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Jack
United Kingdom
305 Posts |
 Posted - Sep 16 2010 : 4:22:56 PM
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Hi all,
Some issues have been very prominent as of late, and I felt a need (and some anxiety) about sharing them here. I've spent the last half hour reading previous posts by myself going over similar issues that seem to shed some light on my own patterns. I suppose I want the opportunity to express some thoughts in a space of understanding people.
I have practiced spiritual excess in the past. Too much intense meditation and contemplation, somatic work, hallucinogens. Also drug use. Not living my life's deeper purpose.
Feel very frequent anxiety in my abdomen. Not knowing who I am. Low sex drive within a relationship with a woman who has high libido which sometimes creates more anxiety. I wonder if I have damaged my system/brain with too much porn age 15-22 (23 now), though have not watched any whatsoever for 8 weeks now. Difficulty with arousal. Fearing and avoiding sex. Out of tune with my belly/power. Feeling lost.
I started practicing some light AYP practices a few days ago - 1 minute spinal breathing, 5 minutes meditation, 10 minutes+ rest, once sometimes twice daily. This seems to make me even more introverted, anxious, frigid and low-libido.
I wonder if AYP practices somehow touch upon a deeply ingrained habit towards negative emotional indulgence and more ungroundedness.
But not practicing and doing only 'grounding' - qi gong, earth breathing don't satisfy the bhakti and don't really address the part of my personality that craves misery.
With practice, I get the occasional moment of shifting where I see that my life, my woman etc IS god so the barrier weakens a bit.
I start to isolate from my partner and others - horribly aware of this existential and sexual/intimacy FEAR in my belly.
I have a fear that spiritual practices further escape and estrange me from being a living, sexual being.
I obsessively crave a deep cathartic healing through ayahuasca. Desperation.
Somebody, I believe makern, told me this is all being too high in my body and needing to drop down. But dropping down is kind of scary too.
In the absence of a therapist and communication with my 'safe person', I am posting here.
So I am after suggestions at all levels.
At a practice level, perhaps one 6 minute practice session in the morning and then I could learn some tai chi to practice also? And practice deer exercise.
Perhaps deep tissue massage and somebody outside the relationship to talk to. I feel guilt and fear for possibly making myself more introverted and frigid through AYP practice. I tend towards feeling frightened and shut down around my partner.
I am a bit lost with all this. How might my attitude towards life and sex improve? It must be about life satisfaction also, the genuine kind..
Any help out there??
Jack |
Edited by - Jack on Sep 16 2010 4:28:32 PM |
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mr_anderson
USA
734 Posts |
Posted - Sep 21 2010 : 11:38:24 AM
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Personally I'd suggested grounding yourself.
How is your diet? Often it helps to try going one way or the other. If I've been eating mainly smoothies, green juices, salads and really light, healthy stuff, I'll stay healthy but include perhaps some red meat and roast potatoes - heavier food, which is very grounding.
Furthermore - are you exercising? Vigorous exercise such as sprinting, jogging will increase blood flow to all parts of your body and help balance your hormones. I find these kind of activities useful for regulating sex energy, also weight lifting can be useful.
In addition - spend time barefooted in nature if possible, walk around on the grass. Make sure you are getting outside, and trying to get as much sun as possible.
I have had similar problems to you, and these solutions have worked for me. |
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Holy
796 Posts |
Posted - Sep 22 2010 : 10:37:13 AM
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1 min SBP and 5 min DM once per day won't improve your ability to accept and relax too soon.
My suggestion would be based on own experiences, start with a good amount of side channel cleansing aka nadi sodhana, leave out SBP until fear is gone, and add DM together with a much longer time of rest afterwards.
Alternate nostril breathing (=nadi sodhana) does some things very fast:
relaxaton and peace grows fast. With that acceptance, clarity and joy starts spreading. And it makes the "outer life" resistance free.
If through that you get some good perspective about the possibilities of spiritual unfoldment in a safe and fearfree way, you can add some SBP and or switch over to it completely.
The initial ida pingala (two main side channels) cleansing and balancing should help very much.
Timing suggestion for working effects: 15 min ANB + 10 min DM + 10-20 min rest twice a day.
If for any reasons you really don't have the time, skip DM and rest until you feel good.
This initial difference is just temporary until things get clear and easy. The real progress will happen through DM and SBP.
It really is easy and will make a huge difference. Don't worry, you can do it. Whish you the best :) |
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rkishan
USA
102 Posts |
Posted - Sep 24 2010 : 2:04:32 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by Jack
Feel very frequent anxiety in my abdomen. Not knowing who I am. Low sex drive within a relationship with a woman who has high libido which sometimes creates more anxiety. I wonder if I have damaged my system/brain with too much porn age 15-22 (23 now), though have not watched any whatsoever for 8 weeks now. Difficulty with arousal. Fearing and avoiding sex. Out of tune with my belly/power. Feeling lost.
Jack,
I would suggest that you see a doctor and have your testosterone levels tested. Some of the things that you state are classical symptoms of low testosterone levels. Did you get your testosterone levels tested recently?
The testosterone levels could be low for many known and unknown reasons. If it is low, the doctor might suggest a testosterone therapy. There are several natural ways to increase the testosterone levels. You can google and find many ways. Daily physical activity, exercise is a key.
Even if you think this may not be an issue, I would still suggest that you see your doctor and get a blood work done including the check for testosterone levels. Sometimes we are so caught up in the spiritual aspects of things, we might overlook some physical issues.
Regards,
Ram. |
Edited by - rkishan on Sep 24 2010 2:13:54 PM |
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Jack
United Kingdom
305 Posts |
Posted - Oct 07 2010 : 12:54:58 PM
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Thanks for the replies.
I had my testosterone checked a year ago, it is actually at the highest within normal limits. I think my brain chemistry and arousal response has been affected by too much porn earlier in life.
I am trying to eat well and exercise, but often fall short.
I seem to experience an existential angst - I have destabilised my personality through a variety of practices and self-enquiry. Anxiety is the daily companion.
Any tips?
Many thanks.
Jack |
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CarsonZi
Canada
3189 Posts |
Posted - Oct 07 2010 : 1:02:14 PM
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Hi Jack 
quote:
Originally posted by Jack
Any tips?
Just one. Relax.  Everything is going to be just fine.
Love!
P.S> When you notice the anxiety, perhaps try to locate it in the body....where is the anxiety located in the body. If you can find a location within the body where the anxiety is located, there is likely going to be some physical tension there as well. Just try to consciously allow that tense area to relax. This has worked for me before. Hope it helps. |
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Jack
United Kingdom
305 Posts |
Posted - Oct 07 2010 : 1:15:09 PM
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Hi again Carson... I feel a little sheepish posting the same old shed a year onwards from our last conversation!
Relax.. haha. That made me laugh. Thank you :)
I'm going to practice some alternate nostril breathing and deep meditation now. I would like to post back later.
Jack |
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thibaud05
France
86 Posts |
Posted - Oct 07 2010 : 2:34:37 PM
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quote:
Feel very frequent anxiety in my abdomen
Hi Jack,
You may want to try home-made milk kefir. It is a very potent probiotic, excellent for the nervous and immune systems (you get plenty of vitamin B and enzymes). I find it grounding, regenerative and my belly has never felt so strong and vibrant in many years after only 2 weeks on kefir. It is very easy to prepare once you can get the kefir grains.
Hope this helps.
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Jack
United Kingdom
305 Posts |
Posted - Oct 08 2010 : 1:36:35 PM
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Thibaud, thank you for that. I will look into it.
Meditation seems to really bring existential anxiety into the foreground for me. I'm really not sure who I am anymore. But there is a lot of seriousness and anxiety. |
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matangi
USA
53 Posts |
Posted - Oct 08 2010 : 10:42:44 PM
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Hi Jack -
In addition to the really good suggestions and reminders already shared....have you ever gently allowed yourself to be with the anxiety? If it's not pushed on or run from anxiety can serve as a beautiful precursor to an important understanding.
Wishing you the best. |
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