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Sadie
Australia
13 Posts |
 Posted - Nov 27 2012 : 02:10:15 AM
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I don't know if this is the right place, so if moderators want to move it, pleese do.
I can't seem to shake this feeling out not fitting into my world where I live. I hate feeling like this, and dont know why i just can't fit in.
It makes me feel v alone, and on my own.
i feel like nothing in my life is working out for me, that everything is such a struggle. My meditation is gone by the wayside too, because I am so busy lately, and don't have the energy or inclination any more.
Any wise words or advice pleese? |
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Medea
Netherlands
115 Posts |
Posted - Nov 27 2012 : 04:08:34 AM
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Hi Sadie,
I don't know what practice it is you do, but it is possible that these feelings arise due to doing to much practice for some time. (i.e. overload). Cutting back on practices is a good thing then, but stopping all together is often a bit too much. Try 3 mins. of SBP and 7 mins. of DM twice a day to get things going again.
It is also possible that you reached a stage which is called "the dark night of the soul". I think many practitioners face periods like this. For me, practices helped me to see things a lot clearer (in my opinion), which prompted me to make some adaptations in day-to-day life. Unhealthy habits where cut out, I started using my time differently, thrown out the TV, changed my diet. This all sounds radical, but it actually happened very slowly over a period of years. A few months ago however, I was confronted with the fact that the priorities I installed in my life are so different from everybody else around me that I felt alone, out of place and disconnected (from the whole, God or whatever you want to call it). It made me feel weird: if everybody else around me is arranging their lives in a different way then I do mine, doesn't that mean I'm wrong?
I think the above is the reason why a number of scriptures and books on meditation press the fact that it is important for the Sadhaka to have good and proper company (persons that have the same aim for this lifetime), and worldly people (those attached to materialistic gains and pleasures) are best to be avoided. It has a reason that the spiritually inclined often locked themselves up in monasteries, caves or left for such desolate places that no human would disturb them. It's much easier to keep your aim clear when you don't have to worry about other peoples needs and opinions.
So what to do? Keep things light! Life is a lot less serious than we often make it out to be. Find some like-minded people to hang out with every once in a while (they are out there!). Find a way to practice every day in a way that works for you. Make sure you keep your body healthy (good food, enough movement). Enjoy the role you are allowed to play in this divine comedy. And if it all becomes a bit too much sometimes, remember that like everything else in life, this too shall pass. In the end, I believe it doesn't matter where you are, what your role is in this lifetime, or who you associate with; all we want and need can be find within ourselves and thus is always at our disposal.
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Edited by - Medea on Nov 27 2012 04:10:18 AM |
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Sadie
Australia
13 Posts |
Posted - Nov 27 2012 : 04:32:18 AM
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i so needed that Medea!!
Yes, I don't mix with those whose interests/priorities are that of my own.
That is prolly part of the problem. Where I live doesn't suit me, or mayb it's just that I haven't associated enough with people on my wavelength.
It's an awful feeling to feel like an outcast, and not fit in, although in saying that, there is a part of me that doesn't want to fit in, on their superficial level.
Back biting, gossiping, being fake, and superficial, doesn't 'fit' for me, but I'm surrounded by it. Oh lord, please release from this world ! Show me something different, why am I cursed to live like this??!!! Why?>?!!
More and more clearly I see, why the sannyasi's and monks did leave society
What we do , by staying put, is ALOT harder......Maybe???
I find v little meaning in my life. It feels like mostly effort, and v little/not enough downtime and rest time.
Thank you again Medea!
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Medea
Netherlands
115 Posts |
Posted - Nov 27 2012 : 07:55:28 AM
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Hi Sadie,
something to ponder about: You mention you are disturbed by the behavior that other people display. Remember Patanjalis Yoga Sutra's? He says (this is just one translation of many, a quite interpretive one that I like):
quote:
1.33 In relationships, the mind becomes purified by cultivating feelings of friendliness towards those who are happy, compassion for those who are suffering, goodwill towards those who are virtuous, and indifference or neutrality towards those we perceive as wicked or evil.
So you are not cursed. Learning to deal with people and situations like this has been part of spiritual practice for millennia. When you are confronted with certain behavior, just reaffirm to yourself that going with that behavior is not useful to you and leave it at that (indifference). Don't condemn, judge or otherwise label the person. Remember: aversion is a form of attachment as well.
Also, stay critical towards your own behavior, thinking and habit patterns. Seeing your own flaws clearly (without condemning yourself) helps making you a much more pleasant and forgiving person towards others. Don't make the mistake to think that since you are on a spiritual quest, you are somehow better than others. In this way, it is much easier to enjoy living amongst others.
Re: time; that's the beauty of AYP, even with a busy western lifestyle, you can still do it! Regular daily practice will provide the meaningfulness in your life you are after, I'm sure of that :)
Edit: you can find some contacts here in case you are interested in connecting to other practitioners :) http://www.aypsite.org/forum/topic....OPIC_ID=9036
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Edited by - Medea on Nov 27 2012 08:24:50 AM |
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kami
USA
920 Posts |
Posted - Nov 27 2012 : 09:43:39 AM
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Hi Sadie,
Medea's advice is rock solid 
Most of us have felt out of place at one time or other, or in some cases, all our lives. From the earliest I can remember, I have always felt like I didn't belong - in my family, among my friends, in school or college or at work. Not that I didn't have loving relationships or friendships or that my life was hard; just that I didn't feel like I "fit in". I can still tend to feel this way except that I am now extremely comfortable in my own skin, and don't need to try to fit in anywhere. I'm happy being a misfit 
It seems that pretty much every spiritual aspirant goes through a phase of an inflated "spiritual ego" - of everyone else being shallow compared to our so-called serious and righteous selves. I'm guilty of this too. Once I saw the ridiculousness of such thinking, the "don't mix with so-and-so" attitude dissipated. Of course, I'd say I've never enjoyed loud, large parties and subscribing to chatter/discussion about social or materialistic achievements/frets, and largely stay away from such situations (for fear of dying from sheer boredom, mostly).
But, I have found that I am able to truly enjoy "non-spiritual" company and have a great time, while still being deeply rooted in myself. After all, nobody is more or less dear to God. I know this without a doubt - I'm a parent!
Like Medea says wisely, lighten up! Have fun while still practicing and being serious about svadhyaya (study). As Yogani reminds us constantly, it is a marathon, not a sprint. Yes, it seems like it would be easier to renounce all these "low-minded people" ( ) and go away to a mountaintop, but then what? How would you know you truly know the meaning of Oneness? Far more challenging (and yet rewarding) to be amidst our daily hustle - to constantly see where we are stuck and work at it.. Anyone can have faith in God/Divine when everything is going well; true faith is tested and comes through only when we know without a doubt that everything given to us is good, including all of the struggles and suffering. Such generous and wonderful opportunities, don't you think?
Love,
kami |
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mr_anderson
USA
734 Posts |
Posted - Nov 27 2012 : 10:16:52 AM
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I have to seconds both Medea and Kami here, they basically said what I was going to say!
I share your experience exactly Sadie. For so long I wondered, why do I feel so bored and disconnected, even depressed, around many people?
I felt very separate. It's often the path of an old soul, or intensely spiritual person, to experience these feelings. "Why is everyone chattering away about superficial stuff, with no real connection at the heart, or truthful expression on a deeper level?"
These interactions can feel barren, and hard to enjoy. But ultimately the answer is always, inquire within. Intend to cultivate intense compassion, love and good will especially to those people who you find hard to get on with.
We lift each other up with our love, and it's the responsibility of older souls and spiritual people to shine light on the way with loving acceptance for the diversity of people, and the different levels they are coming from.
Like kami said, eventually, whilst you may not prefer to spend 100% of your time around less spiritually inclined people, you learn to connect with and enjoy the company of all, and the sense of separation dissipates. Please continue to practice, it's the best solution to all troubles of this nature!
love
josh |
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Sadie
Australia
13 Posts |
Posted - Nov 27 2012 : 7:08:48 PM
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thank you everyone!
I dont meean for it to sound like i'm 'holier than thou'. far from it
but what it does make me feel is bad about myself
why can't i fit in, be accepted
what is so wrong with me, that i must feel this way
what's interesting is i am quite liked by people, but the odd ones are the ones that seem to make an impression on me, or at least bring out this 'misfit' feeling. i don't like that feeling at all
thank you once again
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kami
USA
920 Posts |
Posted - Nov 27 2012 : 9:56:38 PM
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Hi again dear Sadie,
Yes I can totally relate to that feeling.. Has taken much digging to find the root cause (false belief) of that.. You already have clarity around this, and are able to see it, which is fantastic.
My advice would be to honor where you are at right now. If there is something that doesn't seem right, try not to fight it but go deeper into it. Often, that helps unravel the real issue.. Continued cultivation of stillness with practices makes this kind of work way more fruitful, as you might already know.
Wishing you the very best..
Love,
kami |
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Swan
India
256 Posts |
Posted - Nov 28 2012 : 01:25:31 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by Sadie
why can't i fit in, be accepted
what is so wrong with me, that i must feel this way
what's interesting is i am quite liked by people,
Hi Sadie,
If we forget about others for a while and introspect a bit, do YOU like/love/respect/accept yourself fully? Are you comfortable being who you are from within? This is primary before you seek love and acceptance from outside.
Reading your post I remember that somewhere I read that you dont need to DESERVE as much to be loved and accepted, as you need to FEEL loved and accepted. At that time it was what I really needed to know. May be you are giving too much importance to the 'odd ones' as you said, which is shadowing the other people who like you.
Wish you a nice composure. Lots of love |
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vijikr
United Arab Emirates
413 Posts |
Posted - Nov 28 2012 : 03:13:18 AM
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Hi friends,
Medea your reply was awesome and I loved it especially the quotes from patanjali..I also feel this and felt it before and now and then feel this loneliness and misfit..and I too have problem with tackling mean people but after reading your post to be indifferent towards them makes sense I hope I can do that.
When the loneliness was creeping in I came online and found this wonderful site with the company of alike people like me which made my life wonderful and I humble salutation to Yogani for bringing all of us together for higher ascension.
Love N Light
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Yonatan
Israel
849 Posts |
Posted - Nov 28 2012 : 5:35:01 PM
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Hi Sadie,
I 100% feel what you are saying. I have too felt most of my life like an "outsider", like I am a very deep and gentle person who isn't quite like everyone else around me. Although I have also most of my life been liked by almost all whome I encountered and knew, I still at times felt this loneliness and sadness of being "not acknowledged" and being like "out of the group". But in the last years it has changed a lot. I guess the practices have something to do with it, where now I feel quite comfortable being who I am and being with all kinds of people. The thing is, I have two very good friends who I meet regularly who help me not feel lonely. And also these lovely people here at the forum which I have a lot in common, it helps me feel like a part of a community, a great feeling which I hope you acquire as you stay (if you stay) or in a different part of your life. Having people to talk to in a group situation is fantastic, and can really help dissipate the loneliness.
Anyway I hope you stay around and hope you find some people to have heart-to-heart conversations with, even one is good.
Much love! |
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karl
United Kingdom
1812 Posts |
Posted - Nov 28 2012 : 9:14:30 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by Sadie
thank you everyone!
I dont meean for it to sound like i'm 'holier than thou'. far from it
but what it does make me feel is bad about myself
why can't i fit in, be accepted
what is so wrong with me, that i must feel this way
what's interesting is i am quite liked by people, but the odd ones are the ones that seem to make an impression on me, or at least bring out this 'misfit' feeling. i don't like that feeling at all
thank you once again
My book is titled "square peg in a round hole" so you might take something from that.
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I had that feeling all my life. Its because you never knew who you were and somehow you adopt a personality that is false. Everywhere you go, the people you have as friends, career, everything is created around that false personality. It makes you feel an imposter.
All the time I was waiting for something to drag me out of it, as if a train might turn up and whisk me away to the life I was supposed to lead. As you continue to practice this feeling intensifies as you have to accept who you are.
Accept the things about yourself that you wish to reject. If you feel that you are 'holier than thou' then be with the thought without attaching or rejecting. Treat it like an inoculation where you don't take on the virus fully, but just the outline of it.
Surrender to that thought without reference to self. Just the thought gently floating without any you in the picture. You might notice how it feels familiar like that, there is no judgement, the thought just drifts lazily like a cloud in awareness.
Its doing that to every thought. No need to try and nail it or analyse it, just see it, surrender to it ( or to a higher power like God ) eventually it will stop bothering you and something magical happens as you extract yourself from the confusion.
It takes a long time. You might find those thoughts that say you have found yourself or you are kidding yourself and feel guilty or sad. Just notice them in awareness just like every other thought.
You do need a degree of stillness of thought to do this. Its kind of self inquiry without the deliberate action, not as harsh. |
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Etherfish
USA
3615 Posts |
Posted - Nov 29 2012 : 07:56:07 AM
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Yes, I've had that square peg feeling my whole life too. There are nothing wrong with those feelings; only our perception of them makes them seem wrong by trying to be like other people because we feel obligated.
Each one of those feelings has a completely positive side, you just have to find it. For instance "holier than thou" can be changed to knowing you want to make more effort toward spirituality than the people around you, and it has nothing to do with them at all.
Also, you should watch the dvd or read the book "The Secret". If you have a repeating thought pattern and feeling all day like "I don't fit in", it causes you to not fit in.
The feelings and thoughts that you choose to indulge in, cause what happens in your world outside of you. It is not the world that causes what happens on the inside.
There is a time delay, and what you repeatedly dwell on today will show up in the 'real' world another day.
PS- What you dwell on must be positive. Positive is stronger, and negative is not what it seems to be.
For instance "war on poverty" is a negative thought, and it causes more poverty. "Abundance for everyone" is positive.
"Get rid of cancer" only causes more cancer because it causes you to think of what you don't want.
The opposite of that is "health" and doesn't contain the Cancer word at all.
Each of these thoughts contain a feeling that is the powerful force behind it, just as bhakti and devotion are what make yoga more powerful. |
Edited by - Etherfish on Nov 29 2012 08:16:54 AM |
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karl
United Kingdom
1812 Posts |
Posted - Nov 29 2012 : 11:09:02 AM
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| Etherfish have you been looking at NLP ? I'm not a fan of the Secret I have to say. |
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Etherfish
USA
3615 Posts |
Posted - Nov 29 2012 : 8:07:46 PM
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| No I haven't recently been looking at NLP. I love the secret. I found repeating thought patterns directly linking to future reality. |
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Sadie
Australia
13 Posts |
Posted - Nov 30 2012 : 12:39:00 AM
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Thank you everyone for such heartfelt responses!
I don't resonate with the Secret at all. I find it far tooo far fetched ! if it was true, why are there not more millionairs, etc etc floating arond, after watching it :)
NLP? I love NLP, and considered studying it till I found out how expensive it is! omigosh!
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karl
United Kingdom
1812 Posts |
Posted - Nov 30 2012 : 06:56:32 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by Sadie
Thank you everyone for such heartfelt responses!
I don't resonate with the Secret at all. I find it far tooo far fetched ! if it was true, why are there not more millionairs, etc etc floating arond, after watching it :)
NLP? I love NLP, and considered studying it till I found out how expensive it is! omigosh!
You are beyond NLP . When you think you can manipulate and control things then you will fall. Are you any richer in a dream if someone gives you a chest of Gold ?
NLP is linear thinking, not a great deal different from icon worship. Its the attempt at ridding yourself of the barriers that are causing your life to be a failure from an external perspective. Its useful along the way, but there is no completeness in it.
I have a practitioner certificate as well so I'm not condemning it, its useful as the first step in connecting the external with the internal. Until I took the course I still saw everything as external. |
Edited by - karl on Nov 30 2012 06:59:58 AM |
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ettskede_
15 Posts |
Posted - Nov 30 2012 : 7:32:31 PM
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Hurt my neck while reading this thread. Anyways.
Maybe this is all about hate and missunderstanding. Have never seen a chest of gold in my dreams or in reality.
Why not just meditate, and ignore inside outside....Meditation never payed my bills or got me any friends. But I do it anyways... =)
Life is a strange thing, I am so in now I forgot what I have been reading, exept that chest of gold.
namaste
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Edited by - ettskede_ on Nov 30 2012 10:33:38 PM |
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Etherfish
USA
3615 Posts |
Posted - Nov 30 2012 : 8:13:04 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by Sadie
I don't resonate with the Secret at all. I find it far tooo far fetched ! if it was true, why are there not more millionairs, etc etc floating arond, after watching it :)
Exactly for the same reason you are rejecting it. People say it couldn't be true, and reject it. You automatically assume there are no "millionaires floating around" even though you have no reason to.
It reminds me of people who have stated on this forum that nobody is enlightened, therefore yoga doesn't work!
Hint: if you watch your thoughts every minute of the day, just for a while, you will find they match your reality exactly. How do I know these thoughts aren't caused by just observing what we have no control of?
Because there are inconsistencies; places where they are totally illogical, but we have a habit of ignoring those things.
Anyway, I don't care if anyone likes the secret or not; I just found it very powerful. Obviously if you don't believe it's possible, it's not for you. maybe it's one of those "relational" things, because samyama is powerful for me too.
I like NLP also, and it doesn't have to be expensive. There are a lot of good books on it- that's all the exposure I ever had.
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Sadie
Australia
13 Posts |
Posted - Nov 30 2012 : 9:49:12 PM
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Etherfish, Watch my thoughts every minute of the daY? I wouldn't be able to get anything done if i did that! Now my neck hurts! LOL
ettskede how did you hurt your neck? LOL
Etherfish, i dont reject ALL of the secret, just the part where It asks me to put my common sense away, that's the part I reject.
i defintely believe in the powr of thought, but not thee part where it says you can achieve ANYTHING, and that's whre i and the secret diverge. there are still laws of the universe that exists, no mastter how much we may want something, sometimes its just not to be, no matter how hard i or you 'think' it.
the thing i found with the secret 'devotees' was they accepted it all as gospel. People still need to use their own common sense.
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Sadie
Australia
13 Posts |
Posted - Nov 30 2012 : 9:52:58 PM
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Karl
Icon worship? never heard of it, but sounds intriguing. care toshare? |
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Etherfish
USA
3615 Posts |
Posted - Nov 30 2012 : 10:08:22 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by Sadie
Etherfish, Watch my thoughts every minute of the daY? I wouldn't be able to get anything done if i did that! Now my neck hurts! LOL
Etherfish, i dont reject ALL of the secret, just the part where It asks me to put my common sense away, that's the part I reject.
i defintely believe in the powr of thought, but not thee part where it says you can achieve ANYTHING, and that's whre i and the secret diverge. there are still laws of the universe that exists, no mastter how much we may want something, sometimes its just not to be, no matter how hard i or you 'think' it.
the thing i found with the secret 'devotees' was they accepted it all as gospel. People still need to use their own common sense.
Ha ha! I didn't mean watch all your thoughts, every day, always. I just meant to try it for a while.
Yes, no need to believe you can achieve ANYTHING! I am the kind of guy who never accepts everything said by any one source. I just listen to it all, then test a little bit of it to see what happens.
Then if it works, I try a little more at another time. Don't like to get too far into anything at all, and don't like to "believe" much of anything either.
I've never met any 'secret' devotees. That would turn me off too. I usually don't like "devotees" of anything, except arts, which constantly change.
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Sadie
Australia
13 Posts |
Posted - Nov 30 2012 : 10:11:36 PM
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Thanks for lightening it Etherfish!
By devotees i meant those who believe it all ! reminds me of cult followers
I dont read or hear much of the 'successes' from the secret followers, but lots of advice on how to do it, and how to follow it. I wish they spoke more of God in it. Leaving God out is always a bad thing! Thats where mankind ha=s gone wrong, followign their own doctrine, and not remembering God in it all.
The secreet to me is a bit like 'idol worship'. Sorry, etherfish, just my opinion. :) |
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Sadie
Australia
13 Posts |
Posted - Nov 30 2012 : 10:13:41 PM
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| 'another thing with the secret, they seemed to focus heavily on material gain, and how ppl could achieve such. There is nothing wrong it itself with that, but it seemed to be primarily their focus and attention. i also found it highly commercial, but there were some gems in there for sure. |
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ettskede_
15 Posts |
Posted - Nov 30 2012 : 10:42:00 PM
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Well, read the posts with a strained neck and at some point the neck released and sort of snapped
namaste
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Etherfish
USA
3615 Posts |
Posted - Dec 01 2012 : 12:04:03 AM
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Yes, I agree they left God out, and focused more on material gain. That's what I meant by never believing everything from one source. You have to take the bits that you can use, and throw out the rest. Some people can be full of God, and be very lacking materially due to bad thought habits (I was).
I just brought it up in this topic because I thought feeling like a fish out of water could very likely be due to a bad habit of certain thought patterns. That is what the secret is about. It's not about God or materialism vs spirituality. I believe it is beneficial to do everything in conjunction with God, but I don't need to hear someone say that to legitimize their subject. I silently assume that is the perspective they are coming from, and if it isn't I am steered away. |
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Fish out of Water
