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Eddie33
USA
120 Posts |
 Posted - Oct 30 2007 : 6:20:45 PM
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I can tell people still think I'm really wierd. And I'm rather sensitive about it to be honest.
It's part of the reason I don't have many friends anymore and more or less isolated myself from people.. It started off slow with a little bit of condesending laughs from people. Then i would get a little defensive and slef- consciousin my tone which in then added more condescending laughs, before I knew it I'm now as that wierd buddhist by the whole town.
For me this whole experience has been like a very long drawn out identity crisis. Before spirituality I was just the school jock that everybody liked. Now I'm an anxiety case who get's nervous in all kinds of situations in which I'm too ashamed to list.
Asking who am I? a billion times didn't help much. From one perspective it probably ingrained a good understanding in me. But from another in just intensified it, and confused the crap out of me.
Recently I've been given some good advice that I'm still reluctant to fallow up on. A lady told me that now's the time where i should simply learn how to be my own best friend. It gave me a breath of fresh air when I read it. I got the feeling that I really do not have to care about this and i finalyl see the possibiltity of not giving caring with some practice. Nonetheless I'm still supersensitive in a lot of areas. Slowly though I can see it getting better.
I'm sorry I kind of just wante dto get this out there into the collective consciousness if you will. hopefully someone will read it who has similar feelings and know that they aren't alone. Or it can just be a way for me to further ingratiate myself with everybody.
On an impersonal level though, it's all groovy. Just gotta smooth out the surface so to speak.
Peace |
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Eitherway
USA
100 Posts |
Posted - Oct 30 2007 : 7:51:22 PM
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Eddie33,
You must be strange or unique. Take it as the latter and work on whatever part of you bothers you (not others). Oh yeah, don't forget the meditation etc.... It is devlishly powerful at bringing out issues/insecurities and the ever slowly accumulating awareness (or as J and K would say- the ever slow removal of mud) allows you to see the truth. And as we all know, The truth shall set you free (might take a while and when you fall, just get back and dust yourself off)
It truly is hard work and deceivingly simple at the same time. I'm a few months in and am eternally thankful to Yogani and others on the forum because I was a mess before this, still am and but can see clearly for once, all that's left to do is to flex my will power muscle and continue practicing. Good luck. |
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delta33
Canada
100 Posts |
Posted - Oct 31 2007 : 01:32:20 AM
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eddie33, i've been feeling the same way, like my personality has been shattered. i actually take a little time (just a couple of minutes each day) to scan the newspaper so that i have something 'normal' to talk about with 'normal' people.. because most of them are threatened by the real stuff, and that turns into jokes, abandonment, and/or hostility.
a good friend recently told me: 'just be comfortable with yourself' |
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Eddie33
USA
120 Posts |
Posted - Oct 31 2007 : 10:19:56 AM
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| it's all about charisma. this stuff kind of automatically makes your tone self-conscious when you talk about it. people can't stand people when they are self-conscious. it's like that awkward silence when people stop talking. people will do anything to avoid that awkward silence. i feel like a self-embodied awkward silence |
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Eddie33
USA
120 Posts |
Posted - Oct 31 2007 : 10:28:51 AM
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| it's getting better though. like last night i actually hung out with an old friend and we talked about youtube videos and stuff for quite a while. it's wierd because i feel myself talking and laughing and stuff but have no idea where it's coming from. i just feel like i'm that silence, with a little awkwardness mixed in, lol |
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anthony574
USA
549 Posts |
Posted - Nov 01 2007 : 10:43:46 AM
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| I too could be considered the "weird yogi/spiritualist/vegetarian/hippie/treehugger/ect". It realy doesn't matter, even in the most existential sense, what others think of you in this way. It really is a product of environment and I imagine that as we get older and gradually gravitate towards others like us and places more accomodating things will get better. |
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Eddie33
USA
120 Posts |
Posted - Nov 01 2007 : 3:48:24 PM
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| i think i want to start my own spirituality meetup group someday. hopefully some of my old friends could join. in a way i really want to still be friends with them. some of them are a little emotionally immature but maybe once i've got myself together i can embrace them in a new way and that won't matter. the other day i hung out a little with an old friend that i haven't hung out with in a while and it was fun. who knows what will happen though. but one thing i'm making clear is that for the time being i'm becoming my own best friend |
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are you a wierd buddhist??
