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Clear White Light
USA
229 Posts |
 Posted - Aug 08 2009 : 10:44:50 AM
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First off, I should say that I am not following the lessons on this website, however I have found the information to be quite high quality, and the forums are among the most useful I have ever come across. For the past 5 months I have been practicing meditation rather intensely. I practice 3 times every day for 40-90 minutes each. Lately I have found this rather difficult to keep up. Not for lack of time, but rather it seems to becoming exponentially more difficult to force myself to sit there and be still.
When I first began this practice, I smoked marijuana many times a day. Honestly, I think it is safe to say that I have spent the past 2 years perpetually high. For the past week or so I have quit completely, and it has shown me just how dependent on it I have become for my good mood and ability to take an interest in things. Even when I couldn't concentrate, there was always the high to fall back on.
Now when I meditate and am having a difficult time..it's just me and my mind. I am feeling like perhaps I should cut back to only two times a day, but I feel as if I will be undoing some of the progress that I have made. When I first started out meditating, I could hardly sit still for more than 15-20 minutes at a time. Now I have logged sessions as long as 90 minutes...but only with the aid of the marijuana.
I feel as if all my supposed "progress" was just a delusion, and I find it difficult to keep going. I know that I am being quite hard on myself..it is a problem that i have. I also suffer from anxiety and depression, as well as mild OCD. Should I cut back and give myself a break? I feel like cutting back is a sort of giving in to laziness.. I have nothing but free time at this point in my life, and it seems wrong to not take full advantage of it..
I am terribly sorry for the rambling and possibly incoherent nature of this post, but I just feel the need to express what I am feeling to people that may be in position to understand me. Thank you very much for listening, and any advice that you may be inclined to give will be very much appreciated. |
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karl
United Kingdom
1812 Posts |
Posted - Aug 08 2009 : 12:23:50 PM
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You really should do what you feel is right.
Yogani's system is simple to follow but is not the only one.
20 mins deep meditation with the "ayam" mantra repeated in your head (not verbally). Followed by 10 minutes or so of rest. When you find yourself off the mantra just allow to come gently back to it. let it flow and follow your inner guru.
In terms of going backwards or forwards:
What do you imagine you are going to, or from ? There is nothing to achieve, nothing to lose, nothing to gain. Months, years, decades, eons or seconds of meditation mean nothing. There is no gain or loss, you are as you always are. Give up seeking an end and live in the moment. Follow one path or another and enjoy the journey, good or bad, fast or slow, learn to accept and live for what you have. What you might, what you once had, are only thoughts, only now matters.
AYP meditation requires no set time, 20 mins twice a day is advised, thats enough and you may need less. If you happen to drift for longer thats OK too. Less can sometimes mean more.
Hope that is of some use. 
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kaserdar
91 Posts |
Posted - Aug 08 2009 : 4:14:57 PM
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Hello Clear White Light,
Experienced friends in the forum can tell you about what would be best for your medidation progress. What i'm going to say to you is in my opinion your best progess you made is quitting marijuana. cause i have been through the similar period of life. i was smoking more than 2 years and last year past only with anxiety and depression. i too was trying some kind sitting still way of meditation even with marijuana but this didnt go no where. it would never. so i quit smoking and started doing AYP and feel much better. i believe marijuana helped me in some otherways. it did its work and but was no more helpful for my life. if something is going to happen it should happen in a natural way.
wish you the best |
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