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Leo
Italy
16 Posts |
 Posted - Feb 23 2007 : 03:30:08 AM
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Hi everybody,
I've been practicing the tecniques described on this site since past september ... though I still don't have any dramatic emprovement in my well being and cleanliness of thought, I keep practicing and still stick to the basics (that is, Pranayama and Meditation twice a day)
since I have the feeling that, even if it doesn't show , something good is slowly happening inside me (and here, I would like the more experienced between you members to confirm or disprove my feeling...:))...) and I still don't feel ready to go on with more advanced practices.
BTW , my question, that I don't know if it is related to the subject or actually off topic, is the following .
Some days ago , I had this dream , in which I was in my parent's house
(they're both dead), and I was watching out the window, thinking about myself, and having a strong feeling of not wanting to live anymore ..... Currently I'm living a very stressful period of my life, but as far as I can remember ,in most of my dreams I had very depressive feelings, feeling of confusion, sadness, loneliness, but this words can only roughly describe the real feeling, which was (and is) very deep ... It is more like, you know, looking at the trees and realize that they look ill or dead, looking at the houses and they appear spoiled and old, looking at people and they look sad, hopeless .... And the strongest feeling is that, all this sadness , is very deep rooted .... but at the same time, it feels like the sadness is something normal , an everyday's feeling , something you can't do nothing about . When I wake up , I often stay upset for many hours before forgetting about the dream .
Does anyone know what this could mean ? could it be that there is something unresolved which is hiding very deeply inside my mind ?
Thank you.
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Shanti
USA
4854 Posts |
Posted - Feb 23 2007 : 09:56:41 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by Leo
Some days ago , I had this dream , in which I was in my parent's house
(they're both dead), and I was watching out the window, thinking about myself, and having a strong feeling of not wanting to live anymore ..... Currently I'm living a very stressful period of my life, but as far as I can remember ,in most of my dreams I had very depressive feelings, feeling of confusion, sadness, loneliness, but this words can only roughly describe the real feeling, which was (and is) very deep ... It is more like, you know, looking at the trees and realize that they look ill or dead, looking at the houses and they appear spoiled and old, looking at people and they look sad, hopeless .... And the strongest feeling is that, all this sadness , is very deep rooted .... but at the same time, it feels like the sadness is something normal , an everyday's feeling , something you can't do nothing about . When I wake up , I often stay upset for many hours before forgetting about the dream .
Does anyone know what this could mean ? could it be that there is something unresolved which is hiding very deeply inside my mind ?
Thank you.
Hi Leo,
Sorry you are experiencing this sadness. I know it is not very easy.
The answer to this statement of yours...
quote:
Originally posted by Leo
BTW , my question, that I don't know if it is related to the subject or actually off topic, is the following .
... is Yes.. the question you have is related to the subject.
quote:
Originally posted by Leo
Hi everybody,
I've been practicing the tecniques described on this site since past september ... though I still don't have any dramatic emprovement in my well being and cleanliness of thought, I keep practicing and still stick to the basics (that is, Pranayama and Meditation twice a day)
since I have the feeling that, even if it doesn't show , something good is slowly happening inside me (and here, I would like the more experienced between you members to confirm or disprove my feeling...:))...) and I still don't feel ready to go on with more advanced practices.
You have a very good attitude towards your practice.. do it like brushing your teeth.. no expectations.. just let the mantra do its thing. And let me assure you.. your practice is working.
This sadness you feel is some kind of purification... something deep inside you trying to work it's way out. It may be a good idea to self pace a bit.. till this purification phase passes away.
In this thread Breakdown of inner silence... Yogani says...
quote:
http://www.aypsite.org/forum/topic...._ID=897#4445
Often times, symptoms of purification can mimic feelings we have had at an earlier time when we were much more stuck in a particular blockage. That can be a little unnerving for sure. Over the past few years, I have seen quite a few situations like this, with things clearing up and a happy ending. Well, no ending -- just a new opening and on to more purification, beginning from a much better place than we were before.
Good things are happening Leo, so hang on.. and although it maybe hard to believe this in your current emotional state.. but this too shall pass. 
Just make sure you stay active, do lots of walking and/or exercise, eat sightly heavier meals for a few days, self pace your practice.. And most important.. don't stop your practice and don't let this feeling take over your life... treat it like what it is.. a phase.. it will be soon be gone... and you will feel lighter and happier..
Be happy. |
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Leo
Italy
16 Posts |
Posted - Feb 23 2007 : 10:41:40 AM
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Shanti ,
thank you for your reassuring words ...
This is a period of change for me, I mean an attitude change ...
For all my life I have been enquiring ways of emproving myself,
changing from one to another, always doubting ,always trying to rearrange , adapt, emprove , without really following one path.
Now I realized that, probably, this same attitude was the real problem. It took me years to understand this so simple principle ,
as we all know you can understand something from a rational point of view, but then for some strange reason you fail to put the principle
into practice, even if you really want to.
Taking it easy, that's the real secret. Worrying and running won't take you anywere, but for guys who are used to worry and run, stopping for a while and cleaning away all the worries from a busy mind, isn't an easy task at all ... You always feel like you're doing something wrong, wasting your time , going into the wrong direction, letting problems get worse without solving them .... Well this is the way I was and still am, this is the way I was raised too, but time
has proved that this way of being , at least for me , is wrong .
All it create is stress, anxiety, unease and problems .
So I decided to follow the AYP path, this time without changing and without expecting anything, figuring that, even if I'm wasting my time for 30 minutes twice a day , this sure won't kill me :)))
Coming to my question about the dream, I remember that I was having such kind of dream already many years ago, much before I even came to know about AYP : but the last time, the feeling was stronger than ever, and really got me scared .... I usually felt sad, and hopeless, without any apparent reason, in my dreams ... but this time I clearly had the thought of not wanting to live anymore ...and this feeling kept hanging around for a while even after I woke up ...
Well the good part of all is that you know it's just a dream, and the feeling is going to fade away sooner or later, but my worry was only that possibly there was something wrong in my practice, that could have caused this ....
I'm glad to know that, as I had suspected (but needed to confirm) this is a common phase in emproving your spiritual side ... I take it as a good sign and keep practicing , steadily but without thinking too much about it .
Thank you again
Leo |
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Dream interpretation
