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SeySorciere
Seychelles
1571 Posts |
 Posted - May 08 2020 : 02:10:59 AM
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Dear all,
I thought I would drop a line here.
Whatever joy I was finding in January is long gone. For months now, I have been going through what is best expressed as "I don't give a f**k". No love, no compassion. The whole Covid19 crisis and not one single tear of empathy. I feel and see little difference personality-wise now than when I started all this. All my 'bad' habits are alive and rampant.
Work holds no interest. Luckily I am "working" from home.
I could sit and watch the light play on the flowers in my garden from sunrise to sunset; the butterflies that flit from flower to flower.
I feel the need to withdraw from society keenly these days.
Sey 
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interpaul
USA
551 Posts |
Posted - May 09 2020 : 12:46:14 AM
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| Sey, Nice to see your post. Sorry to hear you are in a bit of f funk lately. I hope things turn around soon for all of us with this frustrating virus and that you find your joy again. |
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Dogboy
USA
2294 Posts |
Posted - May 09 2020 : 7:30:31 PM
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quote:
I could sit and watch the light play on the flowers in my garden from sunrise to sunset; the butterflies that flit from flower to flower.
In doing so, you too are a butterfly, how lovely and worthy the moment is.  |
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kumar ul islam
United Kingdom
791 Posts |
Posted - May 10 2020 : 09:21:39 AM
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the shore became a distant view
like bird in the clear blue sky
once it appeared then it was gone
did the bird really appear
all thoughts and named things
are like the morning dew or dreams
evaporating once the mornings here
contemplate them in this way
freedom to decide my fate or which cross to bear
self denial or annihilation are habits hard to die
compassion and wisdom step hand in hand
but grasp in mid air and are afraid to touch
weary of the same old sun step into the shade
there are no shadows without the light
its not easy being the one like you
born maintained and finally transformed into dust
ready again to be blown by the wind
settling by the shore and becoming the view
in the bluest sky flown in by the rarest bird
contemplate all dharmas in this way
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SeySorciere
Seychelles
1571 Posts |
Posted - May 13 2020 : 01:54:26 AM
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That's beautiful Kumar
Sey
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Blanche
USA
873 Posts |
Posted - May 14 2020 : 06:40:21 AM
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This dewdrop world-
this dewdrop world,
and yet, and yet...
Kobayashi Issa |
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SeySorciere
Seychelles
1571 Posts |
Posted - May 16 2020 : 06:45:26 AM
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Exactly....
Sey  |
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SeySorciere
Seychelles
1571 Posts |
Posted - Jul 06 2020 : 06:14:29 AM
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I have come across the Catholic Christian stages of spiritual progression.
[https://www.newadvent.org/cathen/14254a.htm - Extracts from the New Advent website - The Catholic Encyclopedia]
They are:
The Purgative Stage: The Purgative Stage can be summarized as where the sudden in-dwelling of the holy spirit enables you to turn from a sinful life to God.
“The first duty which is incumbent on man is to give up sin and resist concupiscence, which are opposed to charity; this belongs to beginners, in whose hearts charity is to be nursed and cherished lest it be corrupted...
The characteristic virtue of this state is humility, by which the soul is made sensible of its own weakness and its dependence upon the succours of the grace of God.”
The purgative way may be said to end in the purity of the soul. The purgative ways rely not only on avoidance of sins but also a lot on the practice of charity.
The illuminative stage:
Then there is the illuminative stage where the believer receives all manner of divine revelations.
“The second duty of man is to apply his energies chiefly to advance in virtue; this belongs to those who are making progress and who are principally concerned that charity may be increased and strengthened in them.”
“The fundamental virtue of this state is recollection, that is, a constant attention of the mind and of the affections of the heart to thoughts and sentiments which elevate the soul to God — exterior recollection which consists in the love of silence and retirement, interior recollection in simplicity of spirit and a right intention, as well as attention to God in all our actions. This does not mean that a person has to neglect the duties of his state or position in life, nor does it imply that honest and needful recreation should be avoided, because these lawful or necessary circumstances or occupations can well be reconciled with perfect recollection and the most holy union with God.”
The Unitive Stage:
And finally, the Unitive State where the believer experiences deification or union with Christ.
“The unitive way is the way of those who are in the state of the perfect, that is, those who have their minds so drawn away from all temporal things that they enjoy great peace, who are neither agitated by various desires nor moved by any great extent by passion, and who have their minds chiefly fixed on God and their attention turned, either always or very frequently, to Him...
Union with God is the principal study and endeavor of this state.”
Spiritual phases of consolation and desolation
Consolation and desolation may be said to be phases of the various stages or states of the spiritual life, rather than distinct states to themselves. The character of permanence does not usually belong to them. They succeed each other, as a rule, and devout souls have to experience both the one and the other, but as they may have sometimes a long period of consolation or desolation the term states may be used in a wide sense when treating of them. Speaking in a general sense, the sense of consolation is that in which the soul enjoys a spiritual sense or impression of close union and intimate converse with God. The state of desolation, on the contrary, is that in which the soul feels itself as it were abandoned by God. Consolation and desolation may be more easily understood when considered in opposition to each other."
..It would be a great mistake to imagine that spiritual desolation arrests progress in virtue or enfeebles the spirit of fervour. On the contrary, it affords occasion of heroic virtue and of absolute detachment from sensible pleasure, whether natural or supernatural. At the same time we may hope and wish that these interior griefs may be diminished or made to disappear, and we may pray God to deliver us from them, but if all our efforts are in vain, and God permits the desolation to continue, it only remains to resign ourselves generously to His Divine Will...
The three states or ways are not so entirely distinct that there may not appear in any one of them something of the other two...
Why am I pointing all this out? Putting aside the harsh Christian language of 'sin and evil' - it covers well what I have been going through in a way that AYP does not talk about. Consolation where life is flows and is filled with daily little miracles, where you feel you are God's special child and at the other end, phases of desolation where nothing goes right, no 'progress' is apparent or we even feel we are regressing but in truth it's just another phase and patience is required. And sometimes both happening at once. It is very hard to put into words my lament. I have tried a couple of times in this thread but failed to properly express my feelings.
I have a sense that it is now swinging again towards consolation for the past couple of days.
I am hoping this contribution assist others should they go through these feelings and become confused.
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SeySorciere
Seychelles
1571 Posts |
Posted - Sep 12 2020 : 01:08:06 AM
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Dear all,
An update on new things happening. Lately I feel all emotions as pain. There is a backdrop of bliss from abiding Inner Silence but any movement of energy within it, caused by emotions, is registered as pain. Ecstatic conductivity is now painful. It clicked recently when an event happened when I should have felt anger, instead it just felt very painful. Any sound in the night is registered as pain.
This morning my whole session was very painful.
Anyone knows what’s happening? Christi?
Sey
P.S. The pain has a clear and pure quality to it. |
Edited by - SeySorciere on Sep 12 2020 01:11:12 AM |
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interpaul
USA
551 Posts |
Posted - Sep 12 2020 : 12:33:29 PM
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| Sey, Although I have no answer for you I just wanted to put my good energy out there for you and hope this a temporary phase. |
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SeySorciere
Seychelles
1571 Posts |
Posted - Sep 13 2020 : 01:24:39 AM
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Thks Interpaul. I suppose it is. I wonder if it has something to do with feeling a greater flow of energy downwards (towards lower regions) than upwards. During practices I am swept downwards and sometimes I end up settling down there to meditate.
Oh well... this too shall pass.
Sey |
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greymatter
USA
28 Posts |
Posted - Sep 13 2020 : 05:23:14 AM
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Hi Sey,
I remember when I started practicing DM 8 years ago, I read your comments when you had been practicing for 6 years, and to me that might as well have been a thousand years. I thought of you at the time as an enlightened being. I never thought I'd be here 8 years later, having experienced what you did at that time. I'm slowly catching up.
Thank you for documenting what you've been experiencing, it has been helpful for me, I have been able to find answers here reliably from the experiences of you and others. You're on the vanguard.
All I can say is that I've benefited from joining a church. I find that the holy spirit is a powerful aid to ecstatic conductivity. When things aren't going right, I get a prompting and follow through with that and find the energy flowing properly again.
Just recently I was reading about angels in a book, and felt a strong desire to meet one. That night, I had what felt like a minor seizure and distinctly visualized a long word which I knew as the name of the deity trying to contact me. I had to enter into that word by latching onto the energy that was surging through my body in order to make the connection. However, I felt the energy sputter out before I could do so. I sense that a connection would be possible someday.
The holy ghost is another thing entirely. It comes in from above and fills me with light. The light clears any blockage it touches, and now I feel it in my heart, burning like a little fire.
I wish I could tell that to people at church. Unfortunately part of the downsides of living in an equal society is that I don't get to proclaim my spiritual superiority and start mandatory lectures. I find that learning from others and contributing my thoughts and opinions in meetings and classes is a good start though.
I can relate to what you say about practices being unstable. I remember years ago I cut back to 10 minutes once a day, and told myself I'd increase it when conductivity died down. I still do 10 minutes once a day.
One thing I read in the "Jim and his Karma - middle blockage" thread was that the enhanced mantras can be used to get through the really tough blockages. So when I felt the energy stuck in one area for a long time, trying to heal it and wearing me out, I started using the enhanced mantras for a bit. I think of it like turning on the pressure washer with the narrow nozzle. It's lets me visualize the blockages as larger pieces, like going from a x10 microscope to a x2, seeing more of the bigger picture of whats going on in these channels.
You're an inspiration to me and others. You aren't really alone in this. As the years go by, I hope more people start to experience these things and we start to understand this stuff better.
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Christi
United Kingdom
4514 Posts |
Posted - Sep 13 2020 : 08:58:47 AM
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quote:
An update on new things happening. Lately I feel all emotions as pain. There is a backdrop of bliss from abiding Inner Silence but any movement of energy within it, caused by emotions, is registered as pain. Ecstatic conductivity is now painful. It clicked recently when an event happened when I should have felt anger, instead it just felt very painful. Any sound in the night is registered as pain.
This morning my whole session was very painful.
Anyone knows what’s happening? Christi?
Hi Sey,
Sorry to hear about the issues that you are having.
What is your current daily practice routine?
Christi |
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Cato
Germany
239 Posts |
Posted - Sep 13 2020 : 11:27:26 AM
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| Greymatter, I loved your encouraging words! |
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SeySorciere
Seychelles
1571 Posts |
Posted - Sep 14 2020 : 07:16:42 AM
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Dear Christi,
I do one session every 36 hours. 10 mins SBP + 20 mins DM + 10 mins Samyama and if it's an evening session, Cosmic Samyama. A little seem to go a long way these days.
@Greymatter - thank you for your kind words. I am happy to hear that my experiences are of use to someone else on the journey.
Sey |
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Christi
United Kingdom
4514 Posts |
Posted - Sep 14 2020 : 08:13:30 AM
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quote:
Dear Christi,
I do one session every 36 hours. 10 mins SBP + 20 mins DM + 10 mins Samyama and if it's an evening session, Cosmic Samyama. A little seem to go a long way these days.
Hi Sey,
Generally, pain or discomfort, during or outside of practices, is caused by too much prana flowing through the nadis. So, my advice would be to cut back on practices, until you find a comfortable level at which you can practice. That could mean cutting out cosmic samyama for a while and cutting down the timings of the other practices. If the pain and discomfort continues, then it may be necessary for you to switch to alternate nostril breathing and breathing meditation (or the passive awareness technique) for a while. Or, it could mean that you need to stop practices all together for some time, until things settle down. It does sound as if things are quite serious, so I would bear all of these options in mind.
Make sure you are also doing plenty of grounding practices every day, to stabilize the energy. Especially walking in nature.
You may find this lesson helpful:
Lesson 367 - Suggestions for Over-Sensitive Meditators
And these lesson additions:
Addition 151.3 - Samyama for Sensitive Meditators
Addition 367.1 - Using Nadi Shodana when Sensitive to Spinal Breathing
Addition 367.4 - Passive Awareness Technique for Very Sensitive Meditators
Christi |
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SeySorciere
Seychelles
1571 Posts |
Posted - Sep 15 2020 : 01:33:51 AM
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Thank you Christi,
I will adjust some more. Sigh. It feels like I am going in the opposite direction. :-(
Daily life is generally mundane but I experience the state of clear sparkling Awareness that drives out all thoughts a lot. And nights I am Awake and Aware a lot as well.
Sey
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Christi
United Kingdom
4514 Posts |
Posted - Sep 15 2020 : 03:02:46 AM
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Hi Sey,
As we progress, we can become more sensitive to spiritual practices. Less practice can have a stronger effect. So, needing to self-pace does not mean going "backwards". It can simply mean that we have become more sensitive. We can then make faster progress by doing less, because we can remain in a state that is comfortable. Comfort is necessary in order to experience peace.
Christi |
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SeySorciere
Seychelles
1571 Posts |
Posted - Sep 16 2020 : 01:30:18 AM
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Sey |
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k.cherry
USA
86 Posts |
Posted - Sep 16 2020 : 2:12:49 PM
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This thread is full of gold. I wish I could contribute something, but alas I cannot. Wishing you the best, Sey. Thank you for this wonderful discussion.
KC |
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SeySorciere
Seychelles
1571 Posts |
Posted - Oct 19 2020 : 12:45:16 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by SeySorciere
Whatever joy I was finding in January is long gone. For months now, I have been going through what is best expressed as "I don't give a f**k". No love, no compassion. The whole Covid19 crisis and not one single tear of empathy. I feel and see little difference personality-wise now than when I started all this. All my 'bad' habits are alive and rampant.
Sey
I have found that this feeling of "no movement towards compassion" is actually arising because my mind is un-divided. It appears to "not care" but "not, not care" either. It's just not moving towards a preference. Covid19 is reality.
I have been experiencing this "no movement of mind" for some months now and have finally found the words to express and share.
This results in me deferring to others a lot more; What do you want? How do you feel? What's your decision? And I go with that.
Socially, I find myself "pretending to be human"
Strange and stranger...
I am also asking myself - what's the benefit here? Can someone remind me? There appears to be no benefit to "me" (limited me) and no benefit to humankind. "I" had hoped to be of use. Now Reality reigns.
Sey
P.S. And why is everything both true and untrue? It is embarassing saying something that for a moment you feel it's true and in the next moment realizing it is not true !
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Edited by - SeySorciere on Oct 19 2020 12:51:30 AM |
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maheswari
Lebanon
2520 Posts |
Posted - Oct 19 2020 : 02:33:04 AM
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Hello Sey
I resonate with many things you said
Compassion is not creating a drama nor trying to save yourself and others.This compassion is mind stuff
Compassion is seeing reality as it is, then funny enough you might find yourself acting and doing whatever can be done to alleviate suffering...there is no mind chit chat
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As for the benefit for you etc....it is helpful to go back to silence.Silence will not provide answers, but it will make you drop the question.Dropping the question leads to the "disappearance" of the one who is seeking and asking questions  .You find yourself in the expanded empty space where all is relaxed , aware and full of potential
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Everything is both true and not because everything keeps fluctuating.The mind wants a black and white answer to hold on to, but there is no final answer.We move as per circumstances
"Pretending to be human" is the witness that did not dissolve completely yet.
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There is nothing grandiose or euphoric.The silence is sometimes complete and sometimes there is a quiet bliss...but not euphoria which is in the domain of passing experiences and mind stuff
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Edited by - maheswari on Oct 19 2020 02:38:36 AM |
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Dogboy
USA
2294 Posts |
Posted - Oct 19 2020 : 8:00:55 PM
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quote:
This results in me deferring to others a lot more; What do you want? How do you feel? What's your decision? And I go with that.
This is a good plan for where you now are, remember to smile as you defer, or share “I’m ready follow for a change. “Pretending to be human” seems to be a thing with me too, lately.
“The truth lies in the truth lies.” F. Leah Cim |
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SeySorciere
Seychelles
1571 Posts |
Posted - Oct 20 2020 : 01:26:11 AM
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Sey |
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Steve
277 Posts |
Posted - Nov 24 2020 : 03:33:29 AM
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Hi Sey,
I posted this about a week ago then a few hours later deleted it. After reading Godslave's posting on prayer today, I felt it important to re-share the original posting. Whether or not this actually finds its way to the forum, I want to express my deepest thanks and appreciation for all that Yogani, Christi, you and others have shared here in AYP. It has helped and is continuing to help many along the way.
Sey, I’ve read your comments and been monitoring this thread for a while. I am very touched by the open honesty and integrity of your postings. I was introduced to AYP back in 2005 so for both of us about 15 years have gone by since then. My experience has changed over the years but in some ways has been different than yours. I share some of the details because the gift from Source that so changed this life is something that is free and available to everyone. Primarily, it has to do with gratitude, surrender, choosing Source, opening the true spiritual heart, establishing the direct Love connection with Source and letting the Love work (downpouring, radiance) on our entire being and life.
Please know that what is being shared is being said in the context of having lived it … and how the heart and the Love from Source has helped me along the way. We’ve all had our share of challenges some more difficult than others. I've read about the loss of your son. For sure, losing a child is one of the hardest of them all. Please know I am very sorry for your loss. For me the challenges included a life-threatening illness, the grief associated with the brutal murder of my dear sister, the death of my mother a short time later who gave up hope after her daughter died and then some years later the death of my father in part caused by medical and hospital errors. What I am talking about is not theory. It has been lived with life’s ups and downs along with the direct support of an ever-deepening love connection with Source.
A number of years ago I had a brief discussion with Christi in his 'Living on Light' topic where I posed a different possibility to the traditional bottom-up approach of yogic development. A variation that can occur as evidenced in both the experience and the natural ordering of the steps of the yogic process when the introduction and workings of the innermost heart, establishing the direct Heart-Love connection with Source and allowing the Love to work (ie. downpouring and radiation) occur at an earlier stage in the process.
Living On Light (Unfoldment Process Steve-Christi discussion #1)
Living On Light (Unfoldment Process Steve-Christi discussion #2)
That’s the approach I took. Early on prayer was an important addition to the traditional AYP program. It helped in the opening of the heart, becoming situated in the innermost heart and establishing the direct Love connection with Source. In addition to the AYP practices of DM, spinal breathing, samyama and inquiry … prayer, surrender, choosing Source and letting the Love work helped change life’s difficulties into opportunities, eliminate the separate sense of aloneness and bring a truer joy and meaning into life.
In addition to the witness, over all there has been a growing stability and joy, an anchoring as Heart that accompanies the development of the higher and lower centers along with a grounded deep loving connection with the earth that helps to harmonize and balance the changes occurring in the body and nervous system. For sure, it hasn't always been linear. Like everyone else, in my daily life things came up ... stresses, challenges, reactions, relationships, sometimes health issues, various situations, etc. For sure there have been some sticky patches. However, like yourself, as the years progressed, the inner silence and awareness has been established and permeates more of my being on a permanent basis. It naturally has become easier to not identify with all the happenings. More importantly, to recognize them as opportunity. To recognize and acknowledge the still existing inner resistance, habits, patterns, attitudes and barriers within the various levels of my being that prevent the Love from working completely. And most importantly with Heart sincerity to choose and trust Source in letting the Love work in these and all areas according to Source's will. Heart is the key.
When called upon with the silent simple sincerity and authenticity of Heart and an established direct Love connection with Source, the response is immediate. It’s tangible, it’s noticeable. It may not be complete because of lingering resistance that still exists within our being and a direct Love connection that's still in its infancy and developing. But it is there and it is working. That's what eliminated the separate sense of aloneness. That’s what continues to get me through the ‘sticky’ patches of life. Source's embrace which literally feels like the whole being is being held and hugged, being loved completely and with time in ever-deepening measure becoming as part of the Love. It’s a process and certainly does not happen overnight. But the changes are real and part of daily living.
Even when situated permanently within as pure awareness there is limitation. Source wants more for us than just witnessing life. Source wants us to be and live life fully with its everything, ups and downs included. To realize that those ups and downs can be the very facilities that can be used to strengthen our love connection with Source. For this, the proper attitude and gratitude are important not just in name sake but at every level of our being … heart, mind, body, soul and spirit.
For our lives to be lived fully and that means being-sharing Love. Source wants to bring us Home ... each and every one of us. For that to happen the direct love connection established via the innermost heart is an imperative. Just as we speak of pure awareness and the witness, the direct experience of the innermost Heart and the Love bring with it a true pure feeling that becomes part of life. It is joyful and unites. This pure feeling is part of our nature. A gentleness and sweetness begins to permeate one's being and naturally radiates outward extending into the environment. As this occurs, this begins to dissolve and eliminate the sense of separate aloneness.
Yogani has clearly taught about the benefits of self-inquiry based on an established inner silence. And how self-inquiry can dissolve our false identifications and cultivate unity. My experience and living this life has demonstrated to me that abiding inner silence along with Heart and Source’s Love as the doer is the formula that supports every stage of transition including the middle years.
Heart is the key … the bridge … that brings it together.
Over the years, there has been a natural self-inquiry that presented itself as part of daily living. With the addition of Heart and Source’s Love that has been transformed into something deeper, more complete and effective … a direct guidance of the innermost heart along with the tangible workings of Source’s Love in every day life. The downpouring of Love along with its radiation through Heart is experienced as a beautiful love-joy that connects one more fully to life. It is a direct blessing from Source that works on every aspect of consciousness, life and environment. In a very practical way, surrendering, choosing and trusting Source completely without doing anything at all (Heart’s silent call) and letting the Love work naturally begins to extend outward to everything and everyone. There is a natural feeling of unity, joy and love that is engendered. It continues to develop and grow with time.
Surrender (EMC)
Surrender (Steve)
Interestingly enough, the Love has also adjusted the kundalini and brought about a natural grounding and self-pacing. A loving grounded connection and support with the earth has established itself. It’s helped to heal and strengthen the body. The kundalini process continues to build the infrastructure with its development of the higher and lower centers but there is no instability. One is anchored as Heart with Source and the Love in charge guiding the process. This is grace. The plus factor.
In the beginning it was a slow process for me. Even after many years of meditation both prior to and after AYP, my heart still was not open. The kundalini, the inner silence, the ecstatic conductivity were there and developing but not the Heart and the Love. I thought I knew about the heart about love but in reality I knew nothing. The good news is that since those early days the environment has changed dramatically. Even though outwardly it appears to the contrary, the Love is now actually more present and at a level that is much more accessible by everyone. It comes by invitation through the silent request from Heart and the establishment of the direct Love connection with Source. Prayer as described in the links below can be of assistance. Hearts are opening around the world and more can open to this now. In the current COVID environment, this is even more important. The earth, the environment and the peoples of this planet are suffering. More open hearts are needed.
Source - Heart - Love
Source - Heart – Love (cont’d)
Sey, I wish you the best in all things … Much love to you always …
Steve |
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© Contributing Authors (opinions and advice belong to the respective authors) |
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The Middle Years
