|
|
 |
|
| Author |
 Topic  |
|
|
whitespy
Germany
12 Posts |
 Posted - Jan 23 2011 : 5:32:31 PM
|
Namaste fellow Yogi(ni)s,
I want to share some of my experiences from the past months. In February 2010, my K awoke, and was energetically active for about four months. I was quite manic and overloaded then, and only when I began to trust/surrender to the Kundalini, the energy imbalances went away completely. Unfortunately, confused about all fireworks suddenly gone, I began obsessively thinking what is the next right step. This also lasted for four months. Then I began to fall into a depression for two months, and now I am noticing new stuff:
a continous neutral transparent presence (probably the witness),
which first let me feel dead (feeling-dead), like a zombie. Now this has changed to a neutral feeling of peace. I am amazed at how I can rest in this presence, am content. If I wanted to, i could rest in being for several hours a day. There is peace, but there is also apathy. If I do not will myself to doing stuff, nothing gets done, because not much stuff affects me much positively or negatively. My questions:
1) Do I wallow in the witness, can resting, being in the presence be harmful? I never before had this ability, always had to think, do stuff. Now I just am exploring being and liking it.
I have backed off properly meditating, because:
2) I feel I get sucked into THE VOID, this black space where there is nothing. My ego totally freaked out several times already.
This is deepest existential fear and I feel I am not yet ready for this, for my nervous system is already fragile after months of overloading. Intellectually I can grasp my nothingness but existentially I am ****ING SCARED. For me to acknowledge this and
to stop, back off, is a major breakthrough in asserting personal boundaries and self-pacing - after feeling like a helpless nervous wreck for several months.
Ok, question two is not a question. But feel free to comment, I would be happy if you do. I wish you all the best in your journey
|
|
|
tadeas
Czech Republic
314 Posts |
Posted - Jan 23 2011 : 6:19:39 PM
|
Hi whitespy and thanks for sharing :)
You're wise to self-pace. It's not necessary to push things too much.
Can you rest in the witness? Of course, it's who we are and it's natural to be resting like that. But still, one of the core instructions of AYP is to go out and live life fully, once the practices are done for the day. I know those apathic states, it can be too much identification with the witness. But we are both the witness and the activity, the two go together.
The experiences of fear will pass once you are more stable. When you feel like taking up some light practice, do it and self-pace as needed. There is no need to break through any experience. We just practice, self-pace, let the obstructions dissolve and then in the place of fear, there is clarity. It will happen in time :) ... Take care. |
 |
|
| |
Topic |
|
|
|
| AYP Public Forum |
© Contributing Authors (opinions and advice belong to the respective authors) |
|
|
|
|
The witness, being, and the terror of the void
