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mr_anderson
USA
734 Posts |
 Posted - Nov 03 2010 : 09:22:09 AM
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Every moment as an opportunity for awakening
“We are like dogs chasing their own tails, the only difference is, dogs have more fun.” Michael Brown (Presence Process author)
I’d like to share some truths that God has helped to realize. I was reading “To Be Victorious” by Paramahansa Yogananda recently, in which he said each desire is followed by the Siamese twins of false happiness and sorrow. Sorrow arises whenever we are denied anything we desire - whether it’s a desire for good health, a particular house/home, new clothes, a partner, (etc). False happiness arises temporarily whenever a desire is fulfilled. I read this during a day in which I was experiencing my desires being frustrated.
I woke up during the early hours of the morning, somewhere around 3am, 4am, with this immense feeling of energy in my solar plexus. It felt like something was being pulled out of me, it was a sense of being purged. After this moment had passed, I saw that I am like the dog chasing its tail, except I am not having as much fun. I saw this infinite string of desires running back into my personal history. I found infinite instances of false happiness soon after the fulfillment of a desire, infinite instances of sorrow when my desire was not fulfilled.
God showed me that not a single one of my fulfilled desires has ever brought me lasting happiness. I can’t remember even a fraction of the numerous desires I’ve experienced! Yet the body-mind unconsciously pursues its unending series of desires.
I feel as though every moment is an opportunity for awakening on some level, particularly those moments in which we suffer. If you make a practices of turning to your suffering and feeling it, willingly suffering, or if you can’t willingly suffer, willingly experience your unwillingness to suffer and your suffering intermingled, something good often happens.
My desire now increasingly becomes for non-duality, for God, for the end of desires, and my prayers are to this effect every time I experience frustrated desire. I don’t really know what those concepts mean and I can’t say what this ‘desire to end desires’ leads to, but certainly I am feeling more peaceful today than I did yesterday! |
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Shanti
USA
4854 Posts |
Posted - Nov 03 2010 : 09:35:47 AM
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Beautiful, Mr_Anderson!!!
And so true... when there is suffering.. just looking at it honestly shows us how it is due to an attachment to a desire/an idea and once seen, it can be let go in stillness, like samyama.
Thanks for sharing this from you heart and from your inner knowing.  |
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Shanti
USA
4854 Posts |
Posted - Nov 03 2010 : 09:43:33 AM
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PS: Was looking for somthing and found this quote. Fits nicely I think.
Within people there is a longing and a desire such that, even if a hundred thousand worlds were theirs to own, still they would find no rest or comfort. They try every trade and craft, studying astronomy, medicine and every other subject, but they reach no completion, for they have not found their true desire. Poets call the Beloved “heart’s ease,” because there the heart finds ease. How can we find peace and rest in anything but the Beloved?
All these pleasures and persuits are like a ladder. The rungs of a ladder are not a place to make one`s home ; there are for passing by. Fortunate are those who learn this. The long road becomes short for them , and they do not waste their lives upon the steps.
~Rumi |
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mr_anderson
USA
734 Posts |
Posted - Nov 03 2010 : 1:28:52 PM
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| Thanks Shanti - I like the Rumi quote. I feel like in the midst of my confusing mass of desires, I finally found the one true desire, and life is not so difficult anymore! |
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Pheel
China
318 Posts |
Posted - Nov 03 2010 : 9:10:15 PM
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Hi Mr. Anderson,
Thank you for giving such account of surrender realized in your own flow of life. I, too, had a long series of desires at the beginning of this new semester. And each one of them was frustrated, my ego, so attached to them, was beaten down again and again. And finally, the ego had no power, it had to let go. Tears burst out; and the emotion flew through. And after, every thing clears up.
What I am experiencing though, is a lack of motivation, lack of interest in anything. I just don't want to do anything, and not interested in doing any. I just want to somehow stay somewhere and pass the time purposelessly. I know this is a phase that will pass. And I will reopen:)
let's do another insight dialogue on this in NYC?
Phil
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mr_anderson
USA
734 Posts |
Posted - Nov 04 2010 : 09:34:43 AM
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| sounds like a good idea! I have the same lack of motivation experience. I'd be content just to sit on a park bench in the rain today. |
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Shanti
USA
4854 Posts |
Posted - Nov 04 2010 : 09:40:10 AM
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It's a phase of unlearning attachments to our conditioned ways of attaching to things and ideas. Hang in there guys, it will go away.
I wrote to someone else this morning:
"Remember the "distant" feeling you feel is purification. It is a way for us to let go the mind attachments and ideas we have made about our life and relationships. This phase will pass, then you will love like the divine does... unconditional pure loving, giving without any attachments to the result. :)
Hang in there, you are on the fast track now.. it will only open more and all the things that you seem distant from right now will become a part of you more than ever.
And, if it feels like the world is falling apart and you are losing your friends etc... not true, just your mind making more stories to grab on to, go with whatever is happening. When you had a baby, remember those sleepless nights and you thought you would never be able to sleep again, well it went away right? This too will be gone, so don't label it as "you" feeling "distant"... it is a phase of unlearning attachments that's all, when it's gone it's gone, if you label it... it will be there for a longer time, because then you will have to learn to let go the label. :) |
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kami
USA
920 Posts |
Posted - Nov 04 2010 : 1:27:16 PM
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Shanti 
Thank you _/\_
This lack of motivation has been my state of being since the retreat. I would like to do exactly what Philaboston said. But, it will pass..
Beautiful sharing Mr Anderson. Thank you.
kami |
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cosmic
USA
821 Posts |
Posted - Nov 04 2010 : 1:37:39 PM
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This is beautiful, Mr. Anderson. Thanks for sharing your experience
I've taken the "Relax and accept" thing to heart since the retreat. Outside of sitting practice, my constant practice is to remain open in every way. When I notice I'm contracting/closing, I accept it and go back to remaining open. It's really amazing!
Much Love to you _/\_
Love
cosmic |
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mr_anderson
USA
734 Posts |
Posted - Nov 04 2010 : 3:04:17 PM
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Thanks all :-) A further note on the lack of motivation issue, for those experiencing it, I've been in this state for a while now. Maybe 6-8 months? It's been on and off. There is a tendency for the mind to sometimes creates projections that there will be a negative outcome to new found peace (accompanied by lack of motivation), since mind is not used to living without clinging. No such outcome has occurred yet, but I feel, as god wills it - so be it. That doesn't absolve me from responsibility for doing my best.
So my advice on a very practical level, when I get in to work in the morning, or when I begin my day, each day I write a fresh 'to do' list. It's a very grounding, down to earth activity, to move from a sense of divine peace into writing a 'to do' list. Then usually, I actually do what the 'to do' list tells me to do, just because. This can be anything from arranging meetings with the managing director from one of my clients, to remembering to pay my bills, to organising activities for myself over the weekends.
I've found these activities are actually more enjoyable, since they all seem faintly ludicrous. It's like I'm pretending to be this guy called Josh, and doing the stuff he usually does.
I don't want to do any of this stuff, but then again I don't NOT want to do any of it either. So the summation of my advice is, take a pragmatic approach, make a 'to do' list, try to do the stuff you usually do. There's a possibility that this is a better way to act that doing nothing.
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Rattan
South Africa
41 Posts |
Posted - Nov 05 2010 : 05:06:31 AM
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| Interesting. I wonder if more people comming off the retreat has an experience now of "lack of motivation"? Maybe part of a "Retreat hangover"? Mine is happening around the meditation practice. I have no desire to go and sit. Must push myself to go and do it - remembering that is just like brushing your teeth. Something to be done every day. |
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Sheila
USA
17 Posts |
Posted - Nov 11 2010 : 09:06:11 AM
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| Hi Rattan - this has started to happen to me too. Have to drag myself to sitting practices and it is not fun. I was wondering, has this phase persisted for you, or has it passed? thx much. |
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JosephUK
United Kingdom
212 Posts |
Posted - Nov 11 2010 : 12:43:18 PM
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I enjoyed all your posts and it reminds me both of my own developing ishta and my current state of physical spiritual awakening.
for me it's got to the point where nothing seems to matter. I'm not scared of people starting fights with me i'm not worried about potential promotion opportunities. when i'm only just hitting target at work i just think - i don't care.
Today i felt kundalini strongly and felt great ecstasy, she reminded me of my strong survival instinct and actually whilst moving in my body enabled me to hit my target.
it's completelt changed my perception of the now seemingly perversity and nightmarish hell of modern western society. why live in a world where only 2 sessions daily can be devoted to the divine and when you even begin to contemplate a more fulfilling life it's so hard (simply because of where i am on my journey)
Anyhow
Namaste to you all :) |
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Rattan
South Africa
41 Posts |
Posted - Nov 15 2010 : 03:54:24 AM
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| Sheila, this phase has passed. It is now 10 days since I posted that comment, and everything is now going very well. I can not say what has happened, but now I definately feel that the practice is somehow better than before the Retreat. So, everything is working out as it should. |
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Kirtanman
USA
1651 Posts |
Posted - Nov 15 2010 : 7:46:28 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by Rattan
Sheila, this phase has passed. It is now 10 days since I posted that comment, and everything is now going very well. I can not say what has happened, but now I definately feel that the practice is somehow better than before the Retreat. So, everything is working out as it should.
Hi Rattan & All,
Just FYI to all, this is very normal (post-retreat purification, which can manifest in various ways, including lack of motivation).
With AYP, we do our best to create balanced retreats in order to minimize such effects -- but a lot of the overall effects are due to the dynamics that the individual practitioner brings to the table, too.
There has been much said about that aspect by Yogani and others, over time.
I just wanted to re-assure anyone who has experienced, or who may be experiencing, any seeming "downturn", post-retreat, that it's very normal, after any expansive energetic experience, such as a retreat, to have a bit of constriction, and/or lower energy .... which is almost always followed by further opening, which helps the entire process to be glaringly "worth it".
Simply Put: Expansion + Contraction + Expansion = Growth
(And often, the expansion-contraction dynamic is below the surface of active consciousness -- so if you *haven't* experienced this, that's no cause for worry, either. ---- there is no cause for worry. )
Wholeheartedly,
Kirtanman |
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vijikr
United Arab Emirates
413 Posts |
Posted - Dec 09 2010 : 08:54:51 AM
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beautiful post
Yeah I too have this MOTIVATION to do something..like phil I too feel and I most of the time can say I just sit and enjoy those moment of silence, the nature just like that without doing anything at all!
At each moment we spent the awakening should be felt but then we dont usually notice it but then the suffering once it knocks at you IT DOES SURELY AWAKEN you indeed for it happened with me. For at that time all the questionings and everything become void. And THAT VOID made me seek the TRUTH that is THERE and IS.
Love and light
Viji |
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every moment as an opportunity for awakening
