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MrSteroids1
Canada
72 Posts |
 Posted - Sep 19 2013 : 3:35:30 PM
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Right... so, not so long ago, I was a druggie. I've experienced dextromethorphan, weed, alcohol, ecstasy and NBOMe (new drug similar to LSD, but cheaper). I'd be tripping once weekly, in average, over two years.
Of course, the frequent usage of strong drugs messed up my head pretty bad. I decided that I've had enough because of that one trip when i stupidly mixed up 3 different drugs, which gave me a ticket to the emergency room. I'd be rambling things naked about the end of the world, In front of my dad, to give you the picture. My memories of that trip are still clear and vivid and it gave me many emotional wounds that still haunts me today.
So, my head space was a mess, I didn't know who I was anymore, but i wanted to get better.
After a few researches searching for ways to cure myself from my insanity, I stumbled on meditation.
Meditation helped me so very much, I can almost consider myself completely cured from all of my mental problems by meditation twice daily for only 2 weeks. I had depersonalization, anxiety, depression, slurred speaking. Now my head space is completely clean.
I've started energy work and I've successfully opened my crown chakra once, my heart once, and my root twice. In my DM sessions, I am able to clear my head of every thoughts and simply be, but recently something strange is happening. While i repeat the mantra 'I AM', I can feel the origin of the thought coming from someplace near the heart chakra, and then i'd be assaulted by extreme violent feeling of panic that if i don't stop meditating, in seconds something inside me is going to grow uncontrollable and take over, that's really scary.
Because of my druggie past, I'm confused that maybe it could be some sort of insanity still left in me, or maybe that thing is my spiritual self waking up? I don't know what to do anymore, help?
(yes, only 2 weeks of DM, with approx 5 days of pranayama before each DM sessions) |
Edited by - MrSteroids1 on Sep 19 2013 3:43:18 PM |
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mr_anderson
USA
734 Posts |
Posted - Sep 19 2013 : 4:52:44 PM
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hey there!
I'm so pleased to hear you've had good results. A lot of folks here have had drug or alcohol problems (and their mental/physical consequences and causes) eliminated by a structured system of spiritual practice.
You've only been meditating for a very short period. Feelings of panic during meditation are often related to purification and tension release.
It's best to ease off and go very gently - less will be more in the case of powerful practices like these. Try to do too much, or go too quickly, and you could suffer from extremely adverse side effects.
It may be useful to just sit peacefully with the feeling of panic when it arises, allow it to be there, watch the thoughts and feeling as they arise, and when the feeling has gone, gently resume your meditation session.
It may also be a sign of overload - in which case I would advise you to cut back your practice times.
Best wishes,
josh |
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MrSteroids1
Canada
72 Posts |
Posted - Sep 19 2013 : 5:47:55 PM
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| Thanks for your tip josh, maybe i have been doing too much too fast. I'll stop the spinal breathing for a week and do meditation alone. |
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MrSteroids1
Canada
72 Posts |
Posted - Sep 19 2013 : 10:10:38 PM
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An update on the panic feeling, so this evening after my DM (which was uneventful) session, I took a nap. I didn't sleep but i was on the verge to, when this feeling came rushing back again out of nowhere. Like you said, I tried not to panic and allow whatever was coming up to come up. It seems that this feeling finally meant something among the words "Something out of my control is happening", so I got my first taste of this bliss everyone is talking about :). It seems it was only fear of the unknown after all!
I'm really glad i don't have anything to fear anymore and I'll embrace this feeling in the future if it decides to happen again. |
Edited by - MrSteroids1 on Sep 19 2013 10:17:49 PM |
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New at meditation, and my little story
