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karl
United Kingdom
1812 Posts |
 Posted - Jan 06 2009 : 12:25:54 PM
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For the first time today I experienced something quite new. Having tested myself in the past I know that one of my preferred systems is internal dialogue. In other words I talk to myself.
During meditation today I noticed I was internally coaching myself "let your mind go silent etc", when thoughts come up I just generally let them go. However this was different, as I let the thought come up I began asking "why I you asking yourself to go silent?" followed by "Who is asking who? and what are they asking? as there is only one person here and thats you !"
I could not get out of this incredible loop, it was like standing between two mirrors and watching the question multiply infinitely. I was laughing internally at this confusing situation which made it even worse as there seemed to be far too many people in one space at one time and all asking who was talking to who. 
I could keep the mantra going on top of all this. It was like simultaneous processing and no matter how I 'just noticed the next thought' it immediately brought up a response to the enquiry without seeming to end.
What the heck is going on ??
It's no wonder that in everyday life I sometimes struggle to make a decision as I can clearly understand that as soon as I make one decision I must be following the same path of internal dialogue and asking myself 'why i was making that decision', I just never noticed it. |
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CarsonZi
Canada
3189 Posts |
Posted - Jan 06 2009 : 1:07:00 PM
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Hi Karl,
I have had the EXACT same issue in the not too distant past. I have a terrible problem with "internal narration" as I call it. I have this natural tendency to narrate in my head everything I do. It helps with self-inquiry for me, but is incredibly distracting during SBP and DM. I did not find an acute solution persay, but what I found was that it is possible to favor the practice you are doing over the narration. And within a few weeks I was deep in silence with no narration happening anymore. I still do have a lot of narration happening during the day-time and such, but my meditations have become much deeper as I try hard not to pay any attention to the voice in my head and favor the practice instead. Hope this helps even though there isn't much of a suggestion here.
Love,
Carson |
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karl
United Kingdom
1812 Posts |
Posted - Jan 06 2009 : 2:31:18 PM
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| Thanks Carson. Again, tonight I became aware of it and it makes me start 'forcing' the mantra in order to concentrate on it, instead of the voices. This is instinctively wrong, but is a natural consequence of the situation. It must be a new development and part of the natural process as I had never noticed I was inwardly 'coaching' myself. Now I have recognised it, maybe I am recognising two distinct parts......conscious and unconscious ?? or is this part of the development of 'the witness' ? |
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Shanti
USA
4854 Posts |
Posted - Jan 06 2009 : 2:54:03 PM
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| Karl, treat it like a distraction and go back to the mantra every time. Don't analyze it or try to figure it out or dwell on it. It maybe a part of the natural purification process, however the mind loves stuff like this to dwell on.. and the more importance you give it.. the longer it will stay... and more frustrating it will get. |
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Richard
United Kingdom
857 Posts |
Posted - Jan 06 2009 : 3:11:08 PM
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quote:
It maybe a part of the natural purification process, however the mind loves stuff like this to dwell on.. and the more importance you give it.. the longer it will stay... and more frustrating it will get.
Shanti is absolutely right just keep coming back gently to the mantra and above all don't stress about it that will just make it worse the mind loves stuff like this it WILL go away if you don't worry about it and just treat it as a distraction. |
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emc
2072 Posts |
Posted - Jan 06 2009 : 3:31:03 PM
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During practices, I agree totally with above suggestions - treat it as any distraction.
However... it may continue to happen whenever outside practices and it is an interesting phase in the transformation of the mind. I have found that the internal self-inquiry of that bouncing mirroring kind is quite beneficial. It's like seeing the Agent Smith multiplying in the film Matrix - Neo bouncing against a whole line of agents... It is a sign that something is happening that has not happened before, and that the mind is "threatened" by the increasing stillness. It is the asking that is important! (provided it is relational as Yogani puts it, asked from stillness and not a mind asking a mind).
See Mooji on how the question itself works (it's a long interview and he comes to it towards the end):
http://video.google.com/videoplay?d...111375865407 |
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jillatay
USA
206 Posts |
Posted - Jan 07 2009 : 12:19:18 PM
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I just heard someone recently say that racing thoughts (that is what it is after all) are a symptom of PTSD (post traumatic stress) The intensity of it shows how fear is the basis of not wanting to be silent. I found this very interesting because I know I suffer from PTSD and my internal dialog can be pretty persistent at times. Like this morning during meditation it was just so busy in there.  This time I just was kind to myself and relaxed. It passes like everything else. My meditation ended and I felt quite happy. Maybe I am finally healing.
Love to all,
Jill |
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karl
United Kingdom
1812 Posts |
Posted - Jan 07 2009 : 3:37:44 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by emc
During practices, I agree totally with above suggestions - treat it as any distraction.
However... it may continue to happen whenever outside practices and it is an interesting phase in the transformation of the mind. I have found that the internal self-inquiry of that bouncing mirroring kind is quite beneficial. It's like seeing the Agent Smith multiplying in the film Matrix - Neo bouncing against a whole line of agents... It is a sign that something is happening that has not happened before, and that the mind is "threatened" by the increasing stillness. It is the asking that is important! (provided it is relational as Yogani puts it, asked from stillness and not a mind asking a mind).
See Mooji on how the question itself works (it's a long interview and he comes to it towards the end):
http://video.google.com/videoplay?d...111375865407
Marvelous, that's it. Who is that one?
I think now it's a crazy puzzle. I do go into stillness, it's none existence, nothingness and when you come out of meditation you are altered by that experience that has not been experienced because you were nothing.
For the first time in my life I went to work this morning and wondered what what would unfold for me. Curious like going to see a film, engaged in the drama but not part of it. A marvellous full 3D all aroud sensory play ground and observing myself doing it.
I suppose the more times you go into nothingness the stronger will be the rejection of unreality and the more fun it becomes to while away some sensory time and let things flow.........wow, I think I get it now.
That event that sparked those multiple 'imposter' voices must have been the final gatekeeper trying to keep things the same.
It seems like being stood between two mirrors and the reflections look like the 'I' until you realise the real 'I' does not exist and therefore neither do the imposters.
If that all makes any sense |
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IcedEarth
73 Posts |
Posted - Jan 11 2009 : 11:47:16 AM
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| karl, what you described sounds like non-relation self-inquiry during deep meditation. The technique is supposed to be done by letting go of your thoughts and returning to the mantra, not analyzing and questioning them. This is often how we get sidetracked and obsessed with our thoughts. |
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self talk during meditation?
