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SparklingDiamond
Australia
227 Posts |
 Posted - Oct 17 2012 : 10:37:17 AM
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Hi ALL:
I am feeling quite dissatisfied with my meditation. I am actually not sure whether there is an answer to my query, but I felt like venting, and maybe get some ideas or comments from the AYP community.
I have been wanting to keep practising Spinal Breathing/DM, but I'm afraid. Afraid of the overload, which I seemed to get, even if i did a short amount of the SB.
But at the same time, I am not feeling that interested in practising my regular meditation. I have done regular meditation (without SB) for many years, and wanted to move onto something more than that, and the SB seemed ideal, at the time, until the huge overloads i was experiencing.
I just don't understand why the SB has to have such a great overload impact. It makes it v difficult to continue with SB. Which is such a shame to me.
So there is this resistance to the SB and DM now.
I haven't practised meditation in weeks now, and feeling a bit empty on a spiritual level, without it. Feeling very much at a crossroads....
Warm Regards,
M |
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jeff
USA
971 Posts |
Posted - Oct 17 2012 : 11:57:45 AM
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Hi SparklingDiamond,
Overload is often tied to emotional/fear issues that remain unresolved. Have you ever considered trying something like Bryon Katie's "The Work" or from a christian perspective "A Course in Miracles"? Looking into issues can be very helpful in freeing things up.
Regards, Jeff |
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mr_anderson
USA
734 Posts |
Posted - Oct 17 2012 : 2:20:16 PM
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Hey M,
I'm a super over-sensitive meditator and after a year of practicing AYP, I started to get big overload. Mainly feeling very weird after meditating and not able to talk or express myself in my usual way. And energy and muscle stiffness in the head.
I too became afraid of practices. I just couldn't keep the regularity of my routine without suffering for it. I tried just stopping meditation for a while, but as soon as I started up, the problem would re-occur.
I finally realized I'd just become very sensitive, and that needed to be honored. Today I have two types of practices:
-Just sitting: Breathing calmly, eyes closed, allowing attention to become unfocused on any particular thing, but just remaining in the present with my breath, sensations and hearing. I find this meditation very pleasant, calming and it soon results in a perspective shift to witnessing as pure consciousness.
-AYP: If I do SBP, I'll probably do 6 to 10 cycles maximum. DM for 10 to 12 minutes.
So my routine might be Mon (12 mins DM&SBP twice daily), Tues (same), Weds (same), Thurs (15 minutes of just sitting twice daily), Fri (15 mins of just sitting twice daily), Sat (DM&SBP in the morning, just sitting in the evening), Sun (just sitting twice daily).
You get the impression. But I go completely intuitively on which practice I should, and at the first sign of something feeling a little too much from my AYP practices, I immediately revert to just sitting. In some cases, I'll even skip a session.
It's like driving at the speed limit, every time you fall behind it, you step on the gas a bit, and if you go over a few mph, you ease up.
I found that being ultra-sensitive as I am it was folly to have a completely fixed practice routine, therefore every session I'm just trusting my instincts.
For me it's not like I will fall out of the habit, I couldn't possibly do that because bhakti is too strong. I feel wrong if the steady stream of purification isn't going on in the background.
Just sitting is a good practice for calmness and abiding as awareness. I feel that AYP gets down and dirty, like some sort of super strength drain detergent that clears out blockages. |
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SparklingDiamond
Australia
227 Posts |
Posted - Oct 18 2012 : 12:03:28 AM
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thanks jeff and mr anderson
I never had 'overload' when i would meditate , regular meditation, before I learned SB.
Although in saying that, I do remember practising Holosync meditation (which is meant to be an ultra deep form of meditation) and experiencing an overload of sorts, but it wasnt to the extent of SB
Mr anderson
I will try the diluted form of SB and dm you mention
I guess this overload I experience means I have some huge personal struggles/issues to over come. What a bummer:( |
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Shanti
USA
4854 Posts |
Posted - Oct 18 2012 : 06:20:08 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by SparklingDiamond
I guess this overload I experience means I have some huge personal struggles/issues to over come. What a bummer:(
An overload is a way our being tells us, you have enough of what you are trying to cultivate, so lay off the practices till it can integrate what we have. it's like our body telling us, don't eat that last piece of chocolate cake ... You are full already.
Just one thing that came up to say, it is very importanat to be conscious of the balance between overload and practice, but also be conscious of fear of overload, at times just fear of overload can send us into overloads (worrying is praying for something we don't want).
Wish you all the best!
PS: If it helps, try alternate nostril breathing to begin with, and then maybe go to spinal breathing when you feel you are ready. |
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SparklingDiamond
Australia
227 Posts |
Posted - Oct 18 2012 : 08:07:56 AM
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yes shanti, Nail on the head! I've got fear of overload!
So maybe having breaks in between practises of SB is the way to go (i.e. the chocolate cake scenario)
Such as practise for a few days then have a coupla days off the SB, and then on days off just practise the regular meditation (dm) or maybe even stop altogether with the meditation for those coupla days.
Any more comments appreciated.
Warm regards
M |
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Shanti
USA
4854 Posts |
Posted - Oct 18 2012 : 08:39:46 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by SparklingDiamond
yes shanti, Nail on the head! I've got fear of overload!
So maybe having breaks in between practises of SB is the way to go (i.e. the chocolate cake scenario)
Such as practise for a few days then have a coupla days off the SB, and then on days off just practise the regular meditation (dm) or maybe even stop altogether with the meditation for those coupla days.
Any more comments appreciated.
Warm regards
M
Or instead of going for all or nothing... do 2 or 3 round of spinal breathing and then meditation, for a few days, if you feel stable there for a few days, increase it by a couple more rounds... if however the 2 or 3 rounds of spinal breathing feels like overload, do 1 round of spinal breathing and then meditation... if that too feels like overload, cut back on meditation time... find that sweet spot where you feel comfortable... if that involves stopping spinal breathing and/or just staying with alternate nostril breathing for a bit, then that is what it is for now.
However doing something for a couple of days, then stopping, then starting, as a conscious practice, may not be a good idea, being consistent in practices is good... the same thing again and again so our system gets used to it (finally it should feel like brushing our teeth). The trick is to find that sweet spot (which over time may change and then we adjust accordingly) and the best way to do it is to start with the minimum, stay with that for a few days, then add a bit more and a bit more till you realize, OK now this is enough.
I know there is a mind attachment to practices, there is a feeling of all or nothing, or wasting time by doing the minimum and building on it, but truthfully we save on time doing this and avoid all sorts of fears that can actually slow us down even more than going slow. |
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SparklingDiamond
Australia
227 Posts |
Posted - Oct 18 2012 : 10:24:07 AM
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O.K. that makes sense, Shanti
I like the idea of doing 2 or 3 rounds of the SB and then into the meditaton, so i'm not fully cutting out on the SB, but diluting it till I adjust.
Why do you think some ppl suffer more with overload, and yet others can sail through like a breeze?
Are they likely the ones who have not processed traumatic events properly, or have carried over traumatic events, that have lingered in the nervous system, and SB releases this from the nervous system for processing, in the form of overload? kind of like going on a detox, it releases toxins held by the body into the bloodstream and we can initially feel much worse physically, before we feel better??
Warm regards,
M |
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SparklingDiamond
Australia
227 Posts |
Posted - Oct 18 2012 : 10:34:06 AM
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P.S. Shanti
One other thing i wanted to note with overload
I am not always fully aware of overload right after meditation
Often times in my meditation, I can sometimes feel physically 'heavy' AFTER a session, even if its without SB. Heavy as in body is feeling slightly heavy/fatigued, from comig out of the state of meditation and deep relaxation. That heavy/fatigued feeling for me, after meditation, when it does occur, is normal, I am not sure if you would consider that over load or not, or normal after a very deep meditation session? I figured its triggered from deep relaxation gained during my meditation session.
I am not always onto when i get into overload, until its well and truly on me, and by that time, I suddenly reaize "oh gosh< i think this is overload, its all getting too much for me!!" . And then it's also not that easy to differentiate overload (from SB/DM), or just normal life circumstances going wrong.
Be great if I could recognize overload much sooner than I seem to be.
Warm Regards
M
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Shanti
USA
4854 Posts |
Posted - Oct 18 2012 : 10:38:21 AM
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From what I have experienced, the people who are not sensitive to practices are the ones who have build a wall around them at a very young age. They have unknowingly built this wall to be tough, so no one can see them as vulnerable or so they never feel vulnerable (but this keeps them for feeling/experiencing anything... good or bad). The ones who are over sensitive are the ones who have been naked with their emotions.
The people who have the wall, will finally have to let the wall go (which BTW comes in many layers as well ) and experience it all... and the ones who have not hidden their emotions, have a lot of stories and other coping mechanisms they created over time, that they have to let go.
Both cases, the blocks are what are being worked on... and finally everyone will go through the same thing... in different order and different time spans, life times etc.
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Shanti
USA
4854 Posts |
Posted - Oct 18 2012 : 10:40:26 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by SparklingDiamond
P.S. Shanti
One other thing i wanted to note with overload
I am not always fully aware of overload right after meditation
Often times in my meditation, I can sometimes feel physically 'heavy' AFTER a session, even if its without SB. Heavy as in body is feeling slightly heavy/fatigued, from comig out of the state of meditation and deep relaxation. That heavy/fatigued feeling for me, after meditation, when it does occur, is normal, I am not sure if you would consider that over load or not, or normal after a very deep meditation session? I figured its triggered from deep relaxation gained during my meditation session.
I am not always onto when i get into overload, until its well and truly on me, and by that time, I suddenly reaize "oh gosh< i think this is overload, its all getting too much for me!!" . And then it's also not that easy to differentiate overload (from SB/DM), or just normal life circumstances going wrong.
Be great if I could recognize overload much sooner than I seem to be.
Warm Regards
M
Do you rest after meditation?
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kami
USA
920 Posts |
Posted - Oct 18 2012 : 2:07:23 PM
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Hi Sparkling,
Good advice here already. Out of curiosity, what are your symptoms of overload?
Often, I get the sense that "overload" is used as a catch-all term for everything that comes up with practices, including stuff that is expected. Of course, it can be real overload a lot of the time, but it may be a tad overused IMO. I too used Holosync for about a year, and would have stuff come up that seemed a bit above normal.. But it has been a while, and I can't remember..
Completely agree with Shanti here - it is all about balance. DM (+ or - SB) does loosen up inner stuff, bringing it to the surface of our awareness. The more efficient the processing, the lower the resulting imbalance. Sometimes, there can be a series of big openings that can seriously shift our sensitivity, and in this instance, what was previously acceptable and trouble-free practice can be too much to handle. If fear of overload is what is hindering your practice, I'd suggest looking at it, with any of the self-inquiry methods mentioned by others here. I would also concur that stopping SB completely would be my last resort in such a situation.. I'd first consider increasing rest time, decreasing SB (and DM) time, and incorporating other grounding activities..
Love,
kami |
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SparklingDiamond
Australia
227 Posts |
Posted - Oct 18 2012 : 7:34:10 PM
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Hi Shanti and Kami,
Shanti
Yes, It was recommended that I rest for ten mins. I noticed that even when I did this, I still got 'overload'
Kami
The overload I notice, as everything becoming too much for me, and suddenly life would take a 'dramatic turn' of events in a negative way. Kind of like personal stuff that I didnt have the courage to face, were suddenly appearing as 'life circumstances' that I suddenly had to deal with. But then again, I have found that 2012 has been very intense with lots of 'stuff' arising, that has been kept under wraps. Personal fears, challenges, etc etc culminating in a big way this year, but with SB combined with DM it takes a much more dramatic turn.
Since NOT practising the SB/dm, things have 'quietened down' again. With SB, the volume of life seems to get turned up too high for me,and I get 'overwhelmed'.
I intend to re read these replies in my post, and incorporate the suggestions. This is important to me, and I don't want to give up on SB so easily. Herein lies valuable growth I know this, but its painful. :( When is growth not it seems , in life. Although, I will never ever give up completely on my meditation.
I have had lots of trauma in life (childhood stuff) and went through a time where I also shut down to an extent, shut out the pain, but other life events happened, and i completely opened up, and the emotions started to come to the surface again
yes Shanti!
if you close off to negative (bad) emotions, then you also close off to joyful ones too, and that is a shame. I don't want that to happen. I do tend to wear my emotions on my sleeve, and my body language always gives away what I am feeling, at least that is what I am told. i don't find this an advantage at all, and wish for some subtleness, but it seems out of my hands, unless i suddenly become an amazing actress overnight. :)
Much food for thought here.
Namaste'.
M
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CarsonZi
Canada
3189 Posts |
Posted - Oct 18 2012 : 10:41:52 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by SparklingDiamond
The overload I notice, as everything becoming too much for me, and suddenly life would take a 'dramatic turn' of events in a negative way. Kind of like personal stuff that I didnt have the courage to face, were suddenly appearing as 'life circumstances' that I suddenly had to deal with. But then again, I have found that 2012 has been very intense with lots of 'stuff' arising, that has been kept under wraps. Personal fears, challenges, etc etc culminating in a big way this year, but with SB combined with DM it takes a much more dramatic turn.
Since NOT practising the SB/dm, things have 'quietened down' again. With SB, the volume of life seems to get turned up too high for me,and I get 'overwhelmed'.
I intend to re read these replies in my post, and incorporate the suggestions. This is important to me, and I don't want to give up on SB so easily. Herein lies valuable growth I know this, but its painful. :( When is growth not it seems , in life. Although, I will never ever give up completely on my meditation.
I have had lots of trauma in life (childhood stuff) and went through a time where I also shut down to an extent, shut out the pain, but other life events happened, and i completely opened up, and the emotions started to come to the surface again
yes Shanti!
if you close off to negative (bad) emotions, then you also close off to joyful ones too, and that is a shame. I don't want that to happen. I do tend to wear my emotions on my sleeve, and my body language always gives away what I am feeling, at least that is what I am told. i don't find this an advantage at all, and wish for some subtleness, but it seems out of my hands, unless i suddenly become an amazing actress overnight. :)
Hi Sparkling Diamond,
I could have written the entire above post, word for word (well, changing the "actress" to "actor" I guess  ). I have no idea what you should do, I just wanted to tell you that I feel like we're wearing the same shoes.
For me, I've had to cut my practices down to between 0 and 5 practices a week, and my practice can only consist of 3 min SBP and 15 min DM with a 15 min rest. Any more than that and the $hit hits the fan real quick and it takes quite a while to find balance again. I had to completely drop all formal practices for the first three(ish) months of 2012 and I also had to learn how to identify and stop all "informal" practices I was doing as well. The volume and intensity of stuff coming up at the beginning of 2012 was simply too much for me to handle when doing practices of any sort.
I don't feel like I'm in a position to give advice to anyone, but if I had to say one thing, it would be to follow your heart... it always knows what's best.
Love,
Carson 
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Bodhi Tree
2972 Posts |
Posted - Oct 18 2012 : 11:28:35 PM
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Do you allow yourself to cry, Sparkling Diamond? On the same note, do you allow yourself to laugh spontaneously--letting the diaphragm take on a life of its own?
I find I sometimes have to listen to some powerful emotional music, and to let myself cry, and then I usually feel relieved. Music is medicine (especially when you sing along, play an instrument, or just let the music into the blocked region of the interior). It's great when the heart opens and the channels get flushed and the blood and the energy flow through the veins. A weight is lifted from the body, and the mind expands. There's more inner space. The Spirit speaks in vibratory rushes of love that want to wash over us so that our burden will not remain. Jesus said: "My yoke is easy and my burden is light."
So, find the way that will lighten your burden, even if it's not meditation or yoga. There are many paths to the heart, and the heart is eternal, infinitely forgiving, and infinitely renewable. Nothing will stop us from knowing this directly, even as it comes in fleeting moments.  |
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karl
United Kingdom
1812 Posts |
Posted - Oct 19 2012 : 04:00:44 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by Shanti
From what I have experienced, the people who are not sensitive to practices are the ones who have build a wall around them at a very young age. They have unknowingly built this wall to be tough, so no one can see them as vulnerable or so they never feel vulnerable (but this keeps them for feeling/experiencing anything... good or bad). The ones who are over sensitive are the ones who have been naked with their emotions.
The people who have the wall, will finally have to let the wall go (which BTW comes in many layers as well ) and experience it all... and the ones who have not hidden their emotions, have a lot of stories and other coping mechanisms they created over time, that they have to let go.
Both cases, the blocks are what are being worked on... and finally everyone will go through the same thing... in different order and different time spans, life times etc.
Very interesting Shanti,
Yep, I'm a wall person, or at least I was. The book I'm writing is for wall builders and shows how and why I built mine and how to remove it. We 'wall builders' also have lots of stories.
I find it difficult to understand the more emotional posts because I lack the experience of open, raw emotion. The people going through this heavy overloading seem chaotic and close to hysterical. Practices seem to make them boil off their blockages, where as practices for 'wall' personalities are almost like a frustrated chiselling with very small toffee hammers against an immense fortress. It looks almost impossible.
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Shanti
USA
4854 Posts |
Posted - Oct 19 2012 : 08:30:33 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by SparklingDiamond
yes Shanti!
if you close off to negative (bad) emotions, then you also close off to joyful ones too, and that is a shame. I don't want that to happen. I do tend to wear my emotions on my sleeve, and my body language always gives away what I am feeling, at least that is what I am told. i don't find this an advantage at all, and wish for some subtleness, but it seems out of my hands, unless i suddenly become an amazing actress overnight. :)
Much food for thought here.
Namaste'.
M
When I say some build a wall around them, I was talking about an internal wall... some build an external wall but still feel everything inside, but try to act tough so the world does not see how vulnerable they are, but on the inside they are very much in touch with their emotions.
Traumas of childhood will have to be faced and let go. But they don't have to become overwhelming. Try reading The Work by Byron Katie or Real Love by Greg Baer. A few techniques that I found helpful to begin with are listed here.
Also, try to cut back on meditation time, or go with breath meditation for a bit if deep meditation is bringing up too much too fast. For now either go with 2 or 3 rounds of spinal breathing or a few min of alternate nostril breathing. (you may have already gone through this lesson, but see if there is anything here that may help : http://www.aypsite.org/367.html)
Once you pick a self inquiry technique that works for you/that you resonate with, when the emotions start coming up during the day, you can start looking into the stories and letting them go. A balance will help you bring things up at a pace you can handle, inquire into, see the story and accept it and let it go.
Thank you for sharing your heart with us M. Wish you all the best! |
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Shanti
USA
4854 Posts |
Posted - Oct 19 2012 : 08:46:20 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by karl
quote:
Originally posted by Shanti
From what I have experienced, the people who are not sensitive to practices are the ones who have build a wall around them at a very young age. They have unknowingly built this wall to be tough, so no one can see them as vulnerable or so they never feel vulnerable (but this keeps them for feeling/experiencing anything... good or bad). The ones who are over sensitive are the ones who have been naked with their emotions.
The people who have the wall, will finally have to let the wall go (which BTW comes in many layers as well ) and experience it all... and the ones who have not hidden their emotions, have a lot of stories and other coping mechanisms they created over time, that they have to let go.
Both cases, the blocks are what are being worked on... and finally everyone will go through the same thing... in different order and different time spans, life times etc.
Very interesting Shanti,
Yep, I'm a wall person, or at least I was. The book I'm writing is for wall builders and shows how and why I built mine and how to remove it. We 'wall builders' also have lots of stories.
I find it difficult to understand the more emotional posts because I lack the experience of open, raw emotion. The people going through this heavy overloading seem chaotic and close to hysterical. Practices seem to make them boil off their blockages, where as practices for 'wall' personalities are almost like a frustrated chiselling with very small toffee hammers against an immense fortress. It looks almost impossible.
Yes, a sure sign of having a wall (internal wall as I explained above) is not being able to feel what others feel (being mystified by the reactions of others). There can be a divine connection with all, but a missing human connection.
Main reason I believe it stays in place is due to a very deep seated (beyond conscious mind) fear of being able to feel the human feelings (That was the reason the wall was put up to begin with). Staying head centered - not saying the heart is not open, but the main thing still controlling the being is the head. (The people who are heart centered (think with their hearts) also have to find a balance of head and heart).
(I believe) It is possible (if one wants to) to let the wall go by accepting there may be a fear/resistance to feel human connections (this is the hardest part ) and then go with "show me" as a sutra. |
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