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Heartsoflove
USA
19 Posts |
 Posted - May 22 2012 : 5:47:23 PM
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Well, it's been two months now and I am still uncomfortable with the mantra. Sometimes it comes to me like a maching gun, other times slow and draggy. Sometimes it sits on top of my lungs, other times like it is inside a well at the bottom of my lungs. Sometimes soft and inaudible, sometimes loud and obnoxious. And it seems when I focus on the mantra exclusively, my breath becomes shallow and thin.
What's the matter with me? |
Edited by - AYPforum on May 22 2012 6:05:33 PM |
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AumNaturel
Canada
687 Posts |
Posted - May 22 2012 : 7:01:37 PM
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Hi Heart of love,
Maybe it is the case that everything is alright with your practice after all? I've been using the mantra over a year, and only now can I say I can favor it at a somewhat more comfortable and fuzzy level. Breath does that to me too, becoming more shallow. It is normal in many ways for it to slow down, along with body temperature, sense of hunger, just give it more time and be gentle about it. Focus comes on its own with relaxation, otherwise any concentration will even stop the breath, which isn't recommended unless it occurs naturally as when following the DM instructions.
Off topic somewhat: It just occurred to me that I've been concentrating during kumbhaka, making the breath retention phase excessively long without the natural effect of drawing up from the root. Funny how associations work, even when you thought you knew the principle all along. |
Edited by - AumNaturel on May 22 2012 7:11:07 PM |
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Heartsoflove
USA
19 Posts |
Posted - May 22 2012 : 7:04:07 PM
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| Well, its not comfortable; I've become a clock watcher and after a few minutes want it to be over with. Feels like I'm in some sort of spiritual black hole. Arggggggggg. |
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DoctorWho
USA
47 Posts |
Posted - May 22 2012 : 8:33:01 PM
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Keep going. Those rough patches can be weird. As Yogani puts it...something is happening 'under the hood'. Don't judge the quality of the meditation itself. Rather, what happens in our everyday world of action.
Personally, I've only been at the AYP practice for two months ( but have years of other types of meditation practice 'off and on' for years)... and this is by far the most effective practice I've found. Of course, were all faced with our own unique set of variables. All of or mileage will vary. I would encourage you to forge on! These forums are so helpful for the occasional (and much needed) morale boost  |
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cosmic
USA
821 Posts |
Posted - May 22 2012 : 9:44:14 PM
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Hello HOL 
quote:
Originally posted by Heartoflove
Sometimes it sits on top of my lungs, other times like it is inside a well at the bottom of my lungs.
Are you vocalizing the mantra? I only ask because of the lung reference.
In the AYP meditation procedure, we internalize the mantra, repeating it mentally.
Wish you the best.
[img]icon_heart.gif[/img] |
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Etherfish
USA
3615 Posts |
Posted - May 22 2012 : 9:57:26 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by Heartoflove
Well, its not comfortable; I've become a clock watcher and after a few minutes want it to be over with. Feels like I'm in some sort of spiritual black hole. Arggggggggg.
Hi HOL;
Don't watch the clock. If you have to be done on time, use a timer (lots of discussion on this; use the search link). Cell phones can be used. Mine has one cool ringtone that starts out very peaceful and slowly morphs.
"Wanting it to be over with" is good. That's the ego fighting you; feeling it is in danger which it is, but it doesn't need to be completely eradicated, just subdued.
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Heartsoflove
USA
19 Posts |
Posted - May 22 2012 : 10:28:13 PM
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Thanks, everybody. I actually started this process forty years ago but gave it up because I could not sit in lotus as the old guys mandated and a host of other requirements they set in stone in order to be free. As I said in my opening post, I morphed into atheism and was content with that until I began thinking about why there is something instead of nothing.
So here I am. And me thinks there is a lot of resistance built into my being because of my earlier 'failure' to fulfill all the requirements for enlightenment as instructed by yogis long dead. When I came upon this site, I could not believe what I was seeing--the internet is truly a magical place that made this possible, and, of course Yogani who did all the heavy lifting to get this marvelous thing off the ground. I owe him.
I'll keep at it. It chose me and there is no place left for me to go. I apologize in advance for my clunky posting; it is obvious I am a spiritual infant compared to some of the messages posted on this board by members who appear ready to get off the wheel for the last time. Thank you for your presence.
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LittleTurtle
USA
342 Posts |
Posted - May 23 2012 : 02:18:17 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by Heartoflove
Well, it's been two months now and I am still uncomfortable with the mantra. Sometimes it comes to me like a maching gun, other times slow and draggy. Sometimes it sits on top of my lungs, other times like it is inside a well at the bottom of my lungs. Sometimes soft and inaudible, sometimes loud and obnoxious. And it seems when I focus on the mantra exclusively, my breath becomes shallow and thin.
What's the matter with me?
Well this all sounds rather just right to me The very fact that your breath gets "shallow and thin" is very good. Don't let it worry you. I have had my breath almost completely stop. And the mantra is supposed to morph and change but we just calmly keep favoring the mantra as we can. It's a process. Enjoy it, cuz it will bring good things. |
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karl
United Kingdom
1812 Posts |
Posted - May 23 2012 : 03:27:10 AM
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Just for reference. I am unable to sit in the Lotus position, instead I have my legs stretched out and comfortable.
When you are talking about where the Mantra is, I already know that you are off the Mantra. You are repeating it, but your attention has shifted to where it is and how it is.
So, just to repeat: anytime you are off the Mantra, gently put your awareness back on it. You have to teach yourself to do this over and over until you get it. It's normal to keep wondering if it should be like this or that, but as soon as you notice then put awareness gently back. Now, what happens in the clunky stage is that you either try and force it, or you find that your awareness stays there for about one micro second  before your off wondering something else.
It's just like training a very lively puppy. You have to keep bringing the mind to heel, but you have to let it have complete freedom to wander. When you notice it has wandered then gently bring it back to heel. Sometimes you get distracted and you don't realise it's wandering about, that perfect. Once you notice that, then just pull it gently back again.
It's this constant wandering and pulling to heel that brings results. Over time the wandering changes. You become less conscious of the , how it is and where it is and enter a phase where you might loose the Mantra for the entire session and then hear the alarm going. That's fine too. Only when you notice this during the session is there any requirement to bring the awareness gently back. |
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Medea
Netherlands
115 Posts |
Posted - May 23 2012 : 04:11:12 AM
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Hi Heartoflove,
Seems like a lot of purification is going on there! I've had periods where my dislike for meditation was so intense, that sitting there for 20 minutes was almost unbearable. There were a few things that helped me though:
- Spinal Breathing! Wonderful too balance things out in my case. From the start I haven't been able to do DM without it. If you haven't incorporated it into your routine it could be worthwhile to have a look at it. Start with 5 minutes or so and build from that.
- When I just started DM (3 months or so) this happened to me as a reaction to increasing the meditation time too fast. Too much purification was happening, which made mediation extremely restless and unbearable. When I went back to 10 minutes meditation, the problems where gone. After some time when I felt stable enough, I began increasing the meditation time slowly back to 20 minutes. Remember that having a stable twice a day routine is way more important than sticking to those 20 minutes. 2 X 5 minutes a day do way more then a irregular 20 minutes practice.
- The second time it happened (14-15 months into AYP) it was different. Like Etherfish, now I had the distinct feeling the ego was throwing a fight. If I felt that things where going that way I would tell myself "there is just me and the mantra, nothing else" and then I would do my DM. With nothing else I mean time (!), space, body, whatever. Just me and my mantra. It's a little bit of a mind trick, but it worked for me.
- Doing some asanas before sitting practices is a great help as well, especially when you do it consistently before every sitting practice. For the body and mind it becomes a sign that practices have starte. Going to "mediation mode" goes way more gradual: it feels like you go from the gross (body) to the more subtle (breath) to the subtle (mantra). This works better for me than just plopping down on my mediation spot and expect my faculties to fold inward and cooperate :)
Don't try all these things at once though; self pacing with adding new practices is important.
Now this happens to me rarely, but sensations like these will come every now and then when I hit a new level of obstructions. But in time I realised that, like everything else in life, this too shall pass like a wave in the sea. The wave can be huge but it will dissolve back into the sea never the less. Good luck too you! |
Edited by - Medea on May 23 2012 04:15:23 AM |
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Heartsoflove
USA
19 Posts |
Posted - May 23 2012 : 09:30:26 AM
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Yeah, Medea, I think I might try dialing back the amount of time spent in DM. I don't want to try and advance to spinal breathing until I have solid footing with the mantra and a good foundation to build upon. I think decreasing DM to 10 minutes might just be the ticket. I'm sure you heard the story about the guy who attended his first AA meeting, read through the twelve steps, got a sponsor, and, upon arriving home from the meeting called his sponsor and told him he had completed all twelve steps while driving home and was wondering what his next move should be. I don't want to be him, so I suspect I need to slow down, enjoy the ride and not be too concerned if all I can muster after one year of practice is to meditate correctly for ten minutes. That would be more that I had a year ago.
Appreciate all your encouragement and support. I'm still numbstruck at the magnitude of this site. |
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karl
United Kingdom
1812 Posts |
Posted - May 23 2012 : 10:15:02 AM
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Medea
Netherlands
115 Posts |
Posted - May 23 2012 : 12:25:10 PM
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| Good for you Heartoflove, you have the right mindset. Even so, 10 minutes twice a day for a year will bring you a whole lot. And ofcourse, it is not about "meditating correctly", it's about actually doing it |
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Etherfish
USA
3615 Posts |
Posted - May 23 2012 : 7:07:55 PM
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Just a couple pointers:
If you keep thinking of ending it and the clock, you need to relax more. Instead of thinking of benefits I might get from meditating I try to think of how deeply i can relax during meditation by releasing all muscle tension. It gives better meditation, decreases the amount of sleep you need, and feels good afterword.
Also, the most important tool for meditation benefits is bhakti (your highest ideal; see the yoga FAQ) and desire and devotion to it. |
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