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YogaIsLife
641 Posts |
 Posted - Sep 13 2008 : 1:09:59 PM
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I confess I am divided.
From one side I crave security, this feeling that all is known or, at least, if all is not known that is ok, it is not meant to be known.
On the other side I feel this impulse, this deep feeling of longing for the embrace into the mistery of life, to be one with everything.
One is safe, the other dangerous. One is brains and control, the other instinct and adventure.
I came upon this nice article trying to expose simply what kundalini energy is (see http://www.spiritual.com.au/article...i-energy.htm). Here is a quote:
"Western scientific thought, despite the discoveries of physics in the last 100 years, is rooted in the idea that what we perceive with our senses is 'real' and external to us and that our consciousness or subjective experience is simply an epi-phenomenon, or consequence, of the chemical activity of the brain.
The esoteric systems of India, on the other hand, view consciousness as the ultimate or paramount reality. This supreme reality, or Brahman as it is called, is said to be beyond the capacity of our limited human mind to perceive directly, as it is infinite, formless, timeless, and has no physical attributes by which we can comprehend it directly. Our individual awareness is said to be like a drop in this infinite ocean and the physical world that we perceive as external to us is held to be a projection of this individual drop of awareness.
This constitutes a complete reversal of the western, scientific, world-view. The reason that we do not experience reality in this way, at our current level of perception, is due to the limitations placed on our consciousness by the brain and nervous system of our body, through which it functions. The goal of evolution, or at least the next step to which we are evolving, would be the enhancement of our perceptive faculties to the point where this new world-picture is a day-to-day reality."
Well, here, the first paragraph represents security to me, the second the unknown. I always had this question ingrained in me: "why can't I just stay as I am, just be?". Or "Why can't we just enjoy life and not feel pressured to evolve?". Well, something like that. It always felt as a kind of rage towards god, or creation as a whole. As if I was a stubborn child that does not want to conform to the rules of his father. Where does this stem from I don't know but it was always there. It is a strange relationship I have with the divine or "ultimate reality": both aware of its presence and reality and also rebeling against it as if I had a fated doom that I did not wanted to accomplish because it takes toll and it is potentially dangerous.
I think I know where my terror for the unknown esoteric stuff comes from: from overwhelming energy and counsciousness experiences that happened quite spontaneously. Well, not quite so really, looking really at it I searched for them, I was always questioning in my mind the meaning of it all and rememeber even as a child just sitting and going deep within myself as in meditating (of course I had never heard of this things then and for many years after). But, oddly enough (comparing to what I read here), this experiences mostly gave me terror rather than confort. Why do I run away from it? It felt dark and lonely there. Very heavy. I had other experiences later, as a teenager and young adult that told me without a doubt that there is great power in us and it can be both marvelous or destructive, and that we not necessarily understand or can control. (now that I heard about kundalini I have serious suspitions that those events then were the beggining of its rise)
So I guess I am asking, how does one find balance and come to terms on our spiritual path? How does one deal with this "stress" on the spiritual path? By surrendering? I just feel some resistantance that I don't know where it comes from. And although I would like to get rid of it it still feels like it is real or a part of me or seductive or something. Is this the mind?
And, well, now that I found AYP I am willing to give it a chance and see how it goes. I am scared that I have those overwhelming feelings and experiences again (that I both crave and have terror of!) but I am happy that there seems to be a systematic approach one can take to get connected to that immense power in us in a safer, more supported manner.
Thoughts/feelings/similar experiences appreciated!!  |
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YogaIsLife
641 Posts |
Posted - Sep 13 2008 : 1:46:02 PM
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Still reading about kundalini 
Here is a nice quote:
" If one tries to raise the Kundalini without authorization, then the guardian of the Kundalini sends waves of heat through the body in his temper. Sometimes these waves of heat are misunderstood as the awakening of the Kundalini, but it is just the opposite."
(in an article called "the truth about kundalini" here: http://www.scribd.com/doc/1114803/T...ut-Kundalini)
Interesting...maybe in me (for example) it was not kundalini but an "unauthorized attempt" of awakening this powerful force. I remember just wanting to "experiment with myself", going deep within and play with perception and consciousness. In a phrase, just "fooling around", playing with powerful forces maybe. I do know I got sick, with many strange and varied symptoms. Why did I have this craving? I guess it was desire then, to know. I just did it blindly. And then I got scared. And now I found AYP and some balance . Hope it stays!
I dont know...just trying to make sense of all of this! |
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brother neil
USA
752 Posts |
Posted - Sep 13 2008 : 5:29:12 PM
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Yogaislife
Lately this is what I ahve been doing. when a thought comes up I dont care to think about I just turn my attenstion to the breath, I do other practices, sitting practices, but during the day when I am doing "normal" things, I just go to the breath when a thought occurs I wish not to ponder on
I am love, I am peace, I am joy, and so are you
I am neil
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Divided
