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Etherfish
USA
3615 Posts |
 Posted - Feb 24 2006 : 2:23:30 PM
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You can't expect to change how the other person feels about the situation.
i think you're exaggerating how badly they will react if you talk to them about it. It would probably be just a fraction that bad, or not at all.
But what you really need is not for them to change but to express your anger to them.
If you absolutely can't talk to them, then you could try going someplace alone and imagine they are there, and you are telling them how you feel about what they did. Try to get angry as you say it. Sometimes that helps. |
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Victor
USA
910 Posts |
Posted - Feb 24 2006 : 3:47:08 PM
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don't mess with the chocolates!!  |
Edited by - Victor on Feb 24 2006 3:47:48 PM |
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david_obsidian
USA
2602 Posts |
Posted - Feb 24 2006 : 4:08:39 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by Shanti
Works when the other person asks for forgiveness, cannot work when the other person thinks they have done and are not doing anything wrong....
Why do you say this, Shanti? Do you believe that forgiveness cannot be given unless it is asked for?
It certainly can be given without being asked for, though it is certainly easier if it is asked for.
I forgave one of my friends recently without his asking for it, and he does not even admit having done wrong. To everyone else, he had behaved atrociously towards me. Reactions from people on hearing the story were like 'The bastard', 'The sh*t', and 'Have absolutely nothing more to do with him'.
I forgave him as a gift to myself. I don't trust him as much as before, and I am not sure I will ever have reason to change that. Our relationship will be limited in some ways by his bad behavior and his refusal to acknowledge it and apologize. But I threw away the pain and the burden. I do not seek apology from him. He is as he is.
The sh*t.
Your forgiving him will not necessarily make things be as good as they would be if he did not do wrong.
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Edited by - david_obsidian on Feb 24 2006 4:14:39 PM |
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Manipura
USA
870 Posts |
Posted - Feb 24 2006 : 4:21:26 PM
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| The supreme example of forgiveness is given by Jesus, who forgave the very men who killed him, and they certainly didn't ask him for forgiveness. I can completely relate to your hesitancy, Shanti. For me the big stumbling block in forgiveness was my ego. (A rather large one, I"m afraid). But ya know, if this is an issue that just isn't budging for you, I'd say let it go, keep meditating, and eventually it'll drop on its own. You'll just realize one day that you bear no grudge. |
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Shanti
USA
4854 Posts |
Posted - Feb 24 2006 : 4:28:07 PM
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I agree David. I started this topic because I want to forgive. I just did not know how. I was in need of help on how. The gist of what everybody has told me here is.. Just Do IT.
Thanks all. Really I mean it. |
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Chiron
Russia
397 Posts |
Posted - Feb 25 2006 : 03:37:26 AM
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How do I learn to forgive?
On a daily basis, as frequently as possible, I try to remind myself that I love all. And if the thought train throws angry thoughts into my head about certain people, I try to stop myself and think "I love you my brother/sister" about that person whoever they might have been that upset me. Usually the grudge disappears after that.
Just remember that whoever you are upset with is also You. The source of the grudge is the illusion that makes you think you are separate from the rest. So love them as you love yourself. But do talk as Truthfully as possible, it may hurt the people and they may hurt you in response, but in the long-term this is the best solution. |
Edited by - Chiron on Feb 25 2006 07:33:40 AM |
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mystiq
India
62 Posts |
Posted - Feb 25 2006 : 11:22:57 AM
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Meditate, such things leave of their own.Try to push them out, they come in through the back door
mystiq |
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How do you learn to forgive?
