|
|
 |
|
| Author |
 Topic  |
|
Godsproblem
USA
8 Posts |
 Posted - Feb 13 2008 : 2:04:39 PM
|
| I recently had this major experience, and I truly thought I had gone completely crazy. At another support site, I emet this man. It seemed to me that he was putting orgasms all through my body, at least up to the heart chakra. He lives on another continent at the end of the world. I spoke to Yogani, who told me that although it may have seemed like he was doing it TO me, it was within myself, tho it may have been set off by this man. This went on for about 6 weeks. This man channeled through me, speaking in a German accent and establishing a relationship with my children, who seemed to quickly fall in love with him as well. There was what seemed to be a perfect fit for the six hour time difference. The man would not address my questions about my experience, but would invite me to read a certain book and warn me of unintentionally opening doors that could not be closed... I felt as though I had no control over my own body. I would be pulled down, rolled over, sexed up to exhaustion, and I admit that I really loved the way it felt. Having no context, no understanding, and no possibility of an actual 3-dimensional relationship, I insisted it stop. so it did. I thought I needed an exorcism. I was terrified. The next few days are completely all mixed up. During this six week period, the intensity of the energy was off the charts. I was led through fasting, which was not a part of my discipline, lost a bunch of weight down to 94 pounds, and was sleeping only a couple of hours at a time. The last week or so, I don't really know how much sleep I was getting if any. And I cannot say the order of the seeming events.. I perceived this two or three days as a conversion experience, not having considered myself previously in need of a Savior... This insane scenario presented itself; thinking people were after me, every noise terrifying the crap out of me. Recalling the energy work I was involved in, suspecting this that had opened me to negative entities. Behind closed eyes, what had previously been serene (I have had a meditation discipline since '93, daily since 2003)it was murky and I was too afraid to close my eyes. There was so much that happened, I was calling out to Jesus Christ to save my life because I was certain that I was under spiritual attack, I felt like I was dying and was willing to, and of my own incapable of saving myself. There is so much more, I don't seem to recall it all at once. But it was terror. I ended up taking myself to a mental hopsital the third week of December. I was not okay. I cussed everybody there out in the name of Jesus and had a definite heightened psychic awareness, telling one of the techs something about blood on his hands, to notice that he actually had blood on the back of his hand from this takedown that had just occured with another woman. They shot me in the ass with haldol, and that was the first six hours of sleep I recall. The next day, I was sat down in chairs each time I would attempt to move around by something other than my own volition and had "something" communicating clearly, silently for me to keep my mouth shut, eat the food, dont ask for my cigarettes. Now, just for clarification, I do not use drugs or alcohol. But I smoke cigarettes. I really wanted to get some help. I was much calmer after the sleep. Late that afternoon, I was seen by the psychiatrist. He spoke with me for less than 2 minutes, and told me I was bipolar. Being much clearer after having the drug-induced sleep, I respectfully told him that after having spoken with me for only 90 seconds I found it difficult to understand how he could diagnose me. They released me the next day. I saw a Christian counselor who has seen me many times over the last year, and he attributed the whole thing to sleep deprivation. I don't think I am so crazy, I seem to do alright, but I do not perceive often as others do, in what others seem to consider 'normal'. I don't feel afraid at all any more, but I still have no clear understanding and pray daily for recontextualization. My path has been simply devotion, surrender, humility and gratitude. I have no formal instruction, and OM and OM Mani Padme Hum are my only mantras. My hands take frequent mudras, my head rolls around in the sign of Infinite, and the silence is easy for me to get to again. Crazy? If I am, I am not unhappy about it. This, too, the Thee O Lord. |
Edited by - Godsproblem on Feb 15 2008 9:23:32 PM |
 |
|
|
LittleTurtle
USA
342 Posts |
Posted - Feb 13 2008 : 3:00:05 PM
|
Well before I had even read to the part where you mention the psychiatrist, I was thinking to myself "sounds like the manic phase of bipolar disorder". I hope you are seeking therapy because if it is bipolar disorder you won't feel able to work out anything spiritually until you feel stable. Just my opinion. Perhaps in your case the intensity of spiritual work, including the fasting, may have accelerated things a bit.
This is the sort of questions I have-here seems to be an overlap of spiritual effect and mental affect.
I hope this post doesn't offend anyone. I find these are serious questions for spiritual seekers. |
|
|
|
Godsproblem
USA
8 Posts |
Posted - Feb 13 2008 : 3:57:23 PM
|
Thanks for the reply LittleTurtle. I think I failed to mention that I told NONE of this to the psychriatrist. Statement of diagnosis on release papers was "acute psychosis with religious preoccupation". I have no idea. I don't know. I am 41, nothing like this had ever, ever happened before.
I was comforted by Yogani who also said that this (he was aware of some parts of the story, and this is only the half of it) sounded like a kundalini awakening. My thoughts, once they cleared up, were that this was a conversion/Awakening at a whole 'nother level...I am not offended. The three months or so previous to this experience were of a high energetically that I had never known. Bliss, maybe, I don't know. Manic phase, I don't know. It did seem for a while there that one other person said it sounded like religious mania. I was not unhappy or lacking peace then either. Seems since the acute phase of whatever I experienced, again I find my silence, peace and am basically very happy. I have two kids, am in the middle of a divorce, and seem actually happier than before. Any other thoughts? what qualifies this as manic? I intuit maybe a spiritual/mental thing for sure. I maintain that I do not know. |
|
|
|
vijikr
United Arab Emirates
413 Posts |
Posted - Aug 15 2010 : 12:02:02 PM
|
Namaste,
Hi Godsproblem do checkout this youtube video on bypolar or wakingup it shows how kundalini and bipolar are closely related to some extent and I hope it helps. since the person there says its better to avoid medications and go through the process which is ego death and which is infact a kundalini!
Love and Light
Viji |
Edited by - vijikr on Aug 15 2010 1:12:17 PM |
|
|
|
Jo-self
USA
225 Posts |
|
|
Topic |
|
|
|
| AYP Public Forum |
© Contributing Authors (opinions and advice belong to the respective authors) |
|
|
|
|
Enlightenment/Realization/Mental Illness
