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JDH
USA
331 Posts |
 Posted - Aug 25 2010 : 8:21:01 PM
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Hi everyone,
I'm still doing AYP although I haven't posted in quite a while. It's been 10 months now of AYP. Not much has been happening lately. If I'm on that car ride to California, I think I'm crossing Iowa and Nebraska right now.
For the last couple months I've been more likely to do one session per day than two. And I've cut back to just basic SBP and DM - none of the bells and whistles. That may be the reason not much is happening. Somewhere around 2 months ago I started to doubt that AYP was accomplishing anything besides the strange electrical sensations happening in me.
And I still have my doubts. I've taken a couple breaks of a few days each to experiment with this hypothesis. What I've found out is that after a few days off, meditating feels like hitting a reset button. It feels like I haven't relaxed in days and I can finally just rest again. So something is happening - but there's a fine line to walk on finding the right amount of meditation. I'm learning to stop while it still feels good, and not go over. If I go over, I start to feel irritated during the meditation and tired afterward.
The energy jolts and flashes have calmed down a lot. At the beginning it was like an electrical storm going off in my body. I still get an occasional ping at the forehead, or flutter at the root, though. Just often enough to remind me that something is happening after all.
Tantric practices have continued to evolve over the last months as well. I'm a solo male fyi. After several experiments with not ejaculating at the end of a session, I am finding that I don't like it at all. It doesn't feel good or natural, no matter how I slice it. Using the blocking method has been an easy addition, and that doesn't bother me (despite being more unnatural).
If there were one aspect of practice I could ask your opinions on, this is it. I definitely recognize the yogic benefit of not orgasming for a week or two (it's very noticeable!). But if I do a tantra session without an orgasm, I must endure the pain (aka horrible blue balls) and basically nonstop distraction until I release the energy. For now I am orgasming every 1-3 days with the blocking method.
The best part of tantra lately has been the holdback method. I will stimulate myself and then let the sexual energy equalize throughout the body. This has taken the form of some automatic yoga. The energy works itself through the body by various forms of spinal spasms. Varying all the way from the base of the spine, to the top. Sometimes I feel like a possessed dancer having a seizure while I'm letting the energy flow. These back spasms are literally my spinal nerve awakening. Just not quite how I expected it to happen from the lessons. During my regular daytime activities, I will sometime get flavors of this sexual energy in my spine, like a gentle flow with just the slightest hint of sex to it.
Anyway, I will continue this stimulation for an hour or longer. Stimulation, then yogic spinal spasms, then repeat. After an hour, I generally have no desire to orgasm anymore, as I'm fully saturated with the energy. But if I don't - I face the penalty as mentioned above. I end up orgasming by pure choice instead of desire, just to avoid the pain.
Well well, when I write it all out, I guess more is happening than I thought. I guess what I meant is that I don't feel any more awake, or aware, or in control than I ever have. If I'm being totally honest, all I can say is happening is the energetics, which has died down a bit as I mentioned. But I keep plugging on, and I have to... I've tried to quit, but now I'm hooked, I have to keep going out of pure curiosity.
Best wishes for everyone!
JDH |
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