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tonightsthenight
846 Posts |
 Posted - Nov 08 2010 : 8:15:14 PM
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Hi All,
Just thought I'd post this up.
I'm going through a really traumatic death here, I don't know exactly what it is. It feels like immovable force meets immovable object.
Total destruction. Total breakdown.
It's been a brutal year on the K front, and it's showing no signs of abating. Self pacing doesn't work, unfortunately, so I have to keep up a little practice just to make it go smoother. So painful. Physical and emotional pain just full on.
Ego was pretty serious about seeking an end at one point. Of course I wouldn't let it have it's way. Something that is currently outside of me is pushing it's way in. Doing everything I can to surrender to it. All my efforts in activity are thwarted, although that's nothing new. Just need to let nature take it's course.
If you have any kind words..... |
Edited by - AYPforum on Nov 10 2010 5:51:57 PM |
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faileforever
USA
190 Posts |
Posted - Nov 08 2010 : 8:56:30 PM
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tonightsthenight,
My heart goes out to you, I've had my share of ups and downs but sounds like youre having it pretty rough
A good saying that may sound cliche but always gives me encouragement is "This too shall pass." Things will get better but maybe they have to get a lil worse before that can happen... Really makes you appreciate the good times, thats for sure! Your posts to others are always so full of encouragement and I hope you can feel the encouragement and love Im sending your way, hang in there. *hugs* |
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Yonatan
Israel
849 Posts |
Posted - Nov 08 2010 : 9:07:22 PM
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Tonight,
I'm sending you much Love. I hope the energies will get gentler, and that you'll pass through this quickly feeling more peaceful and lighter.
The best (HUGS)!!!! |
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Kite
USA
18 Posts |
Posted - Nov 08 2010 : 9:09:47 PM
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tonightsthenight,
I'm at a loss for wise words for this situation but trust me, I'm sending you the biggest e-hug you'll ever e-feel. 
Love and more love to my dear fellow actor in the play of life,
Kite |
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Shanti
USA
4854 Posts |
Posted - Nov 08 2010 : 9:34:02 PM
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Hi Tonightsthenight,
Sending you grounding healing. Hope you feel better soon.
A funny thing happened, while I read your post misread the words "I'm going through a really traumatic death here", "I'm going through a really traumatic time with a death here" and I thought someone near and dear to you passed away. Just a few seconds before that I saw a video posted on Facebook called "Thank you for dying on time." and I thought, maybe this is a sign I should post it here. 
Well, then I watched the video and re-read you post and I guess one really has nothing to do with the other ... but I will post a link to the video, maybe something in "The Work" with Byron Katie will help you with your situation here too. Dunno.
Here is the video.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=viIv-LlBRyk
You are/will be in my prayers, tonight |
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yogani
USA
5241 Posts |
Posted - Nov 08 2010 : 10:38:20 PM
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Hi tonightsthenight:
May it smooth out for you soon.
I don't know what your practice is (you have repeatedly said it is not AYP), so it is difficult to make definitive suggestions from this end, other than to put more focus on consistently cultivating abiding inner silence, if possible. That takes the edge off all adversity, whether it is kundalini or other life challenges.
Wishing you all the best on your continuing path, which clearly must be your own way.
The guru is in you.
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cosmic
USA
821 Posts |
Posted - Nov 08 2010 : 11:06:04 PM
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| My love to you, bro. May this pass swiftly. |
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jasis
Germany
27 Posts |
Posted - Nov 09 2010 : 12:22:50 AM
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Hi tonightsthenight,
love, peace and strength to stay your course.
Jasis |
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Christi
United Kingdom
4514 Posts |
Posted - Nov 09 2010 : 12:59:19 AM
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Hi Tonightsthenight,
Sorry to hear about your ongoing struggle.
It is becoming increasingly clear from this end, that whatever practices you are doing are not working. Do you think it may be time to drop them and take up a well tested spiritual path? That way you could avoid needing to go through constant ups and downs, and spend more time enjoying the ride?
All the best
Christi |
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jeff
USA
971 Posts |
Posted - Nov 09 2010 : 11:51:35 AM
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A wise person pretty recently said "Chill bro. Things take time. Seasons come and go. Nothing is static. Just go with the flow."
Try not to be so hard on yourself. Focusing only on the path can be pretty consuming. Consider that the first step of surrender may be as simple as loving yourself a little.
Namaste, Jeff |
Edited by - jeff on Nov 09 2010 11:54:22 AM |
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tonightsthenight
846 Posts |
Posted - Nov 09 2010 : 2:26:57 PM
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A big thank you to everyone for your encouragement and support. There's a great community of people here which really helps because you can't explain this stuff to friends and family.
I feel out of it at the moment but surprisingly clear headed after 15 hours of sleep yesterday.
When I wrote the post I was pretty far gone. It was like a fever (without a fever) with a multitude of symptoms, psychological and physical.
Regarding my practice, I welcome your critique.
Believe me, I don't want any more crazy times.
First thing in the morning: light stretching and movement and then sitting meditation to allow Inner Light to rise.
Late afternoon/early evening: asanas and then corpse pose.
I have been practicing samayama and observances for years even though I only found out about them here in the past nine months. I rarely practicing any methodical pranayamya because it is so powerful.
This practice opens up my body everyday, and over time allows for improvement. It's always been about creating an environment of allowing . I don't try to push anything.
I pray everyday to have more stability but the answer always comes as more trials. Ceasing practice in observance of self-pacing does nothing except make it tougher to weather the storms. Eg, it's automatic and happens without my consent.
As I said, I welcome your critique and input.
Peace to all of you |
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CarsonZi
Canada
3189 Posts |
Posted - Nov 09 2010 : 2:30:29 PM
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You could always try switching to the AYPractices. I would wager that even just 10 minutes twice a day of DM would go a LOOOOOOONG way to smoothing things out for you.
Just a suggestion.
Good luck.
Love!
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tonightsthenight
846 Posts |
Posted - Nov 09 2010 : 3:35:20 PM
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Carson, do you mean cutting back to just 10 minutes twice a day? Essentially, I do that already.
My morning sitting meditation last anywhere from 5-20 minutes, and the afternoon meditation varies from 15-45 minutes. So in times of crisis, I am only doing about 20 minutes a day maximum already, just enough to make sure the Inner Light is in charge.
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Edited by - tonightsthenight on Nov 09 2010 3:39:15 PM |
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CarsonZi
Canada
3189 Posts |
Posted - Nov 09 2010 : 3:41:58 PM
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Are you using AYP DM? In other threads you've stated that you don't practice AYP.
And yes, I was suggesting that you do just 10 minutes, twice a day, of AYP DM only. No other practices, no other styles of meditation. Again, if you tried this consistently for a couple of months, I would wager that you would find things smoothing out really fast.
Love!
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tonightsthenight
846 Posts |
Posted - Nov 09 2010 : 4:09:06 PM
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Thanks for your response Carson
Do I use AYP DM? Yes and no. Did I learn it from AYP? No. Is it pretty much the same thing? Yes. The only major difference being that I don't use the ay am mantra. I've tried it, but I find that it doesn't make a difference.
I have tried a practice with just meditation (I have been experimenting for years after all) with no asanas. This led to a huge crisis, because I was not cleaning stuff out through asanas over time, leading to a huge purification process that was pure hell. Everything built up, like a dam on a river, and then exploded out the other side.
The K is automatic. I don't really have a say in the process. Crises come regardless of my practice. However, asanas are very beneficial because they allow my to assimilate the growth more easily.
So if I do not do asanas, it just makes the crises worse.
I understand that for many people here, they are leading the charge. The more practice they do, the more active it is.
It is not this way for me. The activity level is the same regardless, and practice regulates how smooth the assimilation will be.
Thank you for your input Carson. Your help is appreciated |
Edited by - tonightsthenight on Nov 09 2010 4:17:36 PM |
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Parallax
USA
348 Posts |
Posted - Nov 09 2010 : 5:08:13 PM
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Hi TNTN,
Hope things start to smooth out for you!! If it were me, this is how I would approach the situation.
1) Stop all...ALL! spiritual activities for at least 2-3 days (everything)
2)During this time take lots, lots of long walks outside. If there is a park nearby and weather permitting walk in the grass barefoot. As Katrine recently suggested to Carson, hug a tree for a good long time, in fact feel free to hug 10 or 20 trees (I bet the trees will like it)
3)Eat as heavy a diet as you can tolerate.
4)Divert your attention, movies, non-spiritual books, socialize (if you feel up to it)
5) When your symptoms have subsided, wait an extra day to resume any practices
6) When you do start back up, try 5 minutes, 2x per day of AYP DM. Rest for at least 5 minutes afterward, lying face down on the ground (Katrine has also found this useful for grounding).
7) If you tolerate this well for a couple of weeks, add 1-2 minutes of root to brow AYP Spinal Breathing
8) If this is manageable for a few weeks, try going up to 10 mins of AYP DM and 3-5 minutes of AYP Spinal Breathing.
9) If you start to feel things get a bit "tweaky" as you are resuming practices, use that as a sign to self-pace and ground before getting back into the danger zone.
Obviously, how you proceed is your choice, but if it were me that's what I would do.
ps: if you are practicing brahmacharya, you can try practicing...um..."non-brahmacharya" a couple of times  This could help to dissapate excess energies
Much Love to You!!
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tonightsthenight
846 Posts |
Posted - Nov 09 2010 : 5:21:26 PM
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Parralax, thank you so much for your input!
The problem I'm finding is that I'm basically already doing all that stuff! (maybe not the trees! )
It's more like the 20m of meditation the past week as Carson suggested, instead of 10 and some asanas in addition. But if I don't do any stretching then things get worse.
The point I keep trying to make is that it does not matter if I stop doing practices. The evolution persists regardless. |
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Etherfish
USA
3615 Posts |
Posted - Nov 09 2010 : 6:33:52 PM
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I think stretching is making it worse; and it may have a delayed reaction so you don't see it. it does with me.
i think you should try what parallax suggests but with heavier exercise to "smooth things out". Try something that makes you out of breath, and get to the point of being out of breath 7 or 9 times, resting a little in between, and do this every day.
This does wonders for grounding, and it is the only type of exercise that stimulates human growth hormone.
You can do this by running up stairs in a big building, or repeatedly jumping over something about a foot high,
or make up your own!
Remember the delayed reaction. So you have to try it for a few days or a week to see what the real effect is,
while not doing asanas at all. |
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tonightsthenight
846 Posts |
Posted - Nov 09 2010 : 6:52:50 PM
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You are right about that Etherfish... stretching and massage release stored up stuff for purification.
It's all kind of wrapped up in the same bundle.
I haven't been able to exercise at all because of the physiological aspect of purification is causing so much pain.
So I need to do at least a little stretching so that I can walk around and function without falling back into bad anatomical positions.
I'm not too worried about it. I have a handle on how all this stuff works, and right now this crisis is about healing some things that are broken. It's going to happen one way or another.
Some people on this thread indicated that they thought my practices were the cause. Before, but now especially after reading the responses I do not think this is the case.
I'm still of the attitude that it's just a "let it run it's course" thing...
Thank you all for the kind words and the input |
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Etherfish
USA
3615 Posts |
Posted - Nov 10 2010 : 07:57:45 AM
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A message for any newbies reading this thread:
Don't let this story worry you, as this is not the norm here. Although everyone's path is different, there are some practices that can get you into trouble. You can find lots of stories about people in spiritual trouble on the net. It can be quite confusing because each path being different makes it hard to relate your experiences to the experiences of others.
One of the dangers is that to advance spiritually, one must learn to minimize the ego. Unfortunately the ego is usually the cornerstone of a non-spiritual person's worldview. So if we upset the structure of our world too quickly, it can be quite horrific.
This is one of the main reasons for the AYP system that Yogani has developed. You can learn about it by clicking on "main lessons" at the top of the page, or get the big book "Advance Yoga practices; easy lessons for ecstatic living", or get the little book "Deep Meditation".
Any of these will start you on the path Yogani has discovered to be a safe method of following the enlightenment path. It is very important to develop the base of meditation, and finding inner silence before you start trying to pry that cornerstone from the building of your worldview!
Everyone has the mechanism built in to their bodies for enlightenment, and everyone has the kundalini ready to rise at some point. Better to prepare a safe method for these things to happen so your entire world is not in danger.
How can your world be endangered from the inside? Isn't it on the outside?
No it's not. Our perception of the entire world comes from electronic impulses sent to our brain by our senses. The eyes send impulses over the optic nerve, ears over the auditory nerves, etc. There are way too many impulses arriving at our brain for us to process all of them. So we learn to ignore most, and only pay attention to some of these impulses.
By ignoring some impulses and choosing what to do with others, we are processing our perception of the world. Since our perception of the world is our only connection to it, we are in effect, creating the world as we know it. |
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AYPforum
351 Posts |
Posted - Nov 10 2010 : 5:51:57 PM
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| Moderator note: Topic moved for better placement |
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Christi
United Kingdom
4514 Posts |
Posted - Nov 11 2010 : 07:49:25 AM
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Hi TNTN,
I agree, that once kundalini is active you need to work with the energy in some ways.
quote:
First thing in the morning: light stretching and movement and then sitting meditation to allow Inner Light to rise.
Maybe you could expand a bit more on what you mean by "sitting meditation to allow the Inner Light to rise"?
If we could get an idea about what your meditation practice is, then we might be able to help you a bit more. Without that, it would be very hard to give any constructive advice. |
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tonightsthenight
846 Posts |
Posted - Nov 11 2010 : 5:03:53 PM
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Hi Christi
My practice is very simple. Less intense, I think, then the general AYP routine.
Light stretching to get the blood and prana flowing. Followed by sitting meditation. I shut down my mind and allow the Atman Self to envelope my body from it's origin in the thorax. Pure Silence, Stillness and Peace.
Then it's presence is sure to be centered in the forehead, which is the last bastion of the mind and ego. At this point, one is living the day from Silence and Peace.
Simple and effective.
Christi, I do not doubt that some practices can lead to problems.
But I'd hardly say that my practices stray too much from what most people practice here. I developed my practices from what I was "taught" by Spirit. They work for me.
Regarding my pain and problems with K, I do not believe this to result from improper practice, though I am open to critique. It rankles me however, when people trot out the dogma.
Rather, I've got some serious voltage in my body. Far more, I suspect, then most people with K.
I don't doubt for a second that the average seeker can develop K and and Bliss Consciousness without any fireworks.
But then again, not everyone is the average seeker.
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Christi
United Kingdom
4514 Posts |
Posted - Nov 19 2010 : 06:53:54 AM
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Hi Tonightsthenight,
Thanks for replying.
O.K. First things first. That practice is not at all the same as AYP Deep meditation. AYP Deep meditation is a mantra practice. The mantra is a thought, which exists in the mind. We are not "allowing the Atman to envelop the body from the Thorax and to take a seat in the forehead". It's a totally different practice, and certainly not something I would do if I had energetic problems.
In AYP, if someone is having difficulties with excessive kundalini, practices are scaled back systematically until the issue stops. If Deep Meditation cannot be practiced at all for a while because of sensitivity issues, then we go to breathing meditation, bringing us from the level of the mind to the level of the body. Spinal Breathing Pranayama is used to balance the energy in the body so it does not build up in the head and cause issues due to imbalance. We also use grounding practices to ground out the energy and make it stable. It is completely different from what you are doing.
A lot of research has gone into the AYP system to make it an effective system. It is specifically designed so that people can avoid the issues that you are suffering from. Serious voltage does not need to be an issue if it is handled in the right way. Then it is experienced only as ecstasy: prana flowing through purified nadis when they are ready to handle the voltage. It's a delight. Gradually the ecstasy becomes more and more refined and gives way to something much deeper, and closer to home.
The meditation you are doing would be fine if your body was ready for it. What are the signs that your body isn't ready for it? :"Physical and emotional pain". Simple as that.
It doesn't need to be that way.
There is no such thing as a special seeker. Only seekers who don't want to listen to what their body is telling them.
Christi |
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