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des022
USA
24 Posts |
 Posted - Dec 11 2009 : 01:51:30 AM
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| I find myself regularly ****ing up. I try to do the practices on a daily basis. I consider them my holy grail. Ive had energy experiences and the sunday group meditation always blows my mind. The emotions I feel sometimes puts me to tears. I sometimes feel I can only practice purely if I shut myself out from my friends. But I find when I am with close others I always find myself drinking and I find I want to do this and like to do it. And always the next day I feel like im hurting myself and this confuses me cuz nobody I know is into dedicated mantra yoga practice and I dont feel comfortable talking to them about it, plus the like to drink on the weekends and I guess I do too. |
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Shanti
USA
4854 Posts |
Posted - Dec 11 2009 : 07:44:57 AM
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Its OK Des022. Don't beat yourself up. The fact that you are feeling what you are feeling is a sign of progress you know?
Think of the time when we did drink and thought it was normal life. Now that there is discomfort within, it means you are ready to change. The change does not come overnight. It is gradual.
Your meditation is helping you see through the conditioning that seemed normal. Continue meditation and cultivating inner silence and you find it helping with breaking the conditioning you are seeing through now.
This is a lifetime of conditioning you are trying to give up. Not just for as long as you have been drinking, but while growing up, watching others drinking and seeming to having fun and the movies and media showing people having a great time drinking. It all adds up to the conditioning. The silence has a lot to break down.
Just keep meditating and be kind to yourself. And when you are out with your friends, make a conscious effort to stick to one or two drinks. Stay with that all evening. That way you are joining them and yet you are still in control. After the second or third one it may get hard to stop, so if you can stick to one, you will find you have better control over your evening.
It will get better... and you have already taken the first step by talking about it here.  |
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Clear White Light
USA
229 Posts |
Posted - Dec 11 2009 : 09:11:37 AM
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Hi des022,
I know it may not seem like it, but the fact that you are experiencing this kind of inner conflict at all is an indication that you are making progress along the path. Sometimes we get to a point with ourselves which is brought upon by spiritual practices, where we realize that certain relationships within our lives are not conductive to our spirituality. I went through this myself; I spent months and months just staying home, not coming around my friends or even calling them just to keep in contact. Then, just as suddenly, I entered a new phase and this was no longer necessary. I could be around people without being affected by them, or feeling guilty for not interacting with them in the same way that they are used to. This whole process is something which occurs naturally as you strengthen your inner witness. Just try to see it as the result of the on-going purification of your nervous system and don't get too caught up in it. Soon you will likely feel differently. :)
The important thing is not to judge yourself. You are doing just fine! :D :D Just keep on practicing and everything will sort it's self out. |
Edited by - Clear White Light on Dec 11 2009 09:37:53 AM |
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des022
USA
24 Posts |
Posted - Dec 11 2009 : 09:47:16 AM
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| Shanti and Clear White Light, I thank you for your kind and supportive advice. It made me feel a lot better. I will try to follow through on it. You are wonderful people |
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continual self destruction
