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grihastha
USA
184 Posts |
 Posted - Jun 15 2009 : 6:54:47 PM
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I had a breakthrough with the I Am mantra a few days ago - it just clicked. I began to focus lightly on the silence between the words, and to time it to the lovely, deep pulse I began to feel all through my body. Around the same time I suddenly started to make progress with SB and to feel the overwhelming urge to get into stage 2 kechari (I'm right on the very verge, but the gagging needs to be overcome). Then I noticed that I was still in the Witness state throughout the day.
Yesterday, in DM, I began to feel pangs - pleasurable but sort of painful at the same time - in my heart region as I dropped the mantra into silence. At the same time I found that the mantra was wandering around my body - I could literally chant I AM with my feet or my ears, and then, stranger and stranger, I began to follow the mantra beyond myself. My kids playing outside my room were chanting the mantra. The birds were singing it - but it was still me. I can't explain it better than that at the moment. Then all the sensations coalesced in my heart, into a powerful 'orgasmic' (not an orgasm - it wasn't sexual, well a bit but mostly something else entirely) and I was filled up with bright purple, orange, pink light... I found the mantra could travel up and down my spine...
So today - sorry for the long post, dear friends - during SB I stopped halfway because my tongue REALLY wanted to get into stage 2. I had a bit of a gagging session, which woke up a lot of energy, and that started moving smoothly up and down the spinal nerve. Then, in DM, the same thing happened as yesterday, except more intense. The pleasure, the energy, all very, very strong. There's a song I love with the line "There's a light on in my head," and there was - there still is. After DM I did a couple of rounds of samyama, then lay down and on a whim did cosmic samyama. As soon as I lay down I had the strong feeling I was actually standing up, and huge, like a stone statue, very present but also remote. I said the sutras, and after 'unbounded awareness' for some reason I dropped in 'I Am.' Immediately my body was suffused from top to toe, very suddenly, with pleasure/energy/light. I felt completely hollow, filled with these things. It was quite unbelievable. It faded and came again, more gently, and I found I could move the energy up and down... And then I called it a day...
What's going on? What have I done? And what, for heavens' sake, do I do now? I feel like my inner guru has taken charge, but any and all comments and advice would be very keenly appreciated...
Love!
g |
Edited by - grihastha on Jun 15 2009 7:34:30 PM |
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Katrine
Norway
1813 Posts |
Posted - Jun 16 2009 : 08:13:47 AM
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Hi grihastha
First of all - thanks for sharing your lovely opening 
As you know, much can happen in terms of visions and energy experiences....it is wonderful when the nervous system starts to perceive the deeper layers of reality.
As you know..the mantra "I am" has two functions when we meditate. One - we have the mantra as a tool to come off thoughts, sensations, emotions, images, all objects really....we gently come back to the mantra when we notice we are off it, and two - the mantra's sound vibration resonates with the spinal chord.
It is always this resonance that brings us deeper.....and it is the depth in meditation that is the crux of the matter. As you know....silence is very quiet.... .....it is easy to overlook it for something more exciting.
When we experience the silence between the words it is beautiful. It is however very easy to word this experience inside...."oh...how beautiful".....and that is actually a thought. So then we simply again come gently back to the mantra. Same with mantra being all over the body....feet saying it.....the mantra being in the children's voices......all these are observations we make...and when we notice we are making them....we gently come back to the mantra. Later - after meditation time....we can always ponder what happened during meditation
quote:
I said the sutras, and after 'unbounded awareness' for some reason I dropped in 'I Am.' Immediately my body was suffused from top to toe, very suddenly, with pleasure/energy/light. I felt completely hollow, filled with these things. It was quite unbelievable. It faded and came again, more gently, and I found I could move the energy up and down... And then I called it a day...
That is beautiful grihastha
To experience the bliss of being hollow....to start to experience the light....to actually taste the awsomeness of that which we are.... in expression.
quote:
What's going on? What have I done? And what, for heavens' sake, do I do now?
This is all purification and opening...and again purification and opening. So......keep meditating as usual. Be careful to adjust the sitting time so that you don't get into overload (you described some pain in your heart)....and don't get carried away during meditation....but by all means enjoy all that is happening. We can revel all we want between the sitting times....but while sitting in meditation....we honor THAT by surrendering everyting...all of our attention......through gently coming back to the mantra. No matter how stunning the scenery.
I wish you all the best grihastha.
Continue to practise wisely and enjoy all of life |
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grihastha
USA
184 Posts |
Posted - Jun 16 2009 : 09:01:57 AM
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Thanks for your lovely words, Katrine.
I can see there would be a lot of temptation to recreate these sensations - partly why I shared them. Writing them down, I diffused them a bit so that they wouldn't keep tugging at me in the everyday...
Yes to what you said about the mantra. What I found, in fact, that all of the phenomena were caused BY staying on the mantra, not straying from it (that just supplies nice coloured lights and mental static...).
The thing about noticing the silence between the words comes from Kashmiri Shaivism (it's something I've been training myself to do since before AYP) and the way we do samyama - I discovered that whatever else it does, it allows the mantra to stay effortlessly centered in my mind's eye. The pains in my heart aren't 'pains' exactly - more like little stabs of anticipation. Energy, in other words. I suppose I must be sensitive to I AM, as it seems to generate energy for me. Funny thing is, I'm observing these things, but the 'observer' is a much more subtle thing than before. It doesn't feel like the Monkey Mind - more like the inner voice that prompts me to go back to the mantra.
Anyway it's all very interesting - as well as being unbelievably and powerfully blissful - but I'll try not to let myself get too interested!
Namaste, Katrine!
Love!
g |
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Katrine
Norway
1813 Posts |
Posted - Jun 16 2009 : 1:06:30 PM
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Namaste grihastha
Thanks for explaining in depth.
All is well  |
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grihastha
USA
184 Posts |
Posted - Jun 17 2009 : 1:19:47 PM
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| Oh good - thanks Katrine! I value your support very much. |
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Christi
United Kingdom
4514 Posts |
Posted - Jun 17 2009 : 6:47:31 PM
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Hi Grihastha,
Beautiful experience! It definitely sounds like you are sensitive to the mantra!
Here is a small quote from a lovely Indian lady called Sri Karunamayi. She spent about 8 years meditating in the forest in India, mostly in solitude, and started teaching yoga after that. This is something she said to a group of westerners a couple of years ago when giving advice on practicing yoga:
“It is good if you go outside in the morning and sit in the sun to absorb its rays. If you want to you can leave your physical body in your meditation hut and go outside in your light body to sit in the sun. That is fine and just as beneficial.”
Nobody blinked an eyelid, which I thought was quite funny.
Good luck,
Christi
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grihastha
USA
184 Posts |
Posted - Jun 17 2009 : 11:08:14 PM
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That's rather wonderful. What a fantastic leap of consciousness.
I don't know much at all about Sri Karunamayi, though I've heard nothing but good about her teachings.
Thanks, Christi - I'll take that image outside with me tomorrow...
Cheers,
g |
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Christi
United Kingdom
4514 Posts |
Posted - Jun 22 2009 : 6:12:17 PM
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Hi Grihastha,
Sri Karunamayi is an amazing lady. She should be of especial interest to us here, as she also teaches an integrated system of yoga practices which revolve around mantra meditation and pranayama. She combines the use of mantras with pranayama, in this case alternate nostril breathing, and the focusing of attention on specific chakras. She also teaches manta meditation as a separate practice from pranayama in a similar way to the AYP system. She doesn't really bother with asana practice at all, which is quite common among advanced yogis in India. She doesn't let students practice crown chakra meditations until they have been studying under her for at least six years I believe. So there are a lot of parallels between her yoga and AYP.
If you ever get the chance to meet her, I would recommend it. It is a real joy being around her, and you can tell she loves teaching yoga. Unfortunately for me, she goes to the States every year, but doesn't come to the U.K.
Christi
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grihastha
USA
184 Posts |
Posted - Jun 22 2009 : 7:45:17 PM
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Thanks, Christi. I'll have to find out more about her. Confession: I'm always a bit put off by the very high-profile gurus, but I think actually it's mostly the hoo ha that surrounds them that does my head in a bit. Have you been to her ashram in India? It sounds like the best way to actually experience her on a somewhat personal level.
Too bad she doesn't come to the UK - I'm heading home soon (hopefully)! |
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Christi
United Kingdom
4514 Posts |
Posted - Jun 24 2009 : 3:29:48 PM
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Hi Grihastha,
Yes. Every year she teaches on 2 or 3 ten day silent retreats in her ashram in India, and a couple of years ago I was lucky enough to sit on one of them. It is an excellent way to learn from her. I also found that what I learned complemented what I am doing with AYP very well.
Christi |
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