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Pheel
China
318 Posts |
 Posted - Jun 07 2010 : 10:47:39 PM
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Here is my situation presented here, I am waiting for the light of your wisdom to shine on this and penetrate the fog on my path. I wouldn’t say that I lack bharkti. I have been doing the twice sitting practices for the past half year almost religiously. And it’s very effective, too. Half a year almost made me a different person.
But I have not ishta; I have lost it and I haven’t found it back. I used to be taking poetry as a quasi religious ishta; now I’m disappointed. And academia has disappointed me much more. I am thinking of doing something more concrete and more beneficial to others than being an academic. Thought of nonprofit organizations like NGO, thought of developing green food system in China, thought of some other things, too. None of them however feel tangible; or practical so far. I feel I just haven’t found my thing. This summer I am planning to go to the Hamalaya to see the snow mountains. Yet I’m not quite enthusiastic about it. I feel it’d be nice to go. But it’d be equally nice to go to somewhere much easier to go. I’m like a driver to a lofty mountain that is constantly looking for a chance to make a contour and enjoy the scenery; while the lofty mountain is hidden behind the fog, without my catching a glimpse of it.What is my mission in this life, if there is any. And there should be, right?
On the other side, there are undercurrents. I usually feel quite steady and still throughout the day. But once I get to sleep, especially the second half of sleep. Dreams surge up. So many things come up that I feel they must have come from former lives. And desires I feel I am mostly free of come up and hold a sway on my dreams. My this life before AYP has been dramatic and romantic. And the karma of having a dramatic and romantic life is deeper rooted perhaps than I am aware. Perhaps I will just sit there and practice and wait and see what will happen? For now I’ve been living my life rather simply, a life consists of just a few routines, and not much more. The mountain will appear one day and I will have all my desires focus on it, one day. Right?
Was listening to Bach's 1st Cello suite BWV 1007.
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Edited by - AYPforum on Jun 07 2010 11:37:25 PM |
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Sparkle
Ireland
1457 Posts |
Posted - Jun 08 2010 : 04:37:12 AM
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Hi Phil
There is no lofty mountain behind the fog, the lofty mountain is the fog - for you at this time. This is where you are right now so rest with this and be with it, accepting it with a kind and gentle wisdom.
Perhaps look at evaluating signs of overloading in your practice. These can be quite subtle and perhaps this fog is telling you something about this too.
One way of dealing with overload is to draw back on practices, this is the usual way. Another way to counter the contraction of overload is by expanding the awareness so that it all passes through - this is the approach of the first paragraph. Although a combination of both may be a sound course of action.
Hope that helps |
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Pheel
China
318 Posts |
Posted - Jun 09 2010 : 01:27:57 AM
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Hi Sparkle,
Thank you for your input. What you said is wise and helps!
I might have been mildly overloading, just on the verge. will look out for it.
Phil |
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SeySorciere
Seychelles
1553 Posts |
Posted - Jun 09 2010 : 04:58:01 AM
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Dear Philaboston,
How old are you? I am 44 and still no closer to knowing how I'm supposed to be serving humanity and I have been practising for three years ! I guess what I'm trying to say is... patience, my friend, if you are still alive, you are on the journey and it's all about the journey. 
Not that I don't get frustrated, lose bhakti, rant and rave every now and again.. |
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Chiron
Russia
397 Posts |
Posted - Jun 09 2010 : 05:49:42 AM
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Here on the other hand, I've been trying to overload for the past 5 years and nothing I have tried seems to be able to do it. For example recently I went on a three week retreat in a national park and practiced 9-12 hours daily by myself in a tent. It got to the point where I couldn't sit cross-legged without pain even for a few minutes. Physically I was aching all over, but energy-wise and as far as the stability of my consciousness, I was having some of the best times of my life. Although, many people on this forum and the books I read about Saints and Devis make me realise that my efforts have been puny and that I'm still a total beginner, immersed in the same fog you speak about.
Yesterday I watched a documentary about Bruce Lee and many people who knew him said that he was completely absorbed by martial arts. No matter where he was and no matter what he was doing he was always practicing something to improve his fighting abilities. If he were flying in a plane he'd be practicing on a small punching cushion. If watching tv he'd be squeezing exercise balls to strengthen his grip, on the set of the movies he'd be constantly practicing his kicks and other techniques etc etc.. I think this is the type of dedication we should apply if we are to find Goddess.
Nobody can really tell you what your Ishta is. "The way that can be spoken of is not the True way".. or something along those lines. The real truth will always be indescribable and there will never be any word in any language for it, the words real truth do not suffice either since they have opposites. That's why I like to say Goddess, since in these times most refer to God as a masculine entity, so as to emphasize that it is beyond the duality of gender. Its really independent of anything in this world, and the more independent of this world we become, the closer we get to it. And its not so much a physical independence as much as it is a conscious one, although its nice to have something tangible to show for it. One can live in a palace yet be in constant touch with their true nature, knowing the illusory nature of this temporary existence, such a soul would be just as happy in a dark moist cave.
In the end, it is the scenery that counts, for your path is just as entertaining as mine or anyone else's. That entertainment is the purpose of the whole journey. And once we arrive at our destination we might just realize we never left in the first place..
PS. I've tried classical music for my Nada Yoga, but found from experience that it was quite inferior to the sanscrit chants of the Indian sages, ie. OmDasJi. |
Edited by - Chiron on Jun 09 2010 06:13:49 AM |
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Kirtanman
USA
1651 Posts |
Posted - Jun 09 2010 : 10:08:32 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by Philaboston
What is my mission in this life, if there is any.
This is it. Enjoy.
quote:
And there should be, right?
Um ..... NO.
You "should" this, and you "shouldn't" that, and before you know it, you've should all over yourself!!
Should is illusion (literally; karmamala - the illusion of good and bad action); forget it.
quote:
So many things come up that I feel they must have come from former lives.
I'm beginning to truly feel that the only real delay to enlightenment is all that thinking and evaluating.
I did it, too.
Almost all of us do.
There's no "must" .... stuff coming up in dreams is ......... stuff coming up in dreams. Period.
Evaluation is conjecture, conjecture is not real.
quote:
Perhaps I will just sit there and practice and wait and see what will happen?
Perhaps.
Likely to be a lot more enjoyable than evaluating, conjecturing and should-ing, I'd say.
quote:
For now I've been living my life rather simply, a life consists of just a few routines, and not much more.
Hey, that sounds exactly like my life!
Um .... what are ... routines?
quote:
The mountain will appear one day and I will have all my desires focus on it, one day. Right?
Mountain? There's a mountain??
Oh man .......
Dude (<-- Californian for "Dear, Respected Friend" ... ) ........... there's no mountain, or if there is ....... it's us, all of us; it's all of this ..... nothing is separate from you.
Looking for your ishta outside of yourself, outside of here and now, is like ........ looking for enlightenment outside of yourself; outside of here and now.
That's not where what's to be found is found.
What is to be found precedes the ideas, the evaluations, the shoulds, the concepts of mountains, and ishtas and purposes; what is to be found is what's doing the looking (and I say that as one who thought-sought those things for quite some time, myself -- always thinking they were somewhere else, somewhen else .... before realizing there is no "else" at all).
We don't gain enlightenment ......... we ungain unenlightenment.
Enlightenment is what's here, when all the thinking and wondering and worrying and pondering and projecting and doubting and hoping and regretting and shoulds and seeking and evaluating STOP.
Just .... stop.
And then you just love who and what you love ....... and that's your ishta.
And you live the life you're living right now .... really, really living it ...... and it's perfect, and it's beautiful, and it's all utterly alright.
So utterly alright that any one of us living it (the literal freedom that's beyond imagination) would gladly live a thousand lifetimes all over again for even a single moment of unobscured this.
One of the most challenging parts of letting go into enlightenment, is that we've been taught to think in terms of shoulds and shouldn'ts, of purposes and ishta's and must's and might's, and whatnot's.
Seriously.
And so, we feel lost when our conditioned thinking begins to roll to a stop; we feel we should know.
We shouldn't; knowledge is bondage, as the Shiva Sutras says.
Knowing ourselves as the freedom of unbound awareness, in ongoing experiencing ..... that's liberation, and it's worth whatever it takes to get t/here.
Wholeheartedly,
Kirtanman
"Was listening to Girish's Hanuman 2."
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Edited by - Kirtanman on Jun 09 2010 10:33:11 PM |
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JosephUK
United Kingdom
212 Posts |
Posted - Sep 09 2010 : 10:07:30 AM
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I'm having a similar problem with Ishtas.
But i'm beginning to feel a deep longing.
i reminds me of intuition driving me towards a particular book in a store.
But is has beauty in it and deep love.
unfortunately due to my recently recovered position (from mental illness)
the longing is surrounded in fear, which will gradually be dealt with.
maybe you are already on your path?
which magical different direction would you expect to be on?
here and now is whats important to me.
i'm still very young but got diverted from my path big time early on, but it's not necessarily so for you.
if you feel you have some emotional debris then you could purify that using yoga nidra.
You begin to remember your past or past lives, emotional, tragic experiences, you release the trapped emotion.
your desire is perhaps being drawn away from the moment and your sub-conscious is wrapped up in the past rather than surging forward into the now.
:P |
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The Lofty mountain behind fog and undercurrents
