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karl
United Kingdom
1812 Posts |
 Posted - Mar 29 2010 : 10:10:19 AM
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Feeling a bit like being at a confessional........bless me Father it has been a few weeks since my last visit to the forum etc 
Everything seemed to be going along steadily and then it just got too much, too detached. I hadn't extended my practises, just carried on as normal twice a day regular as clockwork and it has been that way for 18 months.
Then I hit a brick wall and had to stop and get my bearings. Over the last weeks my practise has been sporadic, miss a day, miss a morning/evening etc and no longer using Samyama.
Last night I was watching some crappy cops and robbers film called Chaos. In the middle of the film one of the characters tells a tale about Buddah, in this story Buddah has become disillusioned and unmotivated and is told to 'go back to the beginning and start again'.
It was as if it was almost a personal message for me.
Forget what I have learned, all that has been remembered and read, because it all just gets piled on top of the foundations like a massive edifice to intellect.
The beginning represents something pure for me.
It exists only at very occasional times. Standing on a cold windswept mountain top the wind howling around my head until I can hear nothing else and my face is frozen and numb, gazing into the serene vastness of the night sky until it seems to be decending right through me, or feeling the energy of stormy ocean breakers vibrate beneath my feet as they crash on to the shoreline.
It's then when I stop, pure awe of the incomprehensible overtakes thought, every sense filled to capacity until, blinded, deafened and numb, I become so insignificant that I disappear completely in that moment and become part of it all.
Then I have no answers or questions as none are needed.
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Shanti
USA
4854 Posts |
Posted - Mar 29 2010 : 3:14:17 PM
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When we are ready, even a crappy cops and robbers movie can become inspiration that opens us further.
Thanks for sharing. |
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Thought I had it and then I didn't
