|
|
 |
|
| Author |
 Topic  |
|
|
bewell
1275 Posts |
 Posted - Oct 24 2007 : 10:33:37 AM
|
Hi All,
The other day I was asked if I was happily married, and I said yes. But there is something uncomfortable about that label, "happily married." Sometimes, it is as if I'm not married. I mean, I'm an individual. As someone wrote, eagles are coupled without making that their main identity. That said, I have been married since '85 to a woman I met in '81 when, as a junior in college, I first moved away from home (for longer than a summer). My affection for, and attraction to my wife seems to keep growing over time, especially since learning to "stay in front of the orgasm." The feeling appears to be mutual too. And I'm happy, although sometimes it is as if I'm not. Happiness it tricky that way.
I'm curious, is there anyone else out there in AYP Support Forums land who is willing to come out and say -- with qualifications or not-- "I'm happily married too?" |
|
|
enlightenmealready
USA
37 Posts |
Posted - Oct 24 2007 : 12:27:09 PM
|
Marriage is often a contest of egos. Mine has been for about a dozen years. I think staying married is a great way to learn to relinquish your ego. I believe that is what its purpose really is. I don't think it is possible to be "Happily Married" for the entire marriage. That would imply that you came into the marriage without an ego. If that were true, you wouldn't need to go through the exercise.
I have been "happily married" for about a year now. In large part, I think this is because I've had success with the help of AYP with some of my ego issues. Now I find that even when confronted with my spouses ego, I'm not as easily bruised or offended. I'm not their yet, but I'm close enough to consider myself "happily married". |
 |
|
|
LittleTurtle
USA
342 Posts |
Posted - Oct 24 2007 : 3:09:57 PM
|
Happily married for twenty-seven years. But there were "moments" when we both had to work really hard at it. Sometimes that what marriage is. Hard work. And if you both are willing, then the work gets done and then a new breakthrough. Individual willingness seems to be the key when feelings and egos are at stake. The "big three", money, sex, and power are always there as stumbling blocks if you let them. Add children to the mix and well, it's easy to see how folks often give up. Although these days our family has a lot of problems (children again) my husband and I are closer and more solid than ever. Have to be. And very happy to boot.
That's my take on marriage. |
|
|
|
Yoda
USA
284 Posts |
Posted - Oct 25 2007 : 10:09:57 AM
|
In the Hasidic tradition, there's a fun saying the gist of which is to discern an attained Rabbi, don't look at his siddhis, look at his marriage.
|
|
|
|
emc
2072 Posts |
Posted - Oct 25 2007 : 4:29:35 PM
|
| Yoda, great wisdom in that! I'm learning that the hard way... |
|
|
|
mikkiji
USA
219 Posts |
Posted - Nov 02 2007 : 1:59:57 PM
|
Hello--I just found this site, and this thread jumped out at me. My wife and I began our spiritual journey together at the age of 15, when we were classmates in high school. It seemed at the time (1967--The Summer of Love), that everyone was looking for... well, something very different than we were--that's what drew us to one another. Very early on in our friendship, we acknowledged to one another that our searches were identical--we both sought Love, God, and Self. We spent our senior year as Yearbook co-editors, working together every afternoon until late, when I would drive her home. But we didn't become lovers until many years later--when we were 20, in college, and had been best friends for 5 years already. We were together for 34 years--she passed from this life to the next 6 months ago. Were we ALWAYS happily married? No, of course not--life is change, and ours changed constantly, as did we. Our first 10 years were passionately blissful--we lived together in an ashram for 2 years, became teachers of meditation, devoted our lives to our search for Love, God and Self--and found the path was through devotion to one another. Our middle 10 years were difficult--house-holding took a firm grip on our life, and the blissfulness of meditative silence we'd enjoyed together gave way to car loans, mortgage payments, credit cards, dirty diapers and career advancement. Although those years were still "happy", the unbounded joyousness we'd had before was much diluted, and sometimes it was difficult to see where we'd come from and what our goal really was. Our last 10 years were a return to our journey--the children were grown, the loans paid off and the careers winding down rather than ramping up. As the house emptied out, silence filled it once again. In that silence, we were able to focus more clearly on who we were decades before--seekers. We returned to our spiritual path with renewed devotion to one another, and the blissfulness returned to our marriage again. During our final years, health problems began to beset us--My heart attack and triple by-pass, and her cancer diagnosis, and a year of surgery, chemotherapy and radiation. Yet, throughout those trials, we remained more than happy--they served to narrow our focus on the only things that mattered--finding Love, finding God, and finding the true nature of Self. We found a new, deeper, larger devotion and love than we'd ever had. After my wife's recurrence 8 months ago, after the doctors told us it was terminal, after we knew she had only a few months or weeks left here, our lives narrowed still further, but deepened as well. Our sole concern was to love one another--to find what we always knew was contained in our hearts--love, god and self. My wife completed her journey here 6 months ago, amidst a joyous realization that our love had allowed her to find what she set out to find. I remain--quite alone, not know what is left here for me, but knowing that faith and devotion, practice and study, silence and action will allow me to complete my journey and join my beloved. If your marriage is not "happy", look deeper, take a different perspective, because it's always there. I only wish I had those middle 10 years back, the ones filled with trials, so that I could value them for what they really were--just further steps of our evolution...
Michael |
|
|
|
Steve
277 Posts |
Posted - Nov 02 2007 : 2:11:04 PM
|
Michael,
Thank you for sharing. It deeply touched my heart.
Much Love to you ALWAYS,
Steve |
Edited by - Steve on Nov 02 2007 2:19:25 PM |
|
|
|
clk1710
92 Posts |
Posted - Nov 02 2007 : 8:30:19 PM
|
| what a beautiful thread everyone, great topic. by the grace of God, up to today i can say i am happily married - i'm not happy with my husband every moment or happy in life in every moment either but i can say that my husband is a soulmate and best friend. he's the one person i never get sick of and we've been married 2 and a half years but together 12 years. i was just thinking about this idea as we just went on a vacation last week and we were in the carribean for 4 days at a crappy resort (call me ungrateful but i'm not into spring break type resorts with buffets of unhealthy food and the drinking scene and neither is he!) but i just loved being with him for 4 days straight. God has blessed me so much with my marriage. thanks for sharing everyone |
|
|
| |
Topic |
|
|
|
| AYP Public Forum |
© Contributing Authors (opinions and advice belong to the respective authors) |
|
|
|
|
"Happily Married"
