|
|
 |
|
| Author |
 Topic  |
|
|
foralways
Sweden
19 Posts |
 Posted - Dec 16 2008 : 06:27:22 AM
|
okay... a few things on my mind.
fears..
i have discovered i have many fears that block my mind. almost all thoughts that pop up in my mind are somehow related to my fears of people. my fear of people is the fear of not pleasing them or the fear of being controlled by them, not being free.
when i am out in the world experiencing situations and people i am really noticing how this fears form thoughts that bring me away from the moment and into my head, and stop the in-the-moment rush feeling i sometimes can achieve.
how do i face this fears? and what will my thoughts be when i am no longer bound by them?
I understand that thoughts never disappear but do they change throughout yoga practice?
hm, and when i think about it, fears of not pleasing and fears of being controlled, are they not very connected? how can i break free?
i am also afraid of showing weakness and of people knowing the real me, whatever that is.
i am just really exhausted of being this way.
i can see things in my past that might have started this behavior. how important is it to dig into the past for explantations? is that a good things or should i just try to control it now? and how do i do that?
i want to live for me, not for other people. but the thoughts are really hard to control.
i have also noticed a very inpatient behavior in me recently. for a long period i have had troubles with the meditation "i am" because i just want to move on to doing what i am supposed to do after, like getting on with my day. once i do, it strikes me as pretty pointless, because there is no real point to me doing what i am doing. there is a point to meditation. this has gotten better now, i am starting to enjoy meditation again, and i am pleased.
however, i notice this impatience in me... i tend to express it by eating. eating without even tasting the food, just putting things in my mouth and at the same time thinking in circles. i can pass several hours like this. the food used to give satisfaction, but it doesnt anymore, because i see how pointless it is. i am afraid that i will do the same with my life.
at theese moment i try to snap into now and stop myself, but it isnt always that it works, and when it doesnt, it makes me disappointed.
any thoughts about this behavior?
drugs... sometimes i smoke marijuana, and it just liftes me to the skyys. i just love so much. is this a fake feeling? and how can it be? drugs in general tempt me to explore me, since i understand that there is all this feeling within just waiting to come out. or is it a different feeling, the one reached by meditation and yoga?
i started the pranayama, it is quite nice. however somehow it feels like something hard gets stuck in my back. like a big block, and it makes me unfocus abit because it almost feels like pain and makes me want to stretch. and i suppose stretching and moving destroys the practice.
and today when i did meditation afterwards, i got this huge pressure behind my forehead. i did not focus on it, but kept repeating the mantra harder, and it just got stronger. what is this?
and at some points during meditation i think i dream, or have this really wierd dreamish thoughts or pictures, is that normal? suddenly i "wake" and return to the mantra.
i feel an urge for someone to tell me im in the right path. or tell me that i am doing the practice right. sometimes my mind just cant believe that there is this path so easy for me to choose. like it has to be a unreal, because it so .. wah, no words, and i am afraid to fall back into not thinking like this and not feeling like there is so much more that i can see. even if i am not there yet, i have hope that even I can make peace with me and reach this bliss that is hard to understand when u are not there.
is it possible that doing meditation and yoga is what is helping me to notice my own behavior?
is fear the contrary to love?
is there an easy to use yoga practice to use to get the blood flowing in the morning?
is coffee and sugar bad for your thinking, because it gives u stress?
is it possible to feel other peoples energies? i have been having interesting experiences with that lately. and if some peoples good energies can help me and strengthen me, can other peoples bad energies or draining personalities harm me?
i sometimes find it very difficult to handle this kind of people. i am afraid they will confuse me and bring me off my path.
ah, i know that i don´t know.
is this the world?
what is the point? to feel, to love. i think i need to get rid of the fears to do that fully.
|
|
|
YogaIsLife
641 Posts |
Posted - Dec 16 2008 : 11:15:28 AM
|
My friend,
I feel you deeply and resonate with most of what you say, especially concerning fears. I have faith in meditation though. I am in the same "struggle" as you but found some positive differences with meditation.
quote:
hm, and when i think about it, fears of not pleasing and fears of being controlled, are they not very connected? how can i break free?
i am also afraid of showing weakness and of people knowing the real me, whatever that is.
i am just really exhausted of being this way.
i can see things in my past that might have started this behavior. how important is it to dig into the past for explantations? is that a good things or should i just try to control it now? and how do i do that?
i want to live for me, not for other people. but the thoughts are really hard to control.
It really sounds like me here! I believe I am changing though, and meditation has greatly helped me in that. I was struggling hard also trying to "control" my thoughts but you can't my friend. I don't think you can. It is mind against mind. So meditation brings that extra dimension, beyond mind, and I think that is the key.
I still struggle hard with my inner self - I still have many many deep fears, "irrational" fears, etc., that seem to come and take over me with no apparent reason. There is no easy way to deal with them, but, I have clearly found, an invaluable help in meditation, as I am able to mantain much more control and remain more stable in myself even when these "storms" rush over me. So yes, I guess meditation works and, although it may not be the single solution and you may want to also look at other helps (such as counselling, etc.) I suggest you continue and mantain a daily practice of meditation as it is surely a great help for mantaining stability and control in the face of adversity and instability.
All the best and keep us posted!
YIL |
 |
|
|
Sarasotayogi
USA
8 Posts |
Posted - Dec 16 2008 : 12:27:08 PM
|
[i]drugs... sometimes i smoke marijuana, and it just liftes me to the skyys. i just love so much. is this a fake feeling? and how can it be? drugs in general tempt me to explore me, since i understand that there is all this feeling within just waiting to come out. or is it a different feeling, the one reached by meditation and yoga
I remember this question back in the 70's when I started practicing, you have to be careful here although drugs can release certain conditions in the body its not the same as what were trying to do here. Purification of the nervous system using the AYP methods and drug use are at oposite ends of the spectrum in terms of spiritual development. My advice is to quit using these substances and cleanse your body by fasting and a herbal cleanse. The long term use of these drugs will be detremental to your spiritual development, and eventually will dull your senses and perceptions, distorting your world view and making you paranoid. How can smoking anything be helpful to your pranayama practice? Use common sense and listen to the Guru inside of you....
|
|
|
|
Divineis
Canada
420 Posts |
Posted - Dec 16 2008 : 3:02:24 PM
|
Hey man, I really appreciated your post, just the sincerity of it. Felt I could relate on a lot of points.
I found a lot of things turned over for me, when just keeping in mind my Ishta of unconditional love. Just like... always turning things over towards unconditional love. Seeking the root of certain problems, just self inquiring as to why they're there, figuring out how they're possibly not loving or how they could be more loving, and making promises for the future. Simple as that. Eventually you kind of start easing to this point where things are turned over for "no reason" really, like it's beyond the intelect. But the intelect is needed. You have to set the foundation, and then the "unconditional" part of unconditional love takes place a bit more. Sorta like I guess that "going beyond the mind" takes place when the mind is mastered. Just appreciating people as people.
Like earlier this week, I thought of grouping people in certain circumstances into two subsets of "needing love" or "appreciated". And I noticed, the further I took it, I realised absolutly everyone is both, and thus had one less reason and that much more "unconditionality" to my love for people. really, they're all appreciated, just by being themselves :). But I had to think of my fears, my problems, my blocks towards getting there before it got to that point. And definetly had to keep in mind, they all have their own fears, their own blocks. I think people are way more the same than we think :). |
|
|
|
brother neil
USA
752 Posts |
Posted - Dec 16 2008 : 4:42:02 PM
|
For me I had been tosing around the difference between thoughts and emotions for a while and then I did a workshop recently that Aided in me further understanding for myself how I and my mind function. A feeling seems to occur and then the mind puts labels and words on it. When this happens we deal with the labels and words instead of the feeling. So a certain feeling comes up and we label it depression so now every time that feeling comes up we put that label on it. Then as sooon as we feel it, we say, "i feel depressed" SO of course more thoughts of depression occur. Now we are dealing with the thoughts instead of the feeling.
also, That label of depression may be wrong as well. Maybe it was an empty feeling, maybe you needed food or maybe it meant someone was leaving the house or maybe it was that feeling because the weather changed. So now anytime a similar feeling comes up you go back to "here is the depression again" or when a negative thought comes up you may then bring that feeling up from just a thought alone. As eckhart tole said "the mind is only a little part of the human experience" and as Chopra said, "we are human beings, not human thinking's" something like that. We have feelings and it seems that is what is best to live by, our thinking clouds and gets in the way of feeling. So how do we shift from thinking to feeling? For starters we have to become comfortable with feelings, for if we run from them we will end up thinking. I tell you this is advice I need to take myself. So thanks for letting me share what I need to accept.
we are one, in the same
best to you
brother Neil
|
|
|
|
foralways
Sweden
19 Posts |
Posted - Jan 24 2009 : 08:49:20 AM
|
thank you all for answering my post. really... it helps me a lot.
theese are confusing times for me indeed. some days i do not know what to think, others i feel like i understand it all. whenever i do feel like i understand it all, i do not ask why.. but the days that i just dont, i ask why why why. and people scare me, alot. like when i do feel like it is quite clear that we are living in a world that we do not know what is is, i just am amazed and frightened by people i meet. there are such walls of fears in between us... sometimes, i put them up. then i can live quite "happily" ( read easily, not troubled... sort of) hiding from the fear and just sticking to the shallowness and comfort of everyday problems.
sometimes it is just not like that.... like today. or yesterday. i long for people, i long for openness and an open love among the human race. i wonder why people are running in from the windy day instead of spreading their arms and reaching for the skies. why do we choose trouble and fighting inside instead of opening up for the world?
how can there be so much hate, when we are all the same?? how can there be so much fright. i want to walk up to people on the street to ask them, to poke them. to try to brreak through their thick walls of protection... i try to plant seeds of thoughts wherever i go. but it is just getting to be sometimes, i feel so weak and i notice my behaivor changing and becoming more and more fearfull again. letting other peoples expectations rule my world. i am scared. the human being tends to go in groups, it seems to be one of our biological features... then ofcourse i am adapting to whatever surroundings i am in. problem is that i dont want to, once i have seen there is so much else.
and the music people listen to. music that is supposed to carry love and messages, it is just making us stupid. and the telivision shows that people choose to watch. or the magazines making people compare themselves and be unhappy instead of finding strength from inside. i am surrounded, i feel like i am in the corner and i just cannot breathe. one second i feel like it is going to be alright, and the next i just am in pain.
if i do hide, i will be doing the same thing. letting fear in.
i have never felt this much urge to paint and to write before. there are many people out there... right? many good people. i am looking in the wrong places. i need to surround me with what i want to adapt to, because i will adapt.
thank you all for sharing with me. thank you all for being open and being just the way you are... appreciating life and honoring the fact that we do not know. we have no control, even though we pretend we do, and therefor we should not be afraid to loose something that we didnt even have in the beginning.
confusing times. confusing confusing confusing times.
divenis, i just read your post again, and thank you. you are so right. i suppose what is occuring to me right now are my own fears of people. and its hitting myself in the head like a hammer. i am afraid of letting me go, and letting me be just as "wierd" as i am. sometimes i just feel like i am schizofrenic and have a little war going on from to sides in my head. sometimes i want to tell people this... i want to talk about how i can smooth in and out of this absolute feeling of pulling, or of expanding. and i want to ask the person in front of me... how is your expanding going today? bcause i certainly have great pressure over my head. or today i can almost fly and made the candle in my room flinch like crazy during meditation this morning. i am afraid of saying this... very.
and sometimes i feel the deepest love for people around me, like anyone, even the people on my work who i really dont understand their way of living. but then i realize that i am in a way putting myself over them, thinking, oh, u have so many fears my friend. do not worry, it is all good. and i give them love and i see them like it.... hmmm... this is another thing, this i had forgotten when i started writing. this is one part of me. and then we have the other one, fearfull, like when i started this post. it is like an eternal battle.
i started writing a book, it is just running words out of me. yesterday i smoked mariuana and i thought i could control the wind. it felt like it was rushing through me and i just felt so unified with everything, and with nothing, like it suddenly stood so clear for me how easy it all is. and it just made me smile and laugh. whaat are theese rituals and stupid things we do? who made up all this rules in this society... and
yogaislife... thank you for sharing that with me. it is greatly appreciated. mediation is what is setting me free, if even slowly. meditation is my hope right now, what will keep me from falling into zombiemode.
sarasotayogi... thanks for sharing that. do you still smoke mari? sometimes it just lets me observe my thoughts and how they work in what seems a much clearer way. if i am dancing to good music it is undescribable, like i am in a state of total naturalnes.. it is beautiful to see people joined like that. in dancing. and i open my eyes, in the movements, and see that everyone around me is making the same moves. it is just beautiful. like the universal language of life. and i felt such a pull from my chest towards the sky, liek really opening my heart, and such a pressure on my third eye. it is just beautiful, and what scares me is so many people going in other directions than this pure and easiness. but i will try to communicate my bit, in my book. i want to keep doing that. i just dont want to swap back to the normal world, the world of fears, and hide my feelings and my behaivor.
thank you brother neil for sharing that. i am feeling better, and i can feel the love and the care in that you replied. even that i do not know you. love cures it, that must be the answer. i need to work myself through my fears, and keep up the meditation. i had a breakthrough last week in meditation, after 6 months of practice. i suddenly got the meaning of letting go of thoughts... and it seemed so easy that i am afraid of loosing it again. i am afraid of trusting me with this huge understanding of how our heads are constantly throwing hooks to set our mind spinning. do not mind the thought, it was so clear. and so beautiful.
i have been trying it in life, with great results of happiness.
what has happened now... i missed meditation yesterday. can that be the reason for my distress today? i didnt treat my body properly and ate to much food. i have been spending the week struggling with keeping me and all myself inside, to not be seen as a total wierdo. i have been keeping it up well. i noticed so many fears in myself.. so many. i am sstarting to see where they come from. i see two states of mind, i want to let go of one totally. i woke up this weekend again, i did. and i found myself wanting to dance to a beat and just heard so much hate in the song ( a reggae concert) and i just started to see people being brainwashed. here i go again...
society, scary.
inside of me, beautiful. same as everything, simple.
society saying to me that this is false. o maybe it is my head saying that to me. i have conversations within... it usually feels better once i say it, but not much room to do that right now. i feel like i need to be strong to inspire others around me, like there is noone to catch me if i fall over my thoughts and into a hole. and i can see from the people around me that there are many holes.
meditation is the key, i believe it. and yet, that i think is what my struggle is all about.... believing. believing something else that what i always thought. it is coming to me, i think. i just have to be open. i have to trust myself that i can trust myself with this. i have to trust myself that i can controll my thoughts. just like i controll my legs, or any other bodypart. i dont know.
if anyone has any other thoughts, they are extremly welcome. it is really helping me to hear all you people out there. really helping me. and all of you who answered this post before, i am feeling so much love for you. and for all others, aswell. thank you for making a difference |
|
|
|
foralways
Sweden
19 Posts |
Posted - Jan 24 2009 : 10:15:01 AM
|
| another thing.... if u do notice a fear. like i have fears of being noticed. how do i get rid of that? |
|
|
|
Shredder
USA
34 Posts |
Posted - Jan 24 2009 : 10:15:27 AM
|
quote:
Originally posted by foralways
if anyone has any other thoughts, they are extremly welcome. it is really helping me to hear all you people out there. really helping me. and all of you who answered this post before, i am feeling so much love for you. and for all others, aswell. thank you for making a difference
OK you asked, pot smoking has a very common side effect... paranoia. This seems so obvious for starters. Is it too obvious? What reasons do you think do you think are responsible? Please understand following a spiritual path makes you look at yourself. If you see something that you want to change, it most likely involves work, are you willing to do the work necessary? Identifying the problem is a start, wanting a result is good, and the rest envolves effort. Wishy washy effort gives wishy washy results. Perhaps you have heard the "garbage in garbage out" anedote. If you knew for a fact you could not recieve what you want AND still smoke what would you do? Yes it's easy for me to say, and I'm not dismissing your effort, but you did ask...shredder |
|
|
|
foralways
Sweden
19 Posts |
Posted - Jan 24 2009 : 10:53:08 AM
|
hm, i hear you shredder.
you definately have a point... and i suppose feeling love and feeling fear at once is impossible.
but i still feel very confused by my surroundings, and how our society if built up and how we are lead in a pathway that is say the least confusing. put on the television or open a fashion magazine... to me, it is scary. us being of the nature we are too, to follow, to compare.
a standard is set by society, an unreachable one and people are unhappy.
i mean, have u taken a look at people at the metro? i tried smiling. one guy thought i was flirting with him, appart from that no reactions. people spend 8 hrs a day in an office, inside, in front of computers.. and once they go out from the office, you will find a big amount of them poisoning themselves in bars. with alcohol. on their free time. numing their senses... or eating food that i am not sure what it consists of. and we wonder why we have so many diseases. the number of farmacies are increasing.... drugs, more drugs, pills. cure the pain fast. and if i speak about energies, or balancing, most people i know will tilt their heads and smile.
it might be my environment, and i am not saying i do not have a choice, i am very lucky to have this oppertunity to wake myself up.
but about the society... is it really paranoia?
i spent weeks with my 8-hrs a day working roommate who on his free times notices every bad detail u can find. we are using our minds to affirming negative thoughts. i do not think this is paranoia. i just feel an incredible need to express myself.
but u are probably right about mariuana, even though i do feel that is opening my mind at times (am not a regular smoker, just once in a while). using not abusing... or do u think it is not compatible with yoga and meditation at all?
but you are right, i need to involve myself even more in the practices. and i think i am ready to self-pace to the next step.. pranayama. have been taking it very slow. i suppose it is all in one package.. eating habits, feeling, body. all connected.
thank you |
|
|
|
foralways
Sweden
19 Posts |
Posted - Jan 24 2009 : 1:05:34 PM
|
its actually now making me realize that u are right, yesterday i spent the night in a place that was not good for me. the energies there were bad, the music had a violent message and i did not feel safe and calm at all. i could not at all relax and become one with the music, and let its notes and long tones pull me in moves like threads through my body. which is normally how i would feel.
it is up to me to not be in theese situations. it is totally up to me, actually. and i must engage more in practice since i am seeing the results, and seeing things i did not at all notice before. its like i am opening my eyes, slowly. thats how it feels like. and i am just chocked in what i find.
my fears controll me only if i let them. even though i am not sure how to handle them.
however, i do not think it is paranoia with the world....
it feels as if though the people are so lost. am i paranoic, please, tell me....
yesterday i had a long conversation in my head if i was crazy. if i have two personalities. if i am wrong, or they are wrong. can it really be this good that it is this beautiful and easy? how come everyone is not practicing? and finding pureness?
it cant be paranoia, i think we must watch out for being influenced. choosing not to watch the show, read the magazine, surround ourself with people who´s intentions are destructive. it is easy being lead, look at history,,,,
am i making sense? |
|
|
| |
Topic |
|
|
|
| AYP Public Forum |
© Contributing Authors (opinions and advice belong to the respective authors) |
|
|
|
|
fears
