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nirmal
Germany
438 Posts |
 Posted - Feb 01 2014 : 02:55:30 AM
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Hello people,
For months & months I have been experiecing the strangest things. Like feeling like Iam going to die, but with detachment,of beinng outside my body & watching myself;calculating what is left for me to do during this embodiment;having many memories of my life showing me the good & the shameful;feeling isolated and abandoned by God & me pleading for mercy,and yet having moments of deep & abiding peace,calm & joy;feelings of being homesick;tearing easily;hearing bells & other noises, some voices, & the list goes on....
I came to the realization 2 days go that I was experiencing death of the ego, and at that moment I had a flooding sense of relief that I was not dying, that God had not abandoned me, that this was the beginning of my awakening! This has been very happy & what I have waited for! I am aware,however of tricks of the mind. What I feel now is real,complete truth, and God centered.
So people,I need to hear it from you, these are symptoms of awakening, right?? Any advice on what/what not to do? Yesterday I had a little kundalini action, warmth & slight wriggling,but no more than what happens on a not too frequent basis.
in love,peace & light,
nirmal |
Edited by - nirmal on Feb 01 2014 03:01:54 AM |
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Bodhi Tree
2972 Posts |
Posted - Feb 01 2014 : 09:09:21 AM
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From Lesson 428 - The Transformation of Ego:
There can be no "getting rid" of the ego, because ego is a product of the mind, and so too is the act of getting rid of something an act of the mind. We can move things around in the mind, but we cannot get rid of them, except by transcending the mind altogether. This is what meditation is for – cultivating abiding inner silence, that which is beyond the mind. But in doing so, we are not getting rid of the mind or the ego, we are only illuminating them with our inner light of pure bliss consciousness. In this way both the mind and the ego are transformed in their role in the expression of our life, which radiates more and more from the infinite source of peace and creativity within us.
I wouldn't be waiting for your "ego death", because it probably won't ever come. Personally, I just enjoy the bliss and the ecstasy--as they come--in waves. Then, if there is transcendence, it happens automatically without me worrying about whether or not it's happening.
But I can relate to every symptom you listed here. Yeah, definitely. And, in one paragraph, you show a nice progression, so it was enjoyable reading that. I tend to draw out my lengthy verbal explanations, but you just knocked it out of the park with one swing, so thank you.
Unity.  |
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nirmal
Germany
438 Posts |
Posted - Feb 02 2014 : 02:22:54 AM
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Hi Bodhi!
You're so welcome & thank you! I like to keep things short & simple without a lot of words. I tend to skip reading those long and drawn out stuff wherever I am, & you know the real reason I don't is because it takes too long to read it! I believe that is another sign, or symptom: feeling like I'm running out of time; that there is not much time left for whatever, and with the sense of urgency. And that time is running way too fast. I'll look at my watch & hours have passed, and I wonder what happened to them, or on the otherhand I have God moments where I just sit & Be with Him, or still other times I try to practice mindfullness..However, as you can see, when I have something to say, like now, I am using more words!!
OK, so I guess I have to transcend the ego, hmm. And that may or may not ever happen. Is that what you are saying?? Isn't that what I'm doing? Transcending it? Do enlightened folks have to deal with this, or have they permently transcended the ego? Wonder how that's done, but that can wait till later. All I'm saying is that I have understood to be enlightened, the ego has to be defeated. Guess what is more correct then, is transcended the ego. I just want to "get there!"
What I am experiencing now is settled deep within me, that nothing can take away. It feels holy & permanent; in God. It feels like a gift from God, from all that I have done now and past to bring myself closer to Him. Kind of like a spiritual paycheck, if you will.
I guess then, there is no lightening bolt activity looming up ahead to bring nirvana? The child in me really wants this to happen, but the little older & little bit wiser says to be happy with the "mini- nirvana episodes, and deal with the other signs & symptoms without going crazy is the key?? Suppose I can live with that!!
in peace,
nirmal   |
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Bodhi Tree
2972 Posts |
Posted - Feb 02 2014 : 09:07:37 AM
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I think the main thing to settle into, and to accept, is that "being enlightened" is more about being a disciple on a path, rather than arriving at a set destination. So, it's more of a journey, than a final goal to be achieved. If the destination is Infinity, how could we confine that Limitlessness to a fixed point? To me, this kind of no-end/no-beginning paradigm is comforting, because it means I'll never run out of time, and never run out of ways to experience the mystery.
Here's another great lesson on the matter:
Lesson 348 – A Journey from Here to Here
http://www.aypsite.org/348.html
Our initial spiritual desire continues throughout our journey and transforms gradually from personal to divine. We have gone nowhere, except forward in the realization of our own Self – a journey from here to here. We have become love on the move, stillness in action, which is the marriage of stillness and divine ecstasy radiating constantly from within us. Then all of life becomes our divine beloved and all we do is a glorious dance unfolding unity everywhere. The journey begins in love, and ends in love.
You said:
What I am experiencing now is settled deep within me, that nothing can take away. It feels holy & permanent; in God. It feels like a gift from God, from all that I have done now and past to bring myself closer to Him. Kind of like a spiritual paycheck, if you will.
The fact that you are able to report that kind of perspective is pretty profound, I think. When I had a strong awakening experience a few years ago (that brought me to AYP) I remember having that same feeling--that it couldn't be taken away. I still have that feeling today, but I've also had to come to terms with a lot of practical realities to be grounded and functional (like finding my niche in a professional career, for instance).
It feels like my character is being shaped by Spirit, and I am both the Spirit that's shaping the character and the character that's being shaped. Sometimes, I wish I was Spirit only, with no more character to be shaped, but then I have sublime moments of fellowship with friends, family, and Being, and I'm like: "Ahhh, well, actually, I like this story, and the character's not too bad either, so I'll just run with it and see how much trouble I can get into." Good trouble, that is.
Radiance. Inner Sensuality. Lightness of Air. |
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nirmal
Germany
438 Posts |
Posted - Feb 03 2014 : 09:38:39 AM
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Thanks for the lesson #348; beautiful. You know I understand what you are saying. To me,it's also about the journey, not the destination.
What I really,really would love/desire is simple:I want to catch the joke! To "get it" and to understand all of this "joke"around me. To see things as they really are, to see myself, as I truly am. Nothing else would change within me(at least I don'think so) and will continue onward as I do now.
Can you imagine what that would be like?! Yes, if I could finally get that ultimate joke, I would be happy.(ego?) Is this enlightenment? I have no idea.
 nirmal |
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Bodhi Tree
2972 Posts |
Posted - Feb 03 2014 : 10:04:23 AM
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LOL. The joke's on us, and God's the joker! He's a clever bastard, that One!  |
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nirmal
Germany
438 Posts |
Posted - Feb 03 2014 : 12:28:17 PM
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You think I'm joking, but I am serious!! There was an American mystic, and I cannot remember his name, but I'll never forget his laugh!! Such glee in trying to describe awakening!! Ever since I watched him laughing the way he did, I made an inner promise that I would find a way to understand the joke!!
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Edited by - nirmal on Feb 03 2014 12:33:41 PM |
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Bodhi Tree
2972 Posts |
Posted - Feb 03 2014 : 2:27:56 PM
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Thank you, nirmal. It's beautiful, man. I'm with you. Believe me, I'm with you. The asburdity and profundity merge, don't they? I laugh often for this reason. Even in pain. I want to understand the joke just as much. That's what drives me.  |
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SeySorciere
Seychelles
1553 Posts |
Posted - Feb 04 2014 : 01:34:53 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by Bodhi Tree
I want to understand the joke just as much.
Me too !!
Sey |
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nirmal
Germany
438 Posts |
Posted - Feb 04 2014 : 05:14:11 AM
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I found the American mystic. His name was Joe Miller(don't ya just love his name!! Joe of all things!!) You can google him.......there's lots of info & videos of him on youtube...just listen how he laughs!!!Maybe by watching him we can get the joke! A gift...enjoy
nirmal
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Edited by - nirmal on Feb 04 2014 05:49:13 AM |
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Ayiram
88 Posts |
Posted - Feb 04 2014 : 06:21:26 AM
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Thank you, nirmal!
You must love Joe! |
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nirmal
Germany
438 Posts |
Posted - Feb 04 2014 : 09:49:36 AM
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nirmal |
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death of the ego=awakening
