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chinna
United Kingdom
241 Posts |
 Posted - Apr 14 2009 : 06:10:05 AM
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Dear all,
I am new to this forum, though have been on and off practising kundalini yoga,for many years. I have found my way here because I am a bit stuck in my practice, and would like some help.
My route into this kundalini practice is jnana yoga/atma yoga, and this is still my root practice, focused for many years on the teaching of Nisargadatta Maharaj. I have not really sought this kundalini practice. I have just found that things have happened on the kundalini level, as a result of jnana yoga and meditation, which have followed the patterns described by the kundalini yogis, and which demanded attention.
Twenty years or more ago, my kundalini awakened in two powerful events, one of which I thought my body and mind could not survive. In the first, I was awoken to a massive force in the spinal line which pinned me to the bed, up and down up and down, like a thousand orgasms, but with no possibility of orgasm (it wasn't centred on the sex organs, though one pole was muladhara and the other ajna, with every point in between on massive overload). I couldn't move or breathe and thought I would die. It was like being raped by some massive force of bliss.
In the second experience, I was awoken to a very real vision (definitely not a dream) of Da Love Ananda, with whom I was not a formal devotee but had read some of his books, sitting on my shoulders and then later laughing and looking into my eyes, at which point massive laser lights went from his eyes into mine, and I was overcome with massive bliss and united with him. I awoke with a powerfully blissful body and mind which lasted for some time.
It should be noted that I had done no systematic kundalini yoga, but had meditated on and off for some years, and spent my life immersed in stories of saints and in the practice of prayer and the Mass as a roman catholic. For many years, the Mass was such a powerful experience that I could hardly maintain consciousness, and this is sometimes still the case.
All was not always bliss, once kundalini had awakened like this. I spent a couple of years on the verge of tears and with a heart that felt like a stone. It was so bad that I thought every day, even every minute, that I wouldn't be able to continue with my job. I took comefort from a story told by Laurence Olivier, the actor, that he had spent a couple of years in a similar state, feeling that he could only guarantee taking the next step or uttering the next word on stage following which he would collapse and have to give up. It is a massive strain, but perhaps it teaches one to live in the present moment, one step at a time.
More recntly, the 'problem' that I am struggling with is what to do with overwhelming bliss. How do I carry on in social situations or in a very responsible job leading a charity when I am constantly, particularly when in company, experiencing something like the original kindalini awakening, though not so massive. It is like the Olivier experience again, in that I can just about function the next step or second at a time, but anything more feels like it will be total collapse into ecstasy. Muladhara is active and blissed; ajna is active and blissed; I feel like I will orgasm if I just relax; if I don't relax I feel like I will orgasm. I remind myself of the original awakening where the bliss was so huge it seemed to bypass physical orgasm.
I am reminded that Ramakrishna once gave a devotee the bliss he asked for (though I have not asked for bliss, I asked for union with the divine, being lost in God), and the devotee couldn't cope and begged him to take it away, which he did.
I have responded to the 'problem' with more self-enquiry, which focuses feeling and attention at and 'beyond' ajna chakra for me, but this makes the problem worse.
It should be noted that as a jnana-yogi, seeking advaita via Siva, I have tried to be more in the ascetic mould all my life (probably as a result of a repressive roman catholic upbringing, I recognise, and so have avoided having a fully active sex life much of the time). At the moment, I have no choice but to masturbate to orgasm to relieve the pressure and this gives me a day or so of groundedness before the ecstasy escalator starts again.
Any comments about how to find more of an equilibrium would be gratefully received. Overwhelming bliss is a real nuisance!! |
Edited by - chinna on Apr 14 2009 4:27:32 PM |
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Etherfish
USA
3615 Posts |
Posted - Apr 14 2009 : 06:33:55 AM
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Welcome to the forum Chinna! I am on my way to work, and can't answer now, and also there are others who are much more qualified than me.
Your experiences are inspiring and they confirm many things Yogani has written, about bhakti being the only thing you need, no particular system is mandatory in that man is inherently enlightenable!
What you probably need is lots of grounding activity, and read about "Self pacing".
It is in the "main lessons" link at the top of this page, and also people have talked about it in this forum a lot.
It's funny how most of us long for that overwhelming bliss and you have too much! But we should use your post as a confirmation that we are not chasing something imaginary.
Also click on "Yoga FAQ" above and look under "Self Pacing". |
Edited by - Etherfish on Apr 14 2009 06:37:13 AM |
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Ananda
3115 Posts |
Posted - Apr 14 2009 : 8:50:51 PM
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hi chinna and welcome to the forums  ,
thk you for taking the time to write and share your beautiful experiences.
speaking for myself i am kind of going right now a bit through that over whelming bliss or rather ecstacy in my case and some times i feel like i am really stoned so i waken up myself in order to function more and be more present in my surroundings and the best way to do that is to get more involved do more action (the best one is the physical ones.)
the answer for what you're going through is what brother Ether described and you can find it here:
http://www.aypsite.org/forum/topic....=self,pacing
and i think that it would be wise for you to follow a systematic approach like the one existing here so that way you know how to stabilize your experiences and enjoy your bliss in a moderate way and learn how to better redirect it first hand.
and if you want to do yourself a big favor then check out the main lessons:
http://www.aypsite.org/MainDirectory.html
you will find a lot of practical goodies there which you can either undertake if you are inclined to and if not well it's a good read and by all means consider them as food for thought.
namaste,
Ananda |
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Konchok Ösel Dorje
USA
545 Posts |
Posted - Apr 15 2009 : 11:02:30 AM
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Om Mani Padme Hum, Om Tat Sat, Om Shanti Shanti Shantihi, Om Ah Hum Guru Padme Siddhi Hum Svaha...
First, I want to say congratulations you wonderful being. May you be our guiding light.
My feeling is that you are beyond a self-pacing issue. You are a truly advanced practitioner. You are a fortunate seeker. Enlightenment is in your very near future. What you are experiencing is natural, and you simply must understand what is happening.
All these phenomena of your channels and chakras are a side-effect of the path. You must relax and not worry about them; but you must continue with great dedication. Please be careful in your daily life; please use your wisdom to detect when obstructors may be coming. Samsara gets sticky when you leave the mud puddle.
Bliss is one side of the equation. What AYP calls stillness, silence or what we dharma practitioners call emptiness is the other.
I recommend the following:
Make a sincere wish to awaken from the illusion-like ignorance in this life so that you may be of great help to all beings. Allow the energy of this intention to gather the force of enlightenment in your mindstream.
For some time, practice simply jnana yoga. Simply contemplate. You must continue this. Do so without *fear*. Without *hope*. Meditate with no concern for this or that condition. Be like a lion in the sun watching the bison wander after he has feasted.
Just contemplate the stillness, silence, emptiness in this state of great bliss. If you notice the great bliss shoots up to the crown, don't worry about it. If you notice that the great bliss drips down into your heart, don't worry. Let these things be as they are, the phenomena of the body.
Just continue practicing without concern for past, present or future, without preference for this state or that. Be in that state beyond words for as long as you can.
If you cannot manage the worries on your own, then take refuge. If your karma is for happiness, then perhaps you will take refuge with the deity, like Shivaji. If your karma is for helping, then you may take refuge with the Buddha, Dharma and Sangha. When your body takes these forms, then the lion-like courage will be easier.
In post-contemplation, if you notice all your interactions are orgasmic, don't worry. Bliss is your nature. What is the bliss telling you? It is pointing you to the stillness, the emptiness, the real nature of your mind.
When you can stabilize this experience of the union of bliss and emptiness, then the wisdom awareness you gain will provide you the energy, knowledge and means to enlighten the suffering beings.
That is my wish for you, fortunate dear. |
Edited by - Konchok Ösel Dorje on Apr 15 2009 6:46:56 PM |
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markern
Norway
171 Posts |
Posted - Apr 15 2009 : 3:19:50 PM
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For general rooting doing the standing like a tree/horse stance (google) pose from qigong and breathing from the soles of the feet deep into the earth helps a lot. Pilates helps a lot in sentering. Standing asanas are also good. The inner smile meditation of michael winn is actualy realy helpfull in smooting such things out, much more then people would imagine. Six Healing sounds as well because they do not only cleanse out bad emotions but cool down the organs and the upper body as well.
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markern
Norway
171 Posts |
Posted - Apr 15 2009 : 3:22:54 PM
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| Go with AYP for a good amount of time and see how things work out. AYP might very well provide you with the stability you need. If it does not I advice you to check out Daniel Ingram and his forum Dharma Overground. They are good at getting people that have come far to actualy reach first path/first stage of enlightenment. |
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chinna
United Kingdom
241 Posts |
Posted - Apr 17 2009 : 09:46:10 AM
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Dear friends
I replied to these responses and before I was finished, the gremlins took it away, so I will try again. Perhaps there will then be two replies. Ah well, all the things that could be said deserve repetition.
I want to thank you all for your kindness in responding. I never before found friends with whom I could discuss this sort of experience. So I followed my inner guru, shaped by the teaching of Nisargadatta and others, and seeking textual corroboration that I wasn't going nuts when I experienced unusual yogic phenomena. But there is nothing like the warmth of others' insights and support on the journey, even delivered electronically.
Thank you especially Konchok Ösel Dorje for your wisdom and encouragement. You are the second teacher who has told me more or less the same thing in the past five years. Dr Vijai Shankar later also 'appeared' before me and gave me an atma-vichara question to work with, which I have used ever since. (This was immediately followed by his telephoning me, giggling!) I took his words to heart and have since been aspiring to practice jnana yoga, as you say, without fear, hope or expectation. Truth is, I have coped on my own with the unusual psychic phenomena that sometimes accompany this, but my courage falters with overwhelming bliss. Your warmth, your confidence in the meaning of these experiences, your authentic teaching of 'do nothing' (or nothing new), and your image of the lion and the bison, have already been a solace and support. And the most important of these has been your confidence. Thank you - I asked for help and you appeared. Jai Guru!
What a marvellous sangha AYP is. Thank you Yogani.
And thank you all again, dear friends.
Om namo Nisargadatta Maharaj. Om namah Shivaya. Tattvam Asi. |
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Cato
Germany
239 Posts |
Posted - Dec 18 2020 : 1:01:52 PM
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| An impressive thread, that one, both from chinna and konchok. I wonder what might have become of them. |
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How to manage constant overwhelming bliss?
