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zamolxes
Romania
93 Posts |
 Posted - Dec 15 2020 : 1:43:35 PM
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Hello everyone, although my life has become a spiritual practice itself I still feel lost when it comes to sex.
Well I don't have a partner and so tantra is not something important at the moment, and with regards to masturbation it has always been my weakness, an adiction if you will, taking me out of inner silence. And yet for the love of spiritual advancement I was drawn towards celibacy, and although during practices the sexual energy transforms easily and permeates my nervous system, there are times when the energy is too strong. I tend to observe it and as I distance myself from it I sense how this mental block transforms into sexual energy circulating up into my body. And yet there are times when I'm still drawn towards releasing it out into pleasure.
Well, I started reading again the tantra lesson after thinking of tackling this in some other way, and I feel a little lost. On one hand, I may be able to hold on to that pre-orgasmic state for some time, yet even If I avoid going further I seem to go back into puberty and the orgasm comes with no stimulation. And then I had problems with the blocking, I don't seem to find the spot at the perineum to block the flow of semen, so even if I block my uretra the semen keeps going back and forth and ultimately there's no other way once it gets in the uretra than out.
For the moment I still find it best to preserve my purity and not expeience too much, since it really upsets me when I watch myself losing semen. And yet I'd also want to get everything under light, since it is also part of me. The Tao had a phrase that went along the lines: the Tao follows the earth, the earth follows the Heaven, Heaven follows Nature and Nature follows Tao. And so, sexuality being in our nature, I'd like it to be under a higher order too.
You see, me coming too peace with it and managing to subdue it rather than letting this pleasure play with me.
At the moment I can only think of trying the solo ctivation until the respective biology is nudged towards a higher will. Or simply avoid it, becoming a celibate for the moment and transforming the noise in inner silence.
Hope you have some advice, or some of your experiences to share. Thank you in advance#128578; |
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Dogboy
USA
2192 Posts |
Posted - Dec 15 2020 : 3:58:37 PM
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I see from your profile you are nineteen, so that is a significant factor. You are literally fighting your biology as you are at the height of your sperm producing ability.
My first advice would be to relax about everything. Masturbation to orgasm will temporarily take off your spiritual “edge”, and also strict celibacy is not recommended, especially at your age. There is a happy medium that you can explore, you can have and eat this cake, just cut it into slices and enjoy it over time.
I would suggest directing your attention to arousal, and make that the end game. Set aside private time when you can be naked and undisturbed. Light candles, darken the room, put on music. Massage yourself with lotion or oil. Practice asana; dance; pranayama. Do all of this with little or no touching your genitals; by not making them the focus, you will be successful at avoiding ejaculation. Allow your arousal to ebb and flow. Be present. Find the silence present in these moments, it is there if you are open to it. This is a ritual to honor your body and to fine tune your spiritual progress. It is an opportunity to connect with your body on a much deeper level.
Allow four of these sessions and then allow yourself to release. There is nothing defeating about ejaculation as it is an important part of being human. You cannot keeping blowing up a balloon because eventually it pops. Likewise, too much energy and arousal will overload your system. Reset is not failure.
There will come a time in your life when you do partner with someone, and your arousal practice will be of benefit to you both. I was practicing bramacharya well before I knew it was a thing, early in my relationship with my wife, proclaiming my focus was on her pleasure and that I planned to orgasm only one in three sessions. It continued for a few years, until it was time to start our family.
Now that I’m in my sixties and a dedicated yogi, we freely cuddle and hug, and whisper sweet nothings, and orgasm once a month as a nurturing “check in”. That schedule works great for the both of us.
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zamolxes
Romania
93 Posts |
Posted - Dec 15 2020 : 4:54:15 PM
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Thank you dogboy, I may see a way out. Also it is very wholesome seeing a couple like yours.
For instance, there are times when I just lie in my bed and let the sexual energy flow, I keep a slight distance between me and the lust, gently transforming it into energy. Sometimes embracing images that come to mind and letting the mind stuff transform into sexual energy. It has been more than a year that I practice mulabhanda unconsciously so perhaps it already happens. Also, after some time of this free flow I naturally become still, and notice the energy taking a walk through my body, going up my 3rd eye and into whatever celestial realm is out there, and back comes a very refined and holy sensation that permeates all my body.
So this may be a thing, without arousing myself too much, or some times at all, just by noticing that I'm horny and accepting it would just transform it. As for the more potent sensations, it surely is because of age, so perhaps at this stage I will keep going round these experiences for a while. And try not to blame myself too much
Thank you again for your kind answer. |
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Christi
United Kingdom
4364 Posts |
Posted - Dec 15 2020 : 5:56:08 PM
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Hi Zamolxes,
Some people are naturally inclined towards celibacy and that is a perfectly viable option for anyone at any age. When I was 19 I was living in a monastery and was celibate. It certainly was not an issue.
This is from lesson T9:
Lesson T9 - The Relationship of Brahmacharya, Tantric Sex, and Celibacy
"Where does celibacy fit in? It is a matter of choice, a matter of inclination, a matter of lifestyle. It happens. Maybe we surrender to a guru or organization and they choose it for us. Maybe we do it on our own. Maybe we are never attracted to it at all. Any of these are okay. It is up to each of us to follow our own feelings about it." [Yogani]
So, if sex is problematic for you and you are naturally inclined to avoid it, then that can be the most simple option. And you will be preserving your sexual energy which will then be taken up through your yogic practices.
quote:
For instance, there are times when I just lie in my bed and let the sexual energy flow, I keep a slight distance between me and the lust, gently transforming it into energy. Sometimes embracing images that come to mind and letting the mind stuff transform into sexual energy. It has been more than a year that I practice mulabhanda unconsciously so perhaps it already happens. Also, after some time of this free flow I naturally become still, and notice the energy taking a walk through my body, going up my 3rd eye and into whatever celestial realm is out there, and back comes a very refined and holy sensation that permeates all my body.
What you are describing here is actually a higher form of tantric sexual practice which does not involve a partner or touching your own body. Everything can happen simply within consciousness. So, that is another option where it is very easy to avoid orgasm and ejaculation.
quote:
You see, me coming too peace with it and managing to subdue it rather than letting this pleasure play with me.
Sexual energy will transform into ecstasy which will gradually transform into full-body ecstasy 24/7. There is not really a point where we can say that we have subdued it. It is more that it transforms us and carries us ever higher. It is more something to enjoy and to be at peace with, and to eventually merge with, rather than to subdue.
It sounds as if you are doing well.
Christi
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Dogboy
USA
2192 Posts |
Posted - Dec 15 2020 : 9:26:16 PM
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quote:
It sounds as if you are doing well.
I agree!  |
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zamolxes
Romania
93 Posts |
Posted - Dec 16 2020 : 06:43:42 AM
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Thank you Christi, I may have just thought too much about it, perhaps it would be good to not force it. Time will tell what I should or shouldn't do with my body.
Thank you for your words, I just didn't have something to compare my case with, and was little worried.
Thank you too Dogboy, I'll take care of your advice too, if the fire gets too strong I'll try to give it its due respect through several sessions, and eat the cake before it rots. |
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lightandlove
Germany
85 Posts |
Posted - Dec 16 2020 : 09:35:08 AM
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Hi zamolxes :)
I had a very similar journey as you at the same age. When I was 18 I read a book on Kundalini Yoga where a lot was about brahmacharya and celibacy being the first step for spiritual progress.
I remember giving the book a female friend at that time and when I got it back, she asked me wether I could imagine to do so. I felt weird about it. Something had drawn me to it, but at the same time I was enjoying masturbation a lot.
Somehow though, more and more I was pulled toward brahmacharya. I had strong bhakti and told myself that as long as I don't have a girlfriend I will just give this a try and see what it does.
From time to time I slowly started to masturbate less quite naturally. I did daily practices which slowly reduced my sexual urge and during the day I spent more time just doing certain things. Like studying etc. By doing what I liked to do, I automatically sent my energy there instead of masturbation or sexual thoughts. The periods where I didn't loose semen became longer. I somehow felt more alive and more creative, but still quite regularly, like every 1 or 2 weeks I lost semen.
Things changed when I did a trip to india. I wanted to try what happens if I hold back for longer than just weeks.
When I came back home after about 1,5 months without loosing semen, I was overwhelmed of how great I felt. During the next months I naturally stopped to urge sensual inputs and I just enjoyed the simple things of life. My spiritual practice greatly enhanced.
Overall it was a similar process for me than it may be for others regarding diet regulations or alcohol (as you wrote about yourself in my topic on that). I became more and more sensitive to my body and my energies and at some point I automatically lost these sexual urges.
Also, when I started to hold my semen back, I automatically felt drawn to the practice of khechari mudra and automatically did so during the day. This greatly helped to keep the energy going upward and remember what I longed for in my heart.
I see that you have strong bhakti and by that your process will happen by itself.
Also, regarding age and biology. I personally did not encounter any problems regarding this. When I was 20 (1 year ago) I started to date a girl who is my girlfriend now. It was quite funny for both of us to go through the process of swapping from brahmacharya without any sexual activity to tantric sex (with great help from yoganis tantra lessons). It took some time.  But as our brain and overall biology is very well able to change its software in many directions, I see no problem in practicing brahmacharya at your age. I wonder if it isn't more harmful to waste your energies than to conserve and cultivate them.
Take care and self-pace where things are going to fast 
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zamolxes
Romania
93 Posts |
Posted - Dec 16 2020 : 11:38:37 AM
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Thank you for your answer lightandlove
I too feel that it won't be that hard to restrain from masturbating, i usually do for around a week or two. But same as alcohol or any other drug, it became a habit and a slight adiction towards pleasure, I mean it has been so many years of doing that. So I'm sure the urge will pass overtime, even more after experiencing an increase in energy and creativity not doing it.
Perhaps the big urges are just withdrawal symptoms anyway, as time passes I'm more and more ecstatic and my practices leave my life full of light, so of course when the magic increases, all else will drop by itself.
Thank you again for your answer, its easier to be inspired by someone who had the experience |
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