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Delara
Lebanon
305 Posts |
 Posted - May 24 2012 : 01:46:20 AM
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Hello All;
this question comes up lately after I added the second enhancement for the mantra.It's beautiful & I totally melt in space but suddenly,I find myself crying during meditation sometimes I know why & other times I have no clue!
It seems lot of emotionally baggage is coming out which is fine.Yet,the time I know why I was crying it's related to incidents & happenings that is taking place and/or happened with the last two years.that happens to be the same time I started meditation & AYP practices.
Even when thoughts related to incidents or things before that time,they come up and pass peacefully & I'm totally indifferent to them.
I've never been the sensitive type of person.when something/someone annoyed me,I would get rid of that.I had a quick life and I had no time to waste my energy on little details or people that didn't meet my plan.
As a Muay thai player,I used to get lot of punches & kicks with zero sensitivity to pain.One time,I broke my foot,I had no clue or sense of pain...only figured that out next day when it swallowed and became too big to wear shoes & x-ray confirmed the fracture as well :) in which the doctor couldn't believe I was not feeling any pain.
Nowadays!I become not only emotionally sensitive but also having zero tolerance to pain.Yesterday,I was at the dentist,the moment he used the esthetic needle,my tears ran out automatically...He started apologizing for causing pain not knowing it's not him,it's I who has become extra sensitive.
I love my practices & the few minutes of peace I get from it & which last longer...the whole day sometimes.Yet,I can't but think,how will I function work wise with this sensitivity?.At work,people don't care about your pain & sensitivity...they just want the task to be done well & on time.
deep inside,I know this is not going to work.I'll either have to quit practices & live like before which paid me well & gave me many achievements yet left me feeling unsatisfied later on Or I have to find myself a job more expressive & less stressful & demanding & that is not applicable in the mean time.
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karl
United Kingdom
1812 Posts |
Posted - May 24 2012 : 03:25:46 AM
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I quit work because it no longer fitted. I was trying to act out a person that I no longer was.
I'm writing a book on this at the moment.
We wrap a cloak around us, the cloak is the person we pretend to be, it gives us immunity, protection and the illusion of control over our lives.
When you surrender in meditation as opposed to simply adding meditation as another layer of protection. Instead it strips back this cloak and leaves us exposed. We have not experienced this before except as a helpless infant that is dependent on others. It takes time for this new, shiny person to adjust. This is why self pacing and re-immersion in everyday life is required. We now need to accustom ourselves to this new defenceless way of being. Sometimes it's over whelming , this is why it's better not to strip the cloak off too quickly and that helps with settling into this authentic way of being.
Give yourself time. There are points when doubts will creep in and you will long for the cloak. Instead of fighting the feelings, just let them happen, encourage them, they will quickly subside.
I am almost a year into this newborn now and find that this weakness is a kind of solid strength, something that was absent in the false cloak of protection. This strength is in the connection to everything and is infinite in depth and yet infinite in compassion. I can let myself be open and exposed completely and there is no pain at all, yet equally there are no barriers it runs right through me without resistance but with a full sense of others grief and suffering. Slowly it has allowed me to reach out to others in a very different way, it seems like I am melting a huge ice block without trying.
I wanted to tell you this because it might help to steady you because there are times when you think it's insanity. Jesus said that the door to heaven is tiny and is easier for a camel to pass through than a rich man. The way is hard, i became rich in my illusions, only the most determined or the meekest pass this way. The challenge isn't over, I see very clearly that the opportunity to stumble and give up is greater now than it ever was.
Trust in God to see you through. |
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Delara
Lebanon
305 Posts |
Posted - May 24 2012 : 04:42:59 AM
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After deep thinking,I figured out that the best solution for me is to win the lottery.With little calculation,it seems I'll have one chance/year to win the jackpot if I play 11980 of 6 random combination of numbers making a payment of around 190 thousand dollars to win around 140 thousand dollars...not good 
Fail!maybe I shall try the casino
"Trust in God to see you through."
Always
thank you Karl
[img]icon_heart.gif[/img]
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karl
United Kingdom
1812 Posts |
Posted - May 24 2012 : 05:19:31 AM
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Do what feels right, I packed in a very well paid job which was secure. We have some savings and my wife works. It has meant some drastic cut backs.
I enrolled as a drum tutor as my passion is music, then I started writing my first book. Things are just happening now, one of the guys who is a guitarist in a band I drum for wants to put together a business doing band workshops for older people where they can come and together with like minded musicians that have been banned to their respective bedrooms after the expiration of youth.
Also been asked if I would do guided meditations. I'm wasn't even thinking about it, I don't even talk about it. It's as if they somehow know.
You don't need to win the lottery, all that is needed is that you do something that feels right, if money is needed money will come. You will never have more than you need, but you won't need any compensation for trying to conform to an image of yourself because you will be real.
Everyone thought I was mad to leave employment, particularly as I went without a backup plan. I just asked God to show me what he wanted me to do and to give me the strength to manage it.
 It's so funny. I have been a confirmed Atheist for 50 years, I was actively atheist. The more I opened my heart, the more that God filled it, it wasn't even some bad event or trauma that made me reach out, it just made a kind of natural sense after meditating for so long. It was impossible to avoid so I gave up resisting and welcomed it.
You will do fine Delara. Enjoy your day and peace be with you. |
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Delara
Lebanon
305 Posts |
Posted - May 25 2012 : 06:24:44 AM
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that was beautiful :)thanx for Sharing Karl.
Peace |
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tonightsthenight
846 Posts |
Posted - May 25 2012 : 09:11:53 AM
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Thanks for sharing Karl, it's uplifting to hear about your successes.
Delara, I'd like to mention a word of warning: giving up illusions and following the spirit doesn't mean that things work out in the material world like in Karl's case. In fact, it can mean quite the opposite. |
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Delara
Lebanon
305 Posts |
Posted - May 25 2012 : 3:19:23 PM
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yes!nothing is working in the mean time...or at least the way they used to.
But I don't wish to give this up.not for any spiritual purpose or any enlightenment but for the simple fact I come to learn a lot about myself,I weren't even aware of before...about my tendencies,my reactions,my nature...
I'm learning a lot about myself.Although the price is too much sometimes: emotionally & physically...but it worths it |
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