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appolo light
Greece
29 Posts |
 Posted - Apr 09 2014 : 04:06:55 AM
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Good morning to everybody,
It is almost two years of DM, practicing the Pr. Process, and generaly trying to understand why i have a general fear and anxiety of i donot know what, sometimes it take the form of sickness, of abandontment, a fear that wakes me up at night with palputations.
On and off i see a psycotherapist who is telling me that i have to mature, that i have to be adult and that i am getting older, I am 45 yesrs old.
When i resolve a probleme i have to find an other to worry about, and i would like to be free one day,
Thats why i sterted DM, but since i have some very difficult periods.
Life sould be like this?
Life has a lot of pain?
What i realise is, that after a few months of nice calm period of DM and every think goes smoothly, suddenly i crash and all the anxiety ( any exit) is coming to me, i have a very bad time, i pray alot, i breath a lot, i stop DM and slowly i start getting up.
One week ago i was very happy and i want to post a very thankfoul message to all of you, to Hatha teacher, to Anthem and all the other persons who assisted me in me journey!
But then i follen down again and i do not feel good any more!
I fight my addictions and i do not know how to stay alone, calm, siren, with no expectation, to live my life!!!
BTW, i have identified God as somone that will come to rescue me, and will tell me what to do! As alwaqys i did in my life someone to tell me what to do!!
But i think that God is waiting from us to take the steps and save ourselfs!??
Where is he any how?? Is he listenig?
Well, any how, i have to thank you alot for being here, and i am able to ask and communicate with peaople who had or have the same thougts or similare to mine!
Best regards
A. L. |
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kami
USA
920 Posts |
Posted - Apr 09 2014 : 07:39:41 AM
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Hi AL,
Sorry to hear you are having a rough time.. It can be quite frustrating when things fall apart just when it feels like some progress was being made.. Also, even after years of spiritual practice, it is not unusual to "fall". It happens to every single one of us without exception. So, please do not be so hard on yourself.
Can you identify where the anxiety and fear come from? Have these happened since childhood or more recently? What kind of addictions are you dealing with? Some insight into these can help with making suggestions..
You say that there were times you experienced joy and peace. Do you see that these did not come from a God somewhere outside of you? They are qualities of your own true self. The God who will come to your aid is within you, right now. One thing to try is this, no matter what the jumble of emotions may be - take a few deep breaths and then look for the peace you had experienced before - it is still in there. It is just being obscured by the anxiety and fear. If you can relax and summon it, it will feel like the vast open sky holding the clouds of the anxiety. Once you get even a faint feeling of that openness, focus on it. Bring your attention again and again away from the feeling of anxiety to the feeling of openness. The clouds will eventually part. The peace that is within will shine again. That peace is like the background or paper upon which words are written or typed. It is always there, because you are that peace.
We work hard at being anxious and fearful for all our lives. They will not go away that easily; as we get established in inner silence, they will lose their grip and gradually fade away. Be patient and most importantly, have faith. Be gentle with yourself, no matter what..
Much love.
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appolo light
Greece
29 Posts |
Posted - Apr 09 2014 : 12:32:40 PM
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Thanks dear Kami for your response,
Anxiety and fear were always there since chilhood, fear that my mother is gona live me, fear of abadonment, as i grow up i find a self- medication, to calm my anxiety, girlfriends and relations, (and non tantric sex), i could not stay alone with no girlfriend.
Married with a child now, for 12 years, i had to deal with a wife, stay fidele, keep the familie intacte, so i had to face the reality, that my wife ll not do always as i please!!!!
I can recall events since chilhood with the same feeling anxiety fear, doing the Pr. Procees, i freaked out when all the memories and feeling came buck to me, and i stoped it.
I have to learn to control my thougts and to stay with the peaceful one!
I started practicing Tantra ( like this i discover the AYP), three years ago and i overcame the issue of PE that i had, since my stress went up,( three years ago) still my mind will find something else to worry!
I think that i never learned how to be happy, how to relax, all my life i was operating on high stress, thats why i was choosing difficult and dangerus jobs, to have to live that way.
The moment, there is some easy moment i have to tranforme it in some stessful experiense
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The good point is that now, i am aweare of all this, i can detecte when anxiety comes, but i donot know why, i do feel calm when i breath and i consatrate on my breathig, but i have ups and downs, the experience is not stable!
What do you mean summon it???
I hope that God who lives in me will teach me how to be happy, how to enjoy, how to work with the peace in my mind!
Thank you so much for your kind message,
I do have faith and i am trying to treat myself with kindness!!
Any of your idear feels like balm to my mind and my heart
Thank you
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kami
USA
920 Posts |
Posted - Apr 09 2014 : 1:28:38 PM
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Hi AL,
Becoming aware of issues is good. It is problematic if the focus remains on the issues..
You say you feel calm when you breathe and concentrate on your breathing - that is the peace I was asking you to focus on, the peace to "summon" or call up. Keep going back to that calm feeling until the anxiety goes away. "Why" is not the best question when it is happening, because all the stories around it come up, making it a bigger issue and blowing it out of proportion. While in the middle of such an episode, it is best to not analyze it with how and why. Instead, simply focus on the "what" - the sense of tightening, the heart pounding, and all the physical and mental reactions. Tell your mind - "not now, let us think about this later", and bring your focus to the calmness. It is always with you, you just have to turn your attention to it.
As you continue to meditate and cultivate inner silence, you will be able to see that all the stories of your childhood are just thoughts and memories - none of that is happening RIGHT NOW. Right now, the only thing happening is breathing in and breathing out. That is it.
I would also suggest that continuing to work with a therapist is of great help.
All the best to you.
Much love. |
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Dogboy
USA
2242 Posts |
Posted - Apr 09 2014 : 4:43:13 PM
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| Appolo, you are blessed Kami stepped forward to respond! It is so beautifully measured, so spot on, it produced a tear! For the sake of you and your family, please make her advice an intention. |
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Holy
796 Posts |
Posted - Apr 09 2014 : 6:32:56 PM
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Hi appolo light,
you can be sure, only by writing it down here and that being read by those in joy and bliss will ligten your burden. you may already feel it :)
No worry and peace friend :) |
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Anima
484 Posts |
Posted - Apr 09 2014 : 8:50:29 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by appolo light
Good morning to everybody,
It is almost two years of DM, practicing the Pr. Process, and generaly trying to understand why i have a general fear and anxiety of i donot know what, sometimes it take the form of sickness, of abandontment, a fear that wakes me up at night with palputations.
On and off i see a psycotherapist who is telling me that i have to mature, that i have to be adult and that i am getting older, I am 45 yesrs old.
When i resolve a probleme i have to find an other to worry about, and i would like to be free one day,
Thats why i sterted DM, but since i have some very difficult periods.
Life sould be like this?
Life has a lot of pain?
What i realise is, that after a few months of nice calm period of DM and every think goes smoothly, suddenly i crash and all the anxiety ( any exit) is coming to me, i have a very bad time, i pray alot, i breath a lot, i stop DM and slowly i start getting up.
One week ago i was very happy and i want to post a very thankfoul message to all of you, to Hatha teacher, to Anthem and all the other persons who assisted me in me journey!
But then i follen down again and i do not feel good any more!
I fight my addictions and i do not know how to stay alone, calm, siren, with no expectation, to live my life!!!
BTW, i have identified God as somone that will come to rescue me, and will tell me what to do! As alwaqys i did in my life someone to tell me what to do!!
But i think that God is waiting from us to take the steps and save ourselfs!??
Where is he any how?? Is he listenig?
Well, any how, i have to thank you alot for being here, and i am able to ask and communicate with peaople who had or have the same thougts or similare to mine!
Best regards
A. L.
Hi Apollo Light
Yes, God is listening. And thank you for your openness. It's not easy to be honest about our pain; it's a very intimate story. You ask if life should be like this? Yes. Is life full of pain? Yes. I can't explain it, but your post inspires me like a moon-lit sky.
Hang in there, my friend! You will find the way that is best for you. I believe.
Believe
PS: On reading Kami's reply, your inspiring me totally makes sense! |
Edited by - Anima on Apr 09 2014 8:54:11 PM |
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appolo light
Greece
29 Posts |
Posted - Apr 10 2014 : 02:58:54 AM
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Dear Kami, dear Dogboy, dear Holy, dear Anima Deorum,,
thank you so much for your response,
Yes, buy whriting down my feelings, and the fact that YOU read them, i feel realy much much lighter!!!
I slept nice, with no weaking up with palpitations!
A thought which is calming me down is that i must treat myself with love and respect. I do not want to become selfish and egoistic, but when i feel that i take care of me every think is more calme!
I given so much to others, that i think i got complitly, empty, I do not feel loved, i feel that every body wants somethig from me, always to give ,always to produce and to deliver...
BUT, now i give love to myself, i am doing things on my own past, with no stress, i feel that i can say NO, and it is OK, and all this thougts makes me feel right
Thank you so much for listenig
A new chapter is opening in my life,
I ll contuniue with the therapist,
but the most important is to make a habit of mine, not ask WHY, this is a killer of my soul!
I ll pray to the Gog who is livig inside me!
Thank you,
So, i BREATH IN, BREATH OUT, and i make my faith stronger and stronger |
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Will Power
Spain
415 Posts |
Posted - Apr 10 2014 : 08:50:58 AM
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Hi AL,
perhaps you may want to listen to this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=84FQvNqpmZU
For me DM alone is not enough, I like to add other advanced practices to open the heart. When I feel ecstay in the heart chakra, I feel very happy.
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appolo light
Greece
29 Posts |
Posted - Apr 14 2014 : 05:59:18 AM
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Good morning to evetybody
thanks Will Power for the link.
I am coming back to you, to thank you and to informe you that, my inner silence is very present!!!
Two days ago at the table with my famillie i felt that i have to love and to take care three personnes, my self, my child and my wife, like a forthe presense was looking every body!
What a feeling!, is this the witness??? Am I there??? it feels so nice , like now theare is time and space to explore life!!!, and no scenarios and no fears. Thoughts are coming but i breathe in , breathe out, and oops, they are gone,
Any input from you ll be very welcome!!
My dear Friends, wise you a nice day
A.L. |
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kami
USA
920 Posts |
Posted - Apr 14 2014 : 09:16:28 AM
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Hi AL,
So glad to hear of your progress.
Yes, the sense of being watched can be the beginning of the witness state.. The more you keep coming back to the present (breathing in, breathing out), the stronger that will become. Eventually, you will see that anxieties and fears are just temporary things that go away when you do not give them your attention.
Much love. |
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appolo light
Greece
29 Posts |
Posted - Apr 14 2014 : 12:42:53 PM
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Hi Kami, thanks for the response,
I have a question, i function normaly doing my job etc.., but i see that very often ( this beautiful days) my mind is on the breathing. can this makes me not to think and not to act????
Can my brain stop to function and i ll stay like a plante
A.L. |
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kami
USA
920 Posts |
Posted - Apr 14 2014 : 1:06:49 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by appolo light
Hi Kami, thanks for the response,
I have a question, i function normaly doing my job etc.., but i see that very often ( this beautiful days) my mind is on the breathing. can this makes me not to think and not to act????
Can my brain stop to function and i ll stay like a plante
A.L.
Nope, you will not turn into a plant, don't worry.
You will be surprised to see that your actions and decisions will flow from a deeper place, and will be for the benefit of all.
Much love. |
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appolo light
Greece
29 Posts |
Posted - Apr 27 2014 : 1:49:21 PM
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Hello my brothers and sisters,
I want to communicate to you what happened to me a few days ago, and to ask you if someone had the same feeling????
For info, i am not on drugs, alcoohol, mushrooms, or any type of medication, only breathing, and beleaving, trying to be real, and happy!!
Three days ago, 8.00 in the morning, going to my job i pass in front of a church, christian one, and theare is always a begger in front, ones i gave him some coins, ok no big deal, but this time i felt i had to give him 1 euro or so, i approache him, i give him the money, he is looking at me, with a look a litle beat shay, looking down you know, and shadenly his gaze changed, his blue eyes became very strong and intense, like he was looking inside my heart, I got shoched.
Ok, 5 -10 later i felt very sure that it was Christ who was looking at me, it was the God who is inside of every body and everythig, I started to cry from happines, i was so sure that YES God is listening and I do feel that he can show up throu a begger!!!
Since, I feel very confident that my spyritual path is on the right track, because I BELIEVE, because I LOVE and trast HIM
Any of your ideas are very, very welcome!!!
A.L. |
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BillinL.A.
USA
375 Posts |
Posted - Apr 27 2014 : 3:00:39 PM
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Yes Appolo light I believe it could happen!
A SRF minister during a temple service told the story of a guy with AIDS who was near the end of his life in tremendous pain and could hardly move.
A few of his friends had to move him and the pain was obviously overwhelming for the patient. Suddenly they each saw his face morph into a Christ-like one and felt an awesome spiritual presence.
I hadn't thought of this story for years Appolo but the same feelings you expressed brought the memory back.
Thanks for sharing...so beautiful.
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tonightsthenight
846 Posts |
Posted - Apr 27 2014 : 3:03:39 PM
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Interesting experience. We have to be vigilant not to fall too far into the realm of fantasy. Early on when we are feeling ecstasy and silence there can be a tendency to get carried into the extant samskaras of the mind. Essentially weve got lots of light pumping through winding pipes and we may not end up seeing clearly, deluded by our minds.
That said, it sounds like a a wonderful experience and I don't doubt for a second that Christ is present in each and everyone of us. That's who we are:) in fact, how could it be otherwise? Everything is the same stuff, it could not be different for it could not interact. Dualism is logically impossible, and experientially untrue.
PS, god is always listening because you are god. Just forget who you think you are, where you came from and what you are doing here ;) |
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appolo light
Greece
29 Posts |
Posted - May 02 2014 : 03:05:39 AM
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Dear friends , just came buck from trip!
Thank you for your comments,
I feel and I act, i feel and i see that theare is nothing more spiritualy than the active reallity ,doing things, creating, giving, demanding, interacting, actual life became spiritual to me!!! Even when i feel fear, pain, happiness, joy.
I feel that the universe, is here to theach me, to mature , to learn how am i,
Thank you, friends, for being here for me
A.L. |
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Where is the peace of mind??
