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Zanmai
Japan
3 Posts |
 Posted - Sep 07 2015 : 8:55:37 PM
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Hello Yogani and everyone. I’m reaching out for a little support on this journey. Yogani, thanks for all the fabulous resources. And thanks to everyone else on the forum too.
I started my spiritual journey in about May last year. Stressed and burnt out, I did a simple ten-minute follow-the-breath meditation and it changed me forever. I witnesses true peace for the first time since I was a child.
I started AYP in earnest about two months ago after several on/off months of following-the-breath meditations and made beautiful progress until the last week or two where things seem to have come off the rails. I’m sure this is normal but I want to reach out to others that have walked this path before for some support.
I meditate twice daily, pranayama for about ten minutes, mantra meditation for about twenty plus a few minutes rest. I added Mulabandha about a month ago (which was easy and smooth with sexual energy soon purifying into prana) and then Sambhavi (which I still find a little clunky at times). I can clearly follow energy moving up and down the sushumna and I have strong pulsing in the third eye and crown that often persists outside of my daily sits. I often feel a burning cold (not unpleasant) in my back and base of my spine and at the top of my head.
Meditations have been varied and have taken me to some fantastic places of bliss, love, calm and feelings of connectedness with the divine. This carried on in daily life where I have had many blissful hours simply witnessing the moments pass in between the more standard moments.
Recently, I started noticing others’ emotions/energy in my awareness which came as a bit of a shock. Since then it has been difficult to discriminate others’ energy from my own which has been a bit disconcerting (partly because I realise I have been like this all my life). Soon after this happened, I started to feel distracted in meditations and started analysing the meditation itself while sitting which I can’t seem to turn off. This is affecting me from going inwards as smoothly as I was. The mantra is all over the place too: fast, slow; it moves and warps and feels out of rhythm somehow. My days have also become more ragged too; I can witness the passing chatter and emotions but still somehow get caught up in them. I have a slight sense of sadness and frustration mixed with fear of having other people’s emotions in my awareness. I think the fear is probably a default setting from when I was a child when other people’s energy would confuse and upset me.
I still continue my sits as they are relaxing and, intuitively, it feels like some good work is being done inside. Do I just show some patience here or is there something else I should add/remove/do?
Thank you all in advance for your kind advice.
A quick aside: for me, the spiritual journey is by far the most important thing I have done in my life. I have been missing/searching for something all my life and finally feel like I have found it. There is no question of my devotion, or my intent although I am still trying to define my ishta. The only thing I can justifiably focus on is increasing consciousness/awareness around the world starting with my own; it seems like the only way we can solve the world’s greatest challenges. |
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Bodhi Tree
2972 Posts |
Posted - Sep 07 2015 : 11:00:09 PM
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I can relate to the empathy. Plenty of feelings flowing through the air these days. The main coping mechanism I have found is samyama, which is best practiced after meditation. It is moving stillness, and with this dynamic, there is less of a feeling of vulnerability (passive witness), and more of a feeling of empowerment and engagement (active witness).
Based on the clarity of your writing, you seem to have a really keen eye for discernment, which would mean you are well-established with a foundation of inner silence. If that is the case, you may want to consider adding samyama to your routine. Your intuition will guide you.
After spending several years in AA meetings where there can be a cesspool of emotion floating around, a further enhancement of samyama came to me, which I call "meeting in the middle". It is basically visualizing a soft point that helps filter the inflow/outflow of vibration in the field. Again, it is an active approach to surrendering to the moment. There is nothing forceful in terms of accepting or rejecting; there is just rhythmic, spacious interaction. Feed the spaciousness. Rest in the eye of the storm. (It's #4 on this page: http://ayprecovery.org/home/ayp-too...p-practices/)
The most important thing is self-pacing, which is adding or subtracting based on our level of comfort. This is an art I've gotten a little better at, but definitely still learning how to listen to my body. It's a benevolent spiral.
I admire your devotion, and thank you for sharing with us. Wishing you the best.  |
Edited by - Bodhi Tree on Sep 08 2015 3:35:19 PM |
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SeySorciere
Seychelles
1571 Posts |
Posted - Sep 08 2015 : 06:45:29 AM
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Dear Zanmai,
Sounds like self-pacing is in order. How about decreasing your time for both DM & SBP by 5 mins for a week or two? Take plenty of rest as well.
Good luck with your practices
Sey  |
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Blanche
USA
873 Posts |
Posted - Sep 08 2015 : 10:19:59 AM
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Hello Zanmai!
Welcome to the forum. I can relate to many of your observations, including the increasing awareness of both mine and others’ emotions/energy, and the impact of new spiritual experiences on life and spiritual practice. I think it is important to notice, as Bodhi has mentioned, that your practice shows very good signs: You are aware of the role of spiritual practice; you are dedicated and sustain a regulate practice; you have done a gradual integration of techniques; there is a foundation of inner silence/the witness; there are growing signs of inner sensuality – perception and awareness of inner energy/inner realm; there is good insight in your progress on the path.
You say that “things seem to come off the rails” about two weeks ago, as the continuous awareness of others’ emotions/energy started to interfere with your life and practice. As you progress on the path, you will deal with more and more energy and insight. If the experience is overwhelming at any given point, you can back off the practice to a stable base, and build back the practice gradually. For example, you can cut the practice down to only meditation, maybe keeping Mulabandha and Shambavi (Shanbavi works well in calming and focusing the mind). Inner silence has a protective effect to any undesired experiences. Another reason to focus on meditation has to do with cultivation of one-pointed mind. You could understand the problem you report as an obstacle on the path, due to the orientation of your attention to a distraction (own/others energy and emotions). It is hard to avoid distractions (others’ energy), but it is relatively easy to focus on the mantra when distractions appear, so that the distractions do not get a chance to become obstacles. As the mind is more and more one-point focused, even when distractions appear (e.g., sudden awareness of others’ energy/emotions), you will be able to quickly and efficiently redirect your attention to the mantra.
Reducing the duration of spinal breathing pranayama might help, as the SBP brings more energy in the system, and this extra energy will accentuate any imbalance. After a period of a stable practice, you can increases again gradually the time of SBP.
I agree with Bodhi that Samyama might help to balance. Samyama at the end of meditation makes a huge difference for me – it takes the energy up, and brings it back in a balanced way. Give it a try and see if it works for you.
Other things that might help are grounding techniques: daily physical exercise (you have to take care of the body to be able to handle more and more energy), such as walking or swimming; gardening; creative activities (I find them extremely grounding, but also very “expansive” – a form of engaged samyama). Keeping a journal is a good way to keep track of changes and deal with issues of a daily spiritual practice.
Sometimes on the path experiences appear, and it might take weeks, months, or even years to integrate them. You are not the only one dealing with this. We all go through it. It is also true that whatever you deal with now, this too shall pass. I wish you the best for your practice. Let us know how you manage. 
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Zanmai
Japan
3 Posts |
Posted - Sep 08 2015 : 5:43:57 PM
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Bodhi Tree, SeySorciere and Bianche - I am humbled by your kind replies and advice. Thank you so much.
Thank you for your insights that I am making progress; this is good to know. It can be a lonely road at times. The spiritual path is so important and there are so many people to help in this world.
I had two moments where it was clear the energy I felt wasn’t my own when I was feeling particularly open and blissful. One person was incredibly negative and their energy hit me like a wave of darkness, and the other felt very awkward based on something I said. I think that these triggered some childhood memories as I felt just like the four-year-old me. I must have learned to close down as a child, and I think I did just the same on that day which is why the consequent meditations and passing moments have had some of the love taken out of them. It was replaced with an old habit of fear.
Since then, I also had a day where I was angry and irritated for no reason whatsoever and then I realised that my wife was too - when I spoke to her about it and tried to radiate love, I felt her energy shift, and my own too. In hindsight, I realised that it was her energy, not mine even though I was identifying with, and foolishly trying to resist, it. I see that learning to discriminate these energies is part of the process moving forward.
Bodhi, I really enjoyed your article on meeting in the middle. I didn’t have time to read it yesterday but I imagined a middle point while I was walking around, it seemed to give me a forcefield of my own love and light even though I was aware of the vague feelings of others. I read the article today and really enjoyed it - thank you. I'm sure I will read it a few more times.
Blanche, your comments on obstructions and the power in cultivating a one-pointed mind are very clear and helpful, as are your techniques for grounding. I too find great solace in creative endeavours. I mainly keep myself fit with strength training, walking and splitting wood. It seems so important to keep our bodies strong and healthy (even if we do forget that from time to time).
As for samyama, it turns out I have already been doing an ad-lib form of it; radiating love outwards at the end of a meditation for a minute or two. Last night, I tried Yogani’s method but didn’t get too far before I spaced out and fell down a big hole of love and emptiness for fifteen minutes. I will try to retain enough focus to get through next time - it made my entire body buzz and tingle as I released the love into the silence.
As you all mention, I think the key is balance. I will continue with my practices as they are for another week or so and see if things balance out. If not, I will self pace for a couple of weeks. Last night’s deep and loving meditation was a sign that things are getting back on track.
Wow - this is a ride, isn’t it?
Love and harmony to all. I am blessed to have such resources and friends. |
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Bodhi Tree
2972 Posts |
Posted - Sep 08 2015 : 6:46:52 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by Zanmai
I will try to retain enough focus to get through next time - it made my entire body buzz and tingle as I released the love into the silence.
Don't try too hard. The #1 rule in meditation and samyama (and pretty much all AYP practices) is to be easy. Strong bhakti + finesse = success. So, even if you are dropping into emptiness, that is fine. Better to get lost than to exert too much effort trying to stick to the form. A lot of good purification occurs when we are in those white-out/black-out stages. |
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Zanmai
Japan
3 Posts |
Posted - Sep 09 2015 : 07:08:35 AM
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| Today's samyama was a bit more on track without putting any real effort in, just an intent before the meditation. Thanks for the wise words. I'll keep you all posted. Enjoy the journey everyone. |
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Bodhi Tree
2972 Posts |
Posted - Sep 09 2015 : 4:36:55 PM
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| Splendid. |
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Blanche
USA
873 Posts |
Posted - Sep 09 2015 : 10:10:07 PM
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Off the rails
