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CarsonZi
Canada
3189 Posts |
 Posted - Jan 07 2009 : 2:47:01 PM
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Namaste Friends,
I have been wondering lately what it would be like to be around an "enlightened" person. To watch what they do all day, and to learn from that. I have never met a "guru", or anyone who is "Self Realized" before and I am trying to figure out what a person like this would be like on any normal moment. Granted someone like who I am talking about here probably would never work a menial job, sitting in front of a computer all day or something, but if they were to say have a job sitting in front of a computer all day, how would they be acting? Would that even be possible for someone like this to do anything for work other then something spiritually oriented? Are there such things as, for lack of a better term, "enlightened business yogi's" out there? I would love to watch a person like this in action.
My reason for asking this is that I am always trying to live in the "now". I try not to extrapolate on things, I try to take everything in stride, and really just be present and aware. But at my day job, where I generally sit in front of a computer most of the day, I find that I don't know what to do with myself. Usually I would smoke a lot of ganga to make up for time when I have nothing I need to do, but still need to be sitting here, basically waiting, but I am cutting that out right now so I am finding myself quite bored and unsure of what I should be doing to stay present and not start drifting off into "lala land" or whatever. And I wonder what someone who was "self realized" would be doing in my situation right now. Could this person ever be bored? Any thoughts?
Love,
Carson
P.S. This is pretty much why I post too much here at the forum. |
Edited by - CarsonZi on Jan 07 2009 3:29:55 PM |
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karl
United Kingdom
1812 Posts |
Posted - Jan 07 2009 : 4:56:15 PM
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Hi CarsonZi,
I think you should watch the video posted by emc, it really gets to the point very simply and elegantly. Of course it might just be the right message for me and have no resonance for you but it's worth a try.
Several of your direct questions are answered.......like what would an enlightened person do, should they be a Yoga teacher.....nope, just carry on with your day job.
Also when you wonder about the boredom you should examine who actually is suffering the boredom ?
http://video.google.com/videoplay?d...111375865407
http://video.google.com/videoplay?d...111375865407
Give it a go, it came at the right time for me and might give you a direction ?
Good luck. |
Edited by - karl on Jan 07 2009 5:39:35 PM |
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anthony574
USA
549 Posts |
Posted - Jan 07 2009 : 5:01:19 PM
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He would be bored and observing his boredom. He would be unsure of what to do in the present moment and observe his not being sure of what to do in the present moment.
I imagine, anyway :-) |
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CarsonZi
Canada
3189 Posts |
Posted - Jan 07 2009 : 5:13:33 PM
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Hi karl,
I can't get this video to work....when I click on it it says:
"We're sorry, but this video may not be available.
If this video was recently uploaded, it may still be processing.
If this video is yours, you can check its status.
To see more videos visit our home page."
I'd love to watch it, but I may need a better link....I will try to find the topic it was posted in by emc.
Thanks.
Love,
Carson |
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CarsonZi
Canada
3189 Posts |
Posted - Jan 07 2009 : 5:16:55 PM
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Hi anthony,
Yeah what is it with me and my need for constant stimulation? I'm not ADD or anything (at least not diagnosed as such although I was diagnosed as ODD or "oppositional defiance disorder" hahahaha) but I sure feel like it sometimes. I know this is worsened by the not smoking pot thing, which would normally slow me down a little, but there has to be some other way for me to combat this boredom other than smoking pot or "watching" the boredom. Watching the boredom will be so....well, boring! haha
Love,
Carson |
Edited by - CarsonZi on Jan 07 2009 5:19:23 PM |
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karl
United Kingdom
1812 Posts |
Posted - Jan 07 2009 : 5:41:24 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by CarsonZi
Hi karl,
I can't get this video to work....when I click on it it says:
"We're sorry, but this video may not be available.
If this video was recently uploaded, it may still be processing.
If this video is yours, you can check its status.
To see more videos visit our home page."
I'd love to watch it, but I may need a better link....I will try to find the topic it was posted in by emc.
Thanks.
Love,
Carson
Weird, it works on the original topic so i just cut and pasted. If you look under Deep meditatation I posted about 'self talk' which you replied to and emc provided the link.....which definitely works. |
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CarsonZi
Canada
3189 Posts |
Posted - Jan 07 2009 : 6:10:09 PM
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I knew I'd seen it somewhere before just couldn't remember which thread. Thans Bro. I will check it out later tonight hopefully!
Love,
Carson |
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mimirom
Czech Republic
368 Posts |
Posted - Jan 07 2009 : 7:42:01 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by CarsonZi
My reason for asking this is that I am always trying to live in the "now". I try not to extrapolate on things, I try to take everything in stride, and really just be present and aware. But at my day job, where I generally sit in front of a computer most of the day, I find that I don't know what to do with myself. Usually I would smoke a lot of ganga to make up for time when I have nothing I need to do, but still need to be sitting here, basically waiting, but I am cutting that out right now so I am finding myself quite bored and unsure of what I should be doing to stay present and not start drifting off into "lala land" or whatever. And I wonder what someone who was "self realized" would be doing in my situation right now. Could this person ever be bored? Any thoughts?
Love,
Carson
P.S. This is pretty much why I post too much here at the forum.
Hi Carson, you are being very cute. Roman
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Shanti
USA
4854 Posts |
Posted - Jan 07 2009 : 8:08:54 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by karl
Weird, it works on the original topic so i just cut and pasted. If you look under Deep meditatation I posted about 'self talk' which you replied to and emc provided the link.....which definitely works.
Karl, long links are shortened when they show up in a post. This is because some of the links are really long and they mess up the width of the page. Links that are shortened can be copied by clicking on the link and then doing a cut and paste of the entire address from that website or if it's your own post, hit the edit post button and if it is someone else's post hit a "reply with quote" (the icon with a page with and an arrow on it) and then get the entire link from there. |
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anthony574
USA
549 Posts |
Posted - Jan 07 2009 : 11:23:53 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by CarsonZi
Hi anthony,
Yeah what is it with me and my need for constant stimulation? I'm not ADD or anything (at least not diagnosed as such although I was diagnosed as ODD or "oppositional defiance disorder" hahahaha) but I sure feel like it sometimes. I know this is worsened by the not smoking pot thing, which would normally slow me down a little, but there has to be some other way for me to combat this boredom other than smoking pot or "watching" the boredom. Watching the boredom will be so....well, boring! haha
Love,
Carson
WHen I notice my mind wandering I use a bit of simple Buddhist mindfulness stuff...mainly just watching the breath. The beauty of this method, likewise with DM, is that you cannot be bored and focus [on the breath/mantra] at the same time! If you notice you are bored you are no longer focused on your breath, now are ya? Eh? Yeah, I thought not! Now, back to the breath... |
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CarsonZi
Canada
3189 Posts |
Posted - Jan 08 2009 : 10:29:37 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by mimirom
Hi Carson, you are being very cute. Roman
....? |
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YogaIsLife
641 Posts |
Posted - Jan 08 2009 : 10:41:59 AM
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quote:
WHen I notice my mind wandering I use a bit of simple Buddhist mindfulness stuff...mainly just watching the breath. The beauty of this method, likewise with DM, is that you cannot be bored and focus [on the breath/mantra] at the same time! If you notice you are bored you are no longer focused on your breath, now are ya? Eh? Yeah, I thought not! Now, back to the breath...
Yes, very clever Anthony! 
oh...oh...back to the breath... |
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CarsonZi
Canada
3189 Posts |
Posted - Jan 08 2009 : 11:05:19 AM
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Haha, thanks for the advice and the laugh Anthony574. I am actually about to start taking a 12 week study course in Buddhist mindfulness meditation next Wednesday, so maybe once I have a better basis in this method this will work well for me...Here's hoping. Thanks for the suggestion.
quote:
Originally posted by anthony574
[quote]Originally posted by CarsonZi
WHen I notice my mind wandering I use a bit of simple Buddhist mindfulness stuff...mainly just watching the breath. The beauty of this method, likewise with DM, is that you cannot be bored and focus [on the breath/mantra] at the same time! If you notice you are bored you are no longer focused on your breath, now are ya? Eh? Yeah, I thought not! Now, back to the breath...
I had a long discussion with my wife last night about this all, and due to this discussion I have realized a bit more about my situation here....The main problem at this point is my cravings to smoke weed, not my boredom. Boredom is a by-product of me not smoking weed anymore. I can be sitting at my desk, doing work, or posting on the forum, or whatever, and normally I would be quite content to do so. But I do not feel like myself right now. In the past, whenever I have felt anything remotely like this I would go smoke a doobie. Simple. Now that I am not allowing myself to go smoke I have this antsy, I'm so bored type feeling happening. I am not very intune with my "sober" body I think and it is very hard for me to identify with my bodily sensations if I am not stoned because it has been 15 some years since I have been sober. Everything about me feels wierd right now, but wierd is the best description I can come up with because I have a hard time "feeling" myself now. Nothing about me feels like me these days. I know this too shall pass, but the question is really, "Will I be able to stay sober long enough to get out of this funky transition stage?" I know I can stay sober as long as I don't go buy any more ganga, but the question then is; "How long will I feel UN-normal, and will I be able to stand it for as long as it lasts without breaking down and going to get more?" Who knows.....
Love,
Carson |
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karl
United Kingdom
1812 Posts |
Posted - Jan 08 2009 : 4:17:34 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by CarsonZi
I am not allowing myself to go smoke
Who is I ? and if 'I am' is 'not' then who is ? |
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CarsonZi
Canada
3189 Posts |
Posted - Jan 08 2009 : 4:29:24 PM
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Way over my head my friend!
Love,
Carson |
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Katrine
Norway
1813 Posts |
Posted - Jan 08 2009 : 5:11:47 PM
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Hi Carson
quote:
The main problem at this point is my cravings to smoke weed, not my boredom.
Yes.....
Your Bhakti is carrying you right now, Carson....it may feel like "losing heart"......but Heart is still here.
The mind is "flat" and as such easily agitated..... This is to be expected during the weaning process (can you call it weaning....is that the right term?). It will pass, like you say. But future is not of much help right now, right? (It never is....we normally just see to it that we won't have to face this fact)
Have you considered drinking the Ayurvedic Vata tea? It has a calming and balancing effect.
quote:
Boredom is a by-product of me not smoking weed nymore.
Yes...
Boredom is also what mind is when it is not stimulated and at the same time not seeped in silence. This is the state of everyone in the whole world.....if not in touch with inner silence. It is just that we see to it that stimulation is always here.....When deprived of stimulation.....and not yet turned inwards toward the mystery of our own being.....the state of mind is a lacking flatness. We have so many ways to stimulate ourselves.....to avoid the fact of the lacking state of the separate identity. Just look at Sparkle's post here....Cohelos list:
http://www.aypsite.org/forum/topic....OPIC_ID=4993
All this...we do to not face ourselves as we are. All this is done in order to be able to stay occupied in either past or future. The emptiness of the moment is very difficult to bear. So we avoid ourselves for eons....and miss the Beauty that lies hidden right under the very same stone we so stubbornly sit on.....
But you, Carson.....you are facing yourself. The cravings you are going through.....I cannot imagine how difficult it must be for you right now. To be so ...bodily uncomfortable....in addition to withstanding the thing craved.....It takes so much guts to do what you are doing. This is Bhakti.
The state of mind you are experiencing ....this flatness....a sort of deadness....that feels lacking of vividness/life/depth..... It has an unreal sense to it. This is why you feel you are "not like yourself". And true...this is not who you are......it is a state of the body/mind. Just remember one thing.....the one who notices all this....the boredom....the not being yourself......the impatience..... THIS that notices this is you. You are still aware. And what is aware of boredom is not boredom. It is Heart.
quote:
Yeah what is it with me and my need for constant stimulation?
Quite normal, Carson. Mind is always hungry. Not until it tastes the bliss of resting in silence will it prefer That. So it goes through many cycles of desiring and getting/not getting.....
Any situation that throws you face to face with this hunger....and allows you to transcend it....will lead to huge openings inside. The worse the craving.....the harder the weaning process.....but the greater the joy and freedom when the craving is gradually satiated from within rather than without.
I do not know the first thing about drug addiction, Carson, so bear over with me regarding that. But I do know about unmet - and met - desires. Nothing other than inner silence ever permanently fulfills the longing inside.....
So if you can withstand this ....battle....the payoff will be much greater than what you can ever imagine.
If you need to go slower....then go slower......but only as slow as you must.
Just don't lose heart.
Here is a poem for you:
http://www.aypsite.org/forum/topic....TOPIC_ID=834
All the best
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CarsonZi
Canada
3189 Posts |
Posted - Jan 08 2009 : 5:40:51 PM
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Thank you Katrine....
I want to respond more in depth later, but I am leaving work and on my way home to practice. I have been craving my after work smoke so badly for the past hour or two, and have been struggling with whether or not to give in or not, but after reading your post my decision is easy. I will drive home now, abiding in the heart, not the mind, and will practice sober today. Thank you for your wonderful message and I will respond better later. Thank you.
Love,
Carson |
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Shredder
USA
34 Posts |
Posted - Jan 09 2009 : 09:05:15 AM
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| Hi, I'm new here and this is my first post. And it is probably somewhat un-yoga like. In my case I'm made to do work, physical work. Things just go "right" when I'm busy. In 04 I had to take a disability retirement from a somewhat physical type job. Along with a re-newed devotion the the meta-physical, the physical needs an outlet as well. So I bike in the summer, walk my dog, fish, hike, camp, garden/yardwork and now in the dead of the winter in N MI I go to the gym 4-5 days a week to let my body experience it's need to work, due to the physical limitations I can only do so much but I do push it, keep my mind busy by reading/internet trying to experience new and challenging things, maintain social connections to the people in my life, and feed my soul by meditation/yoga. For me it regulates if not balances the body, mind and soul, completing me........shredder |
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karl
United Kingdom
1812 Posts |
Posted - Jan 09 2009 : 12:20:43 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by CarsonZi
Way over my head my friend!
Love,
Carson
OK, not a that stage yet.
So, take a moment and ask yourself who it is that is not allowing you to smoke ?
'Not' is also what is referred to as an 'away from' comment. It is more often the case that you get what you don't want. The reason for that is that we find difficulty in processing a negative thought. If I said 'dont think of a blue tree' I might take a guess that you had to think about it before you could 'not' think about it. The best way to create your goal is to put your goal into a positive frame. For instance 'it is my intention to keep my lungs clean and healthy at all times and to make sure my mind is crystal clear'
You should consider how much you want that goal......points out of 10 and would you do absolutely anything to achieve it (as long as it was legal and was safe for yourself and everyone else).
I notice that you have a circumstantial trigger which prompts you to smoke.......boredom, after a long day etc. When the trigger occurs use your positive goal frame to replace the negative image (the one that says I will 'not' smoke automatically brings up an image of you smoking and that becomes the goal regardless of how much you try, the net result is the more you say no, the more you actually say yes).
You can go much further with this by taking each part of the trigger and circumstances around it and build a positive image of how things will be ......it's what top athletes do, they see themselves going through each part of the race and winning.......So, for instance, before you get to the 'boredom' you can build a mental picture of being at the computer and having a feeling of curiosity about how your crystal clear mind could soon start becoming full of exciting ideas about something. Work through each part and find the key that triggers you to work towards success.
It's difficult to do this over the internet as I usually spend time with people to get a deeper understanding of what they really want. You mention that boredom is a result of staying off the drug. So, have you ever felt boredom while you were taking the drug? Have you felt occupied when you were sober ?
Sometimes with these things it takes a multi pronged approach to achieve the result. |
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CarsonZi
Canada
3189 Posts |
Posted - Jan 09 2009 : 1:12:09 PM
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Hi Katrine and sorry it took me so long to respond in-depth. Thank you for your very detailed post.
quote:
Originally posted by Katrine
Yes.....
Your Bhakti is carrying you right now, Carson....it may feel like "losing heart"......but Heart is still here.
The mind is "flat" and as such easily agitated..... This is to be expected during the weaning process (can you call it weaning....is that the right term?). It will pass, like you say. But future is not of much help right now, right? (It never is....we normally just see to it that we won't have to face this fact)
Yes, the desire to be clean is the only thing keeping me so at this point for sure. If I lost that bhakti to be clean there would be no reason to try right? And you are also correct in saying that yes, this too shall pass, but that doesn't give me much comfort as I struggle to stay away from marijuana right now. haha. How perceptive you are.
quote:
Originally posted by Katrine
Have you considered drinking the Ayurvedic Vata tea? It has a calming and balancing effect.
Yes I have considered many alternatives. From Wild Lettuce opium, to Valerian extracts, to herbal teas, to you name it, I've thought of using it all, but I really want to learn to be comfortable in my own skin without ANY additives. (I don't even want to drink coffee anymore) I have not had this experience really since I was 12 years old. I do not remember at all what it was like to be fully sober except that I hated myself when I was. Now I need to get to a place where I am comfortable naturally, no matter how hard it is.
quote:
Originally posted by Katrine
Boredom is also what mind is when it is not stimulated and at the same time not steeped in silence. This is the state of everyone in the whole world.....if not in touch with inner silence. It is just that we see to it that stimulation is always here.....When deprived of stimulation.....and not yet turned inwards toward the mystery of our own being.....the state of mind is a lacking flatness. We have so many ways to stimulate ourselves.....to avoid the fact of the lacking state of the separate identity.
Yes I can see this. Now I guess it is just a matter of getting that inner silence to completely permeate every aspect of my daily life right? Once that happens there can be no "boredom" as I will be content to "just be". Just need personal experience in this now.
quote:
Originally posted by Katrine
All this...we do to not face ourselves as we are. All this is done in order to be able to stay occupied in either past or future. The emptiness of the moment is very difficult to bear. So we avoid ourselves for eons....and miss the Beauty that lies hidden right under the very same stone we so stubbornly sit on.....
Yes, I can see this very clearly. Looking deeply at your true self in the mirror is always very hard to do. Noone wants to see their flaws, their shortcomings, their mistakes....but that is what it takes to learn from these things and to overcome them I know. This is why I am not shying away from quitting weed this time saying, "This is too hard, for me...I can't do it." I am staring myself in the face and it is hard and it hurts, but I need it and I won't back down.
quote:
Originally posted by Katrine
But you, Carson.....you are facing yourself. The cravings you are going through.....I cannot imagine how difficult it must be for you right now. To be so ...bodily uncomfortable....in addition to withstanding the thing craved.....It takes so much guts to do what you are doing. This is Bhakti.
Thank you Katrine for your encouragement. It truly helps. It may sound hard, and it is to an extent, but I'm sure there are many others here who are struggling just as hard as I am, (maybe not with drugs, but with something I'm sure) so I need to be realistic. To most people what I am trying to do here is easy. Don't buy drugs, don't prepare them for use, and don't use them. Simple right? Haha, I wish. But really in truth it is that simple. The hard part is sticking to my guns. But "this is bhakti", haha.
quote:
Originally posted by Katrine
The state of mind you are experiencing ....this flatness....a sort of deadness....that feels lacking of vividness/life/depth..... It has an unreal sense to it. This is why you feel you are "not like yourself". And true...this is not who you are......it is a state of the body/mind. Just remember one thing.....the one who notices all this....the boredom....the not being yourself......the impatience..... THIS that notices this is you. You are still aware. And what is aware of boredom is not boredom. It is Heart.
This hit home very hard for me Katrine and I truly thank you for this paragraph. I KNOW in my head that I am not my boredom, but not until you said this did it fall into my heart. And it's wierd too because I have probably heard the same thing said a hundred times before, but this time, it really meant something to me. This time I felt it in my heart and there it will stay. Today has been much better so far then yesterday for cravings. Right now I should be dying for a smoke because I just ate a big breakfast, but I feel content to watch for the boredom to arise, and then to study it, and then to release it. Thank you.
quote:
Originally posted by Katrine
Quite normal, Carson. Mind is always hungry. Not until it tastes the bliss of resting in silence will it prefer That. So it goes through many cycles of desiring and getting/not getting.....
Stupid mind. Just let it go already...damn! haha
quote:
Originally posted by Katrine
Any situation that throws you face to face with this hunger....and allows you to transcend it....will lead to huge openings inside. The worse the craving.....the harder the weaning process.....but the greater the joy and freedom when the craving is gradually satiated from within rather than without.
Yes, even last night after my weekly meditation group met, I could feel the hunger to get high, but because of the radiating silence I was feeling from this meditation I was able to let go of the need, and could feel my heart expanding as I did so. Soon I hope that the cravings themselves will start to go away as well.
quote:
Originally posted by Katrine
I do not know the first thing about drug addiction, Carson, so bear over with me regarding that. But I do know about unmet - and met - desires. Nothing other than inner silence ever permanently fulfills the longing inside.....
Yes, another statement I know in my head, but need to lower to my heart. Or maybe I just need to reside a little deeper in the silence in order to feel the need for nothing but silence, but either way I am not there yet. Gotta keep practicing!
quote:
Originally posted by Katrine
So if you can withstand this ....battle....the payoff will be much greater than what you can ever imagine.
Battling away my friend. The battle never ends over here!
quote:
Originally posted by Katrine
If you need to go slower....then go slower......but only as slow as you must.
Yes, thank you for this as well. It will be very disheartening to lose this battle and go purchase more ganga so I can extend the downdosing time, but with the help of the "Shine" I will try not to feel guilty should this have to happen. Thank you.
quote:
Originally posted by Katrine
Just don't lose heart.
Will try not to. Your encouraging messages definitely help!!
quote:
Originally posted by Katrine
Here is a poem for you:
http://www.aypsite.org/forum/topic....TOPIC_ID=834
I LOVE this poem! It really hit home for me! Thank you for sharing. You should really put together a compilation of your poetry and release it as a book you know...I'd buy it!
Love,
Carson |
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CarsonZi
Canada
3189 Posts |
Posted - Jan 09 2009 : 1:28:25 PM
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Hi karl and thanks for your reply!
quote:
Originally posted by karl
OK, not a that stage yet.
Nope, still a beginner. Trying not to think about things too much with my mind. Koans are good and all, but they pretty much just end up geting me frustrated. haha.
quote:
Originally posted by karl
So, take a moment and ask yourself who it is that is not allowing you to smoke ?
I guess it would be my bhakti that is not allowing me to smoke. My personal desire to be clean.
quote:
Originally posted by karl
'Not' is also what is referred to as an 'away from' comment. It is more often the case that you get what you don't want. The reason for that is that we find difficulty in processing a negative thought. If I said 'dont think of a blue tree' I might take a guess that you had to think about it before you could 'not' think about it. The best way to create your goal is to put your goal into a positive frame. For instance 'it is my intention to keep my lungs clean and healthy at all times and to make sure my mind is crystal clear'
Yes sir, I understand the concept you are putting forward. Pretty much an NLP concept right? Is it you that has the backgroung in NLP or was it someone else? Can't remember for sure. I will try to start thinking about my quitting ganga in a positive mid set rather then a "you can't do this" type of mindset. When I crave a smoke I will tell myself "You don't really want that smoke, what you really want is to be clean!" Hopefully this will help.
quote:
Originally posted by karl
You should consider how much you want that goal......points out of 10 and would you do absolutely anything to achieve it (as long as it was legal and was safe for yourself and everyone else).
My spiritual self really wants this and knows that I need it, but my ego, or my personality, or my body or something keeps telling me that what I really want is a smoke. I know it will make me feel better, so it is hard to tell myself I want something different!
quote:
Originally posted by karl
I notice that you have a circumstantial trigger which prompts you to smoke.......boredom, after a long day etc. When the trigger occurs use your positive goal frame to replace the negative image (the one that says I will 'not' smoke automatically brings up an image of you smoking and that becomes the goal regardless of how much you try, the net result is the more you say no, the more you actually say yes).
Yes I understand. But sometimes it isn't a mental thing either. It is sometimes my body that says it needs a hoot, not my mind. So it is sometimes hard to use this strategy. Not saying it won't work in most situations, just that I can forsee some that it will not work in.
quote:
Originally posted by karl
You can go much further with this by taking each part of the trigger and circumstances around it and build a positive image of how things will be ......it's what top athletes do, they see themselves going through each part of the race and winning.......So, for instance, before you get to the 'boredom' you can build a mental picture of being at the computer and having a feeling of curiosity about how your crystal clear mind could soon start becoming full of exciting ideas about something. Work through each part and find the key that triggers you to work towards success.
Yes I am very well versed in visualization techniques. I used to snowboard semi-pro and used to ride in a lot of half-pipe, big air, and bordercross competitions and am used to runnning through what will happen in my mind before ever even starting. Not sure what the "key" will be in this circumstance but I will try to find it. I am dedicated to getting clean.
quote:
Originally posted by karl
It's difficult to do this over the internet as I usually spend time with people to get a deeper understanding of what they really want. You mention that boredom is a result of staying off the drug. So, have you ever felt boredom while you were taking the drug? Have you felt occupied when you were sober ?
I have never felt boredom that I can remember as long as I was sufficiently stoned. And I have never really been sober for over 15 years, so it is hard to say whether I have ever felt occupied while sober. I'm sure I have at one point in my life. Definitely not any time recently though!
quote:
Originally posted by karl
Sometimes with these things it takes a multi pronged approach to achieve the result.
I agree. I will try to encorporate your suggestions into what I am already trying. Thank you very much for your advice and look forward to any more you may have to share.
Love,
Carson |
Edited by - CarsonZi on Jan 09 2009 2:20:08 PM |
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Katrine
Norway
1813 Posts |
Posted - Jan 09 2009 : 5:45:20 PM
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Hi Carson
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I have been craving my after work smoke so badly for the past hour or two, and have been struggling with whether or not to give in or not, but after reading your post my decision is easy. I will drive home now, abiding in the heart, not the mind, and will practice sober today.
I was very happy to read this this morning Thanks for posting.
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Now I guess it is just a matter of getting that inner silence to completely permeate every aspect of my daily life right?
Yes...
Luckily it already permeates absolutely everything...so that leaves us unemployed, doesn't it.....*laughing*......and this takes some getting used to In direct proportion to that - there is increased ability to enjoy life instead.
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Looking deeply at your true self in the mirror is always very hard to do.
Yes. Simply because we do not see our true self in the mirror. It is the unreal self we see. In all its variations over the same theme of worthyness/unworthyness.
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Noone wants to see their flaws, their shortcomings, their mistakes....but that is what it takes to learn from these things and to overcome them I know
Yes. We go from thinking we are "strong and powerful" to thinking we are "completely worthless". And both are just concepts! It is such a paradox, isn't it....that after facing all that....all along thinking that it is who we are....both turns out to be a mirage. But like you say - we cannot transcend what we do not see. So first we face it.....and faced with the look of silence....it dissolves and ends up being nothing at all. Just like THAT. No wonder it doesn't pay to think about it. It is beyond understanding. But not beyond being directly experienced, thank God!
So Amen to consistant daily practises.
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Just need personal experience in this now
Yes. Direct experience is what is needed. And this will continue to be your experience, Carson. Nothing compares to that which lands in heart and stays there. It is priceless and can never leave you.
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This is why I am not shying away from quitting weed this time saying, "This is too hard, for me...I can't do it." I am staring myself in the face and it is hard and it hurts, but I need it and I won't back down.
I love that, Carson. Because the truth is that you face it in spite of the fact that you can't do it. You face it anyway. This is the courage of Heart. It is such a leap.....And this is also why it leads to inner openings....None of us ever do anything in the first place, see. It is all stillness in action all the time. We are just not aware of that. But by facing the depth of Now...by not running away from yourself.....your true nature reveals itself. So abide here. It is always worth it. Especially when seemingly not. Just look at your level of Bhakti :-)
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To most people what I am trying to do here is easy. Don't buy drugs, don't prepare them for use, and don't use them. Simple right? Haha, I wish. But really in truth it is that simple.
If you have to compare yourself to anyone....compare yourself to yourself. That is the only comparing that is relevant. Let's see....what was NOW like for you...say 10 months ago.....Take a good look and take it to heart
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This hit home very hard for me Katrine and I truly thank you for this paragraph. I KNOW in my head that I am not my boredom, but not until you said this did it fall into my heart. And it's wierd too because I have probably heard the same thing said a hundred times before, but this time, it really meant something to me. This time I felt it in my heart and there it will stay.
Long silence after reading this..........:-)
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Right now I should be dying for a smoke because I just ate a big breakfast, but I feel content to watch for the boredom to arise, and then to study it, and then to release it.
All you ever need to "do" you just stated here.....let what comes come, let it stay, and let it go. You are beyond it. Just like that. If you don't expect anything in particular...who knows what will rise, right? It is such a relief to not have to rely on mind at all times...in truth it loves the rest it is getting. The taste for it grows the longer we abide here.
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I could feel the hunger to get high, but because of the radiating silence I was feeling from this meditation I was able to let go of the need, and could feel my heart expanding as I did so
Wonderful direct experience, Carson. It is forever in heart, completely independant of head.
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I LOVE this poem! It really hit home for me! Thank you for sharing. You should really put together a compilation of your poetry and release it as a book you know...I'd buy it!
You just did, Carson. Thank you
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CarsonZi
Canada
3189 Posts |
Posted - Jan 09 2009 : 7:10:20 PM
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Hello again Katrine, lovely to hear from you as always!
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Originally posted by Katrine
I was very happy to read this this morning Thanks for posting.
My pleasure. Your message really inspired me to stay clean. Thank YOU!
quote:
Originally posted by Katrine
Luckily it (inner silence) already permeates absolutely everything...so that leaves us unemployed, doesn't it.....*laughing*......and this takes some getting used to In direct proportion to that - there is increased ability to enjoy life instead.
Yes I am noticing this even now. I am learning what it is like to enjoy life without needing anything. (probably for the first time) And it is a pleasure I have never felt before so it is taking a little getting used to. In a good way.
quote:
Originally posted by Katrine
We do not see our true self in the mirror. It is the unreal self we see. In all its variations over the same theme of worthyness/unworthyness.
Wow. Wisdom just pours out of you doesn't it Katrine. Does it hurt to be so smart? Haha. I had never thought of it like this but as usual you are totatlly right.
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Originally posted by Katrine
Yes. Direct experience is what is needed. And this will continue to be your experience, Carson. Nothing compares to that which lands in heart and stays there. It is priceless and can never leave you.
Thank you. This is a great encouragement to me because I often wonder if all this that I am learning and growing to become can be stripped away from me should I falter for a while. Thank you.
quote:
Originally posted by Katrine
If you have to compare yourself to anyone....compare yourself to yourself. That is the only comparing that is relevant. Let's see....what was NOW like for you...say 10 months ago.....Take a good look and take it to heart
And thank you for this reminder as well. It is an old habit to compare myself to everyone else, one that I have been trying to get rid of, pretty successfully for the most part I think, but there are times like this when I forget. Thank you for the reminder. If you were to talk to me a year ago you would not recognize me in any way. I know this so thank you for reminding me to take a step back and view things from a wider and less harsh perspective once in a while.
quote:
Originally posted by Katrine
All you ever need to "do" you just stated here.....let what comes come, let it stay, and let it go. You are beyond it. Just like that. If you don't expect anything in particular...who knows what will rise, right? It is such a relief to not have to rely on mind at all times...in truth it loves the rest it is getting. The taste for it grows the longer we abide here.
Turn every struggle into samyama practice right? I like that.
Thank you again for all your encouragement and advice Katrine. You seem to know just what to say to turn the lightbulb on for me these days. If only there was some way I could repay you....
Love,
Carson |
Edited by - CarsonZi on Jan 09 2009 8:11:39 PM |
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Katrine
Norway
1813 Posts |
Posted - Jan 10 2009 : 07:49:18 AM
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Hi Carson
quote:
If only there was some way I could repay you....
I enjoy the communion, I enjoy the increased lightness of heart....
And most of all I enjoy this.....which is instant payback:
"really inspired me to stay clean"
"I am learning what it is like to enjoy life without needing anything."
"just what to say to turn the lightbulb on for me these days."
May you stay alit, Carson. Let all your payback go to that which shines within everything.
That's all |
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mimirom
Czech Republic
368 Posts |
Posted - Jan 11 2009 : 05:24:52 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by CarsonZi
I am actually about to start taking a 12 week study course in Buddhist mindfulness meditation next Wednesday
Hi Carson,
congrats to a wise decision. It's THE basic technique. Avoiding the wandering mind by focusing on mantra or breath works, sure. But obviously, one can't live one's live focused on one object all the time. That would end quickly with some car accident or loosing your job, or something...
The skill of mindfulness can cope with all the eons of objects constantly entering our minds and provide you uninterrupted presence at the same time. Boredom? Take THAT as your object of observation, instead of breath or mantra. How does it taste? How does it color your experience? How is it unpleasant? Any restlessness? So now, is it interesting or boring?
Looking forward to hear you reporting about the course.
Take care,
Roman |
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CarsonZi
Canada
3189 Posts |
Posted - Jan 11 2009 : 12:41:21 PM
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Thanks Roman,
I am really looking forward to this class. It fell out of the sky into my lap so I'm sure I was meant to take it, and I'm sure I will greatly benefit from it. Will let you all know how it goes.
Love,
Carson |
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