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Pheel
China
318 Posts |
 Posted - Feb 06 2011 : 10:34:37 PM
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I've recently been going through a purification in the form of non-doing, unlearning, and detaching. Though I might attribute the lack of motive to do things to my laziness karma and gene, I think a large part of this is a form of purification. Lots of unnecessary doings, like superficial social connections, entertainment activities, have shed off like autumn leaves, leaving only the trunk of spirit stretching beyond the clouds to the sunny sky.
The most subtle of this process is not the shedding of actions, but the dissolving of many thoughts and questions. Thoughts disappear shortly after they show up in the filed of consciousness. Questions no longer a labor for the mind; they are released into silence. Most of them just dissolve like grains of salt into seawater. Fake questions need no answer, a mind thing no longer to be minded. The hand of the chitta becomes loose and the even the letting go can go. The awareness is more and more like a mirror before which these coming and going happen.
And then, the usual thing happens, once I thought I've made progress, even more karmic impression becomes active and I was taught the lesson of the nature of enlightenment sort of like an onion with endless layers, tons of tears to shed in the process of unfolding.
Interpersonal relationship is the primarily theme in the current phase of my path. Things, even dramatic things, happen to be learning materials, lessons to take. My exgirlfriend first showed up frequently last term just to irritate me, hurt me, allure me. Not until I gradually realized it is my chitta that creates all these colors, I could not surrender and let go. Interestingly, as it should be actually, she never appear so much when I learned the lesson.
But new lesson is on. There are a few people in this student dorm who disliked me for almost no visible reasons and let a third party person to persuade me not to share the kitchen I was assigned to with them. I was annoyed, irritated, uncomfortable in their presence at first. But gradually I learned to be more detached, neutral, give a smile, say "Hi" even though there's no response. At this stage I cannot force myself to love them. But I do feel unaffected by them and shows no judgment on them. I just simple being there, present to them. Once I learned this, it's been smooth.
Among all the relationships, romantic ones are hardest for me. I could see my body-mind being attracted by presence of lovely ones, and fade when they disappear. No attachment to any particular one. Yet this part of the karma is so deeply lodged, that whenever there's stimulus, they become very active. To this, I can do nothing. General practice has reduced the sexual drive significantly. Yet even though I was less a slave of bodily desire, I don't know about soul attraction, I am not sure of choices. I just sit there and watch this cycle of stirring, desire, confusion, inaction, being stirred again, cycle again and again. I release this into inner silence, they only disappear temporarily. They sink into the sea water and come up like exactly the same old bottle. I'm aware that I'm watching these cycles with an interest. I don't know what the lesson I'm supposed to learn. Maybe it's a stage of purification? After this, love, purer love will re-emerge?
Namaste!
Phil
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bewell
1275 Posts |
Posted - Feb 07 2011 : 04:47:32 AM
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Namaste Phil!
Thanks for sharing.
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mr_anderson
USA
734 Posts |
Posted - Feb 07 2011 : 12:51:15 PM
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| lovely post thx for sharing |
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Shanti
USA
4854 Posts |
Posted - Feb 07 2011 : 4:09:23 PM
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Thanks for this sharing from your heart Phil.
So good to see you living from stillness.
_/\_ |
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Pheel
China
318 Posts |
Posted - Feb 07 2011 : 8:05:08 PM
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So good to "see" you all here!
Can any of you comment on my question in the last paragraph?
Maybe again it's a fake question? |
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JDH
USA
331 Posts |
Posted - Feb 07 2011 : 9:54:27 PM
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Fake question - good one. I think I have typed-out-and-deleted-before-posting as many posts as I've actually written here. By the time I finish writing them, I realize I have no actual comment or question to contribute, just a bunch of words!
I'm sorry I can't offer much help with the relationship questions, for I'm in the same boat. But I sure hope that as the karma surrounding sex drops away that a purer love remains, and emerges as a natural, easy response to attraction. |
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Pheel
China
318 Posts |
Posted - Feb 09 2011 : 12:01:32 AM
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| It's a real question when we dwell in our body-mind; and fake question when we dwell in silence. guess the only practical way toward it is meditation and mindfulness, or just let it be? |
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Mirroring the cycles in this life
