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Eddy
USA
92 Posts |
 Posted - Apr 05 2007 : 11:05:17 PM
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soooooo..... let's give a fraction of my experience to eager seekers in an attempt to instill unwavering faith of the clearest kind... or some healthy skepticism.. whichever floats your boat..
let's talk about the two monday's ago...
the previous saturday i had just come back from the ramana ashram after a week of driving myelf nuts with the who am i? thing... guys all i have to say is that it works...
basically when i got back i just knew what i had to do.. that's all i could say.. stop the bull****.. stop the obsession.. the seeking.. the thinking (what's that!?!?).. just stop being a bitch and pick up all the damn pieces of my screwed up life.. this "spirituality" business, although beneficial on it's own accord had to be balanced to an extent.. and that's what i decided to do..
so my body is naturally going crazy... abs running wild... running like crazy throughout the path mark parking lot, climbing up the snow mountains and just letting out an emotional scream... that's the thing.. emotions... i will call the next 4 days pretty much a week of pure catharsis... and a ton of wierd stuff goes along with that.. i could write a bible with all of it... most of it doesn't even matter.. while i run i decide of how amazing of an idea it would be to start a real journal.. i've done it before but pretty much every entry was either, "man i feel ****ty" or "so i've pretty much concluded that i'm jesus christ reincarnated, lol... you know what i mean , heheh...
so let's get to one of the more interesting occurences... it's monday and i'm writing about the zen group that i went to about 4 times in december... i write about the sensei specifically.. how he condescended me when i told him i'm doing nisargadattas, hold on to the feelilng "i am", "it's not about advaita vedanta, it's about zen buddhism... if your not gonna fallow your breath than i just can;t be your teacher"... convorsation lasts about 1 1/2 minutes.. i barely get a chance to speak... so i figure, maybe i should give this place a rest..
i decide to go back as i write about it... not really to talk to him, just becasue i feel like it.. no intentions in mind except to socialize with my buddy ryan who i met there...
so i go there.. everybody sits down to meditate immediatley.. that's how it goes..... now here's the only thing that i could actual say to a reasonable person that could have made him so... i don't even know how to put it, about me..
i would jsut stretch a tny little bit when meditating.. that's all.. clearing the pathways as i would like to call it.. really it was an extremely cathartic week.. and i tried really hard to do it silently.. not trying to annoy anyone... much, lol... j/k.. let me say that i was in a very deep meditation.. i'm pretty darn good at it to be honest..
anyway.. and so i volunteer to get the tea and cookies.. "no eddie that's ok you don't gotta do that"...
yummm...
it's over.. my friend ryan chatters with the sensei for about ten seconds before turning to me and having a beautiful convorsation for like 15 mintues.. now normally everyone stays around and has a ball afterwards.. they are all like best friends there, and have a great time with eachother.. today.. well.. they just scrammed out of there.. me and ryan couldn't beleive it...
so some time goes by.. kurt plays the role of the master to some naiive students (sorry still a little spiteful, lol)... anyway.. when he's finished he comes to me and asks "so is there anything you want to talk about".. i just say "no not really, not in specific".. i mean there was probably a lot i could say if i got into it, but really i didn't have anything on my mind in particular...
and from there it was the most strangest experience of my life.. he jsut beamed in on me.. trying desperatley to look me in the eyes but blinking excessivly.. i'm having a hard time not reacting to what he was saying to me like a zombie.......
he asks me what my name was (even after he said it already) for my adress, my paretns phone numbers, where my dad works... "how come you don;t know where your dad works??! i just don't understand that".. "i know where he works just not the name.i drive him there like 5 times a week. he changes jobs like every year. he's a consultant"...i'm just responding to the best of my ability really, not letting my "ego" get in the way if you want to put it like that...
"if i knock on your mothers door will she'll verify who you are"... "where do you go to college"... and onn and onn and on...
now this is where he really starts to get offbeat..
he starts talking about how i was very restless... i tell him that i'm clearing the pathways and such and he just loses it.. making fun of me.. saying "whatever the heck your doing it really isn;t working"... " sorry but i disagree".. that just puts him in a bad place.. we end up sitting down on the cusions somehow.. i'm getting really worked up inside but i'm doing my best honestly...
i say "look i'm not trying to offend you.. i'm not trying to break you".. god know why i said that... he says "if you come back here i will have the campus police come and arrest you".. 'm complying the whole time.. really what i just said was probably the only time hwere i got jsut a little defensive in the whole convorsation...
he says that he will have me areested about 5 more times.. even when i'm talking to him real nicely.. even opening up to this guy who's acting extremly strange towards "me"... i tell him that i'll listen to what he has to say, meditate on it even, take it all into consideration and use my "zen speticism" (so it was alittle sarcastic unintentionally, but i was very serious)... i tell him that i'll email him.. that i jsut got back from a week at an ashram... "oh that's wonderful" (conditioned response)...
so that's that experience in a nutshell.. i email him.. giving him more contacts.. telling him that i really think i need to talk to him about a lot of stuff... i'll show yuo the emails if you want...2 days later.. simple and short... "if you come back i will have you arrested by the campus police"... "can i at least come back to get my friends emails? wait in the parking lot even?".. "the police will be waiting for you?"... he calls my mom and tells her that he's filing a restraining order...
really i'm not going to speculate as to why it happened.. i will just say that my presence seems to have very auspicious effects on people if i've used the word correctly... i'm not liying, i'm extremly sincere...
seriously however big this occurnece seems, it's really only a fraction of what goes down with me and all the crazy stuff that happens... but it's just stuff, and i try not to attach myself to it..but it's hard you know?? lol.. yeah you know..
ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED!!!!!
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Scott
USA
969 Posts |
Posted - Apr 06 2007 : 12:07:39 AM
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Eddy,
quote:
the previous saturday i had just come back from the ramana ashram after a week of driving myelf nuts with the who am i? thing... guys all i have to say is that it works...
So who are you? 
quote:
basically when i got back i just knew what i had to do.. that's all i could say.. stop the bull****.. stop the obsession.. the seeking.. the thinking (what's that!?!?).. just stop being a bitch and pick up all the damn pieces of my screwed up life.. this "spirituality" business, although beneficial on it's own accord had to be balanced to an extent.. and that's what i decided to do..
Who knew what who had to do? Who needs to sop being a bitch? Who decided to do this?
quote:
so my body is naturally going crazy... abs running wild... running like crazy throughout the path mark parking lot, climbing up the snow mountains and just letting out an emotional scream... that's the thing.. emotions... i will call the next 4 days pretty much a week of pure catharsis... and a ton of wierd stuff goes along with that.. i could write a bible with all of it... most of it doesn't even matter.. while i run i decide of how amazing of an idea it would be to start a real journal.. i've done it before but pretty much every entry was either, "man i feel ****ty" or "so i've pretty much concluded that i'm jesus christ reincarnated, lol... you know what i mean , heheh...
It does sound like you're unbalanced emotionally from this writing, so I would listen to your psychiatrist. Yogis are serene, like a still pond. Running around in catharsis may be fun, but it isn't a sign of any sort of accomplishment.
quote:
i would jsut stretch a tny little bit when meditating.. that's all.. clearing the pathways as i would like to call it.. really it was an extremely cathartic week.. and i tried really hard to do it silently.. not trying to annoy anyone... much, lol... j/k.. let me say that i was in a very deep meditation.. i'm pretty darn good at it to be honest..
It may work well for you, but I'd like to give you a tip. When you feel the need to move, just calmly watch that feeling and stay still, until it disappears. This in my opinion is a better way to clear pathways. If you feel muscular pain from sitting still, feel it and don't move to relieve it.
You can do it anyway you like, though. It's all about what practice gets what results.
quote:
so some time goes by.. kurt plays the role of the master to some naiive students (sorry still a little spiteful, lol)... anyway.. when he's finished he comes to me and asks "so is there anything you want to talk about".. i just say "no not really, not in specific".. i mean there was probably a lot i could say if i got into it, but really i didn't have anything on my mind in particular...
and from there it was the most strangest experience of my life.. he jsut beamed in on me.. trying desperatley to look me in the eyes but blinking excessivly.. i'm having a hard time not reacting to what he was saying to me like a zombie.......
he asks me what my name was (even after he said it already) for my adress, my paretns phone numbers, where my dad works... "how come you don;t know where your dad works??! i just don't understand that".. "i know where he works just not the name.i drive him there like 5 times a week. he changes jobs like every year. he's a consultant"...i'm just responding to the best of my ability really, not letting my "ego" get in the way if you want to put it like that...
"if i knock on your mothers door will she'll verify who you are"... "where do you go to college"... and onn and onn and on...
now this is where he really starts to get offbeat..
he starts talking about how i was very restless... i tell him that i'm clearing the pathways and such and he just loses it.. making fun of me.. saying "whatever the heck your doing it really isn;t working"... " sorry but i disagree".. that just puts him in a bad place.. we end up sitting down on the cusions somehow.. i'm getting really worked up inside but i'm doing my best honestly...
i say "look i'm not trying to offend you.. i'm not trying to break you".. god know why i said that... he says "if you come back here i will have the campus police come and arrest you".. 'm complying the whole time.. really what i just said was probably the only time hwere i got jsut a little defensive in the whole convorsation...
he says that he will have me areested about 5 more times.. even when i'm talking to him real nicely.. even opening up to this guy who's acting extremly strange towards "me"... i tell him that i'll listen to what he has to say, meditate on it even, take it all into consideration and use my "zen speticism" (so it was alittle sarcastic unintentionally, but i was very serious)... i tell him that i'll email him.. that i jsut got back from a week at an ashram... "oh that's wonderful" (conditioned response)...
so that's that experience in a nutshell.. i email him.. giving him more contacts.. telling him that i really think i need to talk to him about a lot of stuff... i'll show yuo the emails if you want...2 days later.. simple and short... "if you come back i will have you arrested by the campus police"... "can i at least come back to get my friends emails? wait in the parking lot even?".. "the police will be waiting for you?"... he calls my mom and tells her that he's filing a restraining order...
really i'm not going to speculate as to why it happened.. i will just say that my presence seems to have very auspicious effects on people if i've used the word correctly... i'm not liying, i'm extremly sincere...
Auspicious may not be the best term to use. But this guy sounds pretty stupid. Better to just leave it alone.
quote:
ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED!!!!!
Haha, Gladiator right? |
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Eddy
USA
92 Posts |
Posted - Apr 06 2007 : 12:34:39 AM
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hehe, i was kind of thinking shark tale , lol...
yeah that was just that week.. i'm just a little restless now.. but i'm very calm... pretty much nothing bothers me... i am admittedly emotionally balanced but i'm recovering rapidly.. there's a lot of different angles you can work with when talking about catharsis.. some times i stay still, some times i do dynamic meditation.. what feels right... trying to stay smart you get me... i'm actaully pretty darn content right now.. |
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Eddy
USA
92 Posts |
Posted - Apr 06 2007 : 12:36:59 AM
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| my psychiatrist doens;t know jack about the eastern side of things.. he thinks i'm bi-polar because i've had spiritual experiences... there's no way i'm taking anything.. i want to talk to him though, and learn from him.. jsut leech off the dude... he definitley can influence me in some way or another |
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Scott
USA
969 Posts |
Posted - Apr 06 2007 : 02:23:40 AM
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You might be content right now, but the next moment you could become discontent...so that can't really be considered the calm that yoga brings, but rather as just a passing state that anyone can have.
Dynamic meditation (where you move around instead of staying still) is a sign that there is lingering mental baggage. That lingering baggage is what causes the different states of: content, discontent, catharsis...to come.
The yogic type of calm comes from stilling yourself. When you make yourself still and let go of the baggage, then these different states don't come and you are purely yourself. Not content, not discontent, and not cathartic. Then you have attained the yogic type of calmness.
Some might say that the key factor in this is stilling the mind rather than the body, and to let the body do what it wants. I say that the two are linked, and the body shows whatever mental baggage you aren't conscious of. When you deliberately make the body still, these unconscious tendencies surface and after some time disappear for good. |
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Eddy
USA
92 Posts |
Posted - Apr 06 2007 : 1:23:32 PM
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so i have some metal baggage.. until i get enlightened it will probably be like that.. oh well.. all i can say is that when i meditate i meditate pretty darn good... you don't need to tell me that i'm cathartic or what it is.. as a matter of fact i'm rather enjoying very much the catharsis and the meditating....i pretty much enjoy things that aren;t suppose to be enjoyable.. i enjoy the now very mild depression thati wake up with... i enjoy an hour later when i'm laughing my ass off.. i enjoy the anxiety i get when i talk to girls, or speak in class.. i think that unless you can find the truth in evry single little thing, and all the subtle ways, you'll never get enlightened... but i could just be taling out of my ass again..
reguardless thanks for the feedback |
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Kyman
530 Posts |
Posted - Apr 07 2007 : 11:24:14 AM
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If this guy has made such actions then I think you should respect yourself and ask for an email for the leader of the ashram you just came from.
Briefly explain the sitution. THey will probably want to reference your character simply because of this guys strange and potentially dangerous behavior.
Take the letter, give a copy to your campus. Make an unofficial report on it with someone. File the letter from the ashram with them.
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Edited by - Kyman on Apr 07 2007 11:32:29 AM |
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Eddy
USA
92 Posts |
Posted - Apr 08 2007 : 1:36:03 PM
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| i was just gonna let it go.. maybe get a friend of mind to go there so they can makes friends and possibly get some of the friends that i have there's emails.. the sensei won't even let me talk to his students.. i email him saying i just want some of my friends emails and he doens't even email me back...not even giving me a reason... i thought about calling the cops because apparently they already know the situation... i just wanted to clear my name and tell them not to worry... i don't want to start any big drama... i don't what's really going through the guys head but I know he's not happy with the situation either.. really when we talked he jsut looked soo messed up... i mean so did i but i conclude that to do my best not to jsut react and and do what's right, we were jsut rubbing off on eachother.. hopefully someday we'll laugh abotu it or something |
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auspiciousness times a million
