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mondieu
Germany
8 Posts |
 Posted - Mar 28 2018 : 07:33:54 AM
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 Hello all,
(I hope this fits in here)
I`m 23 and I have practiced Yoga on and off for roughly 3 years now, most of the time AYP.
Currently I`m in a phase in which it´s hard for me to keep up any routine sadly, mostly because I`ve struggled with sticking to a meditation technique.
I have found that DM stirrs up a lot of negative energies for me quickly, so I`ve tried out several other techniques, but couldn`t stick with one yet. Over time I`ve developed a bit of a tendency to get frustrated with my practices easily, which is fueled by a mixture of bhakti and the difficulties I generally have in my life. I hope you don`t mind me writing about them, I don`t really have anyone with whom I`m comfortable talking about that 
I`m often dealing with lonelieness, lack of motivation and
resignation towards life. That`s something I`m regularly experiencing since many years now, and it has so far caused me times of deep depression, in which I was flirting with suicide all the time.
I have friends, a good family and everything, but no one I feel connected to (of course I don`t expect relationship advice from you!). Life seems so pointless, I wish for something like divine love to come and give me the energy and inspiriation I`d need to change things, but those moments are rare and very short.
Sometimes I feel bhakti rising and try to channel it towards my Ishta , but after a few hours or days at best it mostly disappears somehow and a big fat sense of indifference replaces it, maybe because mundane life gets in the way.
Yet I`m determined to live a "normal" life, I`ve tried out living in a spiritual community already and have found that that`s nothing for me.
Do you think having a guru would be helpful for me? (I don´t expect one to miraculously show up though and I`m aware of all the fake ones out there)
Does someone maybe have any advice in general for me? (If not, that`s cool of course, I don`t expect anyone to solve anything for me)
Sorry if all this just sounded like complaining.
Just needed to get that stuff out, I guess ,
I hope it`s okay that I decided to do it here. |
Edited by - mondieu on Mar 28 2018 07:34:56 AM |
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jusmail
India
491 Posts |
Posted - Mar 28 2018 : 09:48:45 AM
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| Welcome to the forum. Stick to one method for best results. Life is a marathon, not a 100-meter dash with trophies after every race. If somebody promises that, run the other way. Good luck, and welcome once again. |
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BlueRaincoat
United Kingdom
1731 Posts |
Posted - Mar 29 2018 : 03:15:53 AM
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Welcome to the AYP forum, mondieu
You might be oversensitive to meditation. Have you tried practising DM for just 10 minutes, once a day? Have you tried the AYP breath meditation - Lesson 367?
I would suggest trying to stick to a 10 minutes once a day meditation routine, see if that brings more balance into your daily life.
Bhakti alone is not a great idea, it can leave you exposed to emotional highs and lows. You need to work on your inner silence. There is really no substitute for meditation. A quarter of an hour each day (10 mins meditation + 5 mins rest) is not a huge time investment. Can you find the discipline to stick to that?
If you can't, then just stay away from yoga for a while. Find grounding activities to do on a regular basis. Maybe there will come a time when you can find the motivation to practice meditation for at least 10 minutes a day. Without that motivation, I don't see how you can take a yoga path.
All the best. |
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Arunachala Bhakta
Finland
30 Posts |
Posted - Mar 29 2018 : 03:48:23 AM
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Your symptoms and story sounds very familiar to me... Only for me it took 15 years of jumping around, high and low, before starting AYP. I had to start with 10 minutes of IAM and 8 minutes rest, twice a day. DM IS powerful, so you don't have to invest too much of your time to practices, to get results.
From the AYP site:
"Join the thousands of people who have been using these easy-to-follow teachings, and begin to incorporate powerful advanced yoga practices into your daily life in a practical, safe, and results-oriented way."
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Dogboy
USA
2242 Posts |
Posted - Mar 29 2018 : 4:26:55 PM
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Welcome Mondieu
Over time your dedicated practice comes the rise of Witness, where you are both observer and participant, and as a result one becomes less invested in the highs and lows that life brings and there is peace in that buffer. It is okay to feel deeply, but rather that hold on to that, your practice facilitates surrendering that attachment, perhaps to that Ishta of yours or through samyama. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other, and keep the discipline of your meditation practice, and observe what arises, then send it on its way if possible. |
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Blanche
USA
867 Posts |
Posted - Mar 30 2018 : 07:55:16 AM
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quote:
I`m often dealing with lonelieness, lack of motivation and
resignation towards life. That`s something I`m regularly experiencing since many years now, and it has so far caused me times of deep depression, in which I was flirting with suicide all the time.
Hello Mondieu,
Welcome to the forum. I am touch by your honesty in describing the problems you are facing. Feelings of loneliness, depression, and thoughts of suicide are present more than ever in the Western world. It is hard to see the value of a human life in a materialistic society which describes humans as a bag-of-water-with-a-handful-of-chemicals-mixed-in-it. Suicide is never the answer, as there is no death: nobody gets out of this world by dying. We only transition from a life to another. Committing suicide means that we exchange a karmic load with a heavier one. Who needs that? Just think of the terrible effect this action would have on your family and friends – and on your future life. Every action has consequences.
Meditation will help with all these feelings, and it will change your like. There is scientific evidence that meditation works to rewire our brain – see Judson Brewer’s new book “The Craving Mind.” Starting to meditate regularly takes patience and discipline. Nobody thinks that they can play the violin if they only pick it up a couple of times. Regular practice is more important than a long practice. The fact that deep meditation stirs negative emotions for you it shows that meditation works. The path to happiness and the cessation of suffering goes through the territory of these negative emotions. All of them are parts of you that are not fully acknowledged and embraced. They want to be recognized and integrated. They want your love. They want to heal, and be again part of you.
This inner work can be done alone, with friends, or with professional help, like a psychologist (cognitive-behavioral therapy works well). Or best, with all of them. Use all the help you can get. It will make a big difference. You will see that avoiding the negative feelings takes more energy and brings more pain than dealing with them.
Focusing on ourselves is a recipe for suffering. Focusing on others brings joy. See what you can do for others. You were given so many gifts. You are born in a good family, and friends. You live in a great country. You are young. You can work to improve so many lives. Do not waste this opportunity.
Enlightenment is real, and it is here for you. If there is nothing else that inspires you, why not try this?
Looking forward to hearing from you again.
Blanche
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Chard
250 Posts |
Posted - Mar 30 2018 : 11:51:52 PM
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Mondieu,
Welcome to the forum and I want to acknowledge your courage in allowing yourself to be vulnerable in our community. This is a wonderful place for support and yet I have also found in my own life that multiple resources of support are helpful for me. Over the years, aside from meditation and this community I turn toward 12 step recovery programs and therapy as well when I need it as well as journal writing and writing in general.
It’s easy for humans to isolate when we feel lonely so finding ways to stay engaged in positive ways in your community can be helpful. Additionally, sitting with difficult feelings rather than running from them is the path to healing as well.
I’m sending you love and prayers Mondieu!Chard |
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mondieu
Germany
8 Posts |
Posted - Mar 31 2018 : 3:05:36 PM
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Oh god, you all are truly nice! 
Thanks a lot for all of your replies and the effort you put into them, all for a complete stranger :)
That just touched me :)
Finding a stable routine again is definitely my goal, I believe I am on a way that leads somewhere now, after a few months of not much.
Writing is also one thing I have started turning to for a few months now :)
I know, suicide is no final solution, in my case probably just an escape from an unmet need for love.
I always think that in the end karma is something self imposed, because there`s no real right and wrong. But don`t get me wrong, I don`t want to play down the impact that suicide or something like that obviously has.
And I guess that once dead the perspective would maybe change in such a way that another life would most likely follow. But those are just thoughts of course.
And many thanks again! :)
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