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Christi
United Kingdom
4514 Posts |
 Posted - Jan 23 2008 : 06:41:14 AM
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Hi Jim
quote:
Christi, FWIW I was neither addressing nor referencing anything from you in my posting.
No worries Jim ! I was confused by the word "Yeah", in my country it means "yes"... like when you are agreeing with someone. 
Christi |
Edited by - Christi on Jan 23 2008 07:05:30 AM |
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Jim and His Karma
2111 Posts |
Posted - Jan 23 2008 : 2:58:14 PM
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| My country as well. I was agreeing with EMC in this case. I maybe should have quoted back, but I was more riffing than replying. |
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emc
2072 Posts |
Posted - Jan 23 2008 : 4:30:46 PM
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Christi: "Seeing all this, what effect does it have on the mind?"
Sorry for being late with an answer. It is a good question, Christi, and you bring up an important subject. It IS easy to get attached to the idea itself and formulate a model that just becomes another mind game. I agree that discussing something without anchoring it in stillness can be a tiresome merry-go-round, leading nowhere. When Truth is behind it, it will shine through and bring depth. You will have to be the judge of whether what I write rings true for you or not! I can only continue to write when impulses come, and sometimes they are totally 'unconnected' mindy posts, sometimes they are written through automatic finger movements (on such occasions my mind has a strong urge to express things like: "I didn't write that!!!" since it has nothing to do with what I actually think at that moment. I just watch with astonishment what comes out.), sometimes they are written from a state of tears flowing, presence, now.
I have tried to describe my journey continously in my posts, and still, I fear it is probably very unclear what it looks like. It is a roller coaster ride, where my mind has gone through several states in a non-logical order, and is still flip-flopping back and forth. It is a total mix, which sometimes drives me crazy and freaks me out, and sometimes is just totally accepted and easy to live with.
The first answer that came to my mind was:
I don't know. I don't remember. When being in the Now, there's sort of no need for remembering what the mind invents or what pops up. It is pretty quiet, and the thoughts that pop up are noticed but not believed, very often recognized as attempts to trigger old emotional wounds - I sort of just know what it tries to trigger, and it's my choice to believe it or not, to act on it or not, to fall for the emotion or not. Thoughts are seen with a bubbling joy as beautiful attempts to lovingly protect me somehow. On those occasions I just love my mind and welcome any thought that might pop up. And there's this huge feeling of freedom not to do anything but notice the patterns rising without any automatic emotional response to them. It's like everything just stops. As if the tennisball comes towards me in slow motion, and stops hanging in the air in front of me, and I have all the time in the world to try different positions with the racket before I have to hit it. I laugh. It's so amusing.
The next answer that came was: My most common thought/feeling when these moments of clarity hits me is a total humble gratefulness, and what flies through my mind is "I'm not worthy, I'm not worthy of this". And what follows then is an increased chain of thoughts leading to self-doubt, diminishing of myself, and *snap* I'm out of the peace, back into time and illusion, and I doubt I have come anywhere on this spiritual journey. It is SO NOT RATIONAL and NOT LOGICAL that me, little emc, is able to see all this. I am not an advanced yogi, it should not be possible, I must just be inventing this in my mind etc etc...
Then... there's this instant recognition when I read Truth in some of the books, or here on forum... I KNOW what they write about. They are exactly describing states I recognize.
And sometimes, when I'm deep in self-doubt... that soft, soft, gentle love comes and lifts my arms, moves my hands toward my face, and strokes my cheek so tenderly, strokes my hair, moves my arms so that I sort of hold myself as a baby and carress myself, and I cry helplessly... It is saying "You're doing fine. You are worthy. You are my love. You know. Trust. Have faith. Be patient."
And like this, my journey continues... with a mind eagerly trying to take credit of realizations, owning them and making stories out of them; with an increasing inner silence pushing the mind aside, taking its place and showing me what's real again and again...
As soon as the mind makes a story out of an experience or insight or realization, the universe does not shout for joy. It is a leaving of the Now, going into past events and the openness and expansion is immediately gone. Only living the realizations in presence as a direct experience brings freedom. I am not able to live Truth fully aware yet. I am still too muddy. But I cannot either go back and believe what I have come to know as NOT TRUE. I have swallowed the red pill, and I'm now on my training camp, going in and out of Matrix in order to detach more and more from the old belief patterns while inside it, being challenged every day. Daily practices means going out of the Matrix, to land in Truth and regain strength and courage and download even more wisdom to help on the quest...
Did that answer your question?
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Christi
United Kingdom
4514 Posts |
Posted - Jan 29 2008 : 10:51:25 AM
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Hi EMC
That answers the question very well, thank you.
Christi |
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AYPforum
351 Posts |
Posted - Feb 09 2008 : 10:56:57 AM
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| Moderator note: Topic moved for better placement |
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symptoms of purification or of practice?
