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ant
USA
9 Posts |
 Posted - Aug 19 2022 : 03:33:42 AM
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Hello. I found out about AYP back in 2007 when I was 20 years old. I experienced my "awakening" spontaneously via the use of marijuana and psychedelics. After much frustration exploring different paths that seemed to make sense of the knowledge that had been revealed to me, I was lucky enough to find AYP, and it looks the same as it did! :-)
I'll try to be light on details on what followed. For the next few years, I was overdoing it. I was seeking too hard. I was doing too many practices, yet not doing some of the most fundamental things necessary for growth. For example, I had poor emotional control skills. Another, I lacked the inner resources to follow the principles of bramacharya, which as a man is quite important. Dont get me wrong, I was definitley growing in the practice. I can look back and see that clearly. But i wasnt really doing the practices with the right intent. I dont need to explain what this means because that is the gold of Yogani's teachings.
Eventually, I became very involved in adult endeavors. I was in college for nearly 8 years. I had an evolving career. I had long term adult ambitions. But all the while, I felt an unease. Im not exagerrating when I say that the seed that was planted by a few years or practice would not go away. I would say at least every few days for a string of 10 years or more, I was aware that I was not doing The Practice anymore. I felt guilt. I never tried to rationalize it either. I knew deep down I was just not putting in the work.
Fast forward, Im in my earlys 30s. Single, no kids, college grad who decided he didnt want to continue formal education. Good job and lifestyle, but lacking direction and foundation. Im still working on myself, but lacking a system. Spontaneous moments of spiritual excitement and motivation would come over me for a day or days, and then dissapear, leaving me frustrated and depressed. Practice would spontaneously creep into my life, and it started doing so around this time.
I had little to no access to the psychedelics that initiated my experiences in my early 20s, and these experiences were few. I was able to use them again, and I "asked" the question "what shall I do to get back on the path? How do I find that meaning again?". The wisdom nearly yelled at me "You already know! AYP! The only thing thats always made sense!". From that moment on, I knew that the twice daily practice was the key. I cannot say I ever truly forgot this, but came to the end of a period of my life where I was avoiding the work. Of course, I forgot that it is actually a work of bliss
I will not bore with further details of my story. But I will say a few lesson I've learned along the way.
1. Listen to every word Yogani writes/says. The true value of Yogani is that he distills the information in such an effective way. I thought I appreciated this when I was younger...but man does it hit later on when you mature in your practice. His teachings are free, of course, but buy the books. Listen to the audiobooks. Revisit them. When you consider how full of fluff the average modern spiritual read is, you realize how beautifully written Yogani's work really is. I've really enjoyed listening to the audiobooks. There is power in hearing the voice of a master in anything.
2. The Secrets of Wilder. This book has been around since I first found AYP. I never really gave it a second thought because I thought it was just a novel. A side-project. Reading it now after 15 years of AYP marinating in my system is mind-blowing. I won't go into whether it is autobiographical of our wonderful teacher (the mystery!). It really reads like a modern Bible story. I'm reading it at a time in my life where the story really hits home in many ways, but it also is an amazing humanization of the AYP system, seeing it unfold through a human being. I dont know how I would have interpreted the book back then, but reading it now has expanded AYP, which was already a universe, into another dimension.
3. Dont understimate the important of lifestyle. This is evident if you study yama/niyama, but I think it is quite easy to be too casual in this department. I will tread lightly here as I can only speak from my own experience. But I can say that the more effort (and it IS effort) I put into the values of purity, good thought/deed, sexual preservation, ect, the more my practice is enhanced. Reading Secrets of Wilder, in fact, confirmed for me the thing I already felt deep down - that mindless expense of sexual energy cannot coexist with the spiritual growth I wanted. And that's only part of the puzzle. For each person, nama/niyama will take its own shape. For myself, it meant some unprecedented discipline (fueled by bhakti), as well as a willingness to stand against forces of societal trends and groupthink. In short, yes AYP will lead you to these changes naturally. And perhaps that's what occured in the long run. But sometimes you have to wake up and push through! You have to want it! And if something in your world really seem opposed to your growth, or everyone seems to be going a certain way and you dont feel that it is right - believe in yourself! Trust yourself. The world around you can seem very non-spiritual (to say the least). To be strong in the world, you have to learn to hold your own spiritually. If you see or hear a wrong, and feel called to act, do so. Men, see what it's like to practice ejaculatory abstinence, or abstinence when not with a partner, or even just altogether. Or use specific tantric methods. People will tell you their own opinion of what is "natural" or not. As with all practices - do it yourself and YOU decide.
I'm not saying there is anything wrong with being a "weekend warrior" type of student, but dont be afraid to fully step into the yoga life. In this world, evil is often looked at less strangely than good. Trust in yourself and God's blessings.
It was difficult to condense everything I wanted to say, but I hope I got something useful out there to someone. I'm especially sympathetic to the new student who is frustrated that "everyone is ecstatic and high all the time but me". Listen to me...FORGET ABOUT THAT. There is a reason you are you and they are them. Your path is your own. No one is cut off, but everyone will experience exactly what they need to. If you levitated 6 inches off the bed and had 1000 orgasms a minute, it wouldn't mean a damn thing if, for the rest of your day, you were walking around in autopilot, thinking about whats on Netflix and little else. The true gift of practice is peace, gratitude, feelings of abundance, and knowing that you are resolving your emotional issues (purification). Never ever forget that it's all about PURIFICATION. If you feel that there is a level of spiritual experience that you want but haven't felt yet...it's because you aren't there yet. And neither am I. I only get tastes of it. But I'm learning that it's all connected. The ecstacy, inner stillness, and abundance is intimately connected to gratitude, peace, and loving kindness. If you can surrender the idea of getting anything extravagant out of it, and just expect the "easy" stuff like being kinder, gentler, more pure, more relaxed, the work can then really be done TO you by the yoga. Your character itself may have to change, or some bad habits, or whatever the obstructions may be. That work will look nothing like the fantasies of blissful ecstasy. It may look like being nicer to your grandmother, or being a better employee at your work. But know that the work is ALWAYS being done if you are are keeping the practices, and favoring the good in your everyday choices. And we all have the power to know, at the end of the day, whether we made choices that we would repeat tomorrow.
THEN, the real cool stuff starts to happen. It seems to happen for some people really easily. But for me, it coincided with the evolution of my character itself. When I started living more in-tune with spiritual principles, my mind was able to enter a new state of stillness. The practices gradually became deeper...but not even that much so. But everything OUTSIDE of the practices started changing. Yogani stresses that the practice is preparation for activity in daily life. When that starts to grow, the practice has to grow as a result because You are growing. Help your grandma = spiritual progress.
Ok last thought. The path is going to take you where it wants to. It's not really your choice. At first, I thought I was going to go straight into some ashram and fast for weeks on end, blissed out. But life had other plans. But here I am 15 years later still doing AYP. I wish I had kept the practices going the entire time, but it's true that they never leave you. And they never did.
Summary: Read Yogani's words like a holy text, and keep the practices going no matter what. Don't be afraid of nama/niyama, even if it puts you at odds with society. |
Edited by - ant on Aug 23 2022 5:49:41 PM |
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Dogboy
USA
2242 Posts |
Posted - Aug 19 2022 : 04:10:24 AM
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Welcome back, Ant 
It’s terrific you found AYP and spiritually so young, with so much time before you to truly surrender into practices and lifestyle.
quote:
The ecstacy, inner stillness, and abundance is intimately connected to gratitude, peace, and loving kindness.
Your twenty year old self was not ready or able to appreciate this revelation. Bramacharya dedication is a lot to ask of one at their peak of testosterone and randiness. As a middle aged yogi, the choice is easier, but I’m also at the stage where it’s somewhat unnecessary as vajroli mudra feels automatic.
And I agree with your take on Secrets of Wilder, though it’s been seven years since I read it, and should give it a re-read now that I have established an ecstatic body. For fun, I browse the indexes of the DM and Tantra lessons, pick a lesson, press audio, and let Yogani read it to me, and encourage you to do the same to enjoy both the word and the voice.
Sitting daily is not a chore if there is silence and sensations and connection to All.   
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ant
USA
9 Posts |
Posted - Aug 19 2022 : 05:35:34 AM
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quote:
Your twenty year old self was not ready or able to appreciate this revelation
Haha, you got that right! I was all heart, but no head. I figured all that loving kindness stuff was at the end of the road, after all the ecstasy! I couldn't appreciate the connection. Nevertheless, the seed was planted and (over)watered for a few years, which served me much later on.
Yes, bramacharya is such an interesting topic. The topic of "nofap", or no porn/ejaculation, is an internet phenomenon. Men are discovering the power of this, even if only secularly. It is something so easy to "prove" to oneself if willing. Yet, it is common to be ridiculed or even emasculated for these practices. I've been ridiculed for my feelings about porn use. I am excited at the idea that men are starting to wake up to a greatly enhanced state of existing that goes well beyond the physical. That a man who has control of his sexual energies is an honorable warrior. And the benefits to spiritual practice are understated in the overall modern spiritual world (not AYP) because it is considered radical or unrealistic to alter one's sexual practices.
Thank you for the welcome! It's nice to be back. While still a newbie by comparison, it's quite a trip to come back here nearly 15 years later (too embarrassed to revive my old profile!) and feel like a grizzled veteran. I have a few stories to tell, and I'd love to help people new to the path.
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Edited by - ant on Aug 19 2022 07:26:11 AM |
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SeySorciere
Seychelles
1553 Posts |
Posted - Aug 19 2022 : 07:40:35 AM
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Welcome back, Ant.
I will echo the "Listen to every word Yogani writes or says!"
Amen to that.
Sey |
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nina
USA
32 Posts |
Posted - Aug 19 2022 : 5:39:35 PM
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| Welcome back! |
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interpaul
USA
540 Posts |
Posted - Aug 19 2022 : 7:54:53 PM
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| Ant, I really enjoyed your post, it is inspiring/inspired. I discovered AYP much later than you (interestingly as a byproduct of a nofap induced kundalini awakening). Yes, Yogani has offered a rare gift to the world here with his super clear spiritual guidance. Again and again I've come back to his words realizing his way of doing things works and mostly stick with the teachings as stated. Looking forward to hearing more of your unique perspective having returned to the practices so many years later. |
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Christi
United Kingdom
4430 Posts |
Posted - Aug 19 2022 : 9:14:16 PM
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Hi ant,
Welcome back!
Good to hear about your story.
quote:
Don't be afraid of nama/niyama, even if it puts you at odds with society.
*Also called "yama/ niyama"
Christi |
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sunyata
USA
1511 Posts |
Posted - Aug 20 2022 : 12:08:02 AM
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| Welcome back, Ant. Thank you for sharing. |
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Charliedog
1625 Posts |
Posted - Aug 20 2022 : 12:30:23 PM
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Blanche
USA
867 Posts |
Posted - Aug 21 2022 : 12:58:08 PM
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ant
USA
9 Posts |
Posted - Aug 23 2022 : 5:45:36 PM
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Thanks everyone! I recognize some names from the "old days"!
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ant
USA
9 Posts |
Posted - Aug 23 2022 : 5:48:51 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by interpaul
Ant, I really enjoyed your post, it is inspiring/inspired. I discovered AYP much later than you (interestingly as a byproduct of a nofap induced kundalini awakening). Yes, Yogani has offered a rare gift to the world here with his super clear spiritual guidance. Again and again I've come back to his words realizing his way of doing things works and mostly stick with the teachings as stated. Looking forward to hearing more of your unique perspective having returned to the practices so many years later.
I am too new a member (I didnt want to revive my cringe-worthy 12 year old posts) to send you a message, but I would love to hear more about your journey, particularly as it relates to sexual retention ("nofap"). I'm not sure if you are able to send me a message, but if you're inclined I'd love to hear the perspective of someone in yoga. Plenty of accounts of men all over the world incidentally discovering bramacharya! |
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ant
USA
9 Posts |
Posted - Aug 23 2022 : 11:12:13 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by Christi
Hi ant,
Welcome back!
Good to hear about your story.
quote:
Don't be afraid of nama/niyama, even if it puts you at odds with society.
*Also called "yama/ niyama"
Christi
Thanks!
Haha, yes I'm always betting it gackwards. |
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Cato
Germany
235 Posts |
Posted - Sep 05 2022 : 3:44:02 PM
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Hi ant,
it is nice to read your perspective on things an have you around on the forum. Welcome, my friend |
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Back after many years off. Lessons learned. Hello.
