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grihastha
USA
184 Posts |
 Posted - May 22 2009 : 3:35:25 PM
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Hello everyone,
My first post here, and I hope I got it in the right place...
I've been meditating for about a year, and I found AYP as I was looking around for practical info about Kundalini. I came to meditation after a lifelong (I'm 44) fascination with Indian spirituality, specifically Shakta/Tantra. The first thing I discovered in meditation was that, for me, it isn't at all peaceful. Strong feelings of ecstasy, light-shows behind the eyes, pain at Ajna, all sorts of involuntary yoga, incredible sensations in my spine... I ended up begging my Ishta to raise Kundalini just to get it over with. Anyway, after a long and very ill-advised meditation/prayer session during a thunderstorm (chanting to Chinnamasta - I've tended to be a bit all-or-nothing about these things) I got well and truly burned out, put it all at the back of my mind for a while. A lot of the physical symptoms went from being interior mysteries/ecstasy to good old aches and pains, depression and day to day frustration.
So now I've been easing into the AYP practice for a couple of months, egged on by a very, very strong bhakti impulse. I do spinal breathing, yoni mudra kumbhaka, chin pump, spinal bastrika, samyama. I found that all the conductivity returned almost instantly, but as I've continued,I've found that nothing much happens during spinal breathing. I can't find any sensation in my spine, and things seem pretty dead both at Ajna and Root. As soon as I go into meditation, though, it all starts happening.
I'm chanting my Ishta's bija mantra instead of I AM - I find the I AM mantra keeps me locked in ego, and has also given me some not so good feelings and dreams (though perhaps I should persevere?).
Any advice as to how I can connect my conductivity to pranayama and not meditation? It would be really helpful.
Thanks in advance, thanks to Yogini and for a great forum. |
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Katrine
Norway
1813 Posts |
Posted - May 22 2009 : 5:15:36 PM
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Hi grihastha
Welcome to the forum 
quote:
I found that all the conductivity returned almost instantly, but as I've continued,I've found that nothing much happens during spinal breathing. I can't find any sensation in my spine, and things seem pretty dead both at Ajna and Root. As soon as I go into meditation, though, it all starts happening.
Yes....deep meditation is by itself a stimulator of ecstatic conductivity. This is how everything once started here too
However - if you don't sense anything during Spinal Breathing Pranayama...this doesn't mean something is wrong. It takes time for the nervous system to be impacted by the flow of prana (which is what Kundalini/ecstatic conductivity is) to such an extent that we actually perceive the flow itself. And you do perceive ...when meditating. But as you describe it.....it sounds like you perceive it through kriyas and visions...not along the spinal nerve, right? This is quite normal. Stay with Spinal Breathing Pranayama....it may take time - a long time even - before you feel anything....but know that every breath you take like that.... is in fact doing something.....it is a deep, subtle cleansing of the nerve.
It is the union of inner silence (cultivated during deep meditation) and ecstatic conductivity (cultivated first and foremost by Spinal Breathing Pranayama) that is the ongoing outcome of our practice. It is just that it takes time to peceive this.
2 months is not a long time when it comes to creating a platform of practices that are balanced and give progress in the long run (which is what is crucial). It is often wise to not add too many practices too fast...simply because all of them will have their "clunky" fase.....so adding one at a time is wise.....no 1 Deep Meditation for a while, no 2 Spinal Breathing Pranayama....and stay with these two until things are proven stable and smooth.....weeks or months...or even years for some of us.
quote:
I'm chanting my Ishta's bija mantra instead of I AM - I find the I AM mantra keeps me locked in ego, and has also given me some not so good feelings and dreams (though perhaps I should persevere?).
Yes! Do persevere. I went through a starting fase like this too...when starting AYP some 3 years ago (after having meditated for 21 years with two other mantras). The I AM mantra.....it is very powerful. The mantra...it is the sound of it - not the meaning of it - that is what is doing the work. The vibration of I AM....is itself directly stimulating the spinal chord. This comes in addition to the fact that all meditation brings one closer to inner silence. Hence why you feel "all starts happening" in meditation. The spinal chord is like a violin string...and the I AM is "plucking" it.....or rather..."vibrating it" ...it is like the principal of "entrainment" in physics...in music.....the mantra and the spinal chord resonate.
So....hope you will concider going back to meditating with "I AM"......it is powerful because it brings you deeper.....and therefore stuff will surface because of it. This is called purification and is itself proof of the fact that the mantra is working correctly....not the opposite The uncomfort you are experiencing...the feeling of being "locked in ego"...the uncomfortable dreams etc....all this is purification going on. Whenever things get uncomfortable...in AYP we say: Self-pace! That means...you do not add other practices...and also you reduce the time you sit in meditation (starting by subtracting minutes from the sitting time) until things settle down. How long are your meditation sessions now.....and how long were you trying "I AM" before exchanging it with another mantra?
quote:
Any advice as to how I can connect my conductivity to pranayama and not meditation? It would be really helpful
So as you can see...it is not so much a question of connecting your conductivity to pranayama. It is the union of inner silence with ecstatic conductivity that is the goal here. And this is already woven into the simple, consistant, daily practice of Deep Meditation and Spinal Breathing Pranayama. The rest follows of itself. Practices are added slowly and wisely over time
I hope this answered your question......here are links to some of Yoganis lessons relevant to this topic:
Desire-Bhakti
http://www.aypsite.org/12.html
Deep Meditation
http://www.aypsite.org/13.html
Spinal Breathing Pranayama
http://www.aypsite.org/41.html
Self-pacing
http://www.aypsite.org/38.html
Kundalini symptoms, imbalances, and remedies
http://www.aypsite.org/69.html
Thanks for sharing - and hope you will report back on how you are doing.
Good luck with your practices |
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grihastha
USA
184 Posts |
Posted - May 22 2009 : 5:33:37 PM
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Thank you, Katrine.
It's nice to hear that my experiences mesh with someone else's - I don't have any real support where I live, so it's exciting to find this group - satsang!
I ought to say that I've been able - and open - to experiencing ecstatic states for most of my remembered life, and also to switch my thoughts to observation, so on some level meditation was just a formalized (ie taught) version of something I already did. I've also been very powerfully led by bhakti - mostly formless - for many years. So at least my current practice has a fairly firm base.
Funnily enough, if I sit in front of my altar, for instance, or doing japa, and 'spinal breathe' (ie do spinal breathing without saying "right then, now it's time for a spot of the old spinal breathing) I find that the shivers and tremors start going up and down my spinal nerve and Ajna begins to stir. In fact I seem to be able to call up those sensations, or have them called up, quite easily outside of my formal pranayama sessions.
I was going to give up on spinal bastrika for a while, but today it actually worked for me: some energy transfer, much stuff happening at Ajna, and even a strong visualization of the spinal nerve.
Does anybody arch or tense their spine so that they can feel it while doing pranayama? I discovered just now that it helps me both with visualization and energy flow, and also that my head wants to tilt backwards to let the energy enter the base of my skull. I'm not forcing this, just paying attention.
Katrine, I will persevere with I AM. I think that because I'm so steeped in the theory of my practice I feel I'm being disloyal to my Ishta (it wouldn't do to annoy Her!) by turning the attention to myself, even though I know, intellectually that, as you say, it's about the sound, like any true mantra. Possibly also because it seems incomplete to me in terms of non-duality - if it was 'I am that' or 'I am not' or something... :-) On the other hand, invoking Her makes my energy light up immediately, so another good reason NOT to invoke Her during meditation.
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Yonatan
Israel
849 Posts |
Posted - May 22 2009 : 5:46:20 PM
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Hi grihastha
Welcome,
I agree with what Katrine says in her post.
When I started doing Spinal Breathing Pranayama about 2 months ago, I didn't feel anything for one month - nothing, but then after a month I started to feel small ecstatic feelings and tingles when doing it, and it kept on growing inside and outside practice and keeps on growing.
Also now sometimes during SBP I don't feel ecstatic feelings, but then when I get to the I AM mantra, after a few repetitions, a giant wave of ecstatic tingles happens, and I think this is because of the SBP I just did (maybe because of the mantra also, but the pranayama has a very big effect).
So don't worry if you don't feel ecstatic conductivity during the pranayama, in time you may see big results if you continue with it.
About the I AM mantra, yes it can bring up stuff, for me it is a need to lay down for a while, and when I started with it I felt big feelings of depression (I'm on antidepressants, so depression was bound to come up) and had to lie down for long periods of time afterwards.. But in time it smoothes out and there is progress..
And yes must self pace
Hope this helps
And much luck,
Yonatan |
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Katrine
Norway
1813 Posts |
Posted - May 22 2009 : 6:08:10 PM
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Hi grihastha
Thanks for sharing. Always interesting to hear of somone's background and spiritual platform
quote:
It's nice to hear that my experiences mesh with someone else's - I don't have any real support where I live, so it's exciting to find this group - satsang!
It is isn't it
Glad you found us, and hope you will continue to share.
quote:
Does anybody arch or tense their spine so that they can feel it while doing pranayama? I discovered just now that it helps me both with visualization and energy flow, and also that my head wants to tilt backwards to let the energy enter the base of my skull. I'm not forcing this, just paying attention.
I don't do this .....I sit still with the spine comfortably straight .....I am so still physically when practicing...just like in deep sleep....and the energy moves all over the place all the same. Outside practices however....when in spontaneous meditation...the head will often tilt backwards......
Maybe others here can chime in regarding their experiences
quote:
I think that because I'm so steeped in the theory of my practice I feel I'm being disloyal to my Ishta (it wouldn't do to annoy Her!) by turning the attention to myself, even though I know, intellectually that, as you say, it's about the sound, like any true mantra. Possibly also because it seems incomplete to me in terms of non-duality - if it was 'I am that' or 'I am not' or something..
* *....yes I see......hmmm.... see... "turning the attention to yourself"...is rather wise. Since it is within you the source of everything is.
The mantra...it is the sound that takes you into your own depths....which both eventually and instantly reveals what you are in essence
So your ishta....she may approve
"I AM"...by itself...unassociated with anything else......is deep down the most profund presence....it is what our ishtas are here for to begin with....they represent it.....they tempt us towards it.
But the gold itself..is within you
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grihastha
USA
184 Posts |
Posted - May 22 2009 : 8:32:34 PM
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Katrina, I really like this:
"I AM"...by itself...unassociated with anything else......is deep down the most profund presence....it is what our ishtas are here for to begin with....they represent it.....they tempt us towards it.
Thank you for it.
Yonatan, thanks for the tempered advice - very much taken to heart.
As for the head movements, I used to move around all over the place during meditation, right down onto the floor on either side. That's calmed right down, though recently I've found my head being pushed down onto my chest - chin pumps have smoothed that out. I don't mind meditating with my head down, but I have noticed something very subtle: there seems to be something gained, some extra tweak of energy - a reward, almost - when I gently, politely correct my posture after a bit of automatic yoga.
Another question: when you become very aware of a blockage or knot - in my case at the point where my spine meets my skull - should one try to concentrate on it, or just let things work themselves out? |
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riptiz
United Kingdom
741 Posts |
Posted - May 23 2009 : 03:51:47 AM
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Hi,
The chin being pushed to the chest is because the energy is looking for a clearer path.Lowering the chin does that allowing smoother flow. If you have a blockage where the neck meets the skull DO NOT try to force the energy through by concentrating on there.I get this pushing regularly at the occiptal ridge and it feels as if it suddenly went through there would be damage and there probably would be.Better to favour your practices and let it dissolve in it's own time, it will improve with time.The blockage and the chin movement are connected in my experience.
L&L
Dave |
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conductivity in meditation not spinal breathing?
