|
|
 |
|
| Author |
 Topic  |
|
|
Goddessinside
158 Posts |
 Posted - Apr 02 2009 : 11:26:44 AM
|
Hi everybodyandsouls,
Usually, I don't allow myself to ask such irrelevant question,
but those last days, I fell victim of my monkey mind (it's been a while it didn't happen so "wildly"!)
I found myself trapped in an old pattern pack of negative emotions..
It popped up like that, I wasn't aware enough to see it coming..
I felt I came back to my old "me", before yoga.. and this feeling of getting back to the dead past and its stagnations freaked me out..
In the morning, I did my practices, and they were quite deep and intense (but not explosive, just intense  )
So I thought those negative emotions bubbling up out of nowhere, for no rational reason, had something to do with a heart cleansing..
I was hesitating to share this with you, as I know all this will pass..
But I feel a bit upset concerning this "coming backward" issue..
What is it all about?!
Thanks for any candle light
/|\ |
|
|
Ananda
3115 Posts |
Posted - Apr 02 2009 : 12:25:26 PM
|
hi goddessinside,
tell me about it a depression popped out of nowhere last sunday and monday which made me even doubt my practices and all what i gained from them but it passed away and blissful ecstacy took over again and i think that the depression was probably due to some overloading symptoms in the first place bcz i felt very tired like worn out.
at your case by your own mouth this is karmic release and it seems like it from your description and it will pass and you sharing what you're going through here with us is very much welcomed and okay we are all here to support each others in this forum.
i suggest practicing mindful awareness of the present the now when you are in the moods you mentioned just be aware of your surroundings and what's going on within you and out of you and watch yourself as if you are watching someone else simply be aware of everything like of the steering wheel and the gear while you're driving and so on.
this will cut the stream of thoughts no past no future and you'll be more in the present moment and this will relax you a lot and bring in new openings and as zen people say there is no moment to live other then the now so be aware and take advantage.
light and love,
Ananda |
 |
|
|
CarsonZi
Canada
3189 Posts |
Posted - Apr 02 2009 : 12:35:20 PM
|
Lovely Goddessinside.....
It's likely some heavy purification and is just a phase that will pass. I will keep you in my prayers....This too shall pass.
Take some time to be easy on yourself. Spend some time with loving and compassionate friends. Don't overdo it in practices. Take a long walk in the sunshine and relax. Don't push yourself. Try to feel the love.
Love,
Carson |
|
|
|
Shanti
USA
4854 Posts |
Posted - Apr 02 2009 : 1:11:01 PM
|
quote:
Originally posted by Goddessinside
I found myself trapped in an old pattern pack of negative emotions..
It popped up like that, I wasn't aware enough to see it coming..
I felt I came back to my old "me", before yoga.. and this feeling of getting back to the dead past and its stagnations freaked me out..
But I feel a bit upset concerning this "coming backward" issue..
What is it all about?!
Purification.. letting go of some blocks.. its a good thing.
Try to remember how you felt when you were not doing yoga, and how long one such emotional phase lasted? Was it shorter this time? And altho you were not expecting it (caught you unaware) do you realize you said.. "I felt I came back to my old "me"".. so you watching yourself.. and if you were aware that you slipped into darkness for a bit.. then you will not stay there.. now you are "aware".. then you were not.. then you thought that was your life.. now you know better.. now you know your life is not that darkness.. you only pass thru phases like that and it's gone after a while. Before Yoga our life felt like it is one huge negative emotion without any end in sight.. now we know its a phase of passing emotions.. and it will be over. Does this make sense Goddessinside? Now that you have had a taste of awareness, you cannot go back to being unconscious. It's like you have never tasted chocolate, but once you taste it, you can never go back to the experience of "not" having tasted chocolate. |
|
|
|
Goddessinside
158 Posts |
Posted - Apr 02 2009 : 1:35:34 PM
|
Hi Ananda..
Basically watching and being aware of my herenow, my emotions&thoughts, my body, my surroundings has become a habit for me!
But this time, I was purely and simply overwhelmed..
There was the stormy "me" on the surface, and the conscious "I" that was somehow detached from the noise..
Usually, I'm almost always able to feel this silent "I", that is my true self, in spite of whatever may happen around..
But yesterday, I simply lost control and got angry..
I literally felt like a big package or suitcase (!) coming out of me and being put on the table..
And I tried to recover my awareness, trying to stay detached from the situation, but I just couldn't! I felt like hitting on a wall..
And I know perfectly well that all I was feeling was garbage coming out, but I simply jumped in the trash bin with both my feet!
Also, it's been a while I can't hold a single book..
When I sit in the evening, I grab a book, open it..my hand just does many things to distract me from reading!! It goes on playing with my hair, scratching my nose etc.. it's amazing the tricks that my lazy mind creates to prevent me from getting beyond it!!
But tonight, no matter how, I will read at least 2 sentences before sleeping!!
Dear Carson..
Thanks also for your advice, the same I would have told to you I guess
About spending time with "loving and compassionate" friends, well, I'm afraid it's not gona be possible..
There are nice people around, but I don't need emotional response..
Neither rational response.. Coz all that will come from people will be from their own projections and emotions, and this will not help..
So, I just try to be patient, to rely on life or God or whatever, to see some light on my path..
I can go on saying "all this will pass"... but I don't want to keep saying this and feeling that I keep walking in place..
At the end, there's nowhere to go right? I think I have some anxiety about dying without realizing who I am and why I came here..
All those thoughts are from the mind..
so I'm just gona shut up and grab a nice book to get connected to higher consciousness..
Thank you dear Ananda and Carson for your kind support.
Namaste..
|
|
|
|
RSS
USA
69 Posts |
Posted - Apr 02 2009 : 1:41:57 PM
|
| I don't know if your in shape enough to do a slow long distance run. Whenever I feel the cloud of depression, anxiety, or any other thing that is bothering me, I put on my running shoes and go for a 6 mile run. It doesn't have to be fast, (slow long distance). This, without fail gets me back on top of the world again. I think it rebalances the brain chemistry. When I was running marathons, years ago, I was on a continuous high. Sometimes too much meditation throws me out of balance (like those 8 hour long SRF Christmas meditations), but a nice long run gets me right back. |
|
|
|
Goddessinside
158 Posts |
Posted - Apr 02 2009 : 1:51:31 PM
|
Hi Shanti,
Yes, you're right.. this emotional phases, when they occur, pass far more quickly than years ago, before yoga.. definitely.
What upset me was the fact that I felt unable to "see" the situation as it is, in a detached way.. like I learned to do it usually.
I reacted blindly, throwing violent words out; I came to a point I almost felt like acting!! When I felt that, I was about to laugh!
Crazy paradoxe! Everything could have stopped at that moment, but no, I kept on acting, and I think this was the famous "attahment to misery and pain" that many books talk about..
So yes, now I'm writing to you, I remember some details of the situation, I'm realizing that there was a little awareness after all
And last but not least, thanks for the chocolate image!
(I just had a hot chocolate sezame milk before replying to you  )
Namaste.. |
|
|
|
Goddessinside
158 Posts |
Posted - Apr 02 2009 : 1:59:38 PM
|
quote:
Originally posted by RSS
I don't know if your in shape enough to do a slow long distance run. Whenever I feel the cloud of depression, anxiety, or any other thing that is bothering me, I put on my running shoes and go for a 6 mile run. It doesn't have to be fast, (slow long distance). This, without fail gets me back on top of the world again. I think it rebalances the brain chemistry. When I was running marathons, years ago, I was on a continuous high. Sometimes too much meditation throws me out of balance (like those 8 hour long SRF Christmas meditations), but a nice long run gets me right back.
Hi RSS,
Thanks for the advice.
Yes, definitely running or fast walking will help..
A few months ago, I faced a similar situation where I got much angry..
Instead of showering the anger on the person who caused it, I took the decision to walk like a mad, as fast as I could, up and down a mountain road in the night..
I think I never got that angry in my life!
And it gives so much power.. I could have killed the very first guy who would have tried to harass me on my way!
TO my great surprise, after 30 minutes of dynamic crazy walk, I lost all the anger, felt almost not tired.. All disappeared just like that.. There was still some resentment, but the pressure in the head and the heart were almost completely gone..
Thank you for the reminder.
Love. |
|
|
|
CarsonZi
Canada
3189 Posts |
Posted - Apr 02 2009 : 2:10:05 PM
|
Namaste Goddessinside....
quote:
Originally posted by Goddessinside
About spending time with "loving and compassionate" friends, well, I'm afraid it's not gona be possible..
There are nice people around, but I don't need emotional response..
Neither rational response..Coz all that will come from people will be from their own projections and emotions, and this will not help..
You can't know this to be true. You can not know what a loving friend will offer you in any given situation. Who knows...what you might need is a good smack!?! haha...just kidding... What I mean, is that when you surround yourself with people who truly love and care for you unconditionally, people who can see you for who you are, they can often offer advice that is pertinent. Often times being advice you don't want to hear. Not emotional responses...not rational responses....but truly loving and honest responses. That is what you need.(IMO)
quote:
Originally posted by Goddessinside
So, I just try to be patient, to rely on life or God or whatever, to see some light on my path..
Patience is always a good strategy I think....
quote:
Originally posted by Goddessinside
I can go on saying "all this will pass"... but I don't want to keep saying this and feeling that I keep walking in place..
The only thing holding you in place is you. You have to choose to move....
quote:
Originally posted by Goddessinside
At the end, there's nowhere to go right?
No, but there are some layers to shed
quote:
Originally posted by Goddessinside
I think I have some anxiety about dying without realizing who I am and why I came here..
Take this to Inquiry....see what you find out.
quote:
Originally posted by Goddessinside
All those thoughts are from the mind..
so I'm just gona shut up and grab a nice book to get connected to higher consciousness..
Books are good....but sometimes silence is even better....MUCH love!
Love,
Carson |
Edited by - CarsonZi on Apr 02 2009 2:13:05 PM |
|
|
|
karl
United Kingdom
1812 Posts |
Posted - Apr 02 2009 : 5:04:14 PM
|
quote:
Originally posted by Goddessinside
Hi Shanti,
Yes, you're right.. this emotional phases, when they occur, pass far more quickly than years ago, before yoga.. definitely.
What upset me was the fact that I felt unable to "see" the situation as it is, in a detached way.. like I learned to do it usually.
I reacted blindly, throwing violent words out; I came to a point I almost felt like acting!! When I felt that, I was about to laugh!
Crazy paradoxe! Everything could have stopped at that moment, but no, I kept on acting, and I think this was the famous "attahment to misery and pain" that many books talk about..
So yes, now I'm writing to you, I remember some details of the situation, I'm realizing that there was a little awareness after all
And last but not least, thanks for the chocolate image!
(I just had a hot chocolate sezame milk before replying to you )
Namaste..
|
|
|
|
Goddessinside
158 Posts |
Posted - Apr 03 2009 : 01:51:15 AM
|
Carson.....
I agree with all that you said..
Definitely there are layers to shed! (maybe, as the weather gets really hot in summer, it will become easier, ...  )
Love.. |
|
|
|
Goddessinside
158 Posts |
Posted - Apr 03 2009 : 01:53:38 AM
|
quote:
Originally posted by karl
quote:
Originally posted by Goddessinside
Hi Shanti,
Yes, you're right.. this emotional phases, when they occur, pass far more quickly than years ago, before yoga.. definitely.
What upset me was the fact that I felt unable to "see" the situation as it is, in a detached way.. like I learned to do it usually.
I reacted blindly, throwing violent words out; I came to a point I almost felt like acting!! When I felt that, I was about to laugh!
Crazy paradoxe! Everything could have stopped at that moment, but no, I kept on acting, and I think this was the famous "attahment to misery and pain" that many books talk about..
So yes, now I'm writing to you, I remember some details of the situation, I'm realizing that there was a little awareness after all
And last but not least, thanks for the chocolate image!
(I just had a hot chocolate sezame milk before replying to you )
Namaste..
/|\ ... |
|
|
|
karl
United Kingdom
1812 Posts |
Posted - Apr 03 2009 : 08:25:29 AM
|
quote:
Originally posted by Goddessinside
quote:
Originally posted by karl
quote:
Originally posted by Goddessinside
Hi Shanti,
Yes, you're right.. this emotional phases, when they occur, pass far more quickly than years ago, before yoga.. definitely.
What upset me was the fact that I felt unable to "see" the situation as it is, in a detached way.. like I learned to do it usually.
I reacted blindly, throwing violent words out; I came to a point I almost felt like acting!! When I felt that, I was about to laugh!
Crazy paradoxe! Everything could have stopped at that moment, but no, I kept on acting, and I think this was the famous "attahment to misery and pain" that many books talk about..
So yes, now I'm writing to you, I remember some details of the situation, I'm realizing that there was a little awareness after all
And last but not least, thanks for the chocolate image!
(I just had a hot chocolate sezame milk before replying to you )
Namaste..
/|\ ...
All my lovely writing.......gone  Strangely I started editing this post and then deleted it as you said something far more interesting earlier on.
Anyway the gist of it is that it is clear you are already laughing at your actions. We all act, even this Yoga interest is just part of an act.
It's fine to let fly, it's entirely natural even if it does disturb your sense of inate silence. By the fact you recognise the act, then it is only a matter of allowing that personal trigger to directly create that laughing impulse.
Then you can choose to act in whichever way you want.
Man, sometimes it's great to act out a 'grump' and know you are doing it. Not everyone is trying to get enlightenment, let 'em have it and love them during the outpouring
Remember it's great to trust God, but only the foolish does no lock their car. |
|
|
|
Goddessinside
158 Posts |
Posted - Apr 03 2009 : 12:09:53 PM
|
 lovely post!!! thank you Karl! I finally laughed loud thanks to you!
But allow me to disagree about 1 point: the "Yoga interest" as you call it is probably the only thing that is authentic.. it is the seed that is in everybody, and how you "act" to make it alive and grow is up to you.. but the interest, the longing is our true essence, our core..
But again thank you for adding some freshness and lightness to this thread.
PS: sorry about your "lovely writing" that disappeared..
I thought that, by sending me my own words alone, you were pointing to the fact that I answered my own question!
|
|
|
|
miguel
Spain
1197 Posts |
Posted - Apr 03 2009 : 4:59:35 PM
|
When we cross a new door opened,sometimes we look back and see our past.If you can see your past, it means you are not there anymore.It requires a distance.If you were in-there,you could not see it (cos you are in-there(but you are not really)).We experience fear when we look back,cz never before we saw it with that big perspective.It is the cause of your fear godess,the distance from which you look at your past.
A friend-angel of mine suggested me this reflection some years ago.I never forgot it.It always help me in that moments of fear.I hope it helps you and other people,im sure it will do. |
|
|
|
Ananda
3115 Posts |
Posted - Apr 03 2009 : 5:34:19 PM
|
/|\
|
|
|
|
miguel
Spain
1197 Posts |
Posted - Apr 03 2009 : 5:42:54 PM
|
haha...whats the meaning of the picture exactly ananda?
|
|
|
|
Ananda
3115 Posts |
Posted - Apr 03 2009 : 6:38:14 PM
|
why does the bird sing?!
never mind me brother Miguel i am just a clown, just keep on laughing. |
|
|
|
karl
United Kingdom
1812 Posts |
Posted - Apr 04 2009 : 03:03:04 AM
|
quote:
Originally posted by Goddessinside
But allow me to disagree about 1 point: the "Yoga interest" as you call it is probably the only thing that is authentic.. it is the seed that is in everybody, and how you "act" to make it alive and grow is up to you.. but the interest, the longing is our true essence, our core..
I like it better when you laugh,
it really is a beautiful thing
Like a reflection only better.
|
|
|
|
miguel
Spain
1197 Posts |
Posted - Apr 04 2009 : 03:13:38 AM
|
| ok |
|
|
|
Goddessinside
158 Posts |
Posted - Apr 04 2009 : 03:57:00 AM
|
quote:
Originally posted by miguel
When we cross a new door opened,sometimes we look back and see our past.If you can see your past, it means you are not there anymore.It requires a distance.If you were in-there,you could not see it (cos you are in-there(but you are not really)).We experience fear when we look back,cz never before we saw it with that big perspective.It is the cause of your fear godess,the distance from which you look at your past.
A friend-angel of mine suggested me this reflection some years ago.I never forgot it.It always help me in that moments of fear.I hope it helps you and other people,im sure it will do.
"We don't look back in anger...I heard you say"....
Thank you Miguel. I'm taking the time to relax.. and simply do nothing.
What you said makes much sense.
There are people who cannot even see they changed through years, so I guess I shouldn't complain or be afraid.
Anyway, feeling better today, a bit cloudy, but I'll be fine and back to my heart, thanks to everybody's help and support on this forum.
Thank you.. |
|
|
|
miguel
Spain
1197 Posts |
Posted - Apr 04 2009 : 07:54:48 AM
|
Hey Godess,i was thinking in that song also while i was writing that posthaha..!!
Good luck,it will pass too,im sure! |
Edited by - miguel on Apr 04 2009 07:57:11 AM |
|
|
| |
Topic |
|
|
|
| AYP Public Forum |
© Contributing Authors (opinions and advice belong to the respective authors) |
|
|
|
|
Can we recede on the path...?
