aren't words.
REALLY really.
Check out the posts of some of us who post currently, and who have high post numbers ... this usually means we've been around here for a few years.
Those of us who've been around here for a few years have gotten good results.
"Good" often meaning "better than we ever could have imagined".
Regarding Samael Aun Weor or any other teaching ... I suggest proceeding with intuition (heart) rather than mind (thinking).
I'm fairly familiar with his material, and candidly, I don't resonate with it much, which has nothing at all to do with whether or not it may have value for you.
My point is:
When we first start out on a spiritual path, teachings that are exciting to the mind can be very attractive.
In my experience, these are usually the opposite of the teachings which are truly helpful, which are always simple, clear and inherently uplifting.
As we practice for awhile, our consciousness opens, and all this becomes clear ... even the possibility of questions finally dissolves.
Regarding Christ incarnation or lava bath ... the former is real; the latter is a bad dream based on an illusion.
Opening to the reality past all illusions is what we're all about here.
Welcome to AYP, EverVigilant - good to have you here.
Wholeheartedly,
Kirtanman
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Hello, from a formerly lost soul
