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Shanti
USA
4854 Posts |
 Posted - Nov 24 2007 : 9:17:54 PM
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These days I feel my practice is more or less stable and I am generally centered.. However I find, when purification happens.. it seems more amplified... Although the suffering is much much much shorter.. but the intensity of suffering for even that short time seems so much stronger and darker than it used to be. The aftermath is almost non-existent.. since I don't attach ego stories to them.. but when I am there going through the purification, I feel like I was hit by a truck.
Does anyone else experience this?
Any idea if this gets worse or stabilizes? |
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Jim and His Karma
2111 Posts |
Posted - Nov 24 2007 : 10:12:21 PM
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Silence amplifies EVERYTHING, including dark stuff, once you've cultivated lots of silence.
It's a big surprise, because you probably thought that would just fade and drop away (stemming from the fatuous New Age conviction that "negativity" can be soothed out and purged if you just get your head screwed on right). However, it doesn't fade. It all gets bigger and louder. But there's also more and more transparency, so we're more and more able to dispassionately witness without getting "caught" in it (and thus suffer). It's the growing clarity of our silent witness that creates the amplification. And the duration seems shorter because that perceptual shift means you don't get as caught in it as long or as deep.
This amplification applies to how the world "plays" out upon your perceptions, and to feelings of empathy for suffering, and to our desires, which may crop up less and less frequently, but which blow up potently on those occasions when they do arise. But the amplification doesn't just happen to exterior things observed from within. It works the other way, too, amplifying your unconscious issues and patterns as they're registered by you and by others. It gets bigger and louder, but less and less "grabby" and tumultuous because it's less personal. It's not happening to you, it's just happening (in fact, it's always been happening, but you're noticing it more keenly, thanks to Silence). This process would be maddening if the silence itself that's causing this intensification wasn't also helping you to witness it all more and more peacefully. Both sides of that equation increase in more or less equal measure (so long as we keep practicing!).
For more versions of the same thought, see my postings here: http://www.aypsite.org/forum/topic....OPIC_ID=3122
and here: http://www.aypsite.org/forum/topic....OPIC_ID=2684 |
Edited by - Jim and His Karma on Nov 24 2007 10:14:33 PM |
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Sparkle
Ireland
1457 Posts |
Posted - Nov 25 2007 : 08:21:52 AM
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Yes, I had an experience like this yesterday. I felt intense anger and hatred towards someone, it just suddenly arose. After expressing it to myself a few times it just vanished into an immense joy.
With this joy it was impossible to feel the anger and hatred and every time I looked there the joy flooded in.
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Jim and His Karma
2111 Posts |
Posted - Nov 25 2007 : 12:25:54 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by Sparkle
Yes, I had an experience like this yesterday. I felt intense anger and hatred towards someone, it just suddenly arose. After expressing it to myself a few times it just vanished into an immense joy.
With this joy it was impossible to feel the anger and hatred and every time I looked there the joy flooded in.
Yes, there are two ways it dispels:
1. it gets washed away by the bliss, or...
2. it gets witnessed clearly, and in the shine of that light is revealed to be nothing but scenery. It's not personal. It's just stuff.
I favor #2, because if you depend on bliss, what do you do on occasions when it's less available? I'm not big on depending on bliss! |
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Shanti
USA
4854 Posts |
Posted - Nov 25 2007 : 12:55:02 PM
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Yes.. silence does amplify.. and at times the experiences I go through during purification surprises me.
I just wonder if this will get worse or stabilize.. anyone have any info on this?
Louis, did you add a mantra enhancement recently? |
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Jim and His Karma
2111 Posts |
Posted - Nov 25 2007 : 1:25:29 PM
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Worse, because it amplifies more and more. Better, because it grows more and more transparent and ghostly.
BTW, I'm interested in mantra enhancement...was there something in his posting that made you think he'd done so? Anyway, looking forward to the reply.... :) |
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Sparkle
Ireland
1457 Posts |
Posted - Nov 25 2007 : 4:25:35 PM
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quote:
Louis, did you add a mantra enhancement recently?
Shanti, you're so astute, how did you know?
I can understand someone recognising a change in my postings in the last few weeks, but how could this be related specifically to a mantra enhancement?
I've been meaning to write about it, and now that I've been copped, I guess I'll have to spill the beans 
quote:
Yes, there are two ways it dispels:
1. it gets washed away by the bliss, or...
2. it gets witnessed clearly, and in the shine of that light is revealed to be nothing but scenery. It's not personal. It's just stuff.
Jim, Just to give more of the story. I had been bothered by an annoying attachment to someone, which I recognise as "my story" and was doing some Byron Katie "work" on it. It was then the anger and hatred arose.
Would you classify "immense joy" as bliss, and if so could it be a combination of the two?
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Edited by - Sparkle on Nov 25 2007 4:37:54 PM |
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Jim and His Karma
2111 Posts |
Posted - Nov 25 2007 : 6:42:14 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by Sparkle
Would you classify "immense joy" as bliss, and if so could it be a combination of the two?
Geez, who knows. Why dissect happy endings? 
Eager to hear more on the mantra thingee.
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Shanti
USA
4854 Posts |
Posted - Nov 25 2007 : 6:48:33 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by Sparkle
quote:
Louis, did you add a mantra enhancement recently?
how did you know?
I would love to say.. I saw it in my magic crystal ball...
But no.. it was just a guess.. The description of your experience above felt very similar to the ones I had after I added my first enhancement.
quote:
http://www.aypsite.org/188.html
The reason for SHREE itself is for a new direction we are taking in
the purification of our nervous system, expanding our mantra beyond
the familiar third eye to root spinal nerve resonance for the first
time. Expanding where? To the crown. SHREE takes us straight up the
spinal nerve to the crown.
The shree goes to your crown.. this may have something to do with anger.
Good news is.. its just purification and you settle into it very quickly. |
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Anthem
1608 Posts |
Posted - Nov 25 2007 : 9:50:36 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by Shanti
Yes.. silence does amplify.. and at times the experiences I go through during purification surprises me.
I just wonder if this will get worse or stabilize.. anyone have any info on this?
Hi Shweta,
The more inner silence, the more intense the purification we can handle. The more cleared out we are, the more accustomed we get to living with higher and higher levels of inner peace and well-being. When emotional turbulence hits, it feels more intense in comparison to the relative calm and increases well-being that has become our daily standard. This is good news because we gain the ability to detect even the most subtle thoughts which take us away from our natural blissful Selves.
My experience with purification is that no stone is left unturned, which unfortunately includes those big frightening ones that are so much more comfortable to avoid! Fortunately for us, the ego doesn't get to choose and the reward of facing them all is no less than the end of suffering, so of course no real reason to look away... give me some more pain please sir...
Like you point out, the periods of distress become shorter and shorter, instead of weeks, it lasts for a few hours, minutes or a seconds. Therefore the periods of stability become longer as we go along. It becomes harder and harder to avoid facing any of it, so we may as well accept it all, it's all good anyway!
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Jim and His Karma
2111 Posts |
Posted - Nov 25 2007 : 10:56:34 PM
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The "clearing out" is a massive, massive undertaking. Most of us have no idea of the vastness of the samskaras in our subconscious. It's one thing to clear away a happy, clean, sparkling, loving place in the center of one's vision, where one sees oneself as being minty fresh, with no further work to do. Meanwhile, a gurgling cesspool lurks just out of view in the subconscious. This is true of every single one of us, and it's the reason a great many yogis and gurus who sincerely believe themselves to be purified have acted in extremely disappointing ways.
It doesn't take much purification (speaking relatively) to awaken kundalini, ignite blissful feelings, cultivate silence, and see one's forward-facing personality transform into empathic service-oriented goodness. But anyone who thinks their work is nearly done needs to examine their nightmares, their fears, their habits and tendencies...all aspects of impulses which launch from the periphery. Watch what you do dispassionately...don't be swayed by your noble policy statements. Observe the shadows cast by the gnarled inner structures you can't see directly, can't affect directly. Silence helps you notice them more and more (and more and more vividly), but also, alas, projects them more and more sharply and strongly into the external world.
This doesn't have much to do with enlightenment. One can be enlightened without full purification (or even very much purification). Some people just fall into a vast change of perspective. But purification continues, with or without enlightenment, for a looong time. We've been muddying our windshields for countless lifetimes. To undo it, we need to buckle in for the long haul.
Those who haven't observed this yet have hardly begun the process, notwithstanding yogic plateaus reached and wondrous experiences experienced. Sorry to be a bummer. :) |
Edited by - Jim and His Karma on Nov 25 2007 10:57:55 PM |
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Shanti
USA
4854 Posts |
Posted - Nov 26 2007 : 09:43:58 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by Anthem11
When emotional turbulence hits, it feels more intense in comparison to the relative calm and increases well-being that has become our daily standard. This is good news because we gain the ability to detect even the most subtle thoughts which take us away from our natural blissful Selves.
My experience with purification is that no stone is left unturned, which unfortunately includes those big frightening ones that are so much more comfortable to avoid! Fortunately for us, the ego doesn't get to choose and the reward of facing them all is no less than the end of suffering, so of course no real reason to look away
I have found this to be true also.
At times I wonder if the purification is more severe or is it the reference point has changed. The chaos we lived in was the base line.. so during purification the turmoil was not far from this baseline.. Now that the baseline is moving more and more towards the silence.. maybe we just perceive the turmoil as more intense.
Thanks for your input Andrew.
quote:
Jim said: This doesn't have much to do with enlightenment. One can be enlightened without full purification (or even very much purification). Some people just fall into a vast change of perspective. But purification continues, with or without enlightenment, for a looong time. We've been muddying our windshields for countless lifetimes. To undo it, we need to buckle in for the long haul.
I get this more and more. |
Edited by - Shanti on Nov 26 2007 09:45:51 AM |
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Jim and His Karma
2111 Posts |
Posted - Nov 26 2007 : 10:19:36 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by Anthem11
[
My experience with purification is that no stone is left unturned, which unfortunately includes those big frightening ones that are so much more comfortable to avoid! Fortunately for us, the ego doesn't get to choose and the reward of facing them all is no less than the end of suffering, so of course no real reason to look away...
Monkey see, monkey do here...I'm parroting Shanti's quote of you.
First, yeah, agreed on all. But it also jars a connection.
I've had a block in my front channel for literally decades. It made my AYP practice a bit dicey when it started ramping up my energy, because it was stuck in my head and unable to drain down the front. For the past couple years, I've been working on it from a variety of approaches (I've written about this in other discussions...would rather not derail this one with the details). It's been a slow and arduous process, but the most interesting part was when it really started to open. I found I didn't LIKE energy going down my front. Not in a conscious way, but just a deep seated very mild aversion, like it rubbed me very slightly the wrong way. And I instantly realized that this mild aversion - this favoring of energy NOT going down the front - had, like the Colorado River etching the Grand Canyon, created the block in the first place.
Hope this wasn't too random an anecdote, but your observation about the stones we avoid having turned over really rang home ("rang home"? what's the phrase again?).
Also, it's the reason I keep hammering on the notion of doing practices like brushing teeth, and letting the Cosmic Barber trim your hair. It's an updated version of an old Indian chestnut: allow God to do your sadhana for you. It was "my" choices (lifetimes of them!) that got me all blocked-up and muddied-over in the first place. To undo it, we have to "let" rather than "do". |
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Sparkle
Ireland
1457 Posts |
Posted - Nov 26 2007 : 2:29:36 PM
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Shanti said: quote:
I would love to say.. I saw it in my magic crystal ball...
But no.. it was just a guess.. The description of your experience above felt very similar to the ones I had after I added my first enhancement.
quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
http://www.aypsite.org/188.html
The reason for SHREE itself is for a new direction we are taking in
the purification of our nervous system, expanding our mantra beyond
the familiar third eye to root spinal nerve resonance for the first
time. Expanding where? To the crown. SHREE takes us straight up the
spinal nerve to the crown.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The shree goes to your crown.. this may have something to do with anger.
Good news is.. its just purification and you settle into it very quickly.
You had the right idea Shanti, but your crystal ball needs a slight adjustment, I started the second enhancement about four weeks ago, it feels right
How long have you been on the second?
Well actually I really welcome this kind of anger and hatred and the fact that it didn't hang around very long was a bonus, in this case.
I know exactly what it was about and so the experiencing of it has increased my awareness a little more
It shows me I'm still alive and connected.
For me, I hope this sort of experiencing doesn't go, and there is no evidence to show that it will.
The wild swings are not so evident for me, what is evident is the increasing shortness of the duration of the feelings.
The way I have been dealing with most situations over the past few months is through samyama. This seems to be intensifying as I gain more silence. In this I wouldn't feel much in the way of emotion, instead my body would go into a kind of spasm in reaction to the sutra used, and although they are not painful or anything, these spasms seem to be intensifying.
Another point I would like to propose here, is that sometimes it might be important not to have things disappear too quickly. There can be a lot gained by investigating what is going on at a slower pace. This can bring more awareness and a greater capacity to help others with the same kind of difficulty. But maybe this is flawed thinking, I dunno.
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BluesFan
USA
35 Posts |
Posted - Nov 26 2007 : 2:50:44 PM
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It's funny...before I found AYP I never associated the bad moods or spells of negativity that sometimes result from meditation as being purification. In fact I used to be really stumped by this. How on earth could I sit for 2 hours in this wonderful silence and beauty of meditation and then be in this really pissy mood the rest of the day. In my mind this kind of practice should've always had the opposite effect. That's the kind of thing you come up with when you are taking this path by yourself and have nobody to compare experience with.
Last night I must've had some serious purification. Had a great meditation and the prevailing mood lasted for several hours after. Then right about bed time I was just flooded with negativity, loneliness, and despair. Intellectually I knew it was just scenery and to not get caught up but it was stronger than my intellectual 'knowing' and kept me pretty miserable for about an hour or so. Then, poof. It was gone. And what was left was a deep sense of peace, joy, and gratitude that was also overwhelming. |
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Anthem
1608 Posts |
Posted - Nov 26 2007 : 10:42:04 PM
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quote:
I've had a block in my front channel for literally decades. It made my AYP practice a bit dicey when it started ramping up my energy, because it was stuck in my head and unable to drain down the front. For the past couple years, I've been working on it from a variety of approaches (I've written about this in other discussions...would rather not derail this one with the details). It's been a slow and arduous process, but the most interesting part was when it really started to open. I found I didn't LIKE energy going down my front. Not in a conscious way, but just a deep seated very mild aversion, like it rubbed me very slightly the wrong way. And I instantly realized that this mild aversion - this favoring of energy NOT going down the front - had, like the Colorado River etching the Grand Canyon, created the block in the first place.
Glad it "rang true" for you Jim, me too. The quote above sounds like a great example of letting go and acceptance. I have experienced some of the same sensations of letting go of the mental ideas I have/ had about how things in the body should feel or how energy should flow etc. It was in part about dropping the word "should" and realizing that in truth, outside of theory, I (mind) really has no idea...
I agree whole-heartedly with your statement that intensified clearing out begins with kundalini, this has certainly been my experience.
My other observation about the purification process is that more and more random and totally out of the ordinary experiences seem to come along to help clear out the offending delusional thoughts. I have had some extraordinarily bizarre experiences over the last year and a half in the "outside" world. The purification has also been particularly intense in the sense that it is touching many of the issues I least want to look at (even when I know the rewards). Some of the clearing out has been the most difficult of my life, but the inner silence makes it all possible and the suffering time is greatly reduced with all the tools from AYP and self-inquiry. The good news is the extending periods of well-being and the ease in which the offending thoughts fall away, the gift of nothingness.
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sadhak
India
604 Posts |
Posted - Nov 27 2007 : 10:19:34 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by Shanti
These days I feel my practice is more or less stable and I am generally centered.. However I find, when purification happens.. it seems more amplified... Although the suffering is much much much shorter.. but the intensity of suffering for even that short time seems so much stronger and darker than it used to be. The aftermath is almost non-existent.. since I don't attach ego stories to them.. but when I am there going through the purification, I feel like I was hit by a truck.
Does anyone else experience this?
Any idea if this gets worse or stabilizes?
Hi Shanti,
I've begin to find this true. Only, I need more silence in those short periods, because I tend to leak out more of my intense anger or darker darkness into the outer world than I would like. Maybe inner silence is the only difference between an angel and devil!  When the phase disappears, faster now than before, I wonder why in the world I reacted as I did. But the leaks are getting more and more plugged now... the daily 'brushing', as Jim puts it, must be cleaning up some. Anyway, I need to watch this for a lot longer, before I can talk about anything being plugged to any degree.
Have you noticed the same with your 'highs' as well? I can't say I have. Except a prediliction to break into wild dances to music perceived, not heard, which tendency has me holding my back (or is that amaroli, now ) So does that, as Jim points out, indicate the size of that mountain of karma piled up?
I also wonder why I or anyone is so sensitive to any addition and enhancement, and some not at all? Technically, is that karma loosened up, or too much of it? To put that a little more clearly, using Yogani's allegory of digging, is that a lot of loose rocks, or is it just too much rock in the ground?
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Sparkle
Ireland
1457 Posts |
Posted - Nov 27 2007 : 11:17:48 AM
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Sparkle said: quote:
Yes, I had an experience like this yesterday. I felt intense anger and hatred towards someone, it just suddenly arose. After expressing it to myself a few times it just vanished into an immense joy.
With this joy it was impossible to feel the anger and hatred and every time I looked there the joy flooded in.
In expanding out the above experience and applying a certain model to it, might give an alternative explanation of what is going on with this kind of purification.
The anger and hatred experienced, on that occasion, was because someone I had an attachment to, was ignoring me. I was aware that the ignoring was good for me, something was happening inside. As the annoying attachment persisted I started applying Katie work to it. Then all of a sudden the thing flared up very intensly and then was gone into a beautiful joy.
It occurred to me that this was quite analogous to a Mother/Child relationship, where the child is very young, maybe three months or so.
If you think about what happens at that age, the intensity of the crying, the intensity of the feeling and then the sudden change to a beaming smile.
The relaxation and stillness a small child like this, must still be there also.
So perhaps at this stage of the game people are becoming – as little children- and being that relaxed, and perhaps dealing with the angers and fears that were accumulating from that age.
It is said that “hatred” is in all of us, and that it starts at this small age when a Mother ignores the cries of the child to be fed. The intensities of the feeling are so great and so distressing, it is suggested that we don’t remember them for this reason.
Possibly when this early childhood primal type work is done, the intensity will go out of it.
This makes sense to me, but probably wouldn’t be everyone’s cup of tea.
Also, other people have not specified what their experiences are so it is difficult to comment on anything other than my own experience.
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Christi
United Kingdom
4429 Posts |
Posted - Nov 27 2007 : 11:37:35 AM
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Hi Shanti,
quote:
These days I feel my practice is more or less stable and I am generally centered.. However I find, when purification happens.. it seems more amplified... Although the suffering is much much much shorter.. but the intensity of suffering for even that short time seems so much stronger and darker than it used to be. The aftermath is almost non-existent.. since I don't attach ego stories to them.. but when I am there going through the purification, I feel like I was hit by a truck.
Does anyone else experience this?
Any idea if this gets worse or stabilizes?
Well... either I haven't got there yet, or... it stabilizes Hard to say which really. All I can say is, I don't get it (the intense suffering). I feel more at peace, and more connected, and more love (for everyone and everything) and more inner joy. Also I feel more like everything that happens is meant to happen, good or bad, like a beautiful divine dance is being played out, so I have more acceptance. And the dance just gets more and more beautiful.
I don't know what makes you suffer, because you didn't say, but whatever it is, you know your inner beauty, and your inner purity, so you have no real reason to get upset. When something bad happens that would normally make you suffer, just send love out from your heart, and everyone will be comforted by it. |
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Shanti
USA
4854 Posts |
Posted - Nov 29 2007 : 08:50:47 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by Christi
I don't know what makes you suffer
Conditioning.
quote:
Originally posted by Christi
you know your inner beauty, and your inner purity, so you have no real reason to get upset. When something bad happens that would normally make you suffer, just send love out from your heart, and everyone will be comforted by it.
Thanks Christi... should keep that in mind when I go through one of my purification phases. |
Edited by - Shanti on Nov 29 2007 08:55:31 AM |
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bewell
1275 Posts |
Posted - Nov 29 2007 : 11:10:45 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by Shanti
Any idea if this gets worse or stabilizes?
Hi Shanti,
The answer to that, it seems to me, depends on your practices. And only you can decide the best mix of practices for you. Self-pace means that: self-pace -- nobody else can tell you what to do. And your decision will involve a discernment about cause and effect in your particular neurobiological journey. When you say it was like being hit by a truck, I assume you are talking about a very physical sensation. So, looking back now on that particular experience, do you have a discernment of cause and effect? Do you have any sense now, any idea of what you might do to influence whether this gets worse of stabilizes?
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sadhak
India
604 Posts |
Posted - Nov 29 2007 : 11:04:51 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by bewell
quote:
Originally posted by Shanti
Any idea if this gets worse or stabilizes?
Hi Shanti,
The answer to that, it seems to me, depends on your practices. And only you can decide the best mix of practices for you. Self-pace means that: self-pace -- nobody else can tell you what to do. And your decision will involve a discernment about cause and effect in your particular neurobiological journey. When you say it was like being hit by a truck, I assume you are talking about a very physical sensation. So, looking back now on that particular experience, do you have a discernment of cause and effect? Do you have any sense now, any idea of what you might do to influence whether this gets worse of stabilizes?
Hi Bewell,
I'm glad you posted this. I was chewing on this aspect for some time. After all, the books, including the ayp ones don't talk about the negative outcomes of yoga, only the postive ones. So if purification is hitting like a truck, it should be time to fine tune, and as you say go to cause and effect. Something is too much or not in the right combination.
To tell the truth, I sometimes find this sole tool of adjusting practices a bit vague, too much of hit and run, and not specific enough. But at others, it seems to suffice. Perhaps as additions become more and complex, you need a greater level of awareness, grounding and sensitivity to identify over purification before it begins to 'hit' you.
At least, the 'cut back' is easier to follow than arriving at the 'right combination' at any given time. This dawned on me especially since I've begun amaroli.
For a long time I've been struggling with irritability and anger, and a general sense of ill-feeling and foreboding that was spilling into every day life. I cut back and cut back, afraid to add anything at all. The DSA book suddenly inspired me. And with much trepidation I began amaroli, and was completely blown by how positively it affected me. I cannot begin to describe the changes in my energy levels, pep, and outlook generally. It is seemingly affecting my hormonal equation. Now, if I went linear, I'd have thought... first deep meditation, then spinal breathing, then moolband, then kechari 1st stage, then shambhavi...etc... and would probably have considered amaroli much much later. So while a combination of sb+dm+moolbandh+samyama might be right for X at month 13, it might be sb+dm+asanas+kechari+shambhavi for Y. sb+dm+asanas+amaroli might clear the debris better for someone else. And this will also keep changing with the months going by. What I am saying is, there is a lot of trial and error involved. And this is being decided by minds that are coloured by their own different subjectivity.
So excessive purification or not enough purification in the right areas might be inevitable.
I've been studying Ayurveda for some time, and see that Ayurveda and Yoga are closely connected: they use the same language too. As per Ayurveda, the basic need is to first identify the 'type' or 'combination' of doshas you are and then effect lifestyle adjustments and as a result healing. Maybe, this should apply on the spiritual aspect too.
To apply Yogani's analogy of the car, we can slow down when we hit curves or a bad road. But if the car keeps heating up, or the horn doesn't work, the gears are tight, or the brakes are too loose, or the car just coughs and stops, you do need a mechanic, or need to know enough about the mechanism of the car to know what to correct where. It may be just a loose wire, or the carborateur or air filter needing a spot of cleaning. Not knowing that, the driver might be just washing up the whole engine and not getting anywhere much.
This could be the issue at the bottom of the right amount of purification in the right places.
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emc
2072 Posts |
Posted - Nov 30 2007 : 05:07:57 AM
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Sparkle, you write about anger from an early age. Lately, things have been piling up here that concerns purifying rage inside. In my mind a memory has been coming back frequently of a seminar I attended with Leonard Jacobson (one of those self-realized that tours around the world). He described a "final rage" he went through before he stabilized in stillness. He went out imagining he had a bazooka and then he aimed it at everything that came in his way and just blew everything away while an enormous rage went through him.
In Adyashanti's 'Emptiness dancing' he talks about It not being fully stable until it sinks into the gut, and there you have that angry fist that you have to face or meet.
I had a friend staying at my place, and I came home one day when I had really felt that fist in my stomach, then he had put a movie on... Of no surprise, it was Matrix - revolutions... and I stepped in when the last fight with Mr Smith was shown. I was absolutely absorbed by the fight that symbolized how you try to "fight your mind" instead of surrender. As long as you fight you could just as well fight your own shadow, surrender is the key.
I also started ki-training and it is all about getting it down to the gut - centre. I feel an enormous resistance. There's something going on in that gut that has a nudge it's going to get purified!!!
The latest days I was not "hit by a truck" but got a really clear message that "you cannot keep anything - everything has to be given up - your name, identity, all likes and dislikes... everything" and I realized a very, very blind spot I've had - perhaps a gut thing. Animals. I have never attached strongly to any human being - I am therefore quite surprised over the sorrow people experience when a loved one disappears. I've never really experienced that in this life. I "gave up" my family long ago. But animals took their place!
I have earlier been writing about my confusion of what approach to adopt toward maltreatment of animals. Definitely a weak spot! Now, horse back riding is dropping away from my life, my identity as someone who 'knows horses' is hanging loose. And all that horses have given me is going away from my life. It has to go. It all has to go. All attachments, dependencies and cravings... has to go. It hit me hard to realize that.
I feel the rage coming, growing, protesting... Have no clue of how many rounds I have to go with this one before it's cleared out. I doubt it's the last fight! But I find it interesting how tension builds up - like you get a hinch, a forewarning that some huge purification is going to take place... |
Edited by - emc on Nov 30 2007 11:31:45 AM |
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Christi
United Kingdom
4429 Posts |
Posted - Nov 30 2007 : 11:09:16 AM
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Hi EMC
quote:
I feel the rage coming, growing, protesting... Have no clue of how many rounds I have to go with this one before it's cleared out. I doubt it's the last fight! But I find it interesting how tension builds up - like you get a hinch, a forewarning that some huge purification is going to take place...
I think I'll come back to the forum when its over. Only kidding!
Have a good rage EMC, and don't forget to keep us posted. |
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emc
2072 Posts |
Posted - Nov 30 2007 : 11:12:57 AM
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Haha! Thank you!
Found the quote by Adyashanti:
quote:
In its most elementary form, the desire for control feels as if there is a clenched hand in your gut. What you find, when you have worked your way through all the various ways you would control experience, is this elemental closed fist. And when you get close to this closed fist, you will find it has a protector. The protector of your elemantal sense of control is rage. Usually this rage is more destructive than any feeling you ever wanted to admit could possibly exist within you. It is the ultimate protector of control, because if you have ever been near somebody who is raging, you get away from them, unless you're stupid. You might be drawn to lots of other things: somebody whose trip is victimhood or depression, or maybe someone who's a victimizer or has other patterns. People can be drawn into an attachment or enmeshment with all sorts of emotional patterns, but very few are actually really comfortable with or find much value in being drawn like a moth to the fire of rage. In that sense, it's a very good protector. It does its job very effectively.
Many people never get to their rage because right above it is fear. Fear usually works. Most people who are terribly afraid will run away. But the few people who go through their fear will come out of it feeling like there is something seemingly tremendously destructive underneith. And if you can keep going through that tornado, you will find there is an existential grip, usually in the pit of the gut, which can survive even very profound spiritual awakenings. The fear may or may not survive, and the rage may or may not survive. Often they don't. But the grip sometimes does survive in its most elemental form.
That's why I suggested that you imagine what it would be like if you were totally without any movement of control within you, any desire to control, any ideas to control - whether on a very obvious level or on the most profound level of your own experience. Imagine what it would be like for the desire to control to be completely absent from your system.
This desire to control is, ultimately, our unwillingness to be fully awake.
(Ah... Mr Smith in Matrix is really trying to take full control over Matrix... it's all about a fight of control!  Brilliant... ) |
Edited by - emc on Nov 30 2007 11:33:28 AM |
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bewell
1275 Posts |
Posted - Nov 30 2007 : 4:15:30 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by sadhak
This dawned on me especially since I've begun amaroli.
For a long time I've been struggling with irritability and anger, and a general sense of ill-feeling and foreboding that was spilling into every day life. I cut back and cut back, afraid to add anything at all. The DSA book suddenly inspired me. And with much trepidation I began amaroli, and was completely blown by how positively it affected me.
Hi sadak,
I enjoyed your amaroli story. I'm quite consistent with amaroli these days too, and finding it strengthening in my energy body.
I don't know about the break-down under the hood analogy. Maybe the analogy breaks down there. I don't recall Yogani taking it that far.
We all learn about our own cause and effect as we go. And, from my experience, I'm inclined to trust that if (this is a big if) we stick to the twice daily core practices and experiment with variations, we will tend toward more fine-tuned awareness of cause and effect, and make steady progress in those areas our practices have influence.
We each have to work with our own particular mind and body. Practices start there. |
Edited by - bewell on Nov 30 2007 4:29:54 PM |
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Purification..
