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mr_anderson
USA
734 Posts |
 Posted - Aug 04 2013 : 1:06:28 PM
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"Effortless and choiceless awareness is our real nature."
- Ramana Maharshi
Writing this in the hope of sharing an understanding which may be useful for others, as it's been useful here.
In 2012 had the wonderful experience of "waking up" out of identification with body and mind, realizing that I was in fact the timeless, formless, limitless awareness within which body & mind were merely transient appearances. This resulted in a variety of blissful ecstatic states and experiences.
However, like all experiences, it eventually ended, and there was still a subtle sense of doership, and attachment to experiences, which was a final barrier in coming to stand firmly as my true nature, choiceless, formless awareness. This is a dilemma I think that will be faced by many as they have initial awakenings.
The sequence plays out like this:
1. The body-mind does a practice, such as self-inquiry, or meditation.
2. Identification drops away, yielding some sort of experience of The Self (an experience of knowing oneself as the formless, non-local witness of objects, an experience of complete oneness/non-duality, ecstatic freedom from identification and so on)
3. As with all experiences, what begins, must end. Therefore the experience inevitably comes to an end.
4. One believes "I'd got it, then I lost it". And then some sort of effort to trigger a similar experiences arises. One believes techniques and practices are necessary to somehow actualize the experience of one's true nature.
There is a misunderstanding in this picture. One is still remaining identified with the body-mind, that did practices and consequently got a realization experience. Choiceless awareness is not an experience, it's the non-dual awareness within which all experiences appear.
I.e. You ARE the very same choiceless awareness which knew both the sense of being a separate self, and the sense of being timeless, formless, limitless awareness. In the former state, there was merely an experience of ignorance, yet you, the non-dual knower of it, remained the same.
Your identity doesn't change with the experiences that come and go. It's something that we've heard again and again, but it seemed to be my experience that I needed to be having a constant experience of being timeless, formless, limitless awareness or else "I'd fallen back into identification". Therefore unnecessary effort was arising.
However, firstly I read something Kami said "there's nothing I can do to choose whether identification occurs or not" and then I went on James Schwartz's website "Shining World" and he simply said "Enlightenment is not an experience, as all experiences come and go. Enlightenment is just knowledge: 100% confidence in the knowledge that one is limitless awareness."
This struck home, like an arrow in the heart of the last identification as "the doer of practices". There have been experiential fireworks: limitless happiness, ecstatic overwhelm, and so on. The soul feels like it's been soaring.
But more importantly, there's now just this growing confidence that I Am That, the limitless awareness that does not come and go, unlike body, mind and experiences. There's no sense of needing a "dis-identified" experience to verify this. I'm the very seem choiceless, formless awareness even when experience is extremely mundane (as it inevitably is). As soon as any dualistic thought or feeling arises, it's immediately seen as an ignorant identification and let go of. This is all from standing firm in the knowledge that I am limitless awareness, who illuminates even the states of ignorant identification. As such, said states of ignorant identification are near-instantly recognized and let go of.
Practices still happen, arising out of stillness. Although truthfully, at this point life becomes just a constant flow of practice. There obviously still samskaras and vasanas functioning, so vigilance is required to prevent a fall.
This post is probably not too helpful for those who haven't had an experience of themselves as limitless awareness. But for those who have had, and felt they lost it somehow, it may be useful. My main practice is to simply affirm "I am limitless awareness", if I've slipped into forgetfulness, and then states of identification just seem to disappear. To simply stay with the understanding that YOU, the choiceless non-dual awareness, are still YOU, illuminating even the experiences that seem to indicate you are a body-mind, is very helpful. This simple understanding, merely a knowledge one has become confident in, seems to rapidly burn-up the remaining Vasanas of identification as a doer, or with attachment to experience.
This James's website, he's a clear speaker on Enlightenment, he follows a traditional Vedanta type of teaching: http://www.shiningworld.com
He lived a crazy life, his autobiography is available free on the website and worth reading.
In summary: You don't need to have AN EXPERIENCE of FIRMLY ABIDING AS CHOICELESS AWARENESS, because YOU ALREADY ARE ABIDING AS CHOICELESS AWARESS. Simply have faith in this knowledge, knowing that you are not what you experience. |
Edited by - mr_anderson on Aug 04 2013 11:14:12 PM |
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emc
2072 Posts |
Posted - Aug 04 2013 : 2:29:04 PM
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Beautiful, mr-anderson!
Thanks a lot for sharing that! I really like it: "Enlightenment is not an experience, as all experiences come and go. Enlightenment is just knowledge: 100% confidence in the knowledge that one is limitless awareness."
Nice vibes going through your post!  |
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kami
USA
921 Posts |
Posted - Aug 04 2013 : 3:52:00 PM
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Beautiful, Josh!
Last year I had some correspondence with James Shwartz.. Our common bond is Swami Chinmayananda, whose presence I felt strongly yesterday, the anniversary of his Mahasamadhi.
Your description of the process is of paramount importance. The issue with Vedanta is that many who follow that noble path become very good Vedantins, but not enlightened. Mental knowing/conviction of "I am That" is really only the beginning of knowing that goes beyond the mind.. And trust me, there are scores of Vedantins who work this way: "I am That, but who the hell are you?" 
Much love to you my wise friend. |
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mr_anderson
USA
734 Posts |
Posted - Aug 04 2013 : 8:45:07 PM
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thanks emc
Hi Kami,
yes you're absolutely right, and I actually had an uncomfortable feeling that I'd not explained myself adequately when I made that post, and the result could be misleading. You draw attention to exactly why, so thank you.
So to avert propagating confusion by the statement enlightenment is not an experience, it is true, but the 'knowledge' referred to that "i am awareness" is really a type of experience, where one firmly stands as the awareness illuminating all experiences.
It is my feeling that such ideas and talk of awareness is absolutely useless if the spiritual practitioner doesn't have the pre-requisites to assimilate it into their own epiphanies.
So in my experience, the most important practices and resultant attainments have been (which I claim no responsibility for, they just evolved out of stillness):
-10 years of awareness of awareness practice, so that now, my mind naturally rest on its source (Awareness) dissolving there, with only a minimal effort
-3 years of twice daily AYP
-Sattvic diet of fresh green juices, green salads, fresh fruit, occasional yoghurt, nuts and nut butters, wheatgrass and so on. In my experience the diet has been a huge part of my spiritual practice, as I believe the body comes to rely more on spirit for sustenance rather than actual food, and this transforms it, the body becomes lighter and feels more like pure energy
-No intoxicants, including hardly any caffeine except in green tea.
-Brahmacharya (achieved reasonably good balance)
-In the past 1.5 years almost a total dissolution of all worldly desires so that vasanas have a relatively weak ability to drive me away from one-pointed focus on the Self
-Pratrikaman regularly, praying for humility, open-hearted attitude
-ever increasing equanimity as a result of 9/10 years witness consciousness cultivation & The Presence Process, so practically never feel anxious, angry or upset unless its appropriate (relative dies or something)
-non-harming, non-lying, non-stealing
-surrender
-cascade of experiences in daily life such as causeless happiness, bliss consciousness, 'fullness' non-dual experiences where I am everything in the field of perception in a state of radiant love, and 'emptiness-freedom' non dual experiences where I am empty, blissful awareness within which all is arising
-fanatic bhakti (I will quite happily trade being homeless, destitute and disfigured for total liberation, if the Lord so wishes it, fortunately my path has been a kind and gentle one) - I desire enlightenment with a ferocious intensity and hardly think of anything else
Of course I am no saint, but I try to 'sin intelligently' as I believe Chinmayananda advised!
Without having had at least one non-dual samadhi, ideally whilst engaged in daily activity, I don't think one can really claim they meet even the first qualification for Vedanta study:
1. Discrimination between what is eternal and what is ephemeral;
As without really experiencing one's nature as formless awareness, having gone beyond the mind, pointing to awareness is just mental gymnastics.
I think, to finish the rest of Ramanas quote from above, puts the final word on it:
Effortless and choiceless awareness is our real nature. If we can attain it or be in that state, it is all right. But one cannot reach it without effort, the effort of deliberate meditation. All the age-long vasanas carry the mind outward and turn it to external objects. All such thoughts have to be given up and the mind turned inward. For that, effort is necessary for most people. Of course everybody, every book says, “Summa iru” i.e., “Be quiet or still”. But it is not easy. That is why all this effort is necessary. Even if we find one who has at once achieved the mauna or Supreme state indicated by “Summa iru”, you may take it that the effort necessary has already been finished in a previous life. So that, effortless and choiceless awareness is reached only after deliberate meditation. That meditation can take any form which appeals to you best. See what helps you to keep away all other thoughts and adopt that method for your meditation.
Love,
Josh
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Edited by - mr_anderson on Aug 04 2013 9:05:13 PM |
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emc
2072 Posts |
Posted - Aug 05 2013 : 02:54:38 AM
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Thank you so much, Josh!
I find this is very important stuff coming to me. I had an awakening 7 years ago, and I fell into strong bhakti. Since my nervous system was not ready for it, I had to hit the breaks due to a rather unpleasant energy roller coaster ride. Since then I've been living in "two realities". Knowing, but not dedicating myself 100% and not being 100% confident in That. I didn't dare to due to the energy havoc, and instead wisely followed all the advice from AYP to self-pace. Lots of body-mind identification, but impossible not to know it's Life living also that. A double reality kind of experience.
However, lately, I've been getting a lot of messages from all around, and from inside, that "It's time to make a decision". The energies are in balance again and I can meditate at least one time/day without overload (but I'm careful and not foolish, watching for any sign of overload), and during the days I practice taking short moments of resting with what is as much as possible. I'm slowly regaining confidence! It's actually all about confidence here - it was lost and it is now upgraded.
I had this powerful experience a month ago when I realized how silly it was to live as if I didn't know Truth, when I know Truth, and how I felt like Judas, betraying Truth everytime I didn't stand up for it. And it hurt. It hurt immensely. And I think right then, a decision was made from my heart, to get Real. End of double realities. Since then something has definitely shifted. And it seems my nervous system can take it, so far.  I'm in for the Presence Process, though. Still a lot of unconscious rooms hiding emotions that gotta come up and be seen. Thank you also for that tips!
I guess this is what they mean, those who are saying "you are already enlightened". For anyone who has not had any touch of Truth it's just annoying - doesn't mean anything. Someone said that to me a few weeks ago - and the response was just spontaneous joy and laughter. :) Phew, what a relief! LOL! |
Edited by - emc on Aug 05 2013 03:59:42 AM |
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mr_anderson
USA
734 Posts |
Posted - Aug 05 2013 : 07:17:50 AM
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Hi emc,
I'm definitely one to often get overload. Sometimes I literally can't do anything at all, not even say, 'think of the word "awareness"' without getting a headache due to too much energy in the head!
I too have felt like Judas sometimes, betraying Truth. Sometimes even though our heart tells us we are about to betray truth: taking an action that is out of harmony with the non-dual reality (that everything and everyone is our own non-dual Self and there can be no real 'personal' gains) its how the body-mind acts anyway. For the times I've acted out harmony, whether whilst in complete ignorance of the Truth, or out of weakness, I can only pray for forgiveness and pray for firm resolve not to repeat my mistake.
quote:
I'm slowly regaining confidence!
I'm glad :-) I hope it continues!
quote:
I guess this is what they mean, those who are saying "you are already enlightened".
Yes, exactly. Are you aware right now? Do you need a thought to tell you that you are aware, or is it just something you instantly know, recognizing that you knew you were aware even before the question was formulated? There's an immediate non-conceptual recognition that one is aware.
Then when I say 'you are aware' identify who or what is aware, as by 'you', I don't mean emc. emc surely isn't the one who is being aware, she, (meaning the thoughts, bodily sensations etc that constitute your experience of emc) is merely an appearance within awareness. I mean if emc is the one who is being aware, she should be able to stop being aware. So try very hard to stop being aware, and see if awareness is something emc is doing, or is it simply the natural condition of experience: all experience appears in awareness.
One simply needs to cease paying attention to that which we are aware of: thoughts, feelings and percepts (sensations, visual images, smells, touches, tastes), and instead give more importance to the simple, non-conceptual recognition the one is aware. That the thoughts, feelings and percepts occur within awareness.
Eventually, one develops a love affair with awareness itself, and ceases to identify with emc, and the body-mind's imaginary state of limitation and separateness, and instead identify with the free, enlightened, limitless, non-dual substrate of all forms: Awareness. One is both nothing, and everything simultaneously. This is love, happiness and freedom.
quote:
Someone said that to me a few weeks ago - and the response was just spontaneous joy and laughter. :) Phew, what a relief! LOL!
Exactly! It is true! YOU, awareness, are already enlightened and absolutely free already! All thoughts and feelings of limitation, of separateness, of an imaginary future state of happiness that is better than now, all thoughts and feelings that seem to indicate your identity, your self, is a separate body-mind... all these are merely illusory! You, awareness, are free from them! Hard to believe at first. The mind tends to step in with another imagined thought which re-affirms a sense of limitation.
But if inner silence is cultivated, you can find you're able to stop giving thoughts any credence, stop believing them altogether, and instead pay attention to the awareness within which they arise, and you'll soon to start to experience total freedom from the imaginary limitations that come from believing the body-mind is your self. The fact is, you are unlimited, free, blissful awareness Sat-Chit-Ananda already. Nothing need be done to attain it. Simply turn one's attention to the light of awareness, the very light which illumines (makes known) the thoughts and feelings of limitation, and in fact all that can be known. This light, when one's attention comes to rest on it unceasingly, will burn away the sense of a limited separate identity and associated suffering, as surely as the hot sun evaporates mist on a clear morning.
I really wish you all the best on your path, and I hope TPP goes well, that stuff is really good for balancing and harmonizing your emotional states, so you reach a good point of inner balance. It's tough at first though, as we've often resisted so much emotionally, and have to unlearn our resistance patterns.
with much love and wishing you every happiness and freedom,
Josh |
Edited by - mr_anderson on Aug 05 2013 07:21:21 AM |
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Firmly abiding as choiceless awareness
