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grihastha
USA
184 Posts |
 Posted - Sep 09 2009 : 09:54:40 AM
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I need to say thank you to my friends here on this forum.
I've come to a cusp, a natural break in the passage of my life. It's good: after several years of tenuous existence, bankruptcy, financial worries, hard times tempered with enormous joy (adopting our three incredible children), my family is moving back home to the UK. It's an opportunity to start over in a loving place, a place charged with spiritual life and conscious beings.
The last few weeks have been rough. I lost my beloved dog to a car. Expectations have been built up and dashed. Stress on top of stress. And through it all I discovered... equanimity. An acceptance of impermanence. The reality of compassion.
Strangely, given Yogani's wonderfully ecumenical teachings, this forum has propelled me into a new phase of inner life: I'm on the Buddhist path, the Vajrayana path. I see this as something that I've been chasing AND avoiding for my whole life, so in itself it is a surrender.
I want to thank everyone on here, and most particularly my Dharma friends who have been wrestling mightily and heroically on the epic 'Buddhism and Rainbow Body Thread:' Konchok Osel Dorje, Alwayson, Chinna, Christi, Divinefurball, AnEternalNow et al. And thank you for the loving kindness: Miguel, Katrine, CarsonZi, Ananda,Shanti, Jim and his Karma, and everyone else.
And most particularly to Yogani, whose teachings have proved an immense and powerful alchemy, full of wisdom and compassion.
Emaho! Wonderful!
Cheers, my dears,
gri |
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chinna
United Kingdom
241 Posts |
Posted - Sep 09 2009 : 10:16:04 AM
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Dear gri
Your offline life is as much an inspiration as your gracious online presence. Warmest wishes for your journey home.
chinna |
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miguel
Spain
1197 Posts |
Posted - Sep 09 2009 : 10:20:06 AM
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_/\_
Hope you will find all you need (love...?,of course) in UK. |
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Yonatan
Israel
849 Posts |
Posted - Sep 09 2009 : 10:58:24 AM
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Hi gri,
Good luck on the new path, in the UK and in buddhism!!
Be well and happy 
Yonatan |
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CarsonZi
Canada
3189 Posts |
Posted - Sep 09 2009 : 11:20:59 AM
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Dearest Grihastha.....sorry to hear that you have been going through some hardships....I truly hope things will turn around in the UK.
quote:
Originally posted by grihastha
I've come to a cusp, a natural break in the passage of my life. It's good: after several years of tenuous existence, bankruptcy, financial worries, hard times tempered with enormous joy (adopting our three incredible children), my family is moving back home to the UK. It's an opportunity to start over in a loving place, a place charged with spiritual life and conscious beings.
Sometimes changing locations can provide the necessary means to break free of old habits and situations, it can be a great opportunity indeed.....just remember that you can't run from Life. Everything that needs to happen to you is going to happen one way or the other regardless of where you are located. So if this move is motivated by trying to "escape" something, be prepared for something similar to be stirred up in the UK....you can't avoid "life lessons". I'm not trying to discourage you or anything, I'm sure this move is going to be exactly what you need....I'm just saying be careful believing that changing locations is going to solve all your problems, and that just because you aren't living in the US anymore that you won't run into situations that provoke the same kind of responses you are trying to get away from. You likely know this already, just thought it was worth a mention anyways. (p.s. I've been in a similar situation....bankruptcy, stress piled on stress, a tenuous existence tempered with extreme joy, etc etc....and I just want to say that there is light at the end of the tunnel....for me it took embracing the feelings of constant fear to release them....running from things IME only leads to prolonged suffering....and being honest with myself was the first step.....again, likely preaching to the choir, sorry)
quote:
Originally posted by grihastha
The last few weeks have been rough. I lost my beloved dog to a car. Expectations have been built up and dashed. Stress on top of stress. And through it all I discovered... equanimity. An acceptance of impermanence. The reality of compassion.
 Very very sorry to hear about your beloved dog passing. This fills my heart with feelings of sadness. I myself have two dogs and both are very dear to me....losing them will be very difficult. I wish you quick relief from any suffering and sadness you still feel.
quote:
Originally posted by grihastha
Strangely, given Yogani's wonderfully ecumenical teachings, this forum has propelled me into a new phase of inner life: I'm on the Buddhist path, the Vajrayana path. I see this as something that I've been chasing AND avoiding for my whole life, so in itself it is a surrender.
I truly wish you the best on this new phase. I hope you will choose to still contribute to the AYP forums.
quote:
Originally posted by grihastha
I want to thank everyone on here, and most particularly my Dharma friends who have been wrestling mightily and heroically on the epic 'Buddhism and Rainbow Body Thread:' Konchok Osel Dorje, Alwayson, Chinna, Christi, Divinefurball, AnEternalNow et al. And thank you for the loving kindness: Miguel, Katrine, CarsonZi, Ananda,Shanti, Jim and his Karma, and everyone else.
And thank you as well. You are a great contributer to the forum as well and your loving energy is felt by many I am sure. Thank you and I hope this isn't "goodbye".
Love Always,
Carson |
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grihastha
USA
184 Posts |
Posted - Sep 09 2009 : 11:38:32 AM
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Thank you everyone!
I'm feeling a bit self-serving now - my intention wasn't to collect nice words from you guys but to thank you as my teachers. I've been stumbling along my path (mostly in the dark) for quite a while now without a formal guru or teacher or any face-to-face support at all, really. It takes the dark times...
It takes the dark times to realize that it's not about searching for light in the darkness, but that there is no darkness, no light. You've all taught me a great deal. My wife and children are wiser than Himalayan mahasiddhas. The mortgage company has been a generous teacher. My dog, no less than the guy who hit him, has taught me more than I can express.
Carsonziji, thanks for your concern. No, it isn't running away! It's a return, for one, and it's something which had to happen. No alternative - how lucky to have that as my only option, eh? But you're right, you can't run away from anything, and there's nothing real to be gained from trying. If anything, we've stayed and endured far longer than we needed to - again, I've learned so much. Nothing is permanent. Everything is perfect.
And no, this isn't good bye at all! I intend to jump back into AYP practice (with massive self-pacing, of course!!) as soon as we're settled.
May we all radiate loving kindness with every heartbeat!
Love,
gri |
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Ananda
3115 Posts |
Posted - Sep 09 2009 : 1:50:34 PM
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hi Gri, just wanna thank you for sharing the life teachings in this topic.
this sharing of yours is sacred, and a help to others and a lesson in loving acceptance.
and guess that it's true, when the s**** hits the fan you see what everyone is made of "in your case it's stainless steal."
i am very sorry for the passing of your dog, may he rest in peace God willing.
hopefully this new beginning will bring new openings with it...
namaste brother, with love
Ananda
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Katrine
Norway
1813 Posts |
Posted - Sep 09 2009 : 3:38:43 PM
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Cheers Gri...thanks for the lovely sharing
Emaho!!!!!
Or as some say in Ireland (whether it is appropriate or not  ):
Good luck
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Shanti
USA
4854 Posts |
Posted - Sep 09 2009 : 7:10:03 PM
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Thank you for your presence at the forums and your loving kindness too Gri.
Wish you all the best in life and your chosen path. |
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Akasha
421 Posts |
Posted - Sep 10 2009 : 11:39:17 PM
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Sorry to hear about your troubles and the loss of your dog.
I think in reality many of us bumble along in the dark, we are never entirely sure how life will play out, what might occur;no-one really knows.It is the darker times that tend to teach us the most through life's challenges and uncertainties.
I see you mentioned self-pacing; this can never be underemphasized. I know this from an experience a few years back which ayp is fortunately now appearing to beginnng to remedy though i'm still learning how to navigate this path- there's plenty of guidance here we all are very grateful for)
I think you should find a change of location won't water your bhakti or lead to a loss of those ayp habits you have cultivated here.(I know this because i stayed in a cottage recently and this wasnot the case- if anything i felt more interested in practice) I always thought you had taken on a fairly large plate when you began here( assuming you started ayp around the same time as I) though granted you said you had a history of meditation so i could not really say/diagnose what is going on. I am stilll trying to fathom such issues through the lens of karma and any implication this raises.I thought i was a good person previously- i have had to accept i am maybe not( perhaps delusions/denial borne of confusion and this was diifcult and somehwat disturbing- i did feel quite disturbed- when i hit on this thought,-- gave myself a fair look in whilst accepting ( i know we tend to wrap ourselves up in a fulcrum of moral righteousness,we all do, and that can clooud who we think we are,our karma,- we are good at tricking ourselves but we are all fallibile-iso i remind myself of man's fallibility)etc but possibly a karma & heart opening and an enlightenment milestone/ opening...who knows?)
All the best, anyway, & to good friends
Love
Akasha |
Edited by - Akasha on Sep 11 2009 07:38:25 AM |
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grihastha
USA
184 Posts |
Posted - Sep 11 2009 : 07:40:31 AM
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Hey, Akasha
Yes, you're right, I started off with AYP as I'd been going along in my previous path: full-on vira mode, all or nothing. Well, I had to find out for myself, didn't I?
Actually what I'm dealing with at the moment is a LOT of bhakti rather than too little - too much to do the pranayama at all. It's part and parcel of my new path, and everything's happening rather quickly (inside as well as out) so I'm not in any tearing hurry now. Which is nice!
You made a good point about karma. I've made the leap and accepted that karmic connections are literally infinite - I've done that intellectually, and the concept is still settling, as it were. But I've noticed I FEEL karma in some way. I sense the weight of it. Not in a bad way, just as an acceptance - I think that's what you're talking about as well, yes?
As for my troubles, I bow to them. They propelled me into taking on the Path as a lifetime's work rather than simply dabbling. And I've found so many sources of wisdom and so many good friends!
All the love,
gri |
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