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chsmithe
USA
32 Posts |
 Posted - May 18 2010 : 05:14:01 AM
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I just want to talk a little bit about what i call the "inner body resistance" that i deal with practically every day.
I have wholeheartedly related this inner tug directly with the tug of the Void, ego-loss, the process of spiritual Awakening, etc. It just naturally came to make sense that this was what was going on with me.
It's like literally a magnetic pull, that goes on, and shifts about throughout different parts of my individual body. And i suppose 100 percent of the time there's always been a clenching going on there, otherwise this pull wouldn't be there. So i've always, for as long as i've considered myself to be on the spiritual journey, related this inner clenching to the clenching of the Ego. It may have been there before i got into spirituality, but i honestly just can't remember. But it's probably what somehow lead me to the spiritual path.
It's also got a very sort of electrical feel to it. It's very tingly at times. So over the past few months i've discovered a bit more what Kundalini is about and i've begun to associate this process and this very uncomfortable pull with the awakening of my Kundalini. And it resonates for me because everything about this magnetic energy gives a very coiled and metallic vibe to it. I know these are kind of vague concepts.
So my whole life "dilemma" can basically be broken down to whether i'm in acceptance or resistance to the flow of the moment, and it's all based on this inner magnetic stuff going on inside of me. And my whole perception of reality around me shifts in exact accordance with this inner flow vs. inner obstruction.
This same energy can also be transmuted into intense bliss and inspiration, and can give me a jolting shiver up through my spine. Also, a couple of times a year, while in the middle of sleep, i'll get a HUGE electro-shock of energy through my whole body and it's like i'm possessed by this energy for a few seconds, almost like being electrocuted where you have absolutely no control over the situation until it's finished, and my body will start fidgeting. It's like a full force body orgasm that originates in the lower back but it's sooo overwhelming that i can't even handle it. It hits such sensitive spots. It's very strange. Once it's over i usually laugh at how mind-blowing that just was. And I'll sometimes be laying in bed and like i can feel this magnetic metallic sh*t pushing against certain parts of my face. It's such a strange sensation. Sometimes, but not all of the time, it will push right against where my Third Eye is supposed to be.
But this inner energy is like everything to my life. When it's open, things are amazing. The temperature is perfect. My body is at ease. Life is inspiring. The conversations are flowing, the food tastes perfect, music naturally opens new doorways. New opportunities will suddenly arise. There's an extra sparkle to everything. The lighting is perfect. When the resistance arises, everything manifests in accordance with it in a very, usually melancholic, stale, and depressing way...the wind will change its current and it will suddenly get colder out, things look grey, my body clenches up, i'll get irritating electrical itching sensations throughout all different parts of my body...it's like this electrical magnetic current is like oozing out of me or something, like boiling water. But anyhow, conversations will lose their flow. Things get ridgid. Suddenly the seat i'm sitting on is quite uncomfortable. Food suddenly either lacks flavor or just does not look or taste appealing. The shows on TV look WAY different. Music gets very stale and very plastic. The lighting in the room gets very dull and depressing. I just sit and just watch this sh*t unfold right in front of me, all just because i suddenly got an inner body shift of resistance, which is usually triggered by some silly thought or just a wrong movement will just screw everything up for me. It's highly frustrating to deal with this sort of thing day in and day out. But it's just as equally VERY VERY intriguing and mysterious. It's like my world is falling apart and deconstructing itself right in front of my face on a daily basis. Such a strange life....It gives me like Truman Show vibes or something. It's like a movie set. Some kind of dark comedy that is continously switching back in forth in the scenery and i'm getting fooled by it every time.
But the weather and temperature thing is so strange. Somehow i feel like this might even have to do with the possible magnetic shift that is taking place on the planet. Because like weather is all strange these days, especially where i live. But it's all in exact accordance with this inner body magnetic energy within me! And it's gotten to a point where it never even matters what the temperature actually is. If the flow is open, it could LITERALLY be 30 degrees outside and i won't even have a coat on and it will be sunny and like warm and just comfortable out. But if it's closed off, it doesn't matter what time of the year it is, it will either just feel too cold out or just abnormally warm outside. Sometimes i undergo situations where it's like literally way too hot and way too cold at the same time, or it will jump back and forth quite quickly between the two. I know that probably sounds strange.
It's just such a strange yet beautiful thing to see exact evidence of what the sages talk about when they say things like the universe is within you and things of that sort. It sounds all nice and cute, and even inspiring and mind-blowing, but it's like when you LITERALLY actually experience and see the direct connotations of what they're talking about in your own unique way it takes on a lot more depth and meaning in your life.
But sometimes i just wonder what the hell a doctor would say about all of this. I'm relating all of this stuff to spirituality, kundalini, yoga, etc. I just wonder what your average doc would say to "well i've got this inner body magnetism thing going on within me, and it causes me a lot of disturbance, irritation, anxiety, and frustration, and i've had this going on for years".
But WHAT IS THIS? What do you guys think? Does anyone out there have similar sensations within their body in accordance to spiritual Awakening?
It's like literally the one thing about my life that even bothers me. If i could just let go completely and surrender this resistance then you have literally ended ALL of my complaints about ANY aspect of my life AT ALL. |
Edited by - chsmithe on May 18 2010 05:55:39 AM |
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sagebrush
USA
292 Posts |
Posted - May 18 2010 : 09:05:16 AM
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yeah relate very well to the flow and then the uncomfortable.
I feel like I am mostly in the uncomfortable part.
mostly around others intensifies and then I can't seem to make a good description as you have done.
things seem a bit twisted in my thinking and feelings and not a person I would discuss anything with would even remotely understand.
I have tried before and either they think I must be imagining things or that I am crazy.
the no separation is difficult and seems like Mortons Fork to me.
I am lost in who I am and where I am going and I think it is real foolish to entertain oneself with a bunch of spiritual statements that none of this exsists or I do not exist...
it is for me a way to avoid resposibility or pad my discomfort with my lack of progress in my everyday world.
I am sure this is why people get addictions....to booze, sex, drugs, prescriptions, each other, tv...
I am never going to say the right thing. and chances are at this forum, I will not be fitting in as I already frequently experience...and at times I do not care, and at times it is painful, like when someone mentions play acting..that really messes me in my head. I can have what appeared to be a legitimate emotion that passed by that I express and then someone suggests it is something uncomfortable for me to understand or am embarassed to see or not see.
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tonightsthenight
846 Posts |
Posted - May 18 2010 : 1:37:47 PM
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two sides of the same coin man...
its just a process by which you must merge with the energy, because, after all its you, and i don't mean that in a "non-dual" sense, i mean, that is your body right there, kicking it into third gear.
forget about this earth's magnetic field changing junk and just worry about you. yes, you have your own EM field. worry about the one you can affect and not the earth's EM field which you cant do anything about! |
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chsmithe
USA
32 Posts |
Posted - May 18 2010 : 3:51:29 PM
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I'm just curious what this energy is that i'm dealing with. I feel like it's some pretty powerful sh*t. I've been reading lately on Magicians and alchemy and the sort and it seems to resonate.
But this is probably where i get laughed at... |
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tonightsthenight
846 Posts |
Posted - May 18 2010 : 8:02:09 PM
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Hehehe, this is the same energy of alchemy. This is the mysterious energy that the ancient religions were after...
It is powerful. It could kill you for sure if it didn't flower out over time. This is why Yogani always says to just let things be, let them go at their own rhythm, because if you try to fiddle around too much you can end up "frying" your nervous system.
If your energy is super strong naturally, as mine is, then i would advise you not to go hard core with the AYP practices... it may be better for you just to practice letting go. You will fight this energy unless you relax into it. Its like a powerful mushroom trip coming on, you need to surrender to the energy otherwise it will make you go crazy.
If your energy is really really strong, you may need to focus on "letting go" twice a day, in order to stay on the good side of the energy... otherwise, there will be a constant battle between the part of you that wants to evolve and the part of you that doesn't want to change.
A couple of questions: how long have you had this? Did you start with spiritual practices first or did it pick you? What are some of the outward physical symptoms (eg shaking, vibrating, spasms, energy movements in the body, feeling gigantic, spinning sensations, feeling crushed)?? |
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chsmithe
USA
32 Posts |
Posted - May 18 2010 : 8:40:27 PM
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Well i basically just "practice" letting go at all times. I do meditate deliberately when i feel the urge to. But i basically just try to always allow things to be as they are no matter what i'm doing.
But yea, i still really resonate with the "constant battle between the part of you that wants to evolve and the part of you that doesn't want to change part."
I don't know man, i feel like i've probably always had it. But only in the past 2 or 3 years has it become really conscious within my daily life. Yea sometimes i get shaking and vibrating. Nothing too insane. But it's just uncomfortable! Profoundly uncomfortable in the most subtle of ways. It's like hardly even uncomfortable as a matter of fact, but it just temporarily cuts me off with that magical connectedness with everything around me. It's so disheartening to at one moment be so damn connected and just feel amazing magicalness all around me and then the next second it's like a switch goes off and boom, i'm in deluded land all over again.
Whenever it does happen i just simply allow myself to "tough it out" and just be with it for as long as it takes to move through me. But it's so damn persistent in wanting to stay stuck. So usually it's just a long and slow cook before it completely moves through. Just so damn frustrating and such subtle annoyingness. It's harsh.
It just sucks that sometimes there's just literally nothing i can do about it. Even allowing it to be there can still suck. It's just a process of maturity i suppose. Fierce grace in action.
There's nothing more that i want than this back and forth connectedness/disconnectedness to end. And there's nothing that i can even do about ending it either other than just letting go. As usual. So in the meantime i just pout in a pile of mud cause i don't know what else to do about it. |
Edited by - chsmithe on May 18 2010 10:12:38 PM |
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tonightsthenight
846 Posts |
Posted - May 18 2010 : 11:35:15 PM
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Well, it sounds like the first thing you need to do is that you do not have a "normal" life.
Whenever it was that you crossed that threshold, whether it was when you were 2 years old or two years ago, you will never be the same as "everybody else."
What you are feeling is normal for people with super strong energy. Going back and forth between mystical, magical states and the stark agony of physical life is just a part of how it works. There is no point, just a process.
The higher you go, the lower you go. Pain is a part of the process. But it helps you to learn, and then you go to even higher states. And on, and on, and on, and on...
Don't fight it. Just let it do its thing. I can't say that i know the physics of this process, but the important thing to remember is that this block, or darkness, machin, whatever, is already in you, it is finding release. You are going back and forth, oscillating, in order to move through this, transcending, overcoming.
It isnt a question of whether it sucks or not, its just a question of time.
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chsmithe
USA
32 Posts |
Posted - May 19 2010 : 01:12:57 AM
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| Thanks man. I appreciate the insight. |
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jeff
USA
971 Posts |
Posted - May 19 2010 : 7:21:32 PM
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Have you tried various grounding exercises? I have found that it makes a big difference. Also, I drink three times as much water as I use to do. Letting go does make a big difference.
Regards. |
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Inner Magnetic Resistance
