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Athma_Shakti
India
81 Posts |
 Posted - Sep 26 2006 : 09:35:13 AM
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Dear Friends
Greetings to all !
I have some thoughts, i like to share with u all
how about launching a matrimony website for peoples following the spiritual path, to find their life partners in their own places. Then there is no question of conflict or divorce between these pairs and if the parents are spiritually advanced, they can guide their children also to follow the path, the children no need to search for Guru, their parents are their Gurus.
yogis and yoginis can register themselves in the site, and it will be consisting of search option, to search for any person in their places.
The main thing is we have to restrict others from registering in this site, otherwise it will become a normal matrimonial website
If this is practical, then this will be a team work from all of us.
your suggestions, ideas, advices about this are most welcome
- Kumar |
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david_obsidian
USA
2602 Posts |
Posted - Sep 26 2006 : 09:59:29 AM
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Kumar,
there are some sites out there that try to put 'spiritual' people together. They are easy to get to work in theory than in practice though.
By the way, marriages fail for many reasons, just as there are many reasons why the body loses its health. I certainly wouldn't expect that I could get a site together that has divorce-free results.
-D |
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Jim and His Karma
2111 Posts |
Posted - Sep 26 2006 : 10:52:01 AM
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| I understand Yogani plans to pair us all up and conduct a mass ceremony in Jacksonville. |
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Richard
United Kingdom
857 Posts |
Posted - Sep 26 2006 : 10:57:48 AM
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By moonlight I hope  |
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weaver
832 Posts |
Posted - Sep 26 2006 : 11:07:04 AM
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Hi Kumar,
It would certainly be a great project for those who have the skills and are willing to make the commitment to create and maintain it. To make it worthwhile and for people to be interested in using such a service, it would need to be professionally designed and there would be a lot of work just making its presence known on the web. You would probably need testimonials also. It would also be a plus if it has some angle of approach or philosophy that is not already used by other similar services. |
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david_obsidian
USA
2602 Posts |
Posted - Sep 26 2006 : 11:56:27 AM
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I understand Yogani plans to pair us all up and conduct a mass ceremony in Jacksonville.
Yeah, and if you don't like what you've got, there is a special barrel of Kool-Aid.
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yogani
USA
5241 Posts |
Posted - Sep 26 2006 : 4:35:51 PM
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Hi All:
Long term success in marriage is based on surrender -- learning to put the needs of others above our own, while not becoming a doormat in the process. There is great spiritual value in this. Every marriage will be as yogic as one or both partners choose for it to be each day, just as in any other spiritual endeavor.
It may seem like the obvious solution would be to marry a "spiritual" or "unselfish" person. Maybe ... but it will almost never turn out as expected. In fact, holding on to expectations is the number one (and maybe only) cause of unhappy and failed marriages, and every marriage will repeatedly test us on that point, guaranteed.
Therefore, of far greater importance will our own intention to grow in loving service, which can easily look beyond the inevitable ups and downs that will occur in every marriage. Loving service can grow in all sorts of marriages, because it is not based on the marriage itself, but on individual commitment to spiritual growth. So, where we end up with our marriage will ultimately have less to do with where we started out than with what we do with it over the long term.
Of course, romance and finding an ideal "soul mate," get all the press and hoopla. The fact is, any marriage takes a lot of soul-searching and hard work, and the vast majority of that occurs long after the honeymoon is over. The rewards far exceed the sincere sacrifices. Those who give receive a thousandfold.
The guru is in you.
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nearoanoke
USA
525 Posts |
Posted - Sep 26 2006 : 5:10:28 PM
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Very well put yogani. Nice to hear your wonderful views on relations and marriage.
I think it is right to say "just one of the partners is enough to build a successful marriage". Even Katie's work "Loving what is" has got good advice on successful relations. Like turning around statements, questioning uninvestigated beliefs and stories. Working out our marriage and giving our best is like a spiritual practice. God is not somewhere up in the skies but in our partner if we can really see him.
1. Serving the partner selflessly thinking from their viewpoint
2. preventing them from using u as doormat and yet forgiving their innocence when they try to do so
3. not forming opinions when they make mistakes. being non-judgemental
4. being as unattached/unrestrictive as a friend but yet loving the most
We can definitely guage our spiritual progress, by watching how we behave with our partner.
-Near
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Edited by - nearoanoke on Sep 26 2006 5:11:36 PM |
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Babaly
USA
112 Posts |
Posted - Sep 26 2006 : 8:11:49 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by yogani
Hi All:
Long term success in marriage is based on surrender -- learning to put the needs of others above our own, while not becoming a doormat in the process. There is great spiritual value in this. Every marriage will be as yogic as one or both partners choose for it to be each day, just as in any other spiritual endeavor.
It may seem like the obvious solution would be to marry a "spiritual" or "unselfish" person. Maybe ... but it will almost never turn out as expected. In fact, holding on to expectations is the number one (and maybe only) cause of unhappy and failed marriages, and every marriage will repeatedly test us on that point, guaranteed.
Therefore, of far greater importance will our own intention to grow in loving service, which can easily look beyond the inevitable ups and downs that will occur in every marriage. Loving service can grow in all sorts of marriages, because it is not based on the marriage itself, but on individual commitment to spiritual growth. So, where we end up with our marriage will ultimately have less to do with where we started out than with what we do with it over the long term.
Of course, romance and finding an ideal "soul mate," get all the press and hoopla. The fact is, any marriage takes a lot of soul-searching and hard work, and the vast majority of that occurs long after the honeymoon is over. The rewards far exceed the sincere sacrifices. Those who give receive a thousandfold.
The guru is in you.
Thanks Yogani - this was really important for me to read right now. I felt the experience speaking behind your words and found that very comforting.
Being married, I have been working on viewing my marriage as a spiritual practice, luckily for me, my husband is a wonderful, caring and lovely man so he makes this easier.
Love and light
Babaly |
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Athma_Shakti
India
81 Posts |
Posted - Sep 27 2006 : 05:40:47 AM
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Dear Yogani
Thanx for your post,
Always Your words are really Inspiring and with Knowledge !
- Kumar |
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david_obsidian
USA
2602 Posts |
Posted - Sep 27 2006 : 10:06:52 AM
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near said:
I think it is right to say "just one of the partners is enough to build a successful marriage".
I wouldn't agree with that one Near. And no, I'm not speaking from the bitterness of experience on this.
Life is pretty darn complicated and I wouldn't subscribe to much about marriage that says conclusively about what will make it 'work'. About what causes problems, yes indeed; about what helps a lot, yes.
However, it may be helpful to believe for a time, that "just one of the partners is enough to build a successful marriage". That could provide critical motivation (and hope)!
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Edited by - david_obsidian on Sep 27 2006 11:22:17 AM |
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yogani
USA
5241 Posts |
Posted - Sep 27 2006 : 12:04:22 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by david_obsidian...However, it may be helpful to believe for a time, that "just one of the partners is enough to build a successful marriage". That could provide critical motivation (and hope)!
Giving does tend to be infectious, though it expects nothing in return. It is its own reward.
The guru is in you. |
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nearoanoke
USA
525 Posts |
Posted - Sep 27 2006 : 11:53:25 PM
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Hi David,
That would be an interesting argument. Most people in the world are not completely bad. They react basing on how we react. Good for good and bad for bad. If we are continously good to our partner and expect nothing in return slowly the other person feels atleast some motivation to repay the goodness. Even if the other person doesnt feel so also its fine because we dont expect anything in return.
The only issue will then be the problem of being used as a doormat. Being exploited for our goodness. We politely (but firmly) say no when that happens without forming any opinions on them. We still continue to love them. Can this bring change in anybody? This question is similar to the question "Can meditation change anybody?".
If we believe human beings are wired for enlightenment, I would also believe that everyone has the good hidden inside them and people will change.
As not everyone gets enlightenment in one life, similarly there can be tough people who wont change all life. What if, we are good and the other person gets attracted to somebody else and leaves us? I feel the love is not lost, it will surely come back in some other form. If not anything, at the end of the day we are a better person. But yeah as you said marriage will break. :)
-Near |
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Maximus
India
187 Posts |
Posted - Sep 28 2006 : 01:52:18 AM
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| Why no one talks about attraction that is so important in maintaining relationships? Civilization is only skin deep and attraction works by instincts, not by choice. |
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emc
2072 Posts |
Posted - Sep 28 2006 : 05:13:08 AM
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Great readings! =)
quote:
1. Serving the partner selflessly thinking from their viewpoint
2. preventing them from using u as doormat and yet forgiving their innocence when they try to do so
3. not forming opinions when they make mistakes. being non-judgemental
4. being as unattached/unrestrictive as a friend but yet loving the most
2. One problem for me at least is to KNOW when I am treated as a door mat. Anyone have a smart question one can ask oneself to detect whether one is a door mat?
3. I would like to add not being judgemental of ONESELF when one makes mistakes as well! When I fall out of love and treat my partner in a non-loving way, it is important to forgive oneself and not be judgemental about the "failure". It is practicing every second. One has just given oneself another life experience and every moment is a chance to go practice again. |
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jojo
4 Posts |
Posted - Jan 24 2007 : 07:03:20 AM
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well said Near but how many people follow this. do u?
quote:
Originally posted by nearoanoke
Very well put yogani. Nice to hear your wonderful views on relations and marriage.
I think it is right to say "just one of the partners is enough to build a successful marriage". Even Katie's work "Loving what is" has got good advice on successful relations. Like turning around statements, questioning uninvestigated beliefs and stories. Working out our marriage and giving our best is like a spiritual practice. God is not somewhere up in the skies but in our partner if we can really see him.
1. Serving the partner selflessly thinking from their viewpoint
2. preventing them from using u as doormat and yet forgiving their innocence when they try to do so
3. not forming opinions when they make mistakes. being non-judgemental
4. being as unattached/unrestrictive as a friend but yet loving the most
We can definitely guage our spiritual progress, by watching how we behave with our partner.
-Near
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sadhak
India
604 Posts |
Posted - Jan 24 2007 : 9:41:39 PM
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Hi Athma Shakti,
I agree with Yogani: you put your soul into the relationship, and voila! You have your soul mate. (simplistic...but more or less true. Exceptions to the rule to be taken into account)
emc says: One problem for me at least is to KNOW when I am treated as a door mat. Anyone have a smart question one can ask oneself to detect whether one is a door mat?
Hi Emc,
How bout this one: 'Am I doing this for him because I can't help doing it, or am I doing this despite my ability and choice to not, because I think it will help him see/grow?'
Maybe that line needs some drastic editing to become a pithy one... and somebody's gotta have another one to add.
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Etherfish
USA
3615 Posts |
Posted - Jan 24 2007 : 10:48:24 PM
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EMC wrote:
"One problem for me at least is to KNOW when I am treated as a door mat. Anyone have a smart question one can ask oneself to detect whether one is a door mat?"
It takes two to play that game. The doormat doesn't mind being subservient, and the walker likes controlling people. The doormat only starts pulling away when he/she is not getting his/her own needs met.
If the doormat never allowed anyone to walk on them, they wouldn't get in a relationship where it is possible. But usually they like some of it, because they enjoy serving. So it's not necessary for them to stop being walked on; only to make sure their needs are met. |
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Wolfgang
Germany
470 Posts |
Posted - Jan 25 2007 : 04:44:41 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by emc
2. One problem for me at least is to KNOW when I am treated as a door mat. Anyone have a smart question one can ask oneself to detect whether one is a door mat?
Isn't the question also: I am not sure if the other is treating me as
a door mat. So the question to yourself should be:
Do I FEEL beeing treated as a door mat ?
If the answer is yes, then you have two choices:
- trying to figure out if the other's intent is to treat you as a door mat (with the danger of accusing the other)
- recognise (acknowledge) the feeling and transform it to what you need
(e.g. healthy self respect)
Is this line of thought helpful ?
L&L
Wolfgang |
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emc
2072 Posts |
Posted - Feb 22 2007 : 3:16:06 PM
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Thanks for answers! Sorry I haven't seen this until now!
Sadhak, didn't get a word of what you meant! Needs editing!  But I have a feeling that that kind of question would only add another one that is difficult to answer!
Etherfish, "If the doormat never allowed anyone to walk on them, they wouldn't get in a relationship where it is possible." Definitely agree! Relationships in which you are treated as a doormat only serves as pain inducers until you see your own patterns. Then you have no reason at all to go into such a relationship again. But it takes awareness to come to that state.
Wolfang, your question is highly relevant I think, in order to achieve that awareness! "Do I FEEL being treated as a door mat?" I'd say now, from experience, that if you have the slightest feeling of that, and has to ask yourself the question "Am I being treated as a doormat?" then YOU ARE! How can I be so sure? Well, it is simply so, that truth and love stemming from inner silence can not create negativity. Only non-aware-ego-mind-stuff can! And ego-mind is selfish, often wounded, and what we are fully occupied to do when we are unaware is to project our own negativity onto others. (Spreading the poison around, as Don Miquel Ruiz puts it).
In short, if you were treated with full respect and love the doubt would never surface!
And as you say, then I have two choices, but I would say they are independent of the person's intent. Unconscious and conscious samskaras projected on you are same, same but different.
1. To recognize the feeling and love the person for what he/she is, because you are now aware of the doormat situation and can work on spreading your love and awareness to your partner from there, as suggested earlier in this thread.
2. To recognize the feeling and leave the person, because you are now aware of the doormat situation and since it doesn't serve you any longer, you are ready for something else, and hopefully the next relationship will be a non-doormat one.
Another experience is that if you are in a relationship where "doormat" is on the board, it is seldom only one part being a doormat. Since partners always suit each other perfectly, you are probably both doormats, but perhaps in different areas and in different ways. It may seem as if one is the obvious doormat, but the other one needs something from that relationship as well, therefore being equally trapped in (being a slave to) some kind of negative, self-destructive pattern!
And you don't have to worry about making the decision to stay or not! The decision will make itself, in exactly the right time, and you just have to follow! That one I learned from Byron Katie, and it has proved to be so accurate! I am overwhelmed over the "no need to decide"-state I live with nowadays! Life is getting very easy. And I detect doormat situations faster and faster.
Thanks for your wonderful replies to my question. I hope Athma_Shakti who started the topic gets something out of the discussion!
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YogaIsLife
641 Posts |
Posted - Oct 22 2008 : 5:20:22 PM
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| Just wanted to say what beautiful posts yogani. that made my heart lift. |
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